Chucklenuts

So, ACORN is in the news again and, as you might expect, the tighty-righties have their Underoos all up in a twist. O.K., I’m not gonna defend ACORN on this one but I do want to get to the crux of an important biscuit. Let’s just say ACORN is guilty as hell for everything they’re accused of. The worst thing to come out of it is that they get busted for registering a bunch of dead people that cannot vote anyway…because they’re dead! Does that really affect anybody? No.


But you surely can bet Glenn “I’ll Be” Beck and Rush “To Judgment” Limbaugh and “Dollar” Bill O’Reilley are having collective conniptions about ACORN. Here’s the question: If the right-wing nutcases go all ballistic over ACORN’s voter fraud, WTF haven’t they made a peep about Halliburton’s war profiteering? Or KBR’s killing of innocent civilians? Or the fact that Chimp-Dick used the Constitution to wipe his ass for eight years? Not a word from those douchebags. Nope, they’re using their straw man arguments to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses and those double-digit IQ’ers are buying it hook, line and stinker. Now you know why, when money is tight, the first thing they cut is ed-u-ma-kay-shun.


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Going Away Party

The story said that Iraqis were celebrating wildly in the streets as U.S. military personnel evacuated Baghdad. Remember when the Iraqis were gonna greet us as liberators? Yo Dick Cheney…how’d that work out? The one thing in the story that proves most Americans are dumber than a bag of doorknobs was the line…



"Iraqis (are) hopeful that foreign military occupation is ending six years after the invasion to depose Saddam Hussein.”



Ummm…wasn’t the invasion all about Weapons of Mass Destruction? WTF ever the hell happened to that? Oh yeah…No. Such. Thing. What about bringing democracy to the Iraqi people? Nope. The religious zealots are in charge, women have to wear burqas and regular Iraqi Joes are getting the bejeezus blown out of ‘em in marketplaces around the country. If you ask an Iraqi citizen (like we have) if they are better off now than they were when Saddam Hussein was in charge, they’d say no. Seems the only people who were happy to see us Invade Iraq were Halliburton, KBR, Chimp Dick, Dr. Evil and Rush Limbaugh. Aye caramba!


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Good Cop -- Great Cop

Hot diggety damned! Didja hear? PoPo in the Big Apple went and caught themselves four terrorists. They busted the rat-bastards yesterday and today they’ve got ‘em in court. HUZZAH!



NYPD Blue didn’t torture anyone to get information.


They didn’t kill any civilians in the process of the arrest.


They didn’t need Halliburton,
or KBR,
or Blackwater,
or a predator drone,
or fuckin’ Lynndie England to get the bad guys…

Nope. Just good, old-fashioned police work. Just like the cops in Bali...and London...and Madrid.



Now these recent converts to Islam are gonna get their day in court, then soon get plenty of time in the Gray Bar Motel to study the Koran. They’ll need it.



You see, just like Christianity and Judaism, Islam is a religion of peace. And just like Christianity and Judaism, there are BSC motherhubbards spewing hate outta their lie-holes claiming to do it for God, or Yahweh, or Allah, or Jesus. If these chuckle-headed wannabes had actually studied about their newly found religion, they wouldn’t be out tryin’ to blow people up. How do a bunch of bass-ackward, crazy, bald-headed, cracker assed crackers from the 775 know? ‘Cause we can read…



Chapter 3, verse 172, of the Quran: "Of those who answered the call of Allah and the messenger, even after being wounded, those who do right and refrain from wrong have a great reward."



Amen.

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Persian Missile Crisis

King George warned us about the “pussification of America.” Ike warned us about the “military-industrial complex.” Here’s an example of both:

Yesterday, a charter member of the “Axis of Evil” tested a couple of missiles. Poor little things. They’ve got a range as far as a Hummer on half tank of gas and can’t carry anything heavier than a supermodel’s butt cheek but the tighty-righties are goin’ ballistic (pun intended) over the perceived threat to Israel. Well folks, it’s all crap.

Full disclosure: We here at PTB love us some Persians. When we were matriculating up at THE University of Nevada, there were more Iranian exchange students per capita than any other college in the USofA. Besides, have you seen their women? Aye Caramba! Anyway…


It seems that the Bush-Wipes are skid marking their Underoos in an attempt to get a missile defense shield up and working in Eastern Europe. They’re so scared right now you can hear their teeth chattering and they’re trying to scare the bejeezus out of the rest of America too. Why? ‘Cause when the bad guys rattle a few sabers, the majority of Americans start whimpering like lost puppies. Friggin’ wusses.

Face the facts folks, Iran is gonna get nukes and we can’t stop ‘em. How do we know? Our military is FUBAR, we’ve got no scratch and our worldwide cred hangs at the same level as Burkina Faso. Besides, what gives us the right to tell another country that they can’t have nuclear energy/nuclear weapons? You say that the Iranians are state-sponsors of terror? Ask a Nicaraguan or a Venezuelan or an Angolan what superpower funds THEIR terrorists. You got it…we do. So much for the high moral ground.

