Fistianity

Here at PTB, I’ve never had a problem pointing out Christian hypocrisy. As a matter-of-fact, it’s one of my favorite pastimes. But I’ve gotta be honest, with chucklenuts out there like Pat Robertson and David Vitter and Nevada’s own John “Able Semen” Ensign, it’s kinda like shooting fish in a barrel…with a bazooka. ANYWAY…

I came across an article the other day that said some Evangelical Christians, thinkin’ that their churches have become too “feminized”, are turning to a unique way of getting the younger generation (especially men) back into their flocks. How? They’re pullin’ a Don King and they’re promoting MMA-style fighting! HAW! The goal, “is to inject some machismo into their ministries — and into the image of JZeus — in the hope of making Christianity more appealing.”

One of the big-time backers of the idea is Ryan Dobson. You know him as the son of James Dobson, founder of “Focus on the Family." Y’all remember FoF dontcha? FOF is the homophobic, xenophobic, fearmongering, cracker-assed-crackers behind politicians like Mike Huckabee and Caribou Barbie and behind the “We need a Constitutional Amendment to protect marriage” bullshit. Think of ‘em as Bible-totin’ teabaggers. What gets me about this is that, IMHO, fighting is the last thing Christians should do, right?

So, I referred to the Christian part of my Bible (the New Testament) and wondered what JZeus might say about this shit.

Matthew 5:38…”Turn the other cheek.”

Luke 6:27…”Treat others as you would have them treat you.”

Mark 14:43…”All who take the sword die by the sword.”

So here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…Evangelical Christians in America today are about as Christ-like as a bag of doorknobs. They wouldn’t know the teachings of Christ if they bit ‘em on their collective asses. No, the SOG wouldn’t have endorsed MMA-style fighting to attract younger men Catholic priests? That’s a whole different story. I’ll bet that right now, JZeus is spinning in His grave but I'll bet it makes the Westboro Baptist Church proud as punch. Pun intended.

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A Present From Senator John Ensign

We couldn't end the week without puttin' Senator John "The Wad" Ensign's weiner in the blender just one more time. Stick close to your Twitter this weekend, folks. The revolution is a comin'...Inshallah.

On The Rocks

There are a couple of similarities between the problems Eliot Spitzer and Jim Gibbons are going through.


Both of them are Governors. Both of them are having troubles with the Mrs. and neither of them is Chinese. But the sameness pretty much ends there.


Governor Gibbons ran on a promise of no new taxes. So far, he’s kept his word. Governor Spitzer ran on the promise of law and order. So far…OOPS!



No matter what your take on Gibbons is…whatever happens in his personal life should stay personal. Why? The fact that his marriage is a bit shaky isn’t news…it’s gossip. He didn’t run on a “Save Marriage” platform. He didn’t run a “No Ho’s” campaign so whatever he does with the women in his life is his own business.



But when Client #9 got popped hookin’ up with high-priced ho’s…now THAT’S news. Why? Because Spitzer was hell bent on cleanin’ up the bad guys. He made it his personal mission to rid the world of criminals and it turns out he’s a big fat criminal himself! Hypocrite.


Yo, Governor Spit-Shine…why don’t you roll on over here to the 775. The L’sotE are much better lookin’ and they don’t cost nearly as much. She love you long time!


Governor Gibbons…Keep yer chin up and tell the media to keep their noses out of your bedroom.


To Silda and Dawn: Ladies, you know where I am. Gimme a call or drop me a line. We’ll hook up and I’ll show you what it’s like to be with a REAL man!

(8.-)

It's Like Finding A Needle In An Ass Crack

Well the Mitchell Report is out and so are eighty-something rat bastards. We’ve said it before here at PTB…we’re not against drugs…


We’re against hypocrisy.


We’re against cheaters.


We’re against liars.


The really sad part about this clusterfuck is that the Mitchell Report only investigated steroid related stuff…not amphetamines. Athletes in all sports pop dexies and cross tops and rippers like they were M&M’s and no one gives a shit.


But if you have the ganja in your system…you get busted. Think a rasta buzz is “performance enhancing?” No. Think those in charge care? No again.


(8.-)

Fleecing the Flock

We're not big believers here at PTB.


We're of the opinion that religion kills.


But more and more the "Soul Patrol" is trying their damndest to get into our business.


Here's where the hypocrisy hits the road...


It seems that a goodly number of God-lies have been pimpin' their rides...makin' over the home front and living the vida loca...


The government-cheese doesn't think the dollars should be lining the pockets of these wannabe profits (pun intended).


Funny thing is, in Luke 18:24-25 (that's in the bible for all you heathens) the SOG was pretty clear on the matter.


Bundle up motherhubbards...it's colder than a blue nut where you're goin'!!!


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