Labor Day Liturgy

We could see it if John McCain would’ve picked With Romney or Rudi-In-The-Booty as his VP. But by picking Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, one smokin’ hot “VPILF”, it seems like the GOP is giving up on the November elections. If the tighty-righties wanted a grrl for the number two spot, they’d have been better off pickin’ Condi. BTW…has there ever been more rocket hot women in politics than right now? We think not.

According to a report from the Rand Corporation, “Current U.S. strategy against the terrorist group al Qaida has not been successful in significantly undermining the group's capabilities. Al Qaida has been involved in more terrorist attacks since Sept. 11, 2001, than it was during its prior history and the group's attacks since then have spanned an increasingly broader range of targets in Europe, Asia, the Middle East and Africa.” Here at PTB, we’ve been sayin’ that exact same thing for more than a half a decade. Regular readers can now, officially, look down their noses at the unwashed masses.

So, Sparks Middle School has gone Borg. Funny...while we’re big fans of the schoolgirl look here at PTB, we’ve gotta ask: “Isn’t that the very same thing those Godless Commie rat-bastard North Koreans do to their kids? Yup.

Last week, Reno-911 busted some poor Rasta for drugs while he was on his way to Burning Man. They can't catch the murders or the arsonists or the robbers out there on the loose but they spend their time and effort and our money bustin' Bob Marley wannabes for weed. Way to protect and serve.

Well…it’s Labor Day weekend and y’all know what that means. No, we’re not talkin’ ‘bout a three day weekend. Heck, we live in the 775. Most of the folks up here got jobs that don’t give a schizzle what day it is. No, we’re talkin’ ‘bout the Jerry Lewis labor Day MDA Telethon.

FULL DISCLOSURE: This year’ll be the 12^th Telethon we’ve been involved with.

The crux of today’s biscuit is simple…The “greatest country on earth” can spend ten BILLION dollars a month blowin’ up brown-skinded innocent folk. Yet, to cure this heinous disease that affects millions of Americans, the good ole USoA relies on France’s favorite comedian to raise money. That just doesn’t seem right.

(8.-0)

clASS Warfare

Is the Nevada’s criminal justice system fair to the little guys? Does Nevada’s criminal justice system give preferential treatment to “big fish?” Check it…


Two blue-haired card dealers were arrested over the weekend. One was busted for placing a losing bet he had a stake in as a tip on a winning hand. Total cost of the theft? Nine dollars. The other dealer was accused of adding chips to his rack during a poker tournament. Total loss? ‘Bout twenty bucks. If convicted, the two face one to eight years in the calaboose. Pretty stiff time for $28.


Then there’s Jason McLean. This rat-bastard was convicted of embezzling almost $10,000 from a dead woman’s trust. He was accused of stealing more than $16,000 from a total of three trusts. McLean copped a plea and got…wait for it…wait for it….he got 120 days and PROBATION! So, who is Jason McLean? He’s the former public administrator of Lyon County. That’s right, a public servant, a politician, a big fish from a small pond.


So, the crux of today’s biscuit is simple. If you’re in the 775 and Reno-911 rolls up, you’d better hope you’ve got some juice pachuco. If not, be prepared to spend some time in little Gitmo.

(8.-)

Expensive Hummer

HilBill vol.2’s speech at the DNC last night was a real corker. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again…if it weren’t for the ‘Bamer she’d be packin’ back up to Pennsylvania Avenue as we speak.



Our favorite moment was her big entrance. Did you see the look on Slick Willie’s face? He was bawlin’ like he’d just won the Miss America Pageant and mouthing the words “I love you” over and over. It was kinda creepy but funny as hell ‘cause the first words outta Hil’s pie hole were, “I am honored to be here tonight…a proud mother, a proud Democrat, a proud American and a proud supporter of Barack Obama.” SNAP! Oh no she didn’t! Yes, she did! Not one mention of being a proud wife. Whadda ya think of that Slick Willie? That’s what you get for bangin’ yer butt-ugly intern. Still think that skank was worth it?


