Fished In

Every time I see a new pic from the Deepwater Horizon oil spill I just wanna hurl. Turns out BP and Barry-O’s administration have been lowballing the size of this ecological clusterfuck from day one. They’re covering their collective asses instead of trying to stop this leak. My question: WTF is the United States Navy? We spend billions of dollars a year to maintain the largest and most technologically advanced navy in the world and the one time we could their help, they pull a Lindsay Lohan. Thanks a lot Captain Steubing! PTB laments the loss of wildlife in haiku:

Seafood is healthy.

A new meaning for fish oil.

Vitamin BP.

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Haim Highs and Lo-Hans

Former child star Corey Haim took a dirt nap last night and everyone seems caught off guard. Let me get this straight...he becomes rich and famous beyond imagination at a very young age, throws it all away on alcohol and drugs and nasty-assed monkey sex with groupies and y'all are surprised? The only thing surprising about this story is that it didn't happen earlier.

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over their Super Bowl commercial. L2’s lawyers say that the use of the name Lindsay in the spot is a direct reference to her because “many celebrities are known by one name only.” They’re right. Madonna…Cher…Pele and the like are so famous they are known by one name. Lindsay Lohan? Fuckin’-A lady…no one over the age of thirty or under the age of twenty-five even know who the hell you are. This smells like a frivolous lawsuit brought by an egocentric publicity hound. Yo LoLo…don’t quit your day job. That is, if you even have one. Hope you saved your money, toots!

And lastly today. A new poll out says that most Americans believe God is involved in their everyday lives and is concerned with their personal well-being. Really? Isn’t this the 21^st Century? Look guys. If there was an Invisible Man in the Sky who gave a schnizzle about your personal well-being, don’t you think he’d lower your cholesterol, drop those extra pounds, get you a better paying job and stop that Kenyan-born, socialist, Marxist, fascist, secret Muslim from passing healthcare? He sure would. But since there isn’t…He won’t. Get over it folks…we’re all on our own and there’s nothing that JZeus’ Dad can, or will, do about it.

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Drop The Soap!

Here at PTB we LOVE studies.


Turns out these guys found "The number of people in U.S. prisons has risen eight-fold since 1970, with little impact on crime but at great cost to taxpayers and society."


They've released a report calling for a major overhaul in the justice system.


No Duh.



When Lindskank LoHoHoHan spends a mere 84 minutes in the gray bar motel for DUI and cocaine posession...


When Iron-Head Mike will spend ONE WHOLE DAY in the calaboose for DUI and cocaine posession...


and this murderer doesn't spend a minute behind bars for his crimes...it's not the system that's at fault...it's the people who run it.


We're calling 'em the "Correctional Industrial Complex."


(8.-)