End of the Weak

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Like a lot of cities around the country, the RNO has some mondo budget problems. One of the solutions to save money was to lay off 19 firefighters. But last night several firefighters and their wives went to the City Council to plead their case. They talked about how devastated their families would be if daddy got a pink slip. They talked about how firefighters are heroes who don’t deserve this kind of treatment. After IAFF 731 decided to forego a couple of raises, the city caved and the firefighters got to keep their gigs. Question: Would any other city employee get the same break if their families lobbied the city council? No. So now instead trying to spread the pain evenly across the spectrum, the council has decided that firefighters are untouchable. Don’t you wish all workers had those kind of rights?

Monday night Letterman was makin’ hella fun of VPILF Sarah Palin and her fam. Some of his jokes were pretty crude but nothing outta the ordinary. But the tighty-righties (Palin included) had themselves a conniption over it. They freaked so much that Letterman had to issue an apology (of sorts). Isn’t it funny that when Bill-O and Fat Boy incite their audience to kill abortion doctors, Muslims or anyone else they don’t agree with, it’s called “free speech.” But when a comedian calls a right-wing politician a slut he gets vilified? SHEESH!

And finally today…there have now been three terrorist attacks, on American soil, in the last week-and-a-half. All three were carried out by BSC motherhubbards. We knew they were coming, though. Remember in April when DHS released their report saying these kinda things were gonna happen? Remember? When they released the report, what did the tighty-righties do? They demanded a retraction, an apology and the resignation of Janet Napolitano, the head of DHS. Yo Republicans…if you wanna know why y’all are goin’ the way of the Whigs, look no further than this. They say they want to protect the citizenry, they say they want to keep America safe…and since they're politicians, you know it’s bullshit.


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Thank Full

Thanksgiving, the day we all get together with people we don’t like, eating crap we don’t need while wasting away the equivalent of what a poor family eats in a friggin’ month…don’t believe us?

Click Here.

What else is there to be thankful for today?

We’re thankful that we’re not bellboys in Mumbai.

We’re thankful we’re not in the suck.

We’re thankful we’re not Sarah Palin’s backdrop…

or the Detroit Football Lions...

But most of all, we’re thankful that, finally, Reno 9-11 caught the Bad Guy. Here’s hoping for justice and that this BSC rat-bastard will be eating Thanksgiving Dinner in his 3x3 ‘til its time to take a dirt nap.

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Thanks for Giving, Eve

We sure hate to be a downer on the day before a holiday but SHEESH! Did you see that dude dirt napping turkeys behind VPILF Sarah Palin the other day? That video was skankier than Britney Spears’ coochie. YUCK! Makes us glad we eat pizza on Thanksgiving. We just don’t wanna see where pepperoni comes from. YIKES!



Yesterday, the RGJ headline read: “Jobless Benefits Extended for Nevadans.” It might just be the semantics of the wording but anyone who can find the benefit in being unemployed is looking at things through beer goggles.



We’ve always held the position that Islam treats its women like shit. They’ve gotta cover up from head to toe, they can’t drive and they can’t be seen in public with a man she’s not related to. Bass-ackward cave-dwelling rat-bastards. Well, it looks like things are loosening up. Yesterday a suicide bomber in Baghdad blew 13 people to smithereens. The bomber was a woman. Way to start treating women equally, douchebags. Islam better not promise women going to heaven 72 virgins. What the hell is a woman gonna do with 72 virgins? Not. Much.



A new report out there says that the Silver State needs better-educated workers. Hey, we’re all for better ed-u-ma-ca-tion, but right next to that story was the one about a proposed 25 percent tuition hike for Nevada’s colleges and universities. WTF is up with that? They say they need more educated workers then they turn around and make it financially harder for people to get into college. That sucks.



And finally today…the Little General said yesterday that if the Wolf Pack lost to La Tech this weekend but got invited to a bowl game anyway, he’d seriously consider not going. Yeah, right.