Y’all probably didn’t catch the worst moment of the speech. ‘Bout half way through she made a reference to her supporters saying “You never gave in, you never gave up.” C’mon Hil, that’s WAY too close to “Never give up, never surrender.” You pulled that line right off of Commander Peter Quincy Taggert. Tailgunner Joe’s the one s’posin’ to be the plagiarist, not you.

(8.-)

Support Our trOOPS!!!

KO mentions it on a daily basis – the thought that “Support our troops” is a slogan rather than something politicians actually do. That’s an example of why we here at PTB make no secret of our disdain for politicians. But a story in the RGJ the other day really had us wondering WTF everybody’s thinking.


According to a recent poll, the economy, not Iraq, is the issue that most concerns Nevadans in the upcoming election. If that’s the case, we’ve got some mixed up fuckin’ priorities. Check it…


American troops have been intentionally put in harm’s way. As long as one soldier is at unnecessary risk, that should be our top priority. WTF are we thinking when we put our own monetary self-interests in front of those who are sacrificing so much?


Remember, we’re fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, not with the Army, with the mother fuckin’ NATIONAL GUARD!!! What the hell ever happened to “One weekend a month and two weekends a year?” Some of those brothers and sisters have been in the Suck three and four and more times. Doin what? Playin’ strip mall security guards to a bunch of pissed off locals…that’s what occupation forces do.


Here are a couple of questions you should be asking yourself…If freedom isn’t free, how the hell are you payin’ for it? Soldiers and their families are paying for it with their lives...

and...are you better off now than you were eight years ago? If you are, you must work for Halliburton. If not, you could ask a couple of soldiers. But you know what they’d say.

(8.-(

Signs of the Times

There are two definite drawbacks to blogging and living in our 'rent’s basement.


The first is, no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to get laid. Think about it. When most women find out where we live, they take off faster than Usain Bolt. Besides, a woman who’d wanna do the horizontal mambo in our parent’s basement probably isn’t the type of girl we’d wanna get down with in the first place. That’s a tough thing to say considering we have pretty low standards.


The second and worst drawback is the money, or lack thereof. Do you know how much scratch the average blogger makes? Bupkis. Here at PTB we’ve long known we’d spend our lives at the bottom of the economic ladder. We’ve even got a saying, “If it’s free it’s for PTB. If it costs money, later honey.” And that’s what has our Underoos in a bunch today.


We all know that Senator McSame is so rich he doesn’t even know how many houses he has. The ‘Bamer? He made four million dollars last year. That’s not chicken feed. So why is it that both candidates now charge money for yard signs? SHEESH! You’d think the brothers would be able to part with a couple of pieces of cardboard, gratis. After all, the 775 is where the next president will be decided. Nope.


We always thought politicians took your money AFTER they got elected. Not anymore. So now we have to fall back to plan “B.” We’re gonna go swipe a sign from some bourgie motherhubbard’s yard. They can afford it. We can’t.


(8.-)

Why Some People Hate the Criminal Justice System

This friggin’ reeks…


A couple of months ago, Casey Anthony was asked by authorities where her baby was. Ms. Anthony said that her daughter had been with a babysitter for the last THIRTY DAYS but she didn’t know where the baby or the babysitter was located.


Mom gets sent to jail and refuses to cooperate with investigators. Police chase down leads but no baby found. Seems Ms. Anthony’s story was thin as heroin chic. Her assertions unraveled quicker than angora on a nail.


Yesterday, after being held in jail for almost two months, still no baby, still no cooperation…Casey Anthony got out on bail. WTF is up with THAT?


Here’s our take: If Casey Anthony had brown skin, if Casey Anthony wasn’t as cute as she is, if Casey Anthony was the father…she’d still be rotting in the Gray Bar Motel. Instead, she’s free as a bird. Baby is still missing…momma gets out of jail.


Greatest country in the world? Hardly.


