Random Thoughts of WTF

A.I.G.’s Chairman told Congress yesterday that the millions of dollars in bonuses the company gave out to the executives who ran the company into the toilet are, “Distasteful.” Funny he uses that term. Foie gras, brie and caviar taste like doodleberries too but we’ll bet those rich motherhubbards don’t give up that crap either.



Here at PTB we’re big fans of the World Baseball Classic. Think about it: Instead of Los Angeles against New York or Pittsburgh against San Francisco, it’s the USo’A against the whole friggin’ world. How cool is that? Problem is, not everyone is psyched to kick the rest of the world’s collective baseball asses. That’s why we’re putting out a fatwa on the manager of Team USA -- Davey Johnson. The other day Johnson was quoted as saying that if enough American players got hurt in the tournament, he’d forfeit the game. WTF? America invented the friggin’ game of friggin' baseball! Besides, there’s nothing more important to an athlete than representing their country in an international tournament. Forfeit? FORFEIT? Hey Davey…if you’re not in it to win it…get to steppin’ cracker. What team do you think you’re managing…France?



If you’re one of the millions of Americans who’ve tried the sleep diet, we’ve got news for you…sleeping will NOT make you lose weight. If you believe that dropping some “Z’s” will help you drop the lbs….you’ve got more of a problem than your weight…you’ve got a problem with your brain pan.



The other night the Nevada men’s basketball team hosted UTEP in a CBI (Coulda Been In) Tournament game. Attendance at the 12,000 seat Lawlor Events Center? Three thousand and change. Aye Caramba! If the college basketball team, who’s been in town for more than a hundred years, can’t get more than 3,000 fans into a friggin’ POSTSEASON TOURNAMENT GAME…how do you think attendance is gonna be for a brand spankin’ new AAA baseball team on a frosty April night? Fasten your seatbelts folks…the sounds of the forest are gonna be overwhelming.



And finally, today is the start of March Madness. You know, the tournament that Nevada USED to get in to on a regular basis. Anyway…it’s estimated that employers will lose more than $3.8 billion because workers are online checking their pools. Listen, if you’re spending work time checking whether or not UCLA is beating the North Carolina School of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, or how the Morris Brown College v. Atlanta A&T tilt is going, GET BACK TO WORK! The only person in the country getting paid to predict college basketball games is Dicky V. As for the rest of us…we’ve gotta get our noses back to the grindstone. How else is the government-cheese gonna get the tax money to bail out AIG again?



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BasKidBall

Y’all remember being in the seventh grade? It wasn’t that long ago for us here at PTB…we remember it like it was yesterday. After all, seventh grade was three of the best years we ever had. But that’s a crux of a different biscuit…


Seventh grade was the time in our life when girls stopped having cooties, our music tastes changed from kiddy pop to rock & roll and we started counting the days ‘til we were gonna get our driver’s license (1,460). Ah, the joys of youth. Now, the NCAA wants to really screw things up.



Famous for giving birth to the BCS, the “student”-athlete and Dick Vitale, the NCAA has squirted one out of their pooty hole that surprised even us. Last week the NCAA voted to allow college basketball coaches to recruit kids as early as seventh grade. Aye Caramba! All through high school, jocks got preferential treatment from teachers, administrators and, of course, the PoPo. Now, this ruling bestows BMOC status on kids who are barely out of their Underoos. WTF would a seventh grader know about which college to go to? Nothing.



This is just another example of how the culture of the athletic circle jerk is ruining the USo’A. Don’t believe us? Most people couldn’t name you one single Supreme Court Justice, the capital of Djibouti or even the biggest planet in the solar system…but almost everyone knows who won the last Super Bowl, or who Michael Jordan is, or that every baseball player in the 1990’s was juicin’. That’s our biggest problem…we put all our time, money and effort into kids playing sports that we ignore the fact that they need to learn readin’, writin’, and ‘rithmetic. What’s worse, is that if you’re a jock-strap, you’ve got little chance of playing beyond high school and an infinitesimal chance of playing beyond college. Meanwhile, the future doctors, lawyers and scientists of America are getting their funding cut and their needs ignored. This is the kind of crap that’s gonna bite us all in the ass one day. Luckily, most of us will be sitting on ours…watching sports on T.V.



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