dAngle

Sharron Angle LOVES her JZeus. She’s a conservative Christian in every sense of the word. She has said the God told her to run for U.S. Senate against the heathen Harry Reid. She’s anti-Government, against entitlement programs, immigrants, and, among other things, wants to abolish the Department of Education.

What’s curious is that she actually says she wants to represent Nevadan’s in the very government she says is so bad. She says she’s religious but in all her time in the Nevada state legislature, she never once tried to outlaw gaming, or prostitution, or the loose alcohol laws in the state. Ummm…Didn’t JZeus and His Dad say that gambling and drinking and hooking is bad? Yes. Yes. Yes. But Angle wasn’t listening to her God on those issues.

However, she does hear the voices in her head when it comes to getting rid of the DOE. Makes sense. After all, God didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge. Why? Smart people don’t believe in the Invisible Man in the Sky. Ms. Angle wants us all to walk around wearing fig leaves, just as dumb as a flock of sheep. BTW…ever wonder why a priest calls his peeps “followers” and his “flock?” Now you know.

The thing is…if you read your Bible, you see myriad places where JZeus says to help the sick, elderly and poor. That’s His way of backing universal healthcare, extending unemployment benefits and basically any other entitlement program you can think of. He doesn’t mention abortion, or gay marriage, or immigration (other than “What you do to the least of my children, you also do unto Me.”). So, Ms. Angle…WTF makes you think you can represent Nevada (other than the voices in your head) and do you think the SOG knows that you live here? Just askin’…

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Third Degree

When I was growin’ up, breaking the Third Commandment got you a Lifebouy dinner date. True story. I never understood why anyone would give a schnizzle when I said, “God damn.” It’s not like JZeus’ Dad was gonna actually damn what the hell I wanted Him to damn. And, after all, if sticks and stones can break my bones but words would never hurt me, why would the Invisible Man in the Sky get bent out of shape over a couple of words?

Later in life, a smart man explained to me that saying God damn wasn’t taking the Lord’s name in vain but saying God told you to do something, was. Now the Third Commandment is my favorite of all the Commandments. Why? Because people can lie to me but they cannot lie to themselves and no, God Didn’t tell them to do ANYTHING! But that doesn’t stop athletes from thanking God for letting them win the big one…or actors thanking God for letting them win a Grammy…or soldiers thanking God for stopping a bullet. The latest to claim Divine intervention? Nevada’s own Sharron Angle.

Last week, the wannabe U.S. Senator from the great state of Nevada said that she’s running against Harry Reid because that’s what God has planned for her. Really? God hates Harry Reid? God is a closet Teabagger? Don’t you think if God wanted Social Security and Medicare dismantled, He could do it Himself? And why Sharron Angle? Why not just talk to the guy that is already in there? Does God think Senator Reid is incompetent? If so, why doesn’t He just zap Reid with a lightning bolt, or give him the plague or, even worse, haunt him with images of Sharron Angle? You know why? Because none of it is true. God didn’t tell Sharron Angle to run for the senate any more than he told voters to give a Grammy to Milli Vanilli. No, Sharron Angle is using God as a supernatural endorsement thinking Nevadans will believe she’s the candidate God wants in office. Maybe God wants her in office, here’s hoping Nevadan’s don’t.

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The Stories of His Demise...

I remember it like it was yesterday. During a near-meltdown at the Springfield nuclear power plant, an automatic shutdown computer was flashing the following message: To avoid meltdown, press any key. Homer, the safety inspector on duty, was apoplectic, “Any key? Where’s the ‘any’ key? I can’t find the ‘any’ key!” And that about sums up the Republican result in last night’s Nevada GOP Senate primary.

You see, a couple of months ago, people were sayin’ that Harry Reid’s career was sleeping with the fishes. The bobbleheads on television were already saying that anyone could beat Reid in the general election. Then the republicans went out and got…anyone. They got “Tark the Shark’s” son…they got the Chicken Lady…they got the only politician in Nevada who supports, get this, BANNING SALES OF ALCOHOL. Aye caramba!

The three tighty-righties fought each other and called each other names and in the end there was only one winner. Sharron “Wacky” Angle…she of the “No alcohol should be sold in Nevada” meme. So, sometime last night Harry Reid’s career rolled over in its grave, climbed out of the hole and is now prepared to go full-fledged zombie on Angle’s Teabaggin’ self. The talking heads thought anyone could beat Reid in the general election. That was yesterday. Today it’s a whole different story.

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