You say we need to protect Israel? You’re kidding, right? Israel doesn’t need our protection. Hell, they’ve got one of the top armies in the world. They’re loaded with battle-hardened vets and state-of-the-art weapons systems. If Iran wants to pick a fight with Israel, they’ll get their asses handed to ‘em. Just ask Syria, Egypt and Jordan. SPANK! Israel v. Iran would look a lot like Hagler v. Hearns (Iran being Tommy Hearns). No Israel will be just fine on her own.

No, the reason the neo-con fascist turd blossoms are making such a stink is so they can put more and more of your hard-earned money into the pockets of Raytheon, Halliburton, General Dynamics and the rest of their corporate buddies. So while they let healthcare and education and infrastructure rot to shit, their fat-cat buddies roll in the dough. All the while, Americans follow like sheep. Like King George said, “As long as Americans have cell phones that can make pancakes, they don’t give a shit about the rest of the world.” Sad but true.

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Frighteners

It’s funny how conservative minds work. Yesterday Charlie Black, Skeevy Uncle Fester’s senior advisor, said that another terrorist attack on the United States would help the republican party and, in particular, Senator McSame’s presidential campaign. He couldn’t be farther from the truth.




If another attack does happen, we’re gonna have to ask (then answer) us some questions:


Who’s been in the White House for the past seven years? Republicans.

Who’s been in charge of Congress twelve out of the last fourteen years? Republicans.

Who claims to be the party of national security? Republicans.




And that brings us to the crux of our biscuit:





The politics of fear is nothing new. But since 9/11 the conservative fear-mongering has worked well on the American public. Not. Anymore.


No, if another terrorist attack happens Mr. Black it will not help you because it will have been caused by you. Every time a civilian dies at the hands of Blackwater, you create a hundred more terrorists. For every human being denied habeas corpus and thrown into Gitmo indefinitely, you create a hundred more terrorists.




And from your friends’ war profiteering to the pointless waste of America’s treasure and soldier’s lives…you Mr. Black, you and your ilk will have done more to harm to the reputation, the psyche and the future of America than any terrorist could ever do.


(8.-)

Thanks Mom!

In light of Benazir Bhutto getting waxed we here at PTB have a question…who wins? Actually, it’s a rhetorical question ‘cause we already know the answer(s).


The Terrorists…One high-profile offing a year and these BSC freaks make the front page. They’re like the streaker at a football game. Back in the day, networks would show the crazies running on to the field. When copycats sprung up all over the place, networks stopped showing the offenders and the practice all but stopped. The terrorists know that one big bang and they’re front page news again.


Pervez Musharraf…The Perv got a huge break. With no real opposition leader to challenge his hand-picked successor, it’ll be business as usual for the little dictator. Business you say? Since 9/11 Pakistan has received more than FIFTY BILLION dollars from the U.S. to fight terrorists. How are they doing? Well OBL is still on the lamb, bad guys routinely get into Afghanistan through Pakistan’s porous borders and democracy in the country has all but been dismantled. Nice friends huh?


The Republican Party…The party of fear, the party of hate, the party of war. Yup, the right-wing was creamin’ their proverbial jeans when they heard the news. Why? Think about it. Every time something blows up, the ‘publicans hit the panic button. “BOOGIEBOOGIEBOOGIE…The bad guys are coming for us next… BOOGIEBOOGIEBOOGIE!!!” If the American people weren’t such pussies, that crap wouldn’t work. Alas, it works WAY too well.


War Profiteers…Halliburton, KBR and the rest of their ilk didn’t see or hear explosions. They saw dollar signs and heard the Cha-CHING of coinage hitting their collective pockets. You can’t sell the government-cheese hundreds of new Humvees ‘til the old ones get blown up, you can’t push through illegal surveillance systems unless Congress wimps out but you CAN rape and pillage and murder just as long as the crimes are perped on alleged terrorists.



Who Loses?

Freedom-loving Pakistanis and Americans. Remember…the government has to curb your civil-liberties to give the illusion it’s doing something about the problem. In doing so…they just make the problem worse.


The biggest loser by far though, is Bilawal Bhutto, Benazir’s son. He’s been tapped to take his mom’s place leading the Pakistan People’s Party. YIKES! You’d think he’d rather have inherited money or something. "My mother always said democracy is the best revenge," he is quoted as saying. Ummmm...not in your neck of the woods sonny. According to your country’s recent (and not so recent) history…revenge is a four letter word…BOOM!


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War-Torn

A member of the Iraqi Parliment gets caught hangin' with the bad guys...


while the Iraqi Government has to buy weapons from the Chinese because we don't have enough weapons to sell them ourselves.


Meanwhile, we're spending 700 BILLION dollars a year killing our brown-skinded brothers and sisters when we can least afford it.


They say they care about America. They say they care about you.
They don't. That is, unless you're Halliburton, KBR or Blackwater.


Jesus Must be spinning in His grave!


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