(8.-)

Why Some People Hate Cops

This kind of thing would NEVER happen in the 775. Makes you glad you don't live in the Lone Star State. One question...how fast would YOU drive to get your dying dog to the emergency vet?

August Surprise

We get the feelin’ ‘round here that the worm is starting to turn. Check it out…


Today Rice-A-Condi and Iraqi officials started to discuss a timeline for U.S. Troop withdrawls. YAY!


Gas and oil prices are dropping faster than the anchor of the Titanic. Woo-Hoo!


Housing prices are rising and home foreclosures are falling. Yee-HAW!


Hmmm…October surprises aren’t supposed to happen this far away from an election so we got to thinkin’.


Russia invades Georgia and all of a sudden the Cold War heats back up quicker than old pizza in a microwave. Boogity Boogity!


Not once in the last week has Senator McSkeevy mentioned Afghanistan or Iraq. Uh oh.


The crux of today’s biscuit is simple…How come things are getting good right before the election? How come Russia decided to be a bad guy allegedly right before the election? We’re not conspiracy theorists here at PTB but we wouldn’t put anything past the Neocon Bush-Wipes. Fasten your seatbelts folks…this could be a bumpy ride.


(8.-)

Fair-y Tales

Here at PTB, we’re always lookin’ for a cheap date. C’mon…living in Mom & Dad’s basement and blogging isn’t the quickest way to fame and fortune. But this week we got lucky.

The 134th Nevada State Fair opens its doors tonight. It’s a five day orgy of funnel cakes, demolition derby, vomit rides and the smell of large hairy animals…and today it’s FREE!

Now, we know what yer all sayin’, “State fairs are for old people, carnies and farmers.” You couldn’t be more wrong. The Nevada State fair is a perfect place to take a date…especially if you’re in the financial toilet like we are. Check it…

Every year the NSF has cooking contests. Salsa, spaghetti sauce, cake, pie and cookie recipes are all vying for the blue ribbon. So, whadda you think they do with the stuff after the judges take their bites? They let the crowd come up and sample the stuff. That’s right…free food.

Here’s what we do. We bring our dates to the cooking contest and drop lines like, “The frosting compliments this cake’s texture.” Or, “The cilantro in this salsa is a tad over-used.” By the time we get finished, the girls think we’re the brother from Hell’s Kitchen. They’re totally impressed and all for zero cash. He shoots, he SCORES!

So, grab your euphemism and head on out to the Nevada State fair this week. It sure beats those fancy French restaurants. The Frogs never could find a way to put a Ferris wheel into a dining room.

(8.-)

Christian Heal Thyself

E-van-gel-ism n. “Militant zeal for a cause.”

One of the biggest problems facing the world today is the thought among some people that their God is the one and only. Any other belief is blasphemy. Hell and damnation, fire and brimstone are sure to bring down the non-believer. Either that, or a strap-on vest or IED. ANYWAY…

Longtime readers know that here at PTB we don’t buy into any of that superstitious mumbo jumbo. We’re pretty sure that the Invisible Man in the Sky doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anything we do any more than he cares about who wins an Olympic gold medal, an Oscar or the Super Bowl. But according to a new survey, most Americans believe that God can heal a patient even though the sawbones has thrown in the towel. Uh oh, here we go again.

Imagine you have a toothache. OUCH. What’s the first thing you do? Call your dentist? Good idea. Reach for a bottle of Advil? Nice choice. Hit the sauce? It’s the poor man’s Advil. Ramble down to the drugstore and get a tube of Orajel? Couldn’t hurt. What we’re trying to say is, the first thing on your mind isn’t, “Please God, heal my toothache.” Why? ‘Cause that kind of voodoo won’t heal your abscessed molar and all but the most fervent believer knows that.

Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that JZeus can heal a mortals wound. WTF gives you the right to get fixed? Don’t you think God is a little busy with the poor motherhubbards in Darfur? Ever seen the people in the slums of Rio? Do you know what an Untouchable from India goes through? Probably not, if you’re asking Yahweh to fix your toofus while the rest of the world suffers unimaginable horrors.

