Us No Sense

Maybe it's 'cause I grew up in a trailer. Maybe it's cause now I'm livin' in a basement. Either way, I think the government-cheese sent me the wrong 2010 Census form. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those Teabaggin'-types who thinks the census will be used to monitor the voices in my head. But still...I think they got a bit too personal.

PTB's 2010 Census Form



Last name: _______________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
( ) Billy-Bob
( ) Billy-Joe
( ) Billy-Ray
( ) Billy-Sue
( ) Billy-Mae
( ) Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?
( ) Booger
( ) Bubba
( ) Junior
( ) Sissy
( ) Other____________

Age:____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:(Check appropriate box)
( ) Farmer
( ) Mechanic
( ) Hair Dresser
( ) Unemployed
( ) Dirty Politician
( ) Preacher

Spouse's Name:_____________
2nd Spouse's Name:_______________
3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
Lover's Name:_______________

Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)
( ) Sister
( ) Brother
( ) Aunt
( ) Uncle
( ) Cousin
( ) Mother
( ) Father
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
( ) Pet

Number of children living in the home:_____
Number of the children living in the shed:_____
Number that are yours:_____

Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own:___
Number of vehicles that still crank:___
Number of vehicles in front yard:___
Number of vehicles in the back yard:___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck
____bedroom
____bathroom
____kitchen
____shed

Model and year of your pickup: 196_

Do you have a gun rack?
( ) Yes ( ) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( ) The National Enquirer
( ) The Globe
( ) TV Guide
( ) Soap Opera Digest
( ) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____

How often do you bathe?
( ) Weekly
( ) Monthly
( ) Not Applicable

Color of eyes:
Left_____ Right_____

Color of hair:
( ) Blond
( ) Black
( ) Red
( ) Brown
( ) White
( ) Clairol

Color of teeth:
( ) White
( ) Yellow
( ) Brownish-Yellow
( ) Brown
( ) Black
( ) N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( ) Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
( ) 1 mile
( ) 2 miles
( ) just a whoop-and-a-holler
( ) road?

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Brown Out

Why is everyone skidmarking their Underoos over illegal immigration? SHEESH! The way people complain, you’d think someone dropped a mard in their Cocoa Puffs. The crux of our biscuit today is that we think the whole thing is racistm. Don’t believe us?



Notice how every time the ICE guys make a bust, the folks getting’ popped are from Central and South America? Every single one of ‘em. And all of ‘em have brown skin. All of ‘em.



Have you ever seen whitey get busted for bein’ an illegal? No. Does that mean no one from Canada or Great Britain or France or Germany ever skipped across the border illegally? No. It just means that the ICE-stapo have a much easier time bustin’ someone that isn’t a cracker.



Speaking of whitey…notice how the fence on the U.S. border is on our southern border and not on our northern border. Aye Caramba! Realize this huckleberries…the last time someone wanted to give us the terrorist fist-bump, they came in from the Canadian border…not the Mexican border. Way to “Protect and Serve” douchebags.



How come every time the ICEmen cometh, the brown-skinded brothers and sisters they bust are all at work? JZeus-friggin-Christo. And it’s not like they take jobs from regular Americans. Ever work in a fast food restaurant? BLECH! The place is hot and sweaty, it smells, you earn very little money and even less respect. You wanna go work there? We didn’t think so.



What we’re trying to say here is that y’all seem a bit paranoid about illegal immigration but you only spout about the illegals that aren’t white. Got a news flash for the rednecks out there...you think you hate illegal immigrants? Ask a REAL American what they think about the Irish and the Italians and the Brits and the Slavs. They’d say “Go back to your own country you friggin’ crackers!” After all…they lived here with the Mexicans long before whitey took over. How’d that work out?



(8.-)

Must Be Monday

Bookies from Down Under are holding back payin’ the folks who bet the ‘Bamer would be the next Commander-In-Chief of the USofA. They say he could get JFK’d before he’s inaugurated. SHEESH! Talk about puttin’ a noonan on the guy. Look, there a lot of BSC, redneck, huckleberries out there and you know they wanna stir the shit. But if the powers that be can’t protect the President from some wack-job, why are they there in the first place? Besides…if someone wanted to wax a U.S. President, they’d have knocked off Chimp-Dick. Worst. President. Ever.





Good to see political observers here in the 775 thinkin’ that VPILF Sarah Palin has a bright future in the Republican Party. YEE HAW! Now, y’all know we love the ladies here at PTB -- best thing the Good Lord ever made. But if Caribou Barbie is the best female the tighty-righties can come up with, they’re in deep doo doo. C’mon guys… she didn’t know what countries made up NAFTA, she thought Africa was a country and she thought foreign policy experience was seeing Russia out her back door. YIKES! The Republican Party has officially become the party of dolts. Ronald Reagan must be spinning in his grave.



And finally today…we’ve gotta give credit where credit is due. Over the weekend THE University of Nevada put a tub-thumpin’ on Fresno State. The way the Wolf Pack played Saturday, you’d think they could beat the friggin' Pittsburgh Steelers. But that’s the problem we’ve always had with the Pack…one week they look like world-beaters, the next week...just weak. Consistency is the key for a good football program. Here’s hoping we get more of it. After all…it’s much better to be playing a bowl game between Christmas and New Years than to be playing in a bowl the week before Thanksgiving.



(8.-)

Wet Security Blanket

Here in the USofA ought 8, there are millions of redneck, BSC cracker barrels out there whose worst nightmare is about to come true… President Barack Hussein Obama. YEEE HAWWWW!!!!


Last week the Old Gray Lady posited about BOb’s safety and wondered if he’d get BobbyK’d or Oswalded. It’s something we’ve talked about before here at PTB. No matter how good security is, some wack-job could put an end to it all. But we have the answer.


All BOb has to do is pick Hillary as his V.P. and he’s in the clear. Why? The one thing that scares the bad guys more than a brown-skinded brother with his finger on the button is Mrs. Bill Clinton a heartbeat away from takin’ over. If Hil was second in command, everyone to the right of Ted Kennedy would make damn sure that BOb took his vitamins, exercised regularly and stayed in peak physical form. The right might not like BOb…but anything is better to them than Hill Bill Vol 2.


Best. Vice President. Ever.


(8.-)

Proud To Be A 'Merican?

Black is beautiful.

Don't sit under the whites tree.

Not in the Bayou.



Crackers in Jena

don't like you if you're colored.

They’re redneck morons.



In America

can a brother get a break?

No…too much hate here.




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Recipie For Disaster

Wanna know how to make an anti-American-freedom-hating future terrorist?




It's EASY!!!




Just send a bunch of North Carolina rednecks into Iraq and let them kill whomever they want.




That's why they hate us.




Not our freedom...




Not our music...




No...they hate us because we're in their country killing civilians and every time we do...we make terrorists out of those who survive. We will be paying for this war for a VERY long time!!!


When they say they support our troops and they love America...THEY'RE LYING!!!!


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