What's Love Got To Do With It?

Folks who regularly click over here to PTB know I love me my Muslim brothers and sisters. True story. But sometimes ya read a story and think, “Aye caramba!” Case in point…

Muslim leaders in Mother Russia are urging their flocks to disregard Valentine’s Day because it "preaches universal permissiveness, amorality and nihilism." SHEESH! Valentine’s Day does all that? Hardly. Let me explain to y’all. Valentine’s Day is a corporate-run holiday designed to guilt men into buying crap for their wives that they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to get a result that is not always forthcoming. Don’t believe me? Americans (mostly men) spend right around 14.7 BILLION dollars every year on crap like candy and cards and flowers. Question to all the boys out there: When was the last time you got laid ‘cause you bought your woman flowers? Candy? A Valentine’s Day card? Probably never. If y’all wanna get down to the horizontal mambo, you’d be better off buyin’ her a fifth of Jack Daniels. Yup, that’d loosen her up.

No my Muslim brothers and sisters. While your spiritual leaders take pot shots at our national holidays like teabaggers after Chocolate Elvis, they’re wrong about the whole thing. Valentine’s Day doesn’t stand for universal permissiveness, amorality or even nihilism. It stands for the rampant greed and unabashed consumerism that is the United States of America, Inc. Valentine’s Day has as much to do with sex and love as Christmas has to do with the birth of the SoG. Not a damned thing.

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Tehran So Far Away

Read us once and you’ll know we love us the Persians here at PTB. Hell, if we ever get outta this blogging-nerd phase, move outta the ‘rent’s basement and hook up with a Persian grrl and we’re gonna name our first baby Cyrus…but that’s the crux of another biscuit…

Now, y’all know that there are a lot of problems goin’ down in Iran. That’s what you get when you let a bunch of BSC religious wing-nuts run your country. But there’s a crack getting’ wider over there and it could be a chance for the USo'A to make some progress. According to a story…

“With young people pursuing more liberal lifestyles and shunning the traditional mores of their parents' generation, the marrying age is steadily climbing. This terrifies Iran's religious government, which still peddles the virtue of chastity and views young people's shifting attitudes toward sexuality as a direct threat to the Islamic revolution's core values.”

We told you about those religious zealots. But do you see it? C’mon…what is the one universal attitude that all teenagers share? FUCK AUTHORITY! It’s been that way forever. Teenagers hate rules and they hate when authority figures tell ‘em what to do. So, here’s the plan:

Rather than getting’ into a dick-swingin’ contest with Iran’s tighty-righties…you know…with bullets and guns and bombs… we should fight ‘em with drugs, sex and rock & roll. Think about it. If the U.S. starts smuggling Snoop Dogg CD’s, cases of Jack Daniels, subscriptions to Hustler and anything grown in the Emerald Triangle into Iran, soon the young’uns will turn on their elderly oppressors. Anyone older than 50 can attest to the fact that with enough booze, THC and coochie on their minds, kids’ll go BSC for the right to be rebellious. And isn’t that what we’d like to see in old Persia, a rebellion? REMEMBER THE 60's!

We hope we’re all alive to see it…it’s gonna be a beautiful sight. Downtown Tehran, packed with revelers, slammin’ Mojitos and beer-bonging Jaeger Meister. The smoke so thick from the spliffs that it looks like a foggy day in San Francisco. Skynyrd jammin’ Freebird on the boombox and rocket-hottie Persian babes doin’ the Middle Eastern version of Girls Gone Wild. Just the thought of that has the Ayatollah spinnin’ in his grave. Well…at least he’s doin’ it to a kick-ass beat.

(8.-)