No, if you’re checkin’ out and askin’ the Big Guy for help…you’re grasping at straws. Besides, if you’re gonna meet your Maker, wouldn’t it kinda cheese Him off if you’d rather do it later rather than sooner?

(8.-)

Internet Killed the Video Star

FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars.



NBC’s coverage of this year’s Olympics has been piss-poor, to put it kindly. C’mon, synchronized diving? That sport would be a LOT better crossed with skeet shooting. You gotta hit both divers before they hit the water. We’d surely watch THAT.



But the crux of today’s biscuit is simple: We get hours and hours of gymnastics, swimming, beach volleyball and yes, synchronized diving but it’s often tape-delayed and it’s never the sports we want to watch when we wanna watch ‘em. NBC.com to the rescue! We logged on the other night, checked the pull down menu and started watching stuff right away.



Now, y’all might be sayin’, “But we love watching synchronized diving.” Fair enough. But you wanna know the coolest thing about watching the Olympics on the net? No announcers, no commercials and no schedules. YEE HAW!!!



We watched hours of fencing, badminton, table tennis and horse jumping…live. And when nothing was going on live, we picked our own tape-delayed games to watch. No fluff pieces about Michael Phelps’ dog, no insipid Bob Costas-isms and no more commercials for Home Depot. It was like being in heaven. Or at the very least, like bein’ in some rocket-hottie’s bedroom, getting’ down to some canoodling.



Yup…television is on its way out and soon the net will be God. That’ll be bad for bank accounts here at PTB but it’ll be a great time watching the London Olympics in 2012. We can’t wait.

(8.-)

The Week That Was

It’s been a wild first week at the Beijing Olympics. We’re not complaining, mind you. As a matter of fact we love this stuff. For the end of the week, we haiku some of our favorites…



The air quality
Isn’t as bad as it looks
Beijing has brown skies




Minor sports ignored
Major sports shoved down our holes
Ping pong? No. Hoops? Yes.




Michael Phelps swims fast
Chinese gymnasts look too young.
Redeem Team redeemed?



All sports on the net
No more need for Bob Costas
TV is soon dead


(8.-)

Juicy Juiced

“Leadership is oftentimes doing what is not easy…”


That’s the line spewed from the piehole of cheating boxer Joey Gilbert. Nice try Joe but we aren’t buying it. Earlier this week the Nevada Athletic Commission dismissed charges of Gilbert being on amphetamines, oxazepam, diazepam, nordizepam and methamphetamine after a bout last year. YIKES! That sounds like the same ingredients in our old chemistry set.


“But the commission dropped the charges,” you say. Yup. THOSE charges. The one that wasn’t dropped was the charge that he was on steroids. No argument there. You see, at the beginning of Gilbert’s hearing, he (and his lawyer) proposed a settlement in which all but the steroid charge would be dropped. That’s right. Gilbert wanted to settle and he was gonna cop to ‘roidin’ to get it. No such luck. The NAC gave Gilbert a one year suspension (with time served) fined him 10k and still hold the ‘roid charge against him.


Here’s the crux of this biscuit. Just because Gilbert says he “feels vindicated” doesn’t make it true. It’s like the old line from Joseph Goebbels that says: “If you say a lie over and over, pretty soon it becomes the truth.” The Bush-Wipe administration has been doing that to us for almost eight years.


No Joe…you got busted for ‘roidin’ plain and simple. You’re a cheater. You’ll now go down in history with the likes of Roger Clemens, Floyd Landis and 90% of the riders in the Tour De France, any former East German female Olympic athlete, the Chinese women’s gymnastic team former senator John Edwards and skeevy BillC.

No, you didn’t show leadership Joey…you took the easy way out...you cheated.

