Flagged

Last week down in the ABQ, some chucklenut thought it would be a good idea to hang his Nazi flag and his American flag outside his house. People were pretty cheesed off ‘cause the Nazi flag was displayed over an upside down American flag. Next thing you know, the huckleberry gets a visit from the Federales and the flags were removed. That gets me to thinkin’. Isn’t hanging flags outside your house your right under the First Amendment?


Now, I don’t condone what the BSC motherhubbard did but I will support to the death his right to do it. After all, in Iran, China, North Korea or Russia, if you “desecrate” their flag, they’ll perp-walk you to their version of Gitmo lickety-split. True dat. But this is America. It is everyone’s right as a citizen to do with the flag as they see fit. Anyone remember the antenna flags everyone flew on their Hummers after 9/11? What about the flags that corporate hucksters use to sell their wares on the Fourth of July and Veteran’s Day? Crass, vulgar and tasteless, maybe…but not against the law.


Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Government-Cheese sends John Q. Law to the house of a citizen for displaying a Nazi flag, WTF are they doin’ when the right-wing nut jobs wave teabag placards depicting the President as Hitler? Or Stalin? Or the Joker? Where is the Fuzz when the gun nuts show up outside a ‘Bamer speech packin’ heat? Yo FBI, there are plenty of crazies in the world but bein’ crazy isn’t an offense in the USo’A. If it was, Glenn Beck would be sleepin’ at the Gray Bar Motel and Kanye West and Joe Wilson would be his cellmates.

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A Present From Senator John Ensign

We couldn't end the week without puttin' Senator John "The Wad" Ensign's weiner in the blender just one more time. Stick close to your Twitter this weekend, folks. The revolution is a comin'...Inshallah.

FryDay

Here's hoping our Persian friends have themselves a great election day. Have a great summertime weekend!


(8.-)

Tehran So Far Away

Read us once and you’ll know we love us the Persians here at PTB. Hell, if we ever get outta this blogging-nerd phase, move outta the ‘rent’s basement and hook up with a Persian grrl and we’re gonna name our first baby Cyrus…but that’s the crux of another biscuit…

Now, y’all know that there are a lot of problems goin’ down in Iran. That’s what you get when you let a bunch of BSC religious wing-nuts run your country. But there’s a crack getting’ wider over there and it could be a chance for the USo'A to make some progress. According to a story…

“With young people pursuing more liberal lifestyles and shunning the traditional mores of their parents' generation, the marrying age is steadily climbing. This terrifies Iran's religious government, which still peddles the virtue of chastity and views young people's shifting attitudes toward sexuality as a direct threat to the Islamic revolution's core values.”

We told you about those religious zealots. But do you see it? C’mon…what is the one universal attitude that all teenagers share? FUCK AUTHORITY! It’s been that way forever. Teenagers hate rules and they hate when authority figures tell ‘em what to do. So, here’s the plan:

Rather than getting’ into a dick-swingin’ contest with Iran’s tighty-righties…you know…with bullets and guns and bombs… we should fight ‘em with drugs, sex and rock & roll. Think about it. If the U.S. starts smuggling Snoop Dogg CD’s, cases of Jack Daniels, subscriptions to Hustler and anything grown in the Emerald Triangle into Iran, soon the young’uns will turn on their elderly oppressors. Anyone older than 50 can attest to the fact that with enough booze, THC and coochie on their minds, kids’ll go BSC for the right to be rebellious. And isn’t that what we’d like to see in old Persia, a rebellion? REMEMBER THE 60's!

We hope we’re all alive to see it…it’s gonna be a beautiful sight. Downtown Tehran, packed with revelers, slammin’ Mojitos and beer-bonging Jaeger Meister. The smoke so thick from the spliffs that it looks like a foggy day in San Francisco. Skynyrd jammin’ Freebird on the boombox and rocket-hottie Persian babes doin’ the Middle Eastern version of Girls Gone Wild. Just the thought of that has the Ayatollah spinnin’ in his grave. Well…at least he’s doin’ it to a kick-ass beat.

(8.-)

Persian Missile Crisis

King George warned us about the “pussification of America.” Ike warned us about the “military-industrial complex.” Here’s an example of both:

Yesterday, a charter member of the “Axis of Evil” tested a couple of missiles. Poor little things. They’ve got a range as far as a Hummer on half tank of gas and can’t carry anything heavier than a supermodel’s butt cheek but the tighty-righties are goin’ ballistic (pun intended) over the perceived threat to Israel. Well folks, it’s all crap.

Full disclosure: We here at PTB love us some Persians. When we were matriculating up at THE University of Nevada, there were more Iranian exchange students per capita than any other college in the USofA. Besides, have you seen their women? Aye Caramba! Anyway…


It seems that the Bush-Wipes are skid marking their Underoos in an attempt to get a missile defense shield up and working in Eastern Europe. They’re so scared right now you can hear their teeth chattering and they’re trying to scare the bejeezus out of the rest of America too. Why? ‘Cause when the bad guys rattle a few sabers, the majority of Americans start whimpering like lost puppies. Friggin’ wusses.

Face the facts folks, Iran is gonna get nukes and we can’t stop ‘em. How do we know? Our military is FUBAR, we’ve got no scratch and our worldwide cred hangs at the same level as Burkina Faso. Besides, what gives us the right to tell another country that they can’t have nuclear energy/nuclear weapons? You say that the Iranians are state-sponsors of terror? Ask a Nicaraguan or a Venezuelan or an Angolan what superpower funds THEIR terrorists. You got it…we do. So much for the high moral ground.

