The Dan Quayle Defense

On the 45th anniversary of Bobby K getting BobbyK’d we look to the future of another young, handsome, charismatic leader.

Here in the USofA ‘08…there are millions of crackers out there whose worst nightmare is about to happen…President Barack Hussein Obama. YEEE HAWWWW! If you read us here at PTB on a regular basis, you know we called the Dem race for the ‘Bamer long ago (there’s still time for Ron Paul) and now that he’s made it, the talk turns toward his running mate.

Now, a lot of people are pushing Hillary Clinton for the number two slot and we think it’s a good idea. Why? Well, there are a lot of right-wing jihadists out there who are skidmarking their dungarees ‘cause a brown-skinded brother is gonna be President. So, if the ‘Bamer picks Whitey to be V.P., you’d better believe those BSC motherhubbards would JFK him in a New York minute.

But the thing that scares the bejeezus out of righty-whitey is Hillary and Bill Clinton back in the White House. Think about it…if Hill Bill Vol.2 is a heartbeat away from the presidency, the LAST thing the bad guys would want is for something to happen to the ‘Bamer. Heck-fire…if Hillary was the V.P., the Klan would probably volunteer to help the Secret Srervice keep the Prez safe. So c’mon BO…think of what’s best for you and the country…pick Hillary. Best. VP. Ever.

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Putting the "Us" Back In Caucus

We'll admit it...we're civics geeks. While all the other kids were out riding their Big Wheels or stuck like Velcro to the couch, watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island…we were in our bedroom hand-painting Ross Perot campaign signs. So, tomorrow is the Nevada caucus and we're stoked! That being said…here is our short take on the relevant candidates. One quick note…ANYONE will be better than WPE.




Hillary Clinton – Who’ll SHE bang in the Lincoln Bedroom? America’s version of Maggie Thatcher. If she were a man, they’d call her tough. She’s a woman so they call her a bitch. No double standard there.




John Edwards – Corporate lawyer sleezeball turned anti-corporate zealot – EazyE sleeps with the fishes…or the dogs. Could win due to his metrosexuality and his smooth southern twang. Americans vote with their little heads…not their big ones.




Barack Obama – If he doesn’t get BobbyK’d, he’ll certainly get an Oswald. But there’s nothing that scares the bejeezus out of the establishment more than a brown-skinded brother. The change candidate is gonna get short-changed ‘cause there’s no way the racists and the war-mongers and conformists are gonna let a brother win.




Mitt Romney – He’s a second generation politician – smoother than a baby’s bottom. But swift-boating a Mormon is easier than poppin’ an under-funded infidel with an IED. Looks a lot like a skeevy Ted Danson.




Mike Huckabee – By declaring that the Constitution should be remade in the image of God and that Evolution is a “theory”…he needs a good nail gun accident. He forgets that the Invisible Man Up In The Sky only cares about athletes, actors and “Tel-evan-fraud-ulists.”




John McCain – War. What is it good for? You can take the dog out of the fight but you can’t take the fight out of the dog and this dog is just itchin’ for a fight. “Iran called us what?” If you have stock in Halliburton, Blackwater, Boeing or the guys that are building the immigration wall…he’s your man.




Fred Thompson – The last bad actor to run for president ran against Peanut Head, gave us the Iran/Contra scandal and trickle-down economics. What is it that makes people think a B-list actor is qualified to be the leader of the free world?




Rudi Giuliani – screwed up 9/11…Now he wants to screw things up nationally. He was in charge of the NY during “Broom Handle In The Butt-Gate”. More spouses than Zsa Zsa Gabor. Rudy makes Slick Willie look like a Shaolin Monk.




Ron Paul – This is the one cracker that scares the bejeezus out of the establishment. He’s the shiny pink version of Obama. But his views on drugs are closer to Rastafarian than republican. Not. A. Chance. In. Hell.










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Whitey Said What?

Unbelievable. A brown-skinned brother wins in Iowa. Iowa is so white it makes Nevada look like Mississippi. Then again…the ‘Bama is so white he makes Hillary Clinton look like Tina Turner.


Now everyone says the ‘Bama’s got a target on his back ‘cause he’s the new front-runner. That’s not the real reason though…while most of us live here in the 21st century; there are BSC freaks out there who don’t think a man of color (or a woman of ANYTHING) should be president of these here United States.


We hate goin’ all Kreskin on it, but we will. The better Hil and the Bamer do, the more likely either one (or both) will get BobbyK’d before the general election. We hope we’re wrong...


But may the Invisible Man in the Sky help us if we’re right.




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