What's Love Got To Do With It?

Folks who regularly click over here to PTB know I love me my Muslim brothers and sisters. True story. But sometimes ya read a story and think, “Aye caramba!” Case in point…

Muslim leaders in Mother Russia are urging their flocks to disregard Valentine’s Day because it "preaches universal permissiveness, amorality and nihilism." SHEESH! Valentine’s Day does all that? Hardly. Let me explain to y’all. Valentine’s Day is a corporate-run holiday designed to guilt men into buying crap for their wives that they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to get a result that is not always forthcoming. Don’t believe me? Americans (mostly men) spend right around 14.7 BILLION dollars every year on crap like candy and cards and flowers. Question to all the boys out there: When was the last time you got laid ‘cause you bought your woman flowers? Candy? A Valentine’s Day card? Probably never. If y’all wanna get down to the horizontal mambo, you’d be better off buyin’ her a fifth of Jack Daniels. Yup, that’d loosen her up.

No my Muslim brothers and sisters. While your spiritual leaders take pot shots at our national holidays like teabaggers after Chocolate Elvis, they’re wrong about the whole thing. Valentine’s Day doesn’t stand for universal permissiveness, amorality or even nihilism. It stands for the rampant greed and unabashed consumerism that is the United States of America, Inc. Valentine’s Day has as much to do with sex and love as Christmas has to do with the birth of the SoG. Not a damned thing.

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Shooting Blanks

Back in the day, the “King of All Righties,” Ronald Reagan, was hell-bent on building a missile defense system. The media dubbed it “Star Wars.” It was a quick and easy way for Uncle Ronnie to line the pockets of his defense contractor buddies. It was the expansion of the military/industrial complex, just like Ike said.

Fast forward to earlier this year. Tighty-righties, intent on undercutting anything the ‘Bamer suggested, were skidmarking their Underoos because President Barry-O wanted to scrap Bush-era plans for the same type of MDS. “He’s soft on National Security,” they screamed. “He’ll get us all killed,” they blathered. Turns out…as usual…the right-wing nut cases were wrong.

Earlier this week, the Russkies test launched a new, long-range missile – just the type of weapon Star Wars and its descendents were supposed to protect us from. You wanna know what happened? POOF! For the seventh time in twelve tries, the Red Enemy failed to get their missile to work right. That’s less than a fifty percent success rate.

Now, you won’t hear any mea culpas from the boogity boogity crowd. That’s not how they roll. But remember this…the Republicans will do anything to get reelected. They’ll make up facts and twist words and pervert ideas and try to scare the bejeezus outta people all for their own electoral gain. that's how they roll. It worked for a while but Americans are wising up to that charade. Here’s hoping that in the 2010 and 2012 election cycles, those tactics work just as well as the new Russian missles. Then, the only defense system we’ll need is the vote.

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Flagged

Last week down in the ABQ, some chucklenut thought it would be a good idea to hang his Nazi flag and his American flag outside his house. People were pretty cheesed off ‘cause the Nazi flag was displayed over an upside down American flag. Next thing you know, the huckleberry gets a visit from the Federales and the flags were removed. That gets me to thinkin’. Isn’t hanging flags outside your house your right under the First Amendment?


Now, I don’t condone what the BSC motherhubbard did but I will support to the death his right to do it. After all, in Iran, China, North Korea or Russia, if you “desecrate” their flag, they’ll perp-walk you to their version of Gitmo lickety-split. True dat. But this is America. It is everyone’s right as a citizen to do with the flag as they see fit. Anyone remember the antenna flags everyone flew on their Hummers after 9/11? What about the flags that corporate hucksters use to sell their wares on the Fourth of July and Veteran’s Day? Crass, vulgar and tasteless, maybe…but not against the law.


Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Government-Cheese sends John Q. Law to the house of a citizen for displaying a Nazi flag, WTF are they doin’ when the right-wing nut jobs wave teabag placards depicting the President as Hitler? Or Stalin? Or the Joker? Where is the Fuzz when the gun nuts show up outside a ‘Bamer speech packin’ heat? Yo FBI, there are plenty of crazies in the world but bein’ crazy isn’t an offense in the USo’A. If it was, Glenn Beck would be sleepin’ at the Gray Bar Motel and Kanye West and Joe Wilson would be his cellmates.

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Chips Ahoy!

Here at PTB, we never did buy into Chimp-Dick’s “War on Global Extremism.” There are extremists everywhere. Just ask the VPILF’s hubby. But GWB went on ahead anyway and in the process, he broke the friggin’ Army! Nice job Bush-Wipe. The problem we have is that the current administration wouldn’t know a terrorist if one bit ‘em on the ass. Here’s a perfect example:



Pirates off the Horn of Africa are seizing ships, sailors and cargo at an alarming rate. So much so that the waters off the coast of Somalia are more dangerous than the streets of Baghdad. If that’s not extremist terrorism…what is? And what is the USo’A doin’ about it? Nothing.



So, while the Army and the National Guard continue to play security guard down in the Suck, the Navy is doin’ bupkis. Who’s takin’ the lead in finding these terrorists? Russia and Great Britain. Aye Caramba!



