WOLF PACK

Hater Haters

If you’ve read the RGJ lately, either online or in dead tree form, you’d have noticed quite the vilification of Nevada head football coach Chris Ault. Shoot-fire…with all the vitriol spewin’ ‘round there, you’d think the Little General was Obama’s healthcare plan and Nevada fans were Glenn Beck’s teabag posse. YIKES! But I’m here to remind y’all about a few things.


You cannot judge an entire season after two games. You just can’t. That’d be like predicting how long a marriage will last by how long the first night of sex lasts. Not a very reliable indicator. True dat.


Chris Ault has been coaching at Nevada since they used real pig bladders for a ball. He’s in the college football hall of fame. Does an 0-2 start make him less smart than any year before? No. He’s the same coach that’s been at the helm for decades. He didn’t just all-of-a-sudden get stupid like Colin Powell did. Besides…Ault isn’t the one running and blocking and tackling. He’s also not the one NOT running and NOT blocking and NOT tackling.


And lastly…Nevada hasn’t been a major player in college football since we moved up to 1-A from 1-AA. Remember those days? Crisp Saturdays in November, playoffs at hand and the smell of victory in the air. Remember those days? I do. And I surely do miss ‘em. But the fact is, the powers-that-be decided to move up and play with the big boys and we’ve been getting’ our hats handed to us ever since. Nevada will never be one of the elite teams when it comes to college football. All we can do is take it in the keester during the non-conference schedule, hope to beat tomato cans like Idaho and San Jose State during conference and hope for a miracle against the likes of Hawaii, Fresno State and Boise State. Stranger things have happened…just not lately.


Besides…basketball season is just around the corner.


(8.-)

Random Acts of WTF's

We’ve got a state bird, a state fossil and a state flower…now fourth graders from around the NV are gonna get the chance to pick the state insect. Well, we’re gonna save the little shavers time and gray matter. Nevada’s state insect should be the Mormon Cricket. When the MC’s hatch, the ugly rat-bastards are everywhere. Any other insect just wouldn’t do us justice.





Governor Jim Gibbons cut academic funding for higher education by fifty percent while college athletics got a three percent raise. Someone tell GJG that we want him to take a pee test. Seriously, WTF is he smoking? In the last three years the football team is 21-18 overall, 0-3 in bowl games, 0-3 against Boise St., 0-3 against Hawaii, 1-2 against Fresno St. and 1-5 against BCS teams. Two years ago, the basketball team lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament to friggin’ MONTANA. Last year, the Pack didn’t make the NCAA, the NIT or any other post-season tournament. The baseball team hasn’t sniffed the post-season in a long time and no other sport on campus even gets a blip of publicity. Those are statistics for giving MORE money to athletics? Those should be the statistics that have Athletic Director Cary Groth working at the drive-thru.





And finally…State Senator Bob Coffin has suggested we look into legalizing prostitution throughout the Silver State. Longtime readers of PTB know we’ve been calling for legalizing ‘tutes since the beginning. If an 18-year-old male can sell his body to the NBA or MLB or the NFL…why shouldn’t an 18-year-old female be able to sell her body to the Moonlite Bunny Ranch's Vegas facility? And don’t start with all that biblical, moral majority, holier-than-thou bullshit. There were enough whores in the bible to float a battleship. Didn’t seem to matter much back then…why should it matter now?




BTW…State Senator Bob Coffin has one of the coolest names in the Nevada State Legislature. He probably gets a lot of shit around Halloween though. Yay, Senator Bob!



(8.-)

You Are What You Urp

It's not a pretty sight...Tecate & Candy Corn…so much for holiday dinners…but it gave us pause and got us to thinkin' 'bout the scariest things we saw this Halloween...



We saw Sarah Palin hangin' around...


and the guy lookin’ for Osama Bin Laden…


We ran across across Nevada's chances of gettin’ a berth in a bowl game...


and we saw the last drop of H20 in the entire friggin' 775...


Any way you look at it, there are a lot of scary things out there on All Hallows Eve. Just be careful what you put in your pie-hole when you get home. Remember...garbage in/garbage out.


(8.-)

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

We haiku about the recent trouble of one of the most famous athletes to come out of THE University of Nevada:

Tony Z - Kicker

gets the girl by drugging her.

Jocks feel entitled.

Where did you learn this?

Didn't football teach you class?

Or did you skip class?

(8.-)

Wizzed

Dan Wetzel, writing for Yahoo Sports had this to say about the Wiz drafting former Wolf Pack hoopster JVMcG:

LOSER
WASHINGTON

The Wizards can’t get out of the first round of the playoffs and it’s not easy to see how this draft changes that trend. They took JaVale McGee out of Nevada to help inside, but he looks like one of those classic draft mistakes.
McGee is 7-feet tall with a 7-foot-6 wingspan. Against moderate competition in the Western Athletic Conference, he averaged just 7.8 rebounds a game. It’s counterintuitive to think a big man who can’t rebound against smaller opponents in college will start doing it against bigger players in the NBA. This rarely works.

YIKES! We said when he left school it was gonna be a mistake. No one listened. If you can't lead your team to a championship in the sorry-assed WAC Conference, you'll never do it in the big show. Now JVMcG is getting hammered in the national press. He’s gonna spend the next two years picking splinters out of his pooter rather than learning how to play the game under coach Mark Fox. Yo JVMcG…Good luck and be careful in the Cap. Remember how the team used to be called the Bullets? Well, the fans are all packin’ heat now!

(8.-)

Fox Trot

Last week Nevada hoops fans dodged a bullet when Cal hired Mike Montgomery as their new head coach.

