Fistianity

Here at PTB, I’ve never had a problem pointing out Christian hypocrisy. As a matter-of-fact, it’s one of my favorite pastimes. But I’ve gotta be honest, with chucklenuts out there like Pat Robertson and David Vitter and Nevada’s own John “Able Semen” Ensign, it’s kinda like shooting fish in a barrel…with a bazooka. ANYWAY…

I came across an article the other day that said some Evangelical Christians, thinkin’ that their churches have become too “feminized”, are turning to a unique way of getting the younger generation (especially men) back into their flocks. How? They’re pullin’ a Don King and they’re promoting MMA-style fighting! HAW! The goal, “is to inject some machismo into their ministries — and into the image of JZeus — in the hope of making Christianity more appealing.”

One of the big-time backers of the idea is Ryan Dobson. You know him as the son of James Dobson, founder of “Focus on the Family." Y’all remember FoF dontcha? FOF is the homophobic, xenophobic, fearmongering, cracker-assed-crackers behind politicians like Mike Huckabee and Caribou Barbie and behind the “We need a Constitutional Amendment to protect marriage” bullshit. Think of ‘em as Bible-totin’ teabaggers. What gets me about this is that, IMHO, fighting is the last thing Christians should do, right?

So, I referred to the Christian part of my Bible (the New Testament) and wondered what JZeus might say about this shit.

Matthew 5:38…”Turn the other cheek.”

Luke 6:27…”Treat others as you would have them treat you.”

Mark 14:43…”All who take the sword die by the sword.”

So here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…Evangelical Christians in America today are about as Christ-like as a bag of doorknobs. They wouldn’t know the teachings of Christ if they bit ‘em on their collective asses. No, the SOG wouldn’t have endorsed MMA-style fighting to attract younger men Catholic priests? That’s a whole different story. I’ll bet that right now, JZeus is spinning in His grave but I'll bet it makes the Westboro Baptist Church proud as punch. Pun intended.

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Monday Morning Mind Wonderings

The Government-Cheese in Taxachusetts is going to appoint a “caretaker” to Teddy K’s Senate seat. It’s only an interim gig but, heck-fire, it’s a Senate seat nonetheless. Sources close to the situation speculate that TK’s widow is gonna get the nod. Aye caramba! Since when does the intimate knowledge of a Senator’s doodle translate to the ability to legislate? If that’s the line of reasoning, wouldn’t the skank ho’s that David Vitter was bangin’ be qualified for office too? SHEESH!


To help out with Kal-ee-for-nee-uh’s budget deficit, the Governator is holding a garage sale. HAW! Serves the motherhubbards right. That’s what y’all get when you elect a juiced-up, drug abusing B-list actor as your Governor. Although, as a Nevadan, I have no room to talk about crappy governors.



Finally, we’ve got to shout out a hearty HUZZAH to Paul Lewis. He’s a British cameraman who was shooting video of a rookie making her first jump when his main parachute failed to open. His reserve only partially opened. And the brotherhubbard SURVIVED the fall. Yee Haw! Yo P-Lew…next time you’re in the 775, look me up, we’ll hit the craps tables. With your luck, we’ll walk away owning the joint. True dat.


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Nothing to Sneeze At

Earlier this month I posted about Nazi Germany’s bad-assed Stealth bomber. That puppy is one beautiful machine! ANYWAY…on that post I blathered on about how the Nazis woulda won WWII if the BSC little Austrian wasn’t in charge. The world certainly woulda been a different place. How different? Well, for starters, the USoA would have Universal Healthcare. Free medical for life in exchange for douchebag Nazis in charge? Well…they couldn’t have been any worse than the Bush-Wipes.



Speaking of the Bush-Wipes and Universal Healthcare…an open question to Governor Mark “of the Beast” Sanford, Senator John “Able Semen” Ensign and Senator David “Twitter” Vitter:
You chucklenuts all believe that JZeus’ Dad handpicked your sorry asses to help govern this great nation of ours. All y’all are members of the “C-Street” gang and believe in spreading the gospel on taxpayer time and money. That aside…Do you think JZeus would vote for or against Universal Healthcare? Gotcha! You see, no matter how many times you say you’re a Christian, your actions prove that all of you are nothing more than political opportunists, Republican party hacks and soulless, cold-hearted rat-bastard, hypocrites.



One quick story from the 775. The University of Nevada football team has been picked in a couple of polls to finish second to Boise State in the WAC Conference this year. Great. Getting picked to finish second in the WAC is kinda like bein’ the second prettiest “girl” on the all-male cellblock. Aye caramba!


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