dAngle

Sharron Angle LOVES her JZeus. She’s a conservative Christian in every sense of the word. She has said the God told her to run for U.S. Senate against the heathen Harry Reid. She’s anti-Government, against entitlement programs, immigrants, and, among other things, wants to abolish the Department of Education.

What’s curious is that she actually says she wants to represent Nevadan’s in the very government she says is so bad. She says she’s religious but in all her time in the Nevada state legislature, she never once tried to outlaw gaming, or prostitution, or the loose alcohol laws in the state. Ummm…Didn’t JZeus and His Dad say that gambling and drinking and hooking is bad? Yes. Yes. Yes. But Angle wasn’t listening to her God on those issues.

However, she does hear the voices in her head when it comes to getting rid of the DOE. Makes sense. After all, God didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge. Why? Smart people don’t believe in the Invisible Man in the Sky. Ms. Angle wants us all to walk around wearing fig leaves, just as dumb as a flock of sheep. BTW…ever wonder why a priest calls his peeps “followers” and his “flock?” Now you know.

The thing is…if you read your Bible, you see myriad places where JZeus says to help the sick, elderly and poor. That’s His way of backing universal healthcare, extending unemployment benefits and basically any other entitlement program you can think of. He doesn’t mention abortion, or gay marriage, or immigration (other than “What you do to the least of my children, you also do unto Me.”). So, Ms. Angle…WTF makes you think you can represent Nevada (other than the voices in your head) and do you think the SOG knows that you live here? Just askin’…

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Girls Gone Wild

All y’all who’ve read PTB throughout the years know we surely do love the ladies. They’re smart and curvy and, for the most part, smell great. Long-timers will also note that there’s no love lost between PTB and the Catholic Church.

Now, it’s been posited here before that religion, by its nature, is a bunch of hypocritical bullshit. The douchebags with all the power make rules for the rest of us while they do whatever in the hell they want. You listening to me John “Able Semen” Ensign? That being said, this weekend the Catholic Church set a new low. I know what you’re sayin’, “Catholics can hit a new low?” Yup.

Last week, the Vatican announced…wait for it…wait for it…the Vatican announced that ordaining female priests was as bad as pedophilia. Aye caramba! Are they serious about this? Can they really believe that letting a woman become a priest is the equivalent sin of anally raping an eight year old boy? Has the Vatican lost its collective marbles?

Here’s the crux of the biscuit…as long as religions focus on all the things people are not allowed to do, rather than preach what people should do, they’ll soon be on a path to Bolivia. Since the beginning, religions have been dividing people rather than uniting them. Maybe now they’re getting so divisive that no one will want to be a part of it. And JZeus spins in His grave.

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Third Degree

When I was growin’ up, breaking the Third Commandment got you a Lifebouy dinner date. True story. I never understood why anyone would give a schnizzle when I said, “God damn.” It’s not like JZeus’ Dad was gonna actually damn what the hell I wanted Him to damn. And, after all, if sticks and stones can break my bones but words would never hurt me, why would the Invisible Man in the Sky get bent out of shape over a couple of words?

Later in life, a smart man explained to me that saying God damn wasn’t taking the Lord’s name in vain but saying God told you to do something, was. Now the Third Commandment is my favorite of all the Commandments. Why? Because people can lie to me but they cannot lie to themselves and no, God Didn’t tell them to do ANYTHING! But that doesn’t stop athletes from thanking God for letting them win the big one…or actors thanking God for letting them win a Grammy…or soldiers thanking God for stopping a bullet. The latest to claim Divine intervention? Nevada’s own Sharron Angle.

Last week, the wannabe U.S. Senator from the great state of Nevada said that she’s running against Harry Reid because that’s what God has planned for her. Really? God hates Harry Reid? God is a closet Teabagger? Don’t you think if God wanted Social Security and Medicare dismantled, He could do it Himself? And why Sharron Angle? Why not just talk to the guy that is already in there? Does God think Senator Reid is incompetent? If so, why doesn’t He just zap Reid with a lightning bolt, or give him the plague or, even worse, haunt him with images of Sharron Angle? You know why? Because none of it is true. God didn’t tell Sharron Angle to run for the senate any more than he told voters to give a Grammy to Milli Vanilli. No, Sharron Angle is using God as a supernatural endorsement thinking Nevadans will believe she’s the candidate God wants in office. Maybe God wants her in office, here’s hoping Nevadan’s don’t.

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Utah...Metah...Wetah

A lot of people give the LDS church a ration of shit. People say it’s a cult. Some people don’t consider the LDSers Christians, and it’s just plain creepy that they run the entire state of Utah. Well, the Mormons and other Beehive Staters proved them all correct yesterday when the government-cheese executed convicted killer Ronnie Lee Gardner.

While I may be a progressive in some aspects, when it comes to the death penalty, I’m almost always for it’s swift use. The exception is any black man living below the Mason-Dixon Line…you Klansmen out there know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. But I have a real problem in this case.

The problem isn’t with the execution itself…the problem I have is that it was done in Utah. You see, if the state of Utah is run by the Mormon Church and the Mormon Church believes itself to be Christian, WTF are they doing executing anyone? Hell, the Utah Attorney General even TWEETED from the death chamber. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT CHRISTIAN? From what I’ve read in the Christian Bible, there are a million places where JZeus and His Dad talk about how killing is wrong. They talk about forgiveness and mercy. Do the Mormons follow those tenets of their Holy Book? No. But they sure have their magic underwear in a bunch over gay marriage…something that isn’t even mentioned in the Bible.

As long as the State of Utah has the death penalty as an option…no matter how heinous the crime, they’re not Christians. Hell, they’re no better than the perp they’re poppin’ caps at. Hypocrites? Yes. Men and women of God? No way in Hell.

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