(8.-)

Georgia on My Mind

Turns out the Big Bad Bear isn’t dead after all. Russia is puttin’ a beatdown on their little runaway -- Georgia. Most Americans hear that sorta news and wonder how that’ll affect the upcoming SEC football season. That’s the wrong Georgia guys. ANYWAY…



So the Russians are kickin’ a little ass and the tighty-righties have their knickers all in a bunch. pResident Bush says that Russia is using unacceptably harsh force in the situation. Funny, we said the same thing to the Bush-Wipe about Iraq and we were called traitors. But what lame duck chimp-dick says really doesn’t affect anyone anymore. What we’re worried about is skeevy John McSame.



Yup…old Uncle Fester is saber rattling. He yaps that Georgia is one of our BFF’s and that we’ll stick our wieners in the blender to help ‘em out. No mention of how broken our armed forces are ‘cause of Iraq and Afghanistan. Nope…just threats of violence. Here’s the crux of our biscuit today:



Does anyone wonder why Senator McLame is so hell-bent on stickin’ it to the Russkies? We don’t wonder ‘cause we know. Ever heard of Randy Scheunemann? We have. Ya see, Scheunemann is one of those neocons who’s job was to get us into a war with Iraq. Good work Randy. For almost four years, Schheunemann was the only Washington lobbyist working for the country of Georgia. Today Scheunemann is a senior foreign affairs advisor to…you guessed it…Senator John McCain. If that isn’t the stinkiest, steaming piece of horse-cadoodle…we don't know what is. You wonder why we hate politicians? Perfect. Example.


(8.-)

Vote or Die

Here at PTB we love us some elections. Any time you can wake up and head out to the polls to vote, is a great day. Alas…we might be the only people in the 775 that actually show up at the polls today. Here is a scary stat…


There are 1.1 million registered voters in Nevada. Officials expect a 15% turnout today. That means 165,000 voters will decide the future of 2.5 million people. SHEESH! WTF is up with that?


In Russia, Election Day is a holiday. Its one big politics orgy and 99% of the people…not 99% of registered voters…but 99% of all eligible voters cast ballots. And the USofA can only manage 15%. We’re number one? Hardly.


We’ve got no use for those of you out there that don’t vote. The world is goin’ straight down the shitter and you can’t even cast your ballot? Losers. You deserve the slow, painful, lingering death that will befall you.


G.C. got it right…As long as Americans have their Hummers and their satellite televisions and cell phones that make pancakes, they won’t do a damn thing about anything. Self-centered, un-motivated, under-educated, lazy citizens. Sad but true. As for us...we're gonna head out to the polls, vote, then hang around macking on the ladies and checkin' the badonkadonks.

@:

:@

Musings From a Weekend in Beijing

WOW! That opening ceremony made the Wizard of Oz look like a crappy, low-budget 1970’s porn flick. Our first thought of the OC was “Don’t mess with China!”

When the organizers of London’s 2012 opening ceremony saw what the Chinese did, they promptly upchucked haggis all over their designer suits. The only way London’s OC could top Beijing’s is if they stage a full-scale reenactment of the Battle of Waterloo. Good luck with that.

Did you see Bush-Wipe at the OC? At one point he was looking restless and bored…much like an OCD 10-year-old sitting through a church service. All of a sudden he started using his little American Flag like a drumstick…tapping it on his leg in time to the music. Nice job Chimp-Dick. And you wanted a Constitutional Amendment to outlaw flag burning? You are a failure, an embarrassment and a hypocrite! You cannot be gone soon enough.

Last thing about the OC. Did you see the Hungarian team make their entrance? Their unis looked like they just came out of a paintball game!

Throughout the Olympics we’re seeing a lot of commercials from the Home Depot. The HD touts all the Oly athletes that work for ‘em. That made us think…Home Depot must have the baddest company softball team in the world!

Olympic drinking games. You’ve gotta drink whenever... 1. You hear the Olympic anthem. 2. You hear the Olympic fanfare. 3. Bob Costas says something that makes you cringe (for professional drinkers only). 4. China wins gold. That last one is a flash back to McDonalds’ 1984 debacle.