The chances of Nevada finishing 6-6? Maybe. The chances of Nevada finishing 6-6 and getting a bowl berth?...ANY bowl berth? Maybe. The chances of Chris Ault & Cary Groth declining a bowl invite...ANY bowl invite? Never. Gonna. Happen.



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Chips Ahoy!

Here at PTB, we never did buy into Chimp-Dick’s “War on Global Extremism.” There are extremists everywhere. Just ask the VPILF’s hubby. But GWB went on ahead anyway and in the process, he broke the friggin’ Army! Nice job Bush-Wipe. The problem we have is that the current administration wouldn’t know a terrorist if one bit ‘em on the ass. Here’s a perfect example:



Pirates off the Horn of Africa are seizing ships, sailors and cargo at an alarming rate. So much so that the waters off the coast of Somalia are more dangerous than the streets of Baghdad. If that’s not extremist terrorism…what is? And what is the USo’A doin’ about it? Nothing.



So, while the Army and the National Guard continue to play security guard down in the Suck, the Navy is doin’ bupkis. Who’s takin’ the lead in finding these terrorists? Russia and Great Britain. Aye Caramba!



Look, these guys are terrorists as much as anyone flying airplanes into buildings and we should do something about it. We should send a couple of ships into the waters off Somalia and rub a butt on these rat-bastards. After all, they’re terrorists and we’re in a war on terrorism. Isn’t that right Mr. Bush?




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Must Be Monday

Bookies from Down Under are holding back payin’ the folks who bet the ‘Bamer would be the next Commander-In-Chief of the USofA. They say he could get JFK’d before he’s inaugurated. SHEESH! Talk about puttin’ a noonan on the guy. Look, there a lot of BSC, redneck, huckleberries out there and you know they wanna stir the shit. But if the powers that be can’t protect the President from some wack-job, why are they there in the first place? Besides…if someone wanted to wax a U.S. President, they’d have knocked off Chimp-Dick. Worst. President. Ever.





Good to see political observers here in the 775 thinkin’ that VPILF Sarah Palin has a bright future in the Republican Party. YEE HAW! Now, y’all know we love the ladies here at PTB -- best thing the Good Lord ever made. But if Caribou Barbie is the best female the tighty-righties can come up with, they’re in deep doo doo. C’mon guys… she didn’t know what countries made up NAFTA, she thought Africa was a country and she thought foreign policy experience was seeing Russia out her back door. YIKES! The Republican Party has officially become the party of dolts. Ronald Reagan must be spinning in his grave.



And finally today…we’ve gotta give credit where credit is due. Over the weekend THE University of Nevada put a tub-thumpin’ on Fresno State. The way the Wolf Pack played Saturday, you’d think they could beat the friggin' Pittsburgh Steelers. But that’s the problem we’ve always had with the Pack…one week they look like world-beaters, the next week...just weak. Consistency is the key for a good football program. Here’s hoping we get more of it. After all…it’s much better to be playing a bowl game between Christmas and New Years than to be playing in a bowl the week before Thanksgiving.



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You Are What You Urp

It's not a pretty sight...Tecate & Candy Corn…so much for holiday dinners…but it gave us pause and got us to thinkin' 'bout the scariest things we saw this Halloween...



We saw Sarah Palin hangin' around...


and the guy lookin’ for Osama Bin Laden…


We ran across across Nevada's chances of gettin’ a berth in a bowl game...


and we saw the last drop of H20 in the entire friggin' 775...


Any way you look at it, there are a lot of scary things out there on All Hallows Eve. Just be careful what you put in your pie-hole when you get home. Remember...garbage in/garbage out.


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Shave and a Haircut...Two Bits

Question: If the RNC shelled out $150,000 to dress Caribou Barbie…doesn’t that make the $200 John Edwards spent on a haircut seem kinda piddly?



Yesterday, VPILF Sarah Palin said that the election is “in God’s hands.” Question: If the Palin/McCain ticket loses, does that mean that God hates republicans or just Governor Palin? Does it mean JZeus' Dad likes Barack Obama? That would be one hell of an endorsement.



