Republicans Protecting America

Pointing out republican folly is easier than losing the remote control. Remember Governor Bobby Jindal pooh-poohing "volcano monitoring" after the 'Bamer's pseudo State of the Union Address? We do. So, since everyone is peeing their pants over this "pigdemic" we'll keep on topic. Sad thing is, Senator Collins is quite the SILF. After seeing this, we're gonna have to re-think that position.


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Pig Out

Doesn’t it seem that we’re overreacting just a bit to this sick pig business? C’mon guys, let’s get realistic here. More than 20,000 Americans die every year from the friggin’ regular flu but you don’t see Homeland Security goin all BSC ‘cause o’ that, do ya? Maybe they’ll make one of those color-coded threat charts for cold and flu season. “OMG! Swine flu outbreak! Raise the threat level to periwinkle!”


It’s time to chill the hell out. It seems that the last eight years of Bush-Wipe politics has the whole country scared shitless at the tiniest thing. Do we really need all this gnashing of teeth and rending of garments over the anticipation of a pandemic?

One interesting thing to come out of all this…the Muslims sure are happy. Figurin’ this outbreak started in Mexico, the tighty-righties are clamoring for the U.S. to close the border and start deporting Mexicans. It’ll take at least six months before Muslims get back to the top of the haters’shit- list.



BTW…you think WE’RE freakin’ out? The government of Egypt has ordered every pig in the entire country to be killed. 300,000 Egyptian pigs takin' a dirt nap. And they don’t even have one reported case of swine flu. Aye Caramba! We’ll expect the Egyptians to follow suit the next time someone gets bird flu, mad cow disease or chickenpox. But it’ll really get BSC if the motherhubbards do the same thing for their first reported case of Lyme disease.




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Swine Flu. Pigs Fly?

“Sewer rat might taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.” Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield – Pulp Fiction.




Swine flu…swine flu…swine flu…BoogityBoogityBoogity! Talk about the pussification of America. Do y’all really think we need Homeland Security on this one? C’mon now…more people died yesterday in Oakland from gunshots than have died across the whole USo’A the last decade from swine flu. We’re skidmarking our collective Underoos over this bull-oney? Hell, after hearing the news that this outbreak originated in Mexico, Lou Dobbs’ head exploded like a watermelon in a microwave. BOOM! Goes the dynamite. Damn, people are walking around in surgical masks makin’ ‘em all look like a bunch of rejected extras from the movie Outbreak.



There is good news to all this, though. We found a couple of facts about swine flu that y’all would be hard-pressed to find anywhere else:


-- Swine flu doesn’t come from regular pigs. Swine flu comes from Guinea Pigs, natives of Guinea-Bissau, Papua New Guinea and Porklahoma.


-- There are pills you can take to prevent you from getting’ the nasty li’l bug. Problem is, there are side effects. When you take Pigcedrin, Pig-to-Bismol or StyQuil…the side effects may include: Fluctuating Ass Crack, Jowl Booty, Armpit Lint, Smoking Penis Syndrome, Uncontrollable Breastulations, Re-detached Etnas, Bloviating Pie-Hole and Poopy Diaper.



One last thing to remember, y’all – No matter how bad this swine flu thingy gets…it’ll never be as bad as Captain Trips.



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