We’ve seen a lot of hottie Chinese women so far in this Oly. You’ve gotta think that the downloading of Asian porn has quadrupled in the last few days.

So, Kerri Walsh’s wedding ring flew off during a match yesterday. See, we told you we had telekinetic powers. Too bad they only work on jewelry and not clothing.

Gold, silver and bronze in Women’s Saber all went to Americans. WOO HOO!!! Never thought we’d see that in our lifetimes. After the medal ceremony the girls went over to get congratulations from former President Bush. One of the fencers started to cry and what did GHWB do? He pulled his snot rag out of his back pocket and gave it to her so she could dry her sniffles. Made us wanna hurl.

ANYWAY…we’ve got 13 more glorious days of Olympics still to come. If the first three days were any indication, we’re all in for one helluva ride.

(8.-)

08-08-08

To us here at PTB there is nothing better than the Olympics.

Sex? Overrated. Not that us basement-dwelling bloggers would have much experience with it. When we have our first experience, we might have to change this one.

Food? Puh-leeze. If the high-fructose corn syrup doesn’t kill you, the Salmonella will. Besides, the rule around here is no food near the keyboard and the keyboard is where we are most of the time.

Drugs & Alcohol? Nope. With what we’ve seen out there in Cyberia, we don’t need chemicals to make our heads spin. Besides, unless you’re a celebrity or a big-shot honcho or a bourgie rich white dude they’ll throw you in the hoosegow and throw away the key for doin’ that stuff.

No…our vice is the Olympics. It’s a once-every-four-year orgy of running, jumping, lifting, shooting, stabbing and crying that keeps our woodies up late at night.

What we love most about the Olympics is the fact that everyone is there for one reason…to compete. We’ve long held the thought that if countries could settle their differences on the playing fields instead of the battlefields; the world would be a lot better off. For the next two weeks…it will be.

(8.-)

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Apparently, he’s a bad guy. He’s been languishing in a gulag, without trial for seven years. The fascist government holding him finally rounded up a kangaroo court and put him on trial. Hearsay was admitted as evidence. His statements, made under duress, were allowed as evidence. His name is Salim Hamdan. Was he an enemy combatant? No. He was caught at a checkpoint in Afghanistan. Was he linked to 9/11? No. Was he a terrorist? No. The jury said he wasn’t. So, what was his crime? He was found guilty of being Osama Bin Laden’s driver.

Seven years in Gitmo and all the brother did was chauffer OBL’s hoopty. Is this what WPE meant when he said military commissions will only deal with the “worst of the worst”? Is this the highest level terrorist we could come up with? And we’ve gotta ask: Can you really go to jail merely because your boss was a prick and you knew it? Hell, if that’s the case, anyone working under the Bush-Wipes, the Donald or at WalMart could be Git-moed too.

The crux of today’s biscuit is simple: If they can hold someone without due process for seven years because he’s labeled an “enemy combatant”, who says they won’t do it to any of us?

Greatest country in the world? Hardly. Worst government in American history? Hell yes.

One last note: If GWB gets popped for war crimes...what happens to the pilot of Air Force One? Just asking.

(8.-)

Diamonds and Rust

Front and center on the RGJ sports page today: “Reno Who?” The story is about the perceived lack of progress being made by the new Triple-A baseball franchise. Funny, all Branch Rickey and the boys had to do was read us here at PTB. We’d set ‘em straight. So, just in case B.R. stops by, we’re gonna make our point again. Reno’s new baseball team should be named the Reno Diamonds.


Why?



1. Baseball is played on a diamond.


2. A diamond is one of the the hardest, toughest substances known to man.


3. One of the four suits in a deck of cards is diamonds.


4. The new Triple-A team’s parent club is the Arizona Diamondbacks.


5. Diamonds are a symbol of affluence.


There you have it…five excellent reasons why the newest team in the 775 should be called the Diamonds. We do have a worry though. Seems the P.R./marketing guys the team is using to find a name is called the “Carol Infranca and Associates marketing and public relations firm." YIKES! That’s the best name C.I. could come up with? If they're allowed to name the new team, they’ll probably call ‘em the Reno Baseball Team. Well, at least the Reno Bighorns is already taken.