Speaking of endorsements…over the weekend Former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorsed the ‘Bamer. That was enough for us. Colin Powell is a big hero ‘round here at PTB. What followed though, made us wanna ralph. For the last few days, the tighty-righties have been hammering Powell. Seems they think he’s some kinda traitorous, terrorist-lovin’, un-American, elitist, liberal. Ya know, we don’t mind those terms bein’ used against almost anyone…but Colin Powell? C’mon. Anyone questioning Powell’s patriotism or judgment needs to have their head examined.


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Tuesday's "Gone With The Wind"

Yesterday the Sparks City Council approved a rezoning plan that will lead to almost 3,000 new homes in the Spanish Springs area. YIKES! Who’s gonna pay for the new roads, new schools, new police and fire stations? Taxpayers. Who is gonna benefit from the new development? Developers, builders and the councilpersons in their pocket. Good thing we're in the middle of a drought, elsewise they would have approved 100,000 new houses. These guys should all be voted out of office, recalled or impeached.



Last night Dean Heller and Jill Derby ‘bated over in Elko. It got a little snippy but we want more. How ‘bout we get ‘em together next time in an MMA-type “Ring of Death”? We’d pay to watch that. Funny though…we’d make the skeevy metrosexual a decided underdog to Battle Mountain rancher lady. First time he chipped a fingernail, he’d quit.



VPILF Sarah Palin is in the 775 today. Talk about shitty timing. How in the world can anyone get off work or school in the middle of the day for something like that? We would have loved to go to the rally if for nothing else than to yell bukkake jokes at her and see if we could get perp-walked by the S.S.



Ivanka Trump is on the stump today. If we were lesser men she’d be set on us still. But that’s not the point. Beelzebub’s demon seed is touting the health benefits and the cost-savings of bringing your own lunch to work. Hey ‘Vank…we’re poor…we’ve been brown baggin’ it most of our lives. Tell you what…give us some of daddy’s money and we’ll eat out at bourgie hot spots on a daily basis then tour the country tellin’ Huckleberries to DIY.



Finally, an 89-year-old woman in Ohio is in the Gray Bar Motel today for…wait for it…wait for it…Not giving back a football some punk kids threw into her yard! JZeus-Friggin’-Christo. Let’s see…for the cost of poppin’ granny, bookin’ her, holding her, trying her and all the rest, the PoPo could have bought a hundred footballs. Yo, Marshall Dillon…don’t you have a buckeye you could be rousting?



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Yogi Wants A Doughnut

So, VPILF Sarah Palin is related to the late Princess Diana. Hmmm…do you think if the McCain/Palin ticket wins the White House and Senator McRelic takes a dirt nap, that the Governor will take over and declare herself Queen of the United States? Palin is also related to FDR but don't look for her to get us out of the depression Chimp-Dick got us into. That's not her style.







Shhh….listen. Can you hear it? No? Neither can we. That cone of silence is Bill and Hillary Clinton campaigning for the ‘Bamer. Sure they wanted change in the White House…they just wanted it to be them moving back in. Hey guys…the ‘90’s are OVER. Sore. Losers.

The RGJ conducted a poll that says Skeevy Dean Heller is leading Jill “I’ve lived in Nevada for a hundred years” Derby. Another poll shows Senator McDust Bucket leading the ‘Bamer here in the 775. Question: are the people of Northern Nevada dumb, racist, oblivious to history or just plain BSC? Here’s hoping it’s the latter.



And finally…



Former Nevada hoops standout Kirk Snyder can’t seem to get a job in the big show. He’s lookin’ at ballin’ in either Europe or Asia. Hey Nick Fazekas! Hey JaVale McGee! Y’all payin’ attention? Sure hope y’all save yer money. Elswise you’ll both be back here in the 775 trapping bears.



