The Movie Rick Pitino Didn't See

Just Do It

We cannot emphasize this enough…there is nothing…repeat…nothing better than sex. Maybe that’s our take ‘cause we don’t do it nearly as often as we should -- but that’s the crux of a different biscuit.


The problem here in the United States of Puritanism is that most people think sex is a bad thing. It’s not our fault. The government-cheese and those that speak for JZeus’ Dad continually bombard us with the thought that putting tab "A" into slot "B" or slot "C" or slot "D" is wrong. Both groups tell us when we can and cannot do it, where we can and cannot do it and who we can or cannot do it with. SHEESH! Makes you wonder how the species survives. Well, don’t fret peoples. We’ve got good news for y’all.


A report just out says that folks who take "abstinence pledges" and "virginity pledges" are just as likely to have sex as those of y’all who don’t take a pledge. The first thought up from our mind shaft was "DUH!" That’s like saying politicians running on the platform of government ethics are just as likely to take a bribe as say…Rod Blagojevich. Thanks Captain Obvious.


You see, sex is the great motivator. Why else do you think guys buy fancy cars, get educations and occasionally shower? To impress as many ladies as possible with the intention of getting sex. Don’t believe? Ask any guy. Sex is our highest priority. We think about sex almost all the time. That’s why men had to invent sports. ‘Cause if we didn’t, we’d be thinking about sex all the time.


And women aren’t any different from men. Oh sure…they may play shy and innocent and naive but no fire burns hotter than in the loins of a woman. Why do you think women spend so much money on clothes, spend so much time putting on makeup and dreaming of the day that they can get breast implants? So they can get more men to have sex with. It’s an entirely natural thing. Much more natural than thinking an Invisible Man in the Sky gives a crap who you do the horizontal tango with. So go for it folks. Dive in with both feet (if that’s your kinda thing). Have sex. Just don’t let the Government-Cheese catch you putting tab "A" into slot "Z."

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Monday Moaning Comin' Down

You’ve gotta kinda feel sorry for Senator John McCain. After all, with Colin Powell endorsing the ‘Bamer this weekend, was like your parents sitting you down and telling you they’ve always liked your younger sibling better. YIKES!



C’mon…ask yourself. We’re you really that surprised to hear that Marcia Brady was all into the cocaine and sex thing back in the ‘70’s? We didn’t think so. Put it to you this way…if you were a child actor in the ‘60’s and ‘70’s and you DIDN’T fill up your holes with coke and the nasty…THAT would have been a shocker.



While we’re on the subject of sex…there’s a new movie coming out called Zack and Miri Make a Porno. The previews looked funny enough but the tighty-righties in the conservative media think that the term “Make a Porno” is obscene. So what happened? The filmmakers took the term off all their advertisements. WTF? Anyone thinking kids don’t know what a porno is, just isn’t paying attention. We think its parents who don’t want to talk to their kids about sex. After all, inserting tab “A” into slot “B” isn’t anyone’s business but the Republican party’s.



Finally today…it warmed our proverbial cockles seeing such a large turnout for early voting here in the 775. Nothing smells like democracy more than a voting booth. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. The Government-Cheese should expand voting to the whole month of November. That would give everyone a chance to vote. If not the whole month…at least a voting holiday. People sure would pay more attention to it than say…President’s Day.




(8.-)

Why JZeus Spins in His Grave

A couple of quick thoughts on PoBen bein’ on this side of the ATL…

If the Pope is the voice of God on earth…how come he needs such tight security? Wouldn’t the invisible man in the sky take care of that stuff? Pope’s got so much muscle, he looks like skeevy Uncle Fester visiting a market in Baghdad.

The Pope mentioned that Americans need to make their political choices with compassion. Does that mean he’s against the war? If the Pope is against the war but pResident chimp-dick isn’t Catholic, can we still bomb the shit out of Iran?

Wouldn’t the two BILLION dollars y’all had to pay to clergy sex-abuse victims been better off helping the poor rather than buying off accusers? BTW…how the hell does a church get BILLIONS of dollars? Something about throwing out the money changers comes to mind here.

With all your secret church rituals (think The DaVinci Code), your way out there ideas (no birth control, a couple of times around a rosary and you’re clean as a whistle) and your clergy’s penchant for pedophilia…what makes the Catholic Church different than the FLDS?

If Catholics have to go to marriage counseling before they get hitched in the church, why are they counseled by a priest who’s never been, and never gonna be, married? WTF does a priest know about marriage?

One last thing straight to you PoBen. You said today that the clergy sex-abuse scandal needs to be viewed in the “wider context of secularism and the over-sexualization of America.” Do you really believe that horseshit? Look bro, 26 million Americans might think you’re the mouthpiece of God but here at PTB we know better. The only difference between you and the motherhubbards that excommunicated Galileo is a couple hundred years. Quit blaming your problems on people who don’t believe in your magic fairies and quit blaming your problems on American’s sexual appetites. You know little to nothing about either.

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Minute Rise

There are myriad ways men-folks try to prolong the act of doin’ the nasty.


Foreplay that lasts so long it’s called sevenplay.


We hold our breath…we think about dead puppies…and the ever-popular Babe Ruth statistical rundown.


Now we find out it was all for naught. Three minutes is enough time for sex? SHEESH! We were good lovers all that time…we just didn’t know it.


Now that we DO know, we’re gonna have a bit of a swagger next time in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the bathroom or wherever).


No more man-Kegels, no more Super Bowl matchup stats and no more Tequila shooters. No, if the MD’s say three minutes is enough…three minutes it is. Any longer and it’s back to Brady Bunch episode rundown.



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