(8.-)

Viva La Paris

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Money Kills

If you think about it...the USofA hasn't won a war since 1945. Korea? Nope, the commies are still there. Vietnam? Commies are still there too.

How 'bout the war on teen pregnancy? Lost. Have you seen the Maury Show lately? "You are NOT the father!"

The war against poverty? Not in this economy. The war against illiteracy? Nope. Heck, half the people reading today's post don't even know what the word illiterate means!

The war on terror? Puh-leze. The Bush-Wipes wouldn't know a terrorist if one bit 'em in the ass. Heck, the presumptive Republican nominee for president doesn't even know the difference between Sunni and Shia.

No...we've been getting our hats handed to us on many fronts and the latest is in the war on drugs. Seems that out of all the currencies in the world, more cocaine is found on US dollar bills than on any other country's money. WOO HOO!!! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!!

The crux of today's biscuit is simple: Drugs should be legalized. All drugs. Nicotine and alcohol are legal and they're two of the most harmful substances out there. Why are they legal? 'Cause tighty-righties make lots of cash selling the stuff. Who makes money off of sellin' Mary Jane and blow? Brown-skinded brothers. See what we mean? If you're gonna let people smoke cigars and cigarettes and if you're letting them drink alcohol, you've got no right to tell 'em what they CAN'T imbibe. Don't believe us?

High Fructose Corn Syrup is some of the worst stuff you can do, yet millions of Americans O.D. on the stuff every day. Cocaine was LEGAL in the U.S. 'til 1914. That means the American Revolution, the War of 1812, the Mexican-American War, the Civil War and the Spanish American War were all fought while cocaine was legal. Think any of those brothers were under the influence? Bet on it. Did it hurt 'em? Doesn't look like it.

(8.-)

Eight Long Years

Hearing these numbers made us want to hurl. Hope they don't have the same effect on you.

- Eight years ago a gallon of gas cost $1.47.

- Now a gallon of gas costs $3.99.

- Eight years ago Exxon-Mobile posted earnings of 4.15 billion dollars.

- Last week Exxon-Mobile posted earnings of 11.68 billion dollars.

Anyone telling you that we're all better off now than we were eight years ago is either lying, deluded, a John McCain supporter or all three.

(8.-)

Freeballin' Friday

Artown 2008 ended last night with a performance by the Harlem Gospel Choir. More than 3,000 people jammed into Wingfield Park to catch the show. Curious factoid…when the HGC arrived in the 775 the number of brown-skinded brothers in the area DOUBLED!

Question: If the drought here in the 775 keeps going, where are all the newbies gonna get their water? We’ve been sayin’ it for years…water is the new gold.

The NBA’s D-League team in Reno got a name…Bighorns. Puh-Leeze! Aren’t bighorns part of the SHEEP family? They named our team after a four-legged, head-bangin’ vegetarian. Bummer.

It seems that the Rail City wants to bail out of the RSCVA. We can understand that. Sparks NEVER got props from the RSCVA. We do wonder...if Sparks is gonna form its own bureau, where they gonna get the money to pay for it? Just asking.

Michelle Wie is tied for 77th place at the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open (what, no mention of Sparks?). Hey Wie Wie…go back and play with the girls ‘til you win something there. Now, you’re just takin’ bread outta some poor man’s wallet.

Finally, Hot August Nights starts up this weekend. It’s a celebration of a simpler time when minorities were treated like shit, women were discouraged from working and the only drugs in baseball were alcohol and nicotine. WARNING! Watch out for blue hairs with blue plates drivin’ momma’s hoopty. Fuel is so expensive now, they’re not gonna stop for anything (except maybe to buy more gas).

(8.-)