Don't Ask Don't (Show and) Tell

I never understood the hypocrisy of the U.S. military when it comes to my gay brothers and sisters serving in the armed forces. After all, it is one of the highest callings for someone to volunteer to protect the good ol’ USo’A. But critics, puritans, religious zealots, homophobes and tinfoil hat wearin’ looney tunes still think gays shouldn’t be able to serve. And “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is as big a fucked up mess as you can imagine. But now, there’s hope.

Last week, Pentagon brass called for an end to the U.S. military's ban on allowing women to serve in submarines. YAY! I cheer because the same argument used to keep women from serving on submarines, is the same argument the cracker-assed crackers use to keep gays from serving. The line goes, “When the shit hits the fan, you don’t want to worry if the guy in your foxhole is checking out your ass or if he’s shooting at the bad guys.” I always thought that if you are having sexual thoughts when you’re in a firefight, you’ve seen the movie Crash one too many times. That being said, if the U.S. Navy thinks it’s O.K. for men and women to “hot bunk” together on submarines, then it should be O.K. for gays to serve anywhere in the military they want. Sex is no longer the issue.

Besides…gay peoples should have the same right to get their asses blown off in these two bullshit, pointless, unwinnable clusterfucks just as much as straight peeps do, neh? Heck-fire…even more. Most places in the U.S. deny gay couples the right to get married, the right to receive partner benefits and even the right to adopt kids. So, gays volunteering to defend America against the bad guys are defending a country that denies them basic civil rights. And that’s wrong in too many ways.

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The Sanctity of Marriage?

Now, y’all know we love our GLBT peeps ‘round here at PTB. You also know where we stand on the subject of marriage: We wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But if gays wanna get hitched, we think they should be able to. Of course, the religious wack-jobs out there don’t agree. They say marriage should only be between a man and a woman. Check out how bass-ackward that notion seems now…






Residents in a suburb of Nagpur, India were pretty worried that monsoon season was late. No rain equals no crops, so you can imagine their distress. What’d they do? They got together a couple of frogs (no, not French citizens, the amphibious kind) and in a full Hindu ceremony…married them! We had no idea that frog on frog marriage is legal in India. The question begs to be asked: If JZeus’ Dad doesn’t have a problem with amphibious nuptials; do you think he gives a care about gay marriage? Nope.







Speaking of marriage…for the second time in a week, a prominent, holier-than-thou, bloviating, smarmy, anti-gay marriage, reflublican, friend of JZeus got popped with a wandering doodle. Today, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina admitted to zipping down to Argentina and horn-doggin’ his paramour. And just like Johnny “The Wad” Ensign, he’s not gonna resign. Have you wondered lately WTF it’ll take to get a republican politician canned? C’mon…the whole party got their collective Underoos in a bunch over Slick Willie’s hummer but they keep their heads up their asses when it comes to their own bangin’ on a non-wife coochie.








Now, don’t think for an instant we forgot about Senator “Long” John Ensign. Yesterday, Johnny Suave had lunch with his fellow “conservatives” and apologized for his dalliances. The money quote?




“He spoke at our conference, apologized and indicated that he was going to do his job,” U.S. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., told reporters.




Yo, Able-Semen Ensign…we thought your "job" for the last few years was getting "jobs" for (and from) your paramour, a "job" for her cuckold and a "job" for their son. Funny, the only people that seem to be getting "jobbed" are Nevada voters. Just remember y'all...You can't spell "Ensign" without "resign."





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SANCTIFY!

We don’t begrudge Senator John Ensign for bangin’ a woman that wasn’t his wife. It’s human friggin’ nature. He’s a man with wants and needs and desires just like everyone else. Heck-fire, if he was a French politician, he’d be considered a hero. No, we’re hatin’ on John “Able-Semen” Ensign’s hypocrisy. SJE was one of those religious wacko Republican nut cases in Congress who looked all of us in the eye and spouted crap about the “sanctity of marriage” and that “marriage is between one man and one woman.” Bullshit. At least, now we know how hallowed and blessed “marriage” really is to Senator “Long” John Ensign.

