The Fuhrer is a Football Fan

Now that the dust has settled...a little ditty for y'all, courtesy of the Fuhrer.

A Turd in the Hawaii Punch Bowl

Nothing was gonna get in my way of watchin’ Nevada play the SMU on Christmas Eve. Not the smell of gingerbread wafting from next door…not the sound of carolers in the front yard…not even the beginning of “A Christmas Story” marathon…nothing was gonna get in the way of this game. So I settled in front of my television with 24 of my closest friends and waited for kickoff. Too bad there wasn’t a power outage or a meteor strike because the ensuing three hours were more painful than any Barry Manilow concert could ever be.

What a fustication. What an embarrassment. 45-10…WTF is up with that? From the start Nevada looked listless. It was a flashback to the old “One Yard and a Cloud of Dust” offense that Chris Ault so readily rolls out at Bowl time. SHEESH!

The game was such a blowout that I started in with drinking games. Nevada three and out? Drink. SMU touchdown? Consumo. Nevada turnover? Pound one. And on…and on…and on. By the time the fourth quarter had started, the beer was all gone and I had to switch to my celebratory, high falutin’ tequila that brother Sal brought back from Mexico. YIKES!

My head was buzzing like a hive of angry bees by the time the game was over. Questions punctuated with alcohol burps. How could this happen? Burp. WTF was the coaching staff thinking? Burp. How can a team not be geared up for a bowl game in friggin’ Hawaii? BURPFFFT. Aye caramba!

The whole thing left me with a headache and a spastic colon for the next few days. But between throbs and burbles, one question kept popping up…WTH do we do now? Two straight years the Wolf Pack has gone to a bowl game only to be beaten like a rented mule. It’s starting to border on the absurd.

Last week the RGJ asked the question: “What would it take for Nevada to be like Boise State in football? My answer…nothing. For the last decade or so, Boise State has been a monster of a program. They play the big boys whenever they can and usually end up beating them. They play in big-time bowl games against top-notch opponents. Nevada? We play schools like Grambling State and the University of Northeastern Canada and we squeak by. Play a big school like Notre dame or Missouri? We get stomped like Michael Flately’s dance floor.

No, Nevada’s glory days are long gone and it doesn’t look like they’re gonna get better anytime soon. But there is good news Wolf Pack fans…if you have the creativity, there is no end to the drinking games you could play while Nevada is on the field. Just be careful. That’s a lot of alcohol for a three hour game. True dat.

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Hater Haters

If you’ve read the RGJ lately, either online or in dead tree form, you’d have noticed quite the vilification of Nevada head football coach Chris Ault. Shoot-fire…with all the vitriol spewin’ ‘round there, you’d think the Little General was Obama’s healthcare plan and Nevada fans were Glenn Beck’s teabag posse. YIKES! But I’m here to remind y’all about a few things.


You cannot judge an entire season after two games. You just can’t. That’d be like predicting how long a marriage will last by how long the first night of sex lasts. Not a very reliable indicator. True dat.


Chris Ault has been coaching at Nevada since they used real pig bladders for a ball. He’s in the college football hall of fame. Does an 0-2 start make him less smart than any year before? No. He’s the same coach that’s been at the helm for decades. He didn’t just all-of-a-sudden get stupid like Colin Powell did. Besides…Ault isn’t the one running and blocking and tackling. He’s also not the one NOT running and NOT blocking and NOT tackling.


And lastly…Nevada hasn’t been a major player in college football since we moved up to 1-A from 1-AA. Remember those days? Crisp Saturdays in November, playoffs at hand and the smell of victory in the air. Remember those days? I do. And I surely do miss ‘em. But the fact is, the powers-that-be decided to move up and play with the big boys and we’ve been getting’ our hats handed to us ever since. Nevada will never be one of the elite teams when it comes to college football. All we can do is take it in the keester during the non-conference schedule, hope to beat tomato cans like Idaho and San Jose State during conference and hope for a miracle against the likes of Hawaii, Fresno State and Boise State. Stranger things have happened…just not lately.


Besides…basketball season is just around the corner.


(8.-)

Wankin' the Weekend

Ninth ranked Boise State is rollin' into town Saturday afternoon for some football.


Saturday night...Oregon State and Mickey-O's little brother come on in for some hoops.


One of the best reasons in the world to live in the 775!


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