You say we need to protect Israel? You’re kidding, right? Israel doesn’t need our protection. Hell, they’ve got one of the top armies in the world. They’re loaded with battle-hardened vets and state-of-the-art weapons systems. If Iran wants to pick a fight with Israel, they’ll get their asses handed to ‘em. Just ask Syria, Egypt and Jordan. SPANK! Israel v. Iran would look a lot like Hagler v. Hearns (Iran being Tommy Hearns). No Israel will be just fine on her own.

No, the reason the neo-con fascist turd blossoms are making such a stink is so they can put more and more of your hard-earned money into the pockets of Raytheon, Halliburton, General Dynamics and the rest of their corporate buddies. So while they let healthcare and education and infrastructure rot to shit, their fat-cat buddies roll in the dough. All the while, Americans follow like sheep. Like King George said, “As long as Americans have cell phones that can make pancakes, they don’t give a shit about the rest of the world.” Sad but true.

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Black Eyed Appeasers

A couple of weeks ago the pResident stood in front of the Knesset (Israel’s parliament) and invoked the name of Adolph Hitler and visions of the Holocaust. He was comparing people who talk to the bad guys with British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain by calling them “appeasers.” Well…looky what we have here…a nuke deal with North Korea. You remember North Korea, don’t you? Charter member of the Axis of Evil. BSC President who was spouting crap about starting WWIII. Well, we went right ahead and appeased them. SHEESH!

We don’t get this…when the ‘Bamer says he’ll talk to Iranian, North Korean and Cuban leaders, he’s called naive. He’s called an appeaser. He’s called a pantywaste. But when Bush-Wipe and his ilk talk to the bad guys, then cut a deal with ‘em…they call that diplomacy. We call it by another name. Hypocrisy.

(8.-)

Say What?

Yesterday Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stepped up the right-wing jihad against Iran by calling any dialogue with its leaders pointless. Typical Bush-Wipe…shoot first, think later. It was a swipe at Barack Obama’s position of talking to the leaders of such nations. The day before, Senator Skeevy McAncient said the ‘Bamer’s willingness to be diplomatic with the Iranians was, “misguided and insufficient.” Now do you see why the republicans are gonna get creamed in November? They think diplomacy is for wimps and war is the way of the world.

Well, we did a little bit o’ the research and came up with three historical arguments that support givin' peace a chance...

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."- Sun Tzu
Now we’ve never learned to speak Chinese, so we’ll have to rely on the translation. But Sun Tzu had a point there. If you can kill ‘em with kindness, no need to kill ‘em with bullets.

“Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?”- Abraham Lincoln
We never met Honest Abe but he’s on the money with that one. It happens on playgrounds all over the USofA. Two little kids who don’t like each other start talking, find out they like what all other little kids like and end up being friends.

"Listen to your enemy, for God is talking."- Jewish proverb
Y’all know our position on the Invisible Man in the Sky but this Jewish proverb got us thinkin’. Doesn’t your God’s book say things like “Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, and whatever you do to the lowest of creatures, you do unto me? Well then, why don't you practice what your Good Book preaches?

Talking to Iran or Syria or North Korea isn’t gonna hurt anything. What it MIGHT do is save American lives. Isn’t that the goal?

(8.-)

We Think You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

It could be the pussification of America or it could be that WPE has us all squeezing our sphincters over the bad guys. Either way…this proves our point.


It seems a couple of Persians in motorized dinghy’s made the U.S. Navy brown their collective bellbottoms over the weekend. They were zippin’ ‘round three of our warships like they were drivin’ at Talladega. They were armed with a couple of slingshots, a pea shooter and a bull horn…and we were shakin’ like a hound dog passin’ a peach pit.


Now…it’s called the Persian Gulf for a reason and we’ve been parked off the coast of Iran for the better part of five years. It’s chimp-dick’s way of showin’ the size of his huevos.


But think of it this way. If the Iranian Navy rolled up to the Golden Gate and started maneuvers or war games, we’d be a little paranoid too. Hell, we’d probably shank ‘em all within an hour.


Problem is, our soldiers and sailors and marines are out in the middle of the suck fighting the wrong guys for the wrong reasons.


When they tell you they love America and they support our troops…they’re lying!



(8.-)

An Army Of nOne

We don’t have enough troops in Afghanistan…


We don’t have enough troops in Iraq…


We don’t have enough money for either…


Hell, we don’t even have enough money to keep the government going.


Now they're blathering on about starting a war with Iran.


So when they tell you they care about you,


when they tell you they love America…THEY’RE LYING!


(8.-)

Friends In Low Places

Every time pResident Evil opens his pie hole the stench of his blather has us doing the Technicolor yawn. Yesterday Bush-2.0 was at the U.N. and he insisted that the world body "spread democracy" and referred to Fidel Castro as "a cruel dictator" The Cuban delegation promptly gave him the old ass-crack bye-bye salute and stormed out of the room. Good for them. What the hell does "GEE DUmB" know about democracy and freedom?



These guys are his friends...



These guys are his bestest buddies...



He's even friends with these rat-bastards.



We've told you once, we've told you a thousand times...The only thing that makes a country "evil" is if American businesses can't make money there.


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