Dumb and Dumb-Assed

So…OBL has a new audio tape out. Doesn’t the motherhubbard know we’re in the 21st Century now? Yo’Sama…how ‘bout a Twitter feed or a Facebook update? SHEESH! Anyway…OBL says that if we give the chair to KSM, that he’ll “…execute any of your people that we take prisoner." No shit. Ummm…weren’t you gonna do that anyway? I’ve said it before…offing KSM will just make him a martyr. What we do is, try him in a civilian court, get a conviction and send him off to the prison they sent Sean Penn to in Bad Boys. It worked for Bernie Madoff. True story.

The Pope is in some deep doo doo as of late. Turns out that the Pontiff “…refused to punish a priest who sexually assaulted as many as 200 deaf boys over the course of three decades.” Aye caramba! This is the same guy who bitches and moans and complains about gay marriage and he’s covering up for his skeevy pedophile rapist friends. If the Catholic Church was a corporation and the CEO (the Pope) got busted doin’ this kind of sick stuff, there’d be hell to pay. Guess the guys are gonna have to wait to get to Hell, neh?

And finally…there is a creepy new poll out that paints the Republican Party in a dark light. Seems that…get this…38% of Republican Party thinks President Obama is doing a lot of the same things Adolph Hitler did. Yeah right. Hitler wanted single-payer, universal healthcare for everyone. Are you kidding? But the most telling question was that 24% of republicans think the President is the Antichrist. WTF is up with that? You know, I called George Wpe Bush a lot of things during his time in office but I’ve never referred to him as the Antichrist. Dumb as a bag of rocks...but not the Antichrist. Some say the vitriol is racist, some say it’s anger over the economy. Me? I say it’s ignorance. Now you know why when the tighty-righties start talking about fiscal responsibility, the first thing they want to do is cut funding for education. It’s to swell the ranks of republican voters. Pitiful.

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Driving Miss Lazy

I usually like studies…but this one sucks ass. According to the American Journal of Public Health (my second favorite magazine) crankin’ up the speed limit led to more than 12,000 deaths on US roads between 1995 and 2005. Now the chuckleheads are lobbying the Government-Cheese to re-lower the speed limit because they say it’ll save gas and save lives. Aye caramba!


-- First of all, everyone knows speed kills. But people were flyin’ around the freeways long before the Red Rocker expressed his inability to drive the speed limit…so it can’t just be speed.

-- In 1995, no one drove while talkin’ on a celly. Now, everyone does it. Hell, people these days even drive while Twittering! It’s so bad that a couple of states have made it illegal to drive while talkin’ on your cell. You think inattention had anything to do with the death spike? I do. BTW…”Death Spike” is an awesome name for a heavy metal band!

-- How ‘bout size? In 1995, people were drivin’ ‘round in Yugos, Saturns and Toyota Tercels. Nowadays, people are drivin’ ‘round in humongous SUV’s, monster trucks and Hummers so gnarly that the only thing missin’ on ‘em is the .50 caliber machinegun mounted on a top turret. You get hit by one of those bad boys and it’s sayonara sucka!

-- What about longevity? These days people are living (and driving) longer. And senior citizens think they’re just as invincible as teenagers! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been cut off and flipped off by blue hairs with their blue plates, rollin’ ‘round in their hoopty wagons. SHEESH!

-- And lastly, what about sheer volume? In 1995 the population of the USo’A was roughly 263 million people. In 2005 we rounded out to 296 million folks. That’s an increase of thirty-three million Americans. Hell, there are so many people on the road nowadays; you can’t help but to hit friggin’ something (and if Lou Dobbs had his way, you'd hit a brown-skinded brother)!

So, the AJPH wants to reduce the speed limit to save lives. I say, the speed limit has very little to do with it. As a matter of fact, reducing the speed limit would actually increase freeway deaths. How do I know? Take the drive from the RNO down to the 702. Keep your speed to 55 miles an hour on that long hump. You are gonna want to kill yourself. Personally, I usually make it to Tonopah before I contemplate the cyanide pills. True dat.

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Killing Time

I'm tellin' ya...I know from experience...


Facebook...

Twitter...

and YouTube...


...are black holes for time. They suck you in and the next thing you know, BAM...you've lost twelve hours of your life. So, to save some time and effort for all the peeps out there, we're gonna find a way to combine all three time-consuming websites into one big time-consuming website.


I'm gonna call it YouTwitFace. Yup...that'll do the trick.



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