Cave Man

Well, Chocolate Elvis folded like the house of cards in that episode of the Brady Bunch. He fights like a girl. So, we'll put the question out there:

Should the Democrats primary President Obama? Vote your conscience.

Who Let the Air Out?

During the Presidential campaign of 2008, then-candidate Barry-O told the unwashed masses that a good way to save money on gas and car repair was to make sure you checked the pressure in your tires. He had a valid point but the tighty-righties blew a proverbial gasket.

“Obama’s energy policy is naïve!” “No tire pressure for oil!” and “Democrats are full of hot air!” screamed the VPILFs and McCains and Boners. They even distributed tire pressure gauges emblazoned with “Obama’s Energy Plan.” Problem was, Chocolate Elvis was right and the right was wrong. Fast forward to today…

A Nevada legislative subcommittee is recommending a law that would require mechanics to check their customer’s tire pressure. The reason being, it saves gas, creates less wear and tear on vehicles and pollutes less. Good idea, right? Not to some Nevadans. In the comment section of the RGJ story, there was pissing and moaning and hand wringing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. “Keep the government out of my tires” and “It’s the next step toward socialism” and “What will they mandate next? Prostate exams?” State Senator Heidi Gansert (R) said it is a “personal responsibility issue.” Really? Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…

First of all, it wouldn’t cost a penny for a mechanic to check your tire pressure while you car is already in the shop. Secondly, having the correct tire pressure really does work. Less pollution, more gas mileage…hell, I’m all for that. But two things chapped my ass reading this story.

One was the thought on personal responsibility. Ya know, it’s the Government’s responsibility to help keep us safe. Does Ms. Gansert want us to abolish the FDA and let us take personal responsibility to make sure there isn’t any poison in our food? Or maybe close the EPA so we can take it upon ourselves to check for lead in our Chinese-made toys? Shut down the military so we can defend ourselves against the bad guys? Aye caramba! Right-wing nutcases at their best. But let me ask something of the Teabagging, uneducated, Limbaugh-loving, rednecks that populate the 775...

I understand y’all say you’re for smaller government. Fewer regulations, less taxation, more freedom…so why do you support the government telling women they cannot get an abortion? Why do you insist on the government sponsoring the biggest navy, the biggest army and the biggest air force in the world? Why in the hell, if you are for smaller government, do you want the Feds to send troops to the Mexican border to fight illegal immigration and to the Gulf of Mexico to help clean up BP’s clusterfuck? Why in the hell do you insist that it’s O.K. for the Feds to tap your phone and your computer? Why? Because you are small-minded, xenophobic, hypocritical, cracker-assed crackers and you only want the government to stop people from doing things you disapprove of. FUCK YOU!!! the sooner you go back to wherever the hell you came from, the better.

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What's Love Got To Do With It?

Folks who regularly click over here to PTB know I love me my Muslim brothers and sisters. True story. But sometimes ya read a story and think, “Aye caramba!” Case in point…

Muslim leaders in Mother Russia are urging their flocks to disregard Valentine’s Day because it "preaches universal permissiveness, amorality and nihilism." SHEESH! Valentine’s Day does all that? Hardly. Let me explain to y’all. Valentine’s Day is a corporate-run holiday designed to guilt men into buying crap for their wives that they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to get a result that is not always forthcoming. Don’t believe me? Americans (mostly men) spend right around 14.7 BILLION dollars every year on crap like candy and cards and flowers. Question to all the boys out there: When was the last time you got laid ‘cause you bought your woman flowers? Candy? A Valentine’s Day card? Probably never. If y’all wanna get down to the horizontal mambo, you’d be better off buyin’ her a fifth of Jack Daniels. Yup, that’d loosen her up.

No my Muslim brothers and sisters. While your spiritual leaders take pot shots at our national holidays like teabaggers after Chocolate Elvis, they’re wrong about the whole thing. Valentine’s Day doesn’t stand for universal permissiveness, amorality or even nihilism. It stands for the rampant greed and unabashed consumerism that is the United States of America, Inc. Valentine’s Day has as much to do with sex and love as Christmas has to do with the birth of the SoG. Not a damned thing.

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Waste to Space

If you’ve been here to PTB more than once, you know I truly do love me some NASA. Heck-fire, growin’ up, I wanted to be an astronaut worse than life itself. Then I found out that there were no aliens who looked like Captain Kirk’s booty calls. That pretty much ended my spacefaring career. That and all the math and science stuff. YIKES! But it was still kind of a shock when Barry-O hacked a butt-load of money out of the USo’A, Inc.’s space budget. Go figure.

Here’s the crux of the biscuit…if we don’t have the millions of dollars to help American citizens out of their financial pain and medical suffering, why should a Christian nation spend that money goin’ into space? Funny thing is…the chucklenuts gnashing teeth and rending garments over this are the same ones who call Chocolate Elvis a socialist. By telling private corporations they need to step up and taking government money away from spaceflight, he’s doing the exact opposite of what a socialist would do. Bet you’ll never hear the teabaggers admit to that. True story.

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Bow Wow

Over the weekend, Chocolate Elvis met with the Emperor of Japan. In typical Japanese tradition, the ‘Bamer bowed during the greeting. Wanna know what happened next? The lunatic fringe skidmarked their collective Underoos. Don’t believe me? This from tighty-righty Bill (no not that Bill) Kristol:


“I don't know why President Obama thought that was appropriate. Maybe he thought it would play well in Japan. But it's not appropriate for an American president to bow to a foreign one." He added that the gesture bespoke a United States that has become weak under Obama. "I'll bet if you look at pictures of world leaders over 20 years meeting the emperor in Japan, they don't bow," Kristol said.


O.K. Bill...I’ll give you that one but I do have a question. Was Chimp-Dick sucking face and holding hands with the Saudi King O.K. with you? What about when the Bush-Wipe appeared with the leader of Vietnam, our sworn enemy? SHEESH! Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…


No matter what President Barack Hussein Obama does, the tighty-righties are gonna hate it. If Obama wanted a sandwich for lunch, the Republicans would want to rename peanut butter "Freedom Butter.” True dat. No worries, though. The right-wing nut cases are throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks. But the way they’re behaving as the “Party of No," everything that sticks is on their faces.


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