God Squad

A couple of quick thoughts on the Hutaree militia…

These bass-ackward huckleberries claim that the United States has a tyrannical government they need to overthrow. Government is too big. Government is everywhere. So…if that’s what they believe, then WTF were these douchebags when Chimp-Dick was in office? NOW they think the government has grown too big? I’ve got news for you cracker-assed crackers…the government grew bigger under pResident George W. Bush than at any time since FDR and the New Deal. True story. But were the Hutarees clamoring for Bush’s head on a platter then? No. Oh yeah…and since y’all hate the government so much how the hell come you’ve all requested government appointed lawyers to defend you? That makes the Hutarees hypocrites, pure and simple.

And one more hypocritical angle to this clusterfuck of a story. The Hutarees claim that they are Christian warriors. O.K., I’ll give ‘em that. But if that’s the case, why do they need guns? Can’t they just pray to the Son of the Invisible Man in the Sky to smite their enemies? From what I’ve read, JZeus’ Dad was one pissed off old man. One word from His followers and the entire USo’A, Inc would be covered in a plague of locusts or frogs. Don’t they even believe in the power of their own God? Guess not.

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Stand and Deliver

Sad news from right here in the 775…Jaime Escalante died last night. Now y’all probably don’t know who Kemo was. He didn’t get the pub like those BSC motherhubbards from Michigan…or Karl Rove…or Dancing With the Stars. Kemo was the math teacher that inspired the movie Stand and Deliver. It was his passion…his commitment…his dedication to education that put Garfield High School on the map and gave generations of brown-skinded brothers and sisters the confidence to succeed in a cracker-assed cracker world. Yo Jaime…sleep well my brother. Ya done good.

Remember last April, when Homeland Security released a report sayin’ how BSC militias were popping up all over the place and that we’d better keep a look out for “homegrown terrorists?” Remember what the tighty-righties did? They bitched. They moaned. They complained. They said that there was no such thing as homegrown terrorists and that DHS was overblowing the situation. Well I’ve got news for John Boener, Eric Cantor, John McCain, Caribou Barbie and the rest of you right-wing nut cases…I WANT AN APOLOGY! Anyone telling you that the republican party is concerned about the safety of America and her citizens is LYING!

One last thing to you militia freaks. Ya know guys…I don’t hide the fact that I hated Chimp Dick, Dr. Evil and the rest of those un-American assholes that royally fucked up the country, broke the military and ruined the economy. Never once did I hide my disdain for those chucklenuts. But the worst I ever did was threaten to break my foot off in their collective John Brown hind pots. You rat-bastards were plotting to kill police officers, innocent American civilians and anyone else that didn’t fit with your world view! Well guess what? Y’all are neither Christian nor American. An American who doesn’t like the system tries to change it at the ballot box or through civic responsibility. A Christian would love his neighbor as he loves himself. A Christian would turn the other cheek and follow the teachings of the Prince of Peace. Like I said…y’all aren’t Christian or American. It’s fuck-tards like you that has JZeus spinning in His grave. Better bundle up good…I hear-tell Hell is a cold place and you’ll all be there soon.

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Nothing to Smile About

Y’all ever heard of the movie Smile Pinki? It’s a documentary about kids in poor countries that are born with cleft palate. What a horrific affliction. These kids are often shunned by family members, destined to live a life of shame. GAWD…I watched that movie and thought how fucked up life can be sometimes. But there’s a group called the Smile Train that travels the world in search of kids with cleft palate in an attempt to get them the vital operation they need. It’s a simple procedure and it only costs $250. That’s a great deal considering what the alternative is. Flash forward to yesterday…

In an attempt to draw attention to the plight of Nevada families against rising healthcare costs, Senator Harry Reid told the story of the Jesus Gutierrez family at yesterday's healthcare summit. Gutierrez is the owner of Fresh Mex Restaurant here in the RNO. His daughter was born with a cleft palate and his insurance company decided not to cover the cost of the needed surgery. The result? The Gutierrez family had to pay…wait for it…wait for it…$90,000 for the surgery!!! Aye caramba!!! That’s TWENTY-SIX THOUSAND percent over what the Smile Train people need to fix cleft palates in other countries.

