Sounding Bored

While I am truly enjoying the width and breadth of the 2010 Winter Olympics, I am having a very hard time stomaching skeevy Bob Costas. The dude tries way too hard to be cool and funny. Just like me, ‘Ceptin’ he’s rich and famous and I live in a basement. But aside from that…

So I reached back into my bag of tricks and I came up with an awesome solution. Do any of y’all remember the Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz game? That’s where you start the album Dark Side of the MoonWizard of Oz disappears. exactly as the last of the opening credits of the It is almost otherworldly how the lyrics and the music link up with the visuals. Y’all oughtta try it sometime. So I started experimenting with NBC’s Olympic coverage and several different bands. Five Finger Death Punch to go along with halfpipe. Lynyrd Skynyrd to go with downhill skiing. Rush to go with Luge. You get the point. I’ve had a lot of happy accidents over the last few days (no, not the “I pottied in the big boy’s potty.” happy accidents). Sometimes the music and the video is so spot on, you’d think they were made for each other.

I’m tellin’ ya…y’all should try it. Pick your event, pick your band and enjoy. After all, whadda you have to lose but precious time with skeevy Bob Costas?

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Tehran So Far Away

Read us once and you’ll know we love us the Persians here at PTB. Hell, if we ever get outta this blogging-nerd phase, move outta the ‘rent’s basement and hook up with a Persian grrl and we’re gonna name our first baby Cyrus…but that’s the crux of another biscuit…

Now, y’all know that there are a lot of problems goin’ down in Iran. That’s what you get when you let a bunch of BSC religious wing-nuts run your country. But there’s a crack getting’ wider over there and it could be a chance for the USo'A to make some progress. According to a story…

“With young people pursuing more liberal lifestyles and shunning the traditional mores of their parents' generation, the marrying age is steadily climbing. This terrifies Iran's religious government, which still peddles the virtue of chastity and views young people's shifting attitudes toward sexuality as a direct threat to the Islamic revolution's core values.”

We told you about those religious zealots. But do you see it? C’mon…what is the one universal attitude that all teenagers share? FUCK AUTHORITY! It’s been that way forever. Teenagers hate rules and they hate when authority figures tell ‘em what to do. So, here’s the plan:

Rather than getting’ into a dick-swingin’ contest with Iran’s tighty-righties…you know…with bullets and guns and bombs… we should fight ‘em with drugs, sex and rock & roll. Think about it. If the U.S. starts smuggling Snoop Dogg CD’s, cases of Jack Daniels, subscriptions to Hustler and anything grown in the Emerald Triangle into Iran, soon the young’uns will turn on their elderly oppressors. Anyone older than 50 can attest to the fact that with enough booze, THC and coochie on their minds, kids’ll go BSC for the right to be rebellious. And isn’t that what we’d like to see in old Persia, a rebellion? REMEMBER THE 60's!

We hope we’re all alive to see it…it’s gonna be a beautiful sight. Downtown Tehran, packed with revelers, slammin’ Mojitos and beer-bonging Jaeger Meister. The smoke so thick from the spliffs that it looks like a foggy day in San Francisco. Skynyrd jammin’ Freebird on the boombox and rocket-hottie Persian babes doin’ the Middle Eastern version of Girls Gone Wild. Just the thought of that has the Ayatollah spinnin’ in his grave. Well…at least he’s doin’ it to a kick-ass beat.

(8.-)

Adding it Up

Today is one of those days that math geeks, goobers, dorks and (some) bloggers look forward to immensely…Square Root Day! YEE HAW! It only happens nine times a century. Celebrations are off the chain: Some folks cut root vegetables into squares, others make food in the shape of a square root symbol. Damn, the geeks sure know how to par-tay! Either way, SRD is way better than Circumference Day…that’s when we all walk around in circles for 24 hours straight. YIKES!



There’s a University in Liverpool, England offering a degree in…wait for it…wait for it….The Beatles! WTF is up with that? Whadda they call it? Obla Di Obla Doctorate? What’s next? Is the University of Alabama gonna offer a Master’s Degree in Lynyrd Skynyrd and call it “Workin’ for MBA”? Damn…and we thought the University of Nevada system was screwed up.



Finally, speaking of music…we’ve always been fans of Schoolhouse Rock. Hell, that’s how we learned what a verb is, the preamble to the Constitution and how naughty number nine can be. Well, they’ve come out with Schoolhouse Rock for the new millennium. It’s called “Sound Science” and it combines rap music with lessons in the various sciences. We here at PTB think that’s a great idea and we’ve gotta give big props to the brown-skinded brothers who have to write the lyrics. Can you imagine ANYTHING harder than rhyming with the periodic table, dinosaurs or geologic time scales? Neither can we.



(8.-)

Tuesday's "Gone With The Wind"

Yesterday the Sparks City Council approved a rezoning plan that will lead to almost 3,000 new homes in the Spanish Springs area. YIKES! Who’s gonna pay for the new roads, new schools, new police and fire stations? Taxpayers. Who is gonna benefit from the new development? Developers, builders and the councilpersons in their pocket. Good thing we're in the middle of a drought, elsewise they would have approved 100,000 new houses. These guys should all be voted out of office, recalled or impeached.



Last night Dean Heller and Jill Derby ‘bated over in Elko. It got a little snippy but we want more. How ‘bout we get ‘em together next time in an MMA-type “Ring of Death”? We’d pay to watch that. Funny though…we’d make the skeevy metrosexual a decided underdog to Battle Mountain rancher lady. First time he chipped a fingernail, he’d quit.



VPILF Sarah Palin is in the 775 today. Talk about shitty timing. How in the world can anyone get off work or school in the middle of the day for something like that? We would have loved to go to the rally if for nothing else than to yell bukkake jokes at her and see if we could get perp-walked by the S.S.



Ivanka Trump is on the stump today. If we were lesser men she’d be set on us still. But that’s not the point. Beelzebub’s demon seed is touting the health benefits and the cost-savings of bringing your own lunch to work. Hey ‘Vank…we’re poor…we’ve been brown baggin’ it most of our lives. Tell you what…give us some of daddy’s money and we’ll eat out at bourgie hot spots on a daily basis then tour the country tellin’ Huckleberries to DIY.



Finally, an 89-year-old woman in Ohio is in the Gray Bar Motel today for…wait for it…wait for it…Not giving back a football some punk kids threw into her yard! JZeus-Friggin’-Christo. Let’s see…for the cost of poppin’ granny, bookin’ her, holding her, trying her and all the rest, the PoPo could have bought a hundred footballs. Yo, Marshall Dillon…don’t you have a buckeye you could be rousting?



(8.-)

Out of Gun-trol

Today the SCOTUS made an historic (obvious?) decision....you're allowed to own a gun.

YEEHAWWW!!!

We celebrate with Haiku:

Janie's got a gun

for self-defense or hunting.

Let the bullets fly.

Payback is a bitch.

Pops a cap in her hubby

then on to Bambi.

Guns equal safety?

Don't come near us with those things.

We don't wanna die.

(8.-)