Sounding Bored

While I am truly enjoying the width and breadth of the 2010 Winter Olympics, I am having a very hard time stomaching skeevy Bob Costas. The dude tries way too hard to be cool and funny. Just like me, ‘Ceptin’ he’s rich and famous and I live in a basement. But aside from that…

So I reached back into my bag of tricks and I came up with an awesome solution. Do any of y’all remember the Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz game? That’s where you start the album Dark Side of the MoonWizard of Oz disappears. exactly as the last of the opening credits of the It is almost otherworldly how the lyrics and the music link up with the visuals. Y’all oughtta try it sometime. So I started experimenting with NBC’s Olympic coverage and several different bands. Five Finger Death Punch to go along with halfpipe. Lynyrd Skynyrd to go with downhill skiing. Rush to go with Luge. You get the point. I’ve had a lot of happy accidents over the last few days (no, not the “I pottied in the big boy’s potty.” happy accidents). Sometimes the music and the video is so spot on, you’d think they were made for each other.

I’m tellin’ ya…y’all should try it. Pick your event, pick your band and enjoy. After all, whadda you have to lose but precious time with skeevy Bob Costas?

@:
:@

Winter Olympic Wonderings

The IOC not letting women in the ski jumping competition is a misogynistic, bass-ackward, fucked up position to take. Hey Jaques Rogge, y’all afraid to get your ass handed to you by a girl? Change the damned rule already and "LET THEM PLAY...LET THEM PLAY..."

Just ‘cause I only get to say this every four years…Dick Pound… Dick Pound… Dick Pound. HAW! That NEVER gets old.

So, U.S. skier Lindsey Vonn bruised up her shin and to help with the healing she…wait for it….wait for it…she wrapped it with cheese. Aye caramba! What kind of medical staff do we have for our Olympic team? Dr. Pepper?

The unintentional comedy meter was getting quite a workout during the opening ceremonies. From skeevy Bob Costas trying WAY too hard to be funny (he wasn’t) to the fiddle playin’, river dancin’ Frenchies (isn’t river dancin’ Irish?) the whole night was a hoot. Funniest moment though, was when the Great One had to stand there while they figured out how to fix a technical malfunction. Poor brotherhubbard was sweatin’ like a hound dog tryin’ to poop a peach pit. High comedy indeed. I guess the only thing better than a prop malfunction woulda been a wardrobe malfunction. I’d have paid to see that. True story.

@:
:@

Internet Killed the Video Star

FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars.



NBC’s coverage of this year’s Olympics has been piss-poor, to put it kindly. C’mon, synchronized diving? That sport would be a LOT better crossed with skeet shooting. You gotta hit both divers before they hit the water. We’d surely watch THAT.



But the crux of today’s biscuit is simple: We get hours and hours of gymnastics, swimming, beach volleyball and yes, synchronized diving but it’s often tape-delayed and it’s never the sports we want to watch when we wanna watch ‘em. NBC.com to the rescue! We logged on the other night, checked the pull down menu and started watching stuff right away.



Now, y’all might be sayin’, “But we love watching synchronized diving.” Fair enough. But you wanna know the coolest thing about watching the Olympics on the net? No announcers, no commercials and no schedules. YEE HAW!!!



We watched hours of fencing, badminton, table tennis and horse jumping…live. And when nothing was going on live, we picked our own tape-delayed games to watch. No fluff pieces about Michael Phelps’ dog, no insipid Bob Costas-isms and no more commercials for Home Depot. It was like being in heaven. Or at the very least, like bein’ in some rocket-hottie’s bedroom, getting’ down to some canoodling.



Yup…television is on its way out and soon the net will be God. That’ll be bad for bank accounts here at PTB but it’ll be a great time watching the London Olympics in 2012. We can’t wait.

(8.-)

The Week That Was

It’s been a wild first week at the Beijing Olympics. We’re not complaining, mind you. As a matter of fact we love this stuff. For the end of the week, we haiku some of our favorites…



The air quality
Isn’t as bad as it looks
Beijing has brown skies




Minor sports ignored
Major sports shoved down our holes
Ping pong? No. Hoops? Yes.




Michael Phelps swims fast
Chinese gymnasts look too young.
Redeem Team redeemed?



All sports on the net
No more need for Bob Costas
TV is soon dead


(8.-)

Musings From a Weekend in Beijing

WOW! That opening ceremony made the Wizard of Oz look like a crappy, low-budget 1970’s porn flick. Our first thought of the OC was “Don’t mess with China!”

When the organizers of London’s 2012 opening ceremony saw what the Chinese did, they promptly upchucked haggis all over their designer suits. The only way London’s OC could top Beijing’s is if they stage a full-scale reenactment of the Battle of Waterloo. Good luck with that.

Did you see Bush-Wipe at the OC? At one point he was looking restless and bored…much like an OCD 10-year-old sitting through a church service. All of a sudden he started using his little American Flag like a drumstick…tapping it on his leg in time to the music. Nice job Chimp-Dick. And you wanted a Constitutional Amendment to outlaw flag burning? You are a failure, an embarrassment and a hypocrite! You cannot be gone soon enough.

Last thing about the OC. Did you see the Hungarian team make their entrance? Their unis looked like they just came out of a paintball game!

Throughout the Olympics we’re seeing a lot of commercials from the Home Depot. The HD touts all the Oly athletes that work for ‘em. That made us think…Home Depot must have the baddest company softball team in the world!

Olympic drinking games. You’ve gotta drink whenever... 1. You hear the Olympic anthem. 2. You hear the Olympic fanfare. 3. Bob Costas says something that makes you cringe (for professional drinkers only). 4. China wins gold. That last one is a flash back to McDonalds’ 1984 debacle.

We’ve seen a lot of hottie Chinese women so far in this Oly. You’ve gotta think that the downloading of Asian porn has quadrupled in the last few days.

So, Kerri Walsh’s wedding ring flew off during a match yesterday. See, we told you we had telekinetic powers. Too bad they only work on jewelry and not clothing.

Gold, silver and bronze in Women’s Saber all went to Americans. WOO HOO!!! Never thought we’d see that in our lifetimes. After the medal ceremony the girls went over to get congratulations from former President Bush. One of the fencers started to cry and what did GHWB do? He pulled his snot rag out of his back pocket and gave it to her so she could dry her sniffles. Made us wanna hurl.

ANYWAY…we’ve got 13 more glorious days of Olympics still to come. If the first three days were any indication, we’re all in for one helluva ride.

(8.-)