Be Careful What You Wish For

Well folks, its Super Duper Monster Tuesday and you know what that means...thousands upon thousands of clueless sheep trot down to the polls to vote for the candidate that some bobblehead on the tube told them to vote for.


N/p though...nothing matters as long as you vote. If you don't vote...may we suggest you move in with some of our closest allies like Saudi Arabia, the UAE or Kuwait. No one is allowed to vote there. See how you like it then.


A couple of quick Q's:


Will Hillary's voice hurt her like Nixon's 5 O'clock shadow hurt him?


If JMack wins it all...will the vampire that is Ann Coulter really campaign for Hil?


Will the 'Bamer get BobbyK'd tonight in Cali?


Can the Huckster get enough of his God peeps out to vote for him?



Will the mainstream media keep giving Ron Paul the "Rudy in the Booty", even if he continues to pull voters?


Lastly...here's a fun drinking game for all y'all civics geeks out there. You know you're one of us if your Super Tuesday party tonight is bigger than the one you had on Super Sunday. ANYWAY...whip out your 'shine and pour a shot. Every time you hear one of the following words or phrases you gotta take a shot:


Change, Super Delegates, Bill Clinton, Christian Conservatives, The Surge Is Working, Iraq, Recession, Economy, Too Close To Call, Voter Turnout Was Light, Voter Turnout Was Heavy...


It's a partial list so feel free to add your own.


Last one standing wins. Tomorrow...back to the problems at hand.


(8.-)

Putting the "Us" Back In Caucus

We'll admit it...we're civics geeks. While all the other kids were out riding their Big Wheels or stuck like Velcro to the couch, watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island…we were in our bedroom hand-painting Ross Perot campaign signs. So, tomorrow is the Nevada caucus and we're stoked! That being said…here is our short take on the relevant candidates. One quick note…ANYONE will be better than WPE.




Hillary Clinton – Who’ll SHE bang in the Lincoln Bedroom? America’s version of Maggie Thatcher. If she were a man, they’d call her tough. She’s a woman so they call her a bitch. No double standard there.




John Edwards – Corporate lawyer sleezeball turned anti-corporate zealot – EazyE sleeps with the fishes…or the dogs. Could win due to his metrosexuality and his smooth southern twang. Americans vote with their little heads…not their big ones.




Barack Obama – If he doesn’t get BobbyK’d, he’ll certainly get an Oswald. But there’s nothing that scares the bejeezus out of the establishment more than a brown-skinded brother. The change candidate is gonna get short-changed ‘cause there’s no way the racists and the war-mongers and conformists are gonna let a brother win.




Mitt Romney – He’s a second generation politician – smoother than a baby’s bottom. But swift-boating a Mormon is easier than poppin’ an under-funded infidel with an IED. Looks a lot like a skeevy Ted Danson.




Mike Huckabee – By declaring that the Constitution should be remade in the image of God and that Evolution is a “theory”…he needs a good nail gun accident. He forgets that the Invisible Man Up In The Sky only cares about athletes, actors and “Tel-evan-fraud-ulists.”




John McCain – War. What is it good for? You can take the dog out of the fight but you can’t take the fight out of the dog and this dog is just itchin’ for a fight. “Iran called us what?” If you have stock in Halliburton, Blackwater, Boeing or the guys that are building the immigration wall…he’s your man.




Fred Thompson – The last bad actor to run for president ran against Peanut Head, gave us the Iran/Contra scandal and trickle-down economics. What is it that makes people think a B-list actor is qualified to be the leader of the free world?




Rudi Giuliani – screwed up 9/11…Now he wants to screw things up nationally. He was in charge of the NY during “Broom Handle In The Butt-Gate”. More spouses than Zsa Zsa Gabor. Rudy makes Slick Willie look like a Shaolin Monk.




Ron Paul – This is the one cracker that scares the bejeezus out of the establishment. He’s the shiny pink version of Obama. But his views on drugs are closer to Rastafarian than republican. Not. A. Chance. In. Hell.










(8.-)