Bong With the Wind

The Michael Phelps saga continues to spiral into the abyss.




As you know, last week the Daily Mirror printed a pic of the Chosen One smoking out of a bong. People were outraged. “How can he do that? He’s a role model! And “We expect better behavior from an Olympian.” Next thing you know, everyone’s got their Underoos in a bunch. Sponsors dropped Phelps quicker than bank execs spending TARP money. Phelps apologized, more sponsors bailed and now this…





Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott has decided he wants his fifteen minutes and has arrested eight, count ‘em eight people in connection with the Phelps picture. Lott says that the pic indicated to him that a crime was committed. Aye Caramba! This is the kind of thing that drives us bat-shit crazy.





First of all, owning a bong or smoking out of a bong is not a crime in America. Period...unless you're Tommy Chong. But, by merely looking at the pic, Sheriff Lott has decided a crime was committed. Great, the motherhubbard thinks he’s Nancy Drew. O.K…O.K…Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Phelps was indeed smokin’ the ganja. Ummm…Sheriff? Is smoking reefer the most pressing law enforcement item on your agenda? No meth labs to bust there in the SC? No murders or rapists to go after? Guess not. Sheriff Lott’s over-zealous prosecution of a minor drug offense sends the wrong message to people. Law enforcement officers in South Carolina aren’t supposed to be bustin’ famous rich white kids for smokin’ the Kind… law enforcement officers in South Carolina are supposed to be bustin’ poor black people for being the wrong color. After all, that’s the kind of behavior we’ve come to expect from southern lawmen.

BTW...if we're gonna start bustin' people for the crime of "appearing in pictures with drug paraphernalia"...every rapper in the country will be spendin' some time in the Gray Bar Motel.





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Deja Vu All Over Again and Again

Ah, Groundhog Day…the time of year when Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Agnostics and Atheists from all over the USo’A join together, throw their Deities under the bus and, for one day, believe that the all-knowing, all-seeing Almighty is a steroid-induced marmot.


Well, today the folks up in the PA, pulled the little rat-bastard out of his hole and exclaimed to the world that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and that winter would continue for another six weeks. Nice call Phil. Have you seen the last couple of weeks here in the 775? It’s been absolutely spring-like. Hell, we haven’t even STARTED winter yet. But divining the future on the sun-blocking ability of a rabid chipmunk got us to thinking…maybe we could predict some future events…



Michael Phelps, the greatest American Olympic athlete of all time, turns out to be a Rastafarian. Aye Caramba! Still think marijuana is the “evil drug?” Ask Mikey…or ask the doctors that did this study…or, like we’ve said before, open your bible to Genesis 1:29, read, repeat. Our prediction: Phelps will lose endorsement money from people like Disney and WalMart but get huge endorsement bucks from Doritos, Hostess Twinkies and Red Bull.



Today is the first day of the 2009 Nevada Legislature. Our prediction is that politicians will try to save as many programs as possible while not raising taxes. It never occurs to those bobbleheads that they have to pay for stuff with SOMETHING. They just never get around to figuring out how.



A new study out has dire news for the 775. It says the drought in the area makes the Silver State a natural disaster area. Our prediction: County Commissioners and City Council members will see this as a good sign and promptly rubber-stamp several sprawling developments and a couple of mega-casinos. After all, if you think the 775 is in a drought, you must be a tree-huggin’, Birkenstock wearin’, tie-dyed, Al Gore-lovin’ hippie. Wow…that sounds a lot like Michael Phelps.



And finally…yesterday we were all treated to a great Super Bowl, that is, unless you’re an Arizona Cardinals fan. The thing that stuck out the most, though, was the halftime show. YIKES! Aside from the ear worm he stuck us with, nothing is scarier than Bruce Springsteen doing a power slide right into the camera. Yo Boss…if no one wanted to see Janet Jackson’s niblets a few years ago…no one wants to see the ingredients of your codpiece today. And a quick note to the NFL. Hey guys, can you please quit with the geriatric, antique, octogenarian rockers? The 1970’s are OVER. If we wanted to see some old geezer strutting around like a peacock with a sugar buzz…we’d just give grandpa one of Michael Phelps’ blunts. Yup, that’d do it.



(8.-)

Internet Killed the Video Star

FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars.



NBC’s coverage of this year’s Olympics has been piss-poor, to put it kindly. C’mon, synchronized diving? That sport would be a LOT better crossed with skeet shooting. You gotta hit both divers before they hit the water. We’d surely watch THAT.



But the crux of today’s biscuit is simple: We get hours and hours of gymnastics, swimming, beach volleyball and yes, synchronized diving but it’s often tape-delayed and it’s never the sports we want to watch when we wanna watch ‘em. NBC.com to the rescue! We logged on the other night, checked the pull down menu and started watching stuff right away.



Now, y’all might be sayin’, “But we love watching synchronized diving.” Fair enough. But you wanna know the coolest thing about watching the Olympics on the net? No announcers, no commercials and no schedules. YEE HAW!!!



We watched hours of fencing, badminton, table tennis and horse jumping…live. And when nothing was going on live, we picked our own tape-delayed games to watch. No fluff pieces about Michael Phelps’ dog, no insipid Bob Costas-isms and no more commercials for Home Depot. It was like being in heaven. Or at the very least, like bein’ in some rocket-hottie’s bedroom, getting’ down to some canoodling.



Yup…television is on its way out and soon the net will be God. That’ll be bad for bank accounts here at PTB but it’ll be a great time watching the London Olympics in 2012. We can’t wait.

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The Week That Was

It’s been a wild first week at the Beijing Olympics. We’re not complaining, mind you. As a matter of fact we love this stuff. For the end of the week, we haiku some of our favorites…



The air quality
Isn’t as bad as it looks
Beijing has brown skies




Minor sports ignored
Major sports shoved down our holes
Ping pong? No. Hoops? Yes.




Michael Phelps swims fast
Chinese gymnasts look too young.
Redeem Team redeemed?



All sports on the net
No more need for Bob Costas
TV is soon dead


(8.-)