Here’s the crux of the biscuit…cleft palate surgery in India, or Mexico, or Nigeria costs $250. In the United States of America, Inc. it costs $90,000. From the pharmaceutical companies to the hospitals from the doctors to the insurance companies, someone…every step of the way is sucking profit from the health woes of Americans. Now, rich Americans can probably afford to pay that much but what about middle-class America? Nope. Heck-fire, you know the poor can’t afford that kind of scratch.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is no way for a Christian nation to behave toward its citizens. But then again, The United States of America, Inc. isn’t really a Christian nation. We just say we are and hope nobody notices. Fuckin’-A…JZeus must be spinning in His grave.

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He Slammed, She Slammed, They All Slammed Islam

One of the sacred cows we love skewering here at PTB is religion. Not necessarily religion in and of itself, but the inevitable hypocrisy that goes with it. Think about it: How many Christians here in the USo’A wanted revenge after 9/11? More than you’d think. If that isn’t hypocrisy, what is?



The latest in the line of “Do what we say, not what we do” is Islam. Last month at the United Nations a group of 57 countries entered a resolution. The resolution said that offending Islamic sensitivities is a “serious affront to human dignity” which could lead to “social disharmony”, “violations of human rights” and “incitement to religious hatred in general and against Islam in particular.” Is that so? Gandhi once said, “A religion that takes no account of practical affairs and does not help to solve them is no religion.” Uh oh, did Gandhi just piss off the entire Muslim world? Aye Caramba!

Does Islam prove Gandhi right? What they’re doing here isn't solving problems or practical affairs...they're shielding their religious ideas and teachings from criticism or debate. So we’re gonna take on this magilla head on…just like you knew we would.



Serious affronts to human dignity? Ask any Muslim woman how that fuckin’ Burqa feels in the middle of a Saudi summer.



Social disharmony? Ask the ruling Mullahs of Iran what they do to “infidels” in their country.



Violations of human rights? Ask the Muslim killers of Daniel Pearl what human rights are.



Incitement to religious hatred? How many Muslims have Jewish friends or relatives? How many Catholics or Baptists or Mormons live and work in Afghanistan, or Pakistan, or Qatar? ZERO. So the next time Islam wants us to tone down the rhetoric, we’re gonna drop trou and shake our pink asses in their general direction. Now that would offend anyone.

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Around the Horn

A couple of things about the 775 we noticed today…


If you cross the roadside fog line in Elko County…you WILL go to jail.



If you oppose something on religious grounds, your religion had better be Christianity. If not…you’re screwed.



The Government-Cheese wants to collect tax money by monitoring your car as you drive. The program will start with 100 volunteers. Just like water meters…voluntary today…mandatory tomorrow. Big Brother has arrived.



Nevadan’s oppose GJG’s budget cuts. They also oppose higher taxes. Question: What the hell is the state gonna use for money? Casino chips?



Attorneys for BSC Michael Biela want three separate trials for their client instead of lumping the trio of crimes all into one. Do you think those ambulance chasers care about justice or are they just running up the tab? We think the latter.



According to a local expert, the big banks have no intention of giving their bailout money to small businesses. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again…trickle down economics never has and never will work. Rich people don’t get rich because they give away their money, they get rich by hoarding it. Our solution? Trickle UP economics. When you give money to the little guys, they pay off their bills and buy things like cars and houses and electronics. That would be good for the economy but bad for the big banks. That’s why it’ll never get done.



And from the other side of the world. If your religion prohibits you from doing yoga or listening to music or watching movies or wearing certain types of clothes…you either need a different religion or you need to tell JZeus’ Dad to kiss your John Brown hind pot.



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Let That Be Your Last Battlefield

Here at PTB we make fun of religion all the time. It’s not that we don’t think people should put all their eggs in the basket of the “Invisible Man in the Sky” – we just find it odd that the more religious one seems to be, the less likely they are to act in accordance with scriptures.


Islam is a religion of peace.

Judaism is a religion of peace.

Christianity is a religion of peace.



So why don’t zealous followers of their religions practice what they preach? To that question, we haiku…




Holy Shrine melee.

Can’t we all just get along?

Who would JZeus punch?


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