But the bullets are still flying. Former Pack head coach Trent Johnson is leaving Stanford and is headed off to coach the Bayou Bengals. You know what that means?

Mark Fox is outta here faster than a Metamucil milkshake goes through John McCain.



Guess that's two asses getting hit with the exit doors out the 775.

We'll lay 2-1 odds that coach Fox is headed west by the end of the month. Hell...we'll lay 3-1 he's outta here by the end of the week.

No worries though, Pack fans. Next in the big chair...another ass-kicking coach.


Go Pack!




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Sloppy Seconds

It looks like the powers that be wanna get another shot (pun intended) at the University of Houston. After the Cougars handed us our asses the other day, we're not sure this is a good idea.


Playing another game against a mid-major team that didn't make the NCAA Tournament is like getting a divorce, going out to the Bunny Ranch and hooking up with your ex-wife. Been there, done that.


Yo Wolf Pack Hoops...more games against teams who actually made the Big Dance and fewer games against the scrubs.



(8.-)

Gimme Back My Bullets

Knee-jerk reactions to overblown problems seem to run rampant nowadays. We get popped on 9/11 and what did we get? The Homeland Security Department. No. Help. Whatsoever.


The economy goes in the toilet and what happens? Government-Cheese cuts everyone a $600 check and sends us on our way. Thanks for the help numb-nuts.


Hollywood writers go on strike and whadda they give us? American Gladiators. SHEESH!


So now there are a couple of problems up at the University of Nevada and the proposed solutions would make the boys at FEMA proud.


Some wack-job in the IL goes BSC and unloads on a classroom. So, Students for Concealed Carry on Campus (or as we like to call ‘em…”StuCCC”) thinks it’s a good idea for trained students, professors and administrators to carry guns on campus. Never mind that less than ten percent of crimes against college students happen on campus. They’d all be TRAINED! Bad. Idea.


The NYPD Blues are as trained as anyone in handling firearms and couple of months ago they popped fifty caps in the WRONG guy. WTF’s gonna happen when some crazy mo-fo storms into a classroom, waving his cellphone and screaming “God is great” at the top of his lungs? A hundred and fifty stressed-out, zit-faced, Red Bull-guzzlin’ twenty-somethings with a lifetime of student loan debt in front of them will all whip out their pistolas and start blasting away. NICE.


Actually, we kinda like the idea of guns on campus but we don’t think they should be concealed. Students should be required to carry their weapons in plain sight like The Governator or or Ramb-old. Call it weapon envy…”My Glock is bigger than your Glock.” It’ll be a Glock-swingin’ contest! Can you imagine Theatre majors totin’ pearl handled Derringers? How ‘bout an Anthropology major haulin’ around a blow gun or a science geek packin’ a death ray to class? AWESOME!


Maybe they’re on to something there. Or maybe they’re just on something. Then we could blame it all on the firewater. That’s what they’re doing now.


Football fans have been getting’ a bit too crazy for the taste of some up at the U. and those who object blame it all on alcohol. But that’s a fluff bomb. People are gonna drink to excess whether you sell the stuff in the stadium or not. And just because you’ve been imbibing doesn’t make you a loudmouth blowhard. No, don’t blame the booze for boorish behavior. Jackasses are jackasses…sober or not. We blame it all on their parents who didn’t teach little Billy and Susie how to behave in public. We also have to lay some blame on the puritanical adults with holier than thou attitudes who’s ears burn whenever they hear an F-Bomb. Grow a thicker layer of skin wussies!


Wanna make football games more “fan-friendly”? Win more than half your games. That’d be a good start. Seriously though, without alcohol, how will fans be able to sit through snooze-fests with powerhouses like Sacramento State, Nicholls State and Idaho. Can you say EXCRUCIATING? Besides if Nevada bans booze at football games, our RP.I will drop through the floor. RPI you ask? Rowdy. Punk. Index.


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Why College Sports Suck

It was a chicken shit move when it happened. A coach…full of piss and vinegar…took over a team that made the Chico’s Bail Bonds guys look like the 1927 Yankees. She was an ass-kickin’, fire-breathin’, straight-talkin’ adrenaline buzz in Silver and Blue. She was a big-time coach with a prime time resume. She remade a team of losers into winners…into champions.


Then, three days before the season opener, the coach got “Shottenheimered” and just like that, the best team on campus went from the top of the hill to the bottom of the barrel.


The excuse was even more pathetic…right out of the A.D.’s lie hole: ”We did this for the good of the team.” Yeah right. Firing a future hall-of-fame coach three days before the start of the season is the Worst. Move. Ever. But we finally came to know the real reason…the coach was a whistleblower.


When a coach shows that kind of honesty, integrity and loyalty you’d think the university would be grateful. After all, honesty and integrity and loyalty are three traits that rarely surface in major college sports. It wasn’t to be. Instead of naming a building after her, she got the bum’s rush. A lawsuit followed but it wasn’t for the money. No. Coach wanted her rep back. Coach wanted her job back. Coach wanted her team back. That’s all.


Yesterday, Nevada hired coach’s replacement. He seems like a nice guy…but we all know what happens to those types. He coached a tiny program in a no-name conference…he played at a school even smaller…his record is as mediocre as cold McDonalds fries…and he’s the choice. WTF?!


As for coach…we’ve seen her documents. She’ll win her case but she won’t get her job back and she won’t get her team back. Her rep will recover and she’ll get another gig. Winners always do.


Nevada athletics will never be the same though. The athletic department sold their collective souls to cover up their own crapulence. The A.D.’s ineptitude will stench the halls on campus as long as she’s making the calls and Wolf Pack athletes and coaches now know that being a winner, being a leader, having morals and standards take a back seat to the shitty side of college sports.


(8.-)