Now, Ensign has resigned from his position as the chairman of the Republican Policy Committee. Yo Republicans…WTF kinda policy was he makin’ for y’all? SHEESH! But, of course, he’s not gonna resign from the Senate. Neither did Senator David “Whorebanger” Vitter – neither did Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig. Funny thing about tighty-righties, they gnashed teeth, rent garments and screamed bloody murder when Slick Willie Clinton got a hummer in the Oval Office but every time they get busted dipping their doodles in the wrong hole, it’s no big deal. That’s just how Republicans roll. Hey, we’re cool with that, but the next time the subject of marriage, or morals or honesty pops to the forefront, Senator Johnny “The Wad” Ensign and his ilk had better STFU!

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He Doesn't Know Dick

Dr. Evil has been in the news a lot lately. Funny thing coming from the brotherhubbard that had Google Earth blur out his house for eight years. But like it or not, Dick Cheney is flappin’ his lie-hole and the whole world seems to be listening.

Yesterday, the former Veep took to the airwaves to…get this…defend gay marriage. Aye caramba! WTF did that come from? While he does have a gay daughter, Dick and his compatriots in the Bush administration never were the types to embrace those “afflicted with the Gay.” Guess times they are a changin’. But not that much. You see, Cheney had a caveat to his assertion that gay peeps should be allowed to get hitched. He said that marriage is, and always has been a state issue. "And I think that's the way it ought to be handled today, that is, on a state-by-state basis.” And that’s why Dick Cheney, in our humble opinion, is dumber than a sack of doorknobs.

It wasn’t that long ago that blacks couldn’t get married in certain states ‘cause they were considered “property.” An even shorter time ago, blacks and whites were not allowed to get married to each other in certain states because some racist rat-bastards thought it was immoral. Hell, if Alabama, Mississippi and the rest of the redneck, huckleberry states had their way, blacks still wouldn’t be allowed to marry.

No Dick…gay marriage shouldn’t be decided willy-nilly on the whim of some cracker-ass government-cheese dick in a state where the most common kinfolk is “Uncle-Dad.” This is America. We’re not supposed to roll like that. So we’re gonna toss you a soft one. Remember the Declaration of Independence?

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

That’s right Dick. Straight from the pen of TJ hisself. ALL men are created equal…that includes the men who like men, women who like women and all the peeps in between who love ‘em both. That's how we roll.

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Pissin' 'Em Off

We got into an office pool a while back. The object was to try to figure out which group o’ folks the ‘Bamer was gonna get pissed off first. We chose tighty-righty ‘cause we thought BHOb was gonna take down Dr. Evil on war crimes charges. We were wrong. Nothing unusual there. What is unusual is that he pissed off…wait for it…wait for it…the GAYS! Uh oh.

The GLBT folks are mad, and rightly so, ‘cause the President-elect chose BSC Rick Warren to give the invocation at the inauguration. Rick Fuckin’ Warren. What, Adolph Hitler Campbell wasn’t available? Anyway…that got us to thinkin’ ‘bout who else Barry-O coulda picked to lay out an opening prayer and who that would have pissed off…

Reverend Jeremiah Wright would be the pick that pissed off everyone that still thinks Sadaam Hussein was behind 9/11, that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars are still winnable and people who think it’s O.K. to give $700 Billion to the moneychangers.

Bishop Thomas Muthee getting picked would piss off VPILF Sarah Palin, alleged Kenyan witches, accused Kenyan witches and actual Kenyan witches.

FLDS President Warren Jeffs as a pick would piss off anyone who’s never been married, anyone who’s been married to Warren Jeffs and the entire state of Utah.

Picking Pastor Ted Haggard would piss off meth addicts, male prostitutes and the entire membership of National Association of Evangelicals.

You see…no matter who the ‘Bamer picked for his inaugural invocation, someone was gonna get mad. That is, unless he picked the rotted corpse of Mother Theresa to give the invocation. She probably doesn't look much different.

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Homo-crite Says What?

Here at PTB, we love our GLBT sisters, brothers and others. What a sad, boring place America would be without 'em.



Which brings us to the "Party of Family Values"...




Gay




Fag


Queer



Homo



Peter Puffer



Flamer



Fudge-Packer



BuFu



Fruit



Swishy



and just for our brown-skinnded GLBT's...




Maricones.





At least the Democrats don't pretend to be holier than thou. It's the height of hypocracy to claim God is on your side and being gay is bad and then going out and looking for turd-blossoms in airport bathrooms.



When they say they love America...they're lying.


When they day they want to protect Americans and our way of life...they're lying!!!



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