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Thursday Thought Bubbles

VPILF Sarah Palin is prepping for tonight’s battle with Joey the Shark by goin’ to…get this…GOP Debate Camp. WTF do they teach you there? How to confuse Shiite and Sunni? How to pee with a wide stance? The proper display and disposal of flag pins? Or maybe you learn how weather patterns are affected by gay sex. Either way, we’re looking forward to the debate more than a Rastafarian looking forward to the first spliff after a urine test.





One more thought on the VPILF. The other day she was asked if she knew of any SCOTUS decisions she disagreed with besides Roe v Wade. She couldn’t think of one. Here at PTB our most hated decision is Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, but we’re civics geeks. Hell, wanna bet if she was asked which SCOTUS decisions she agreed with, she couldn’t come up with one of those either? Guess now we know what Dan Quayle would have looked like with boobs.



Number nerds have figured that Barack Obama is more likely to live out his presidential term than John McCain. Hmmm…think so? The slide rule smarty pants suggest McCain’s age and health make him a prime candidate to take a dirt nap while in office. We disagree. As soon as the ‘Bamer moves in to the White House the clock is ticking. Bass-ackward, redneck, inbred, hillbilly crackers will be lining up to JFK him. There’s nothing whitey hates more than a successful brown-skinded brother. Well, maybe a successful woman.




How come when Heath Ledger, the creepy Olsen Twin, Rush Limbaugh, Heather Locklear and their ilk get busted with ‘scripts, no one gets charged with a crime but when Snowboarding Spicoli gets caught with the kind on his way to Burning Man he gets Abu Ghraibed? Just asking.




Closer to home…The Environmental Protection Agency says that Yucca Mountain has to be designed to protect against excessive radiation exposure to residents of the 702 for up to…wait for it…a million years. SHEESH! Who’s gonna be around if the motherhubbard starts leaking in 3008? That’s only a thousand years. Heck, the EPA can’t even make sure FEMA trailers are free of asbestos. How’re they gonna pull this off?




Finally…y’all know we love our dogs here at PTB. In the Sunshine State our counterpart is Greg LeNoir. Last week GLeN was swimming with his rat terrier when Jaws III popped in from out of nowhere and started doin’ the reverse McGruff. Seeing his pup turning into a taste test, GLeN jumped in and pulled an Ali on the fish. BAM! Down goes Frazier! Human and canine came out of it with minor scratches…the shark reportedly wants a rematch down in ‘Vegas.




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MeTarded

Me-Tard (adj) Someone who is so self-centered as to seem dumb to "normal" people.




If you’re gonna vote for John McCain just’cause his running mate is a smokin’ hot VPILF…you might be a MeTard.


If you wag your morally righteous finger in our face and warn us about eternal damnation then turn around and let your teenage daughter get knocked up…you might be a MeTard.


If you think that a storm hitting the Gulf Coast is God’s way of punishing the gays…you might be a MeTard.


If you think anyone in the USo’A beside the Bush-Wipes gives one shizzle about the Russia/Georgia conflict…you might be a MeTard.


If you think the Invisible Man in the Sky cares about who wins the Super Bowl, the Presidential election or the war in Iraq…you might be a MeTard.


If you think teen pregnancy, gay sex or burning the American flag is immoral…you might be a MeTard.


If you think the media is liberal but don’t realize that images of flag-draped coffins are totally absent from the nightly news…you might be a MeTard.


And finally…


If you believe one campaign promise from one candidate will be kept…you’re not only a MeTard…you might wanna check the note pinned to your shirt. That’ll tell you who you are, where you need to go and who’s gonna claim you.


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Sarah Palin Tall

Here at PTB there’s nothing that chaps our collective asses more than the hypocrisy of politicians. Last night’s Republican National Convention was a shining example of why we constantly sport pink cheeks. A couple of things stuck out…



With all their talk about the USo’A bein’ the greatest country in the world and the diversity of its people…notice how there’s a dearth of brown-skinded brothers and sisters at the RNC? That place is filled with so much white it looks like a huge bowl of Uncle Ben’s rice. SHEESH…there are so many crackers in StP, it looks like a Saltine factory exploded. Hey re-flub-licans…whitey isn’t the only one livin’ in America. Guess they think “diversity” is the place you play college sports.



