Who Let the Air Out?

During the Presidential campaign of 2008, then-candidate Barry-O told the unwashed masses that a good way to save money on gas and car repair was to make sure you checked the pressure in your tires. He had a valid point but the tighty-righties blew a proverbial gasket.

“Obama’s energy policy is naïve!” “No tire pressure for oil!” and “Democrats are full of hot air!” screamed the VPILFs and McCains and Boners. They even distributed tire pressure gauges emblazoned with “Obama’s Energy Plan.” Problem was, Chocolate Elvis was right and the right was wrong. Fast forward to today…

A Nevada legislative subcommittee is recommending a law that would require mechanics to check their customer’s tire pressure. The reason being, it saves gas, creates less wear and tear on vehicles and pollutes less. Good idea, right? Not to some Nevadans. In the comment section of the RGJ story, there was pissing and moaning and hand wringing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. “Keep the government out of my tires” and “It’s the next step toward socialism” and “What will they mandate next? Prostate exams?” State Senator Heidi Gansert (R) said it is a “personal responsibility issue.” Really? Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…

First of all, it wouldn’t cost a penny for a mechanic to check your tire pressure while you car is already in the shop. Secondly, having the correct tire pressure really does work. Less pollution, more gas mileage…hell, I’m all for that. But two things chapped my ass reading this story.

One was the thought on personal responsibility. Ya know, it’s the Government’s responsibility to help keep us safe. Does Ms. Gansert want us to abolish the FDA and let us take personal responsibility to make sure there isn’t any poison in our food? Or maybe close the EPA so we can take it upon ourselves to check for lead in our Chinese-made toys? Shut down the military so we can defend ourselves against the bad guys? Aye caramba! Right-wing nutcases at their best. But let me ask something of the Teabagging, uneducated, Limbaugh-loving, rednecks that populate the 775...

I understand y’all say you’re for smaller government. Fewer regulations, less taxation, more freedom…so why do you support the government telling women they cannot get an abortion? Why do you insist on the government sponsoring the biggest navy, the biggest army and the biggest air force in the world? Why in the hell, if you are for smaller government, do you want the Feds to send troops to the Mexican border to fight illegal immigration and to the Gulf of Mexico to help clean up BP’s clusterfuck? Why in the hell do you insist that it’s O.K. for the Feds to tap your phone and your computer? Why? Because you are small-minded, xenophobic, hypocritical, cracker-assed crackers and you only want the government to stop people from doing things you disapprove of. FUCK YOU!!! the sooner you go back to wherever the hell you came from, the better.

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Bible Thumping

Regular readers of PTB know just how much credence I put in the Bible. Zero. C’mon, a book written by old white dudes trying to pass it off as the Word of God is ridiculous. That being said, a lot of people believe the Bible came, word-for-word, straight outta the mouth of the Invisible Man in the Sky. Every Commandment, every fable, every damned word…authored by JZeus or His Dad.

It seems the more zealous a person’s religious beliefs, the more likely he/she is to believe the earth is only 10,000 years old, Jonah, in fact, was swallowed by a whale, Noah pulled a Jessica Watson and sailed ‘round the world with two of everything and that President Obama is the Antichrist. They say, “It’s right there in the Bible” and they’d be right. There is a lot of ambiguity in the Bible. But now a group of conservatives has figured that the WoG is, get this, too liberal. Aye caramba!

The Conservative Bible project is intending to reword progressive parts of the Bible (love thy neighbor, do unto others, turn the other cheek…you know, the pussy stuff) to make it more conservative. You can bet your ass that the fire and brimstone quotient is gonna be through the roof. I see an increase in plagues and locusts and bloody rivers. And you can bet your ass gayness will get you a ticket straight to Hell. But here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Bible is the Word of God, what gives these chucklenuts the right to change it? And if the Bible was written by and can be changed by mere mortals, why the fuck would anyone believe it? Hear that sound? It’s JZeus spinning in His grave.

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Cute and Fuzzy Bunnies

Elena Kagen’s nomination to the SCOTUS got me thinking. WTH are all the high-profile progressive women in the USo’A, Inc….ummm….ummm…homely? Smart… but homely. For every Deborah Wasserman-Schultz, you have five Janet Renos or Janet Napolitanos, ten Hillary Clintons and a hundred Madeleine Albrights. On the other hand, the tighty-righties go for all looks/no brains. Sue Lowden…smokin’ hot…thinks you can pay for your boob job with poultry. VPILF and half-governor Caribou Barbie? She can see Russia from her house but she can’t see the oil that’s spilled all over Prince William Sound. Dumb as a bag of licorice, bang her in a heartbeat.

I guess the crux of today’s biscuit is this: You can either vote for substance or you can vote for style. Me? I’m a substance kind of guy. So, congratulations Ms. Kagen…Roseanne must be very proud!

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Happy Belated Re-Birthday JZeus!

Since this weekend was a high-holy weekend, I figured it was best to hold my blasphemy ‘til afterward. Just coverin’ my ass in case JZeus’ Dad was in a pissy mood. Anyway…

Looks like the Catholic Church is in the news again. Ah yes, the gift that keeps on giving! Critics of the Church are sayin’ that the Pope knew all about the past abuse of 2,000 deaf kids and was instrumental in covering it up. Critics want JoRatz’s head on a platter but the Church fired back. PoBen’s personal preacher said the attacks on the church were akin to the persecution of the Jews back in WWII. First thing that came to my mind was…The Pope has a personal preacher? Aye caramba! Does anyone else see the irony in the fact that JZeus’ emissary on earth needs his own preacher? Secondly…blaming the media for reporting this story is like blaming the sun for your sunburn. Hey guys…take some personal responsibility, will ya? Blaming the media just makes you sound like the Teabaggers.

And lastly…If the guy covering up all this sexual abuse had been a CEO of a company or some such thing, he’d have been perp-walked to the Gray Bar Motel faster than Jesse James droppin’ his pants at a tattoo parlor. But the Pontiff’s defenders say that he’s untouchable because he’s a head of state. Funny…I thought he was untouchable ‘cause he’s the SOG’s main rep. But here’s the crux of that biscuit. Saddam Hussein, Slobodan Milosevic and Adolph Hitler were all heads of state. Now y’all remember what we did to those rat-bastards. That’s right…we JFKed ‘em. Heck-fire…we went after Slick Willie for lying about a consensual hummer. So, if JoRatz is found to have been complicit in this heinous crime…he should be prosecuted. Problem is...I’m betting no one has the huevos rancheros to do it. I KNEW I should’ve gone to law school. If it wasn’t for all the reading and words and comprehension and stuff, I would have.

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