Look, these guys are terrorists as much as anyone flying airplanes into buildings and we should do something about it. We should send a couple of ships into the waters off Somalia and rub a butt on these rat-bastards. After all, they’re terrorists and we’re in a war on terrorism. Isn’t that right Mr. Bush?




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August Surprise

We get the feelin’ ‘round here that the worm is starting to turn. Check it out…


Today Rice-A-Condi and Iraqi officials started to discuss a timeline for U.S. Troop withdrawls. YAY!


Gas and oil prices are dropping faster than the anchor of the Titanic. Woo-Hoo!


Housing prices are rising and home foreclosures are falling. Yee-HAW!


Hmmm…October surprises aren’t supposed to happen this far away from an election so we got to thinkin’.


Russia invades Georgia and all of a sudden the Cold War heats back up quicker than old pizza in a microwave. Boogity Boogity!


Not once in the last week has Senator McSkeevy mentioned Afghanistan or Iraq. Uh oh.


The crux of today’s biscuit is simple…How come things are getting good right before the election? How come Russia decided to be a bad guy allegedly right before the election? We’re not conspiracy theorists here at PTB but we wouldn’t put anything past the Neocon Bush-Wipes. Fasten your seatbelts folks…this could be a bumpy ride.


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Georgia on My Mind

Turns out the Big Bad Bear isn’t dead after all. Russia is puttin’ a beatdown on their little runaway -- Georgia. Most Americans hear that sorta news and wonder how that’ll affect the upcoming SEC football season. That’s the wrong Georgia guys. ANYWAY…



So the Russians are kickin’ a little ass and the tighty-righties have their knickers all in a bunch. pResident Bush says that Russia is using unacceptably harsh force in the situation. Funny, we said the same thing to the Bush-Wipe about Iraq and we were called traitors. But what lame duck chimp-dick says really doesn’t affect anyone anymore. What we’re worried about is skeevy John McSame.



Yup…old Uncle Fester is saber rattling. He yaps that Georgia is one of our BFF’s and that we’ll stick our wieners in the blender to help ‘em out. No mention of how broken our armed forces are ‘cause of Iraq and Afghanistan. Nope…just threats of violence. Here’s the crux of our biscuit today:



Does anyone wonder why Senator McLame is so hell-bent on stickin’ it to the Russkies? We don’t wonder ‘cause we know. Ever heard of Randy Scheunemann? We have. Ya see, Scheunemann is one of those neocons who’s job was to get us into a war with Iraq. Good work Randy. For almost four years, Schheunemann was the only Washington lobbyist working for the country of Georgia. Today Scheunemann is a senior foreign affairs advisor to…you guessed it…Senator John McCain. If that isn’t the stinkiest, steaming piece of horse-cadoodle…we don't know what is. You wonder why we hate politicians? Perfect. Example.


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Vote or Die

Here at PTB we love us some elections. Any time you can wake up and head out to the polls to vote, is a great day. Alas…we might be the only people in the 775 that actually show up at the polls today. Here is a scary stat…


There are 1.1 million registered voters in Nevada. Officials expect a 15% turnout today. That means 165,000 voters will decide the future of 2.5 million people. SHEESH! WTF is up with that?


In Russia, Election Day is a holiday. Its one big politics orgy and 99% of the people…not 99% of registered voters…but 99% of all eligible voters cast ballots. And the USofA can only manage 15%. We’re number one? Hardly.


We’ve got no use for those of you out there that don’t vote. The world is goin’ straight down the shitter and you can’t even cast your ballot? Losers. You deserve the slow, painful, lingering death that will befall you.


G.C. got it right…As long as Americans have their Hummers and their satellite televisions and cell phones that make pancakes, they won’t do a damn thing about anything. Self-centered, un-motivated, under-educated, lazy citizens. Sad but true. As for us...we're gonna head out to the polls, vote, then hang around macking on the ladies and checkin' the badonkadonks.

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Red Dawn

Becky Hammon is your typical gym rat. From her youth in North Dakota through her playing days at Colorado State and on to the WNBA…Hammon has been a hardcore baller. She’s pretty good too. Last year (her fifth in the WNBA) Hammon finished second in voting for the league’s MVP. That’s some pretty sweet cred.



When the powers that be invited players to try out for the U.S. Olympic team, Big Shot Becky’s name wasn’t on the list. No problem there. Ya see, Hammon plays professionally in both Russia and the Good Ole USofA. So, Big Red stepped in and offered Hammon a spot on their Olympic team. She accepted. Now it’s become some kind of political shit-storm. Hammon is being called un-patriotic and even worse…a traitor. Wrong.



The United States Olympic team has been using foreign talent forever. What, you think those brown-skinded brothers on our long distance teams with names like Mohammed, Kahlil and Mbute are natural born citizens? Nope. They get a fast track to citizenship by the USOC and just like that, they’re U.S. Olympians.



Hammon has dual Russian-U.S. citizenship. Her country didn’t want her and just like any other red, white and blue-blooded American…she went where the opportunity was. Mother Russia. Traitor? No. Baller? Hell yeah!



We crux our biscuit in haiku:


Is she a traitor
for playing with the Russkies?
Let the games begin!


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