Smokin’ hot VPILF Sarah Palin gave a barn-burner of a speech last night and afterward Delaware's own JoeyB said that her family should be “of limits” to the media. Nice try bub. Ya see, Palin believes JZeus is head honcho and people should do WTF he says or risk eternal damnation. We’re kewl with ED but we’ve gotta ask…”Yo VPILF…how’s that religion-based abstinence program for teens goin’? See, Palin doesn’t believe in sex education, condoms or the pill. She thinks prayer’s gonna keep the li’l ones from goin’ carnal and gettin' preggers. Guess what? It. Doesn’t. Work.



Lastly…and we ask this often…if Sarah Palin is truly a Christian woman, full of Christian values, livin’ and lovin’ the words of JZeus, how the hell can she support the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? In other words, who would JZeus blow up? The answer is NOBODY! She may be a conservative, she may SAY she loves JZeus…but NO WAY is Sarah Palin a Christian. Don’t believe? Just read Matthew 25: 35-40. Or better yet…read the sixth commandment. Damned hypocrite.




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XXX Files

So, David Duchovny has checked into rehab ‘cause he’s a sex addict. Hey DD, you’re married to Tia Leone…you’d BETTER be a sex addict! Heck, you used to be a Hollywood A-Lister, You probably got more trim in one week of X-Files than we’ve gotten in our whole lives.



Smokin’ hot VPILF Sarah Palin’s unwed, 17-year-old daughter is preggers. FULL DISCLOSURE: None of the brothers here at PTB were responsible. The tighty-righties heard about Palin’s fertile offspring and skidmarked their Underoos. Hey GOP…didn’t the Invisible Man in the Sky tell you sex is only supposed to be between a man and his wife? Don’t try to sell us your Puritanical bullshit if you don’t even believe it yourselves.


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Labor Day Liturgy

We could see it if John McCain would’ve picked With Romney or Rudi-In-The-Booty as his VP. But by picking Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, one smokin’ hot “VPILF”, it seems like the GOP is giving up on the November elections. If the tighty-righties wanted a grrl for the number two spot, they’d have been better off pickin’ Condi. BTW…has there ever been more rocket hot women in politics than right now? We think not.

According to a report from the Rand Corporation, “Current U.S. strategy against the terrorist group al Qaida has not been successful in significantly undermining the group's capabilities. Al Qaida has been involved in more terrorist attacks since Sept. 11, 2001, than it was during its prior history and the group's attacks since then have spanned an increasingly broader range of targets in Europe, Asia, the Middle East and Africa.” Here at PTB, we’ve been sayin’ that exact same thing for more than a half a decade. Regular readers can now, officially, look down their noses at the unwashed masses.

So, Sparks Middle School has gone Borg. Funny...while we’re big fans of the schoolgirl look here at PTB, we’ve gotta ask: “Isn’t that the very same thing those Godless Commie rat-bastard North Koreans do to their kids? Yup.

Last week, Reno-911 busted some poor Rasta for drugs while he was on his way to Burning Man. They can't catch the murders or the arsonists or the robbers out there on the loose but they spend their time and effort and our money bustin' Bob Marley wannabes for weed. Way to protect and serve.

Well…it’s Labor Day weekend and y’all know what that means. No, we’re not talkin’ ‘bout a three day weekend. Heck, we live in the 775. Most of the folks up here got jobs that don’t give a schizzle what day it is. No, we’re talkin’ ‘bout the Jerry Lewis labor Day MDA Telethon.

FULL DISCLOSURE: This year’ll be the 12^th Telethon we’ve been involved with.

The crux of today’s biscuit is simple…The “greatest country on earth” can spend ten BILLION dollars a month blowin’ up brown-skinded innocent folk. Yet, to cure this heinous disease that affects millions of Americans, the good ole USoA relies on France’s favorite comedian to raise money. That just doesn’t seem right.

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