Friday in Summer Concert Series con't.

Damn, we sure do love us some summer. Warm temps, minimal clothing and great music. We've gotta have SOMETHING to get our minds of the shit in the world. Swear to JZeus' Dad...one day, we're gonna make a commercial for Tahoe Creamery with this song!


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Nothing Like Poe When You're Depressed

Snub No's

Supreme Being

Looks like the ‘Bamer got hisself a pick for the SCOTUS. It’s a pretty good bet that the tighty-righties are gonna get their Underoos in a bunch over the pick. But we’re gonna save ‘em the trouble of researching her past and give you the boogity boogity up front, right here. So, without further ado…a couple of things you might not have known about Supreme Court nominee -- Judge Sonia Sotomayor:



In her early years, she rode with Pancho Villa.



She isn’t even Hispanic. Her real name is Brunhilde Steinmetz-Glockenspiel.



She was one of Wilt Chamberlain’s 20,000 conquests.



Her friends nicknamed her “SoSo.”



Before going into law, she played midfield for Real Madrid.



She speaks seven different languages, none of which are Spanish.



Played rhythm guitar for Santana at Woodstock.



Wrestled in the Mexican WWE as Jurist Prudence.



She earned money for law school doing voiceover work as the Taco Bell chihuahua.



And lastly...something you didn't know about Judge Sonia Sotomator...She once sat in for Lynn Toler as a guest judge on Divorce Court.



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Remember

Celestial Season

Damn, we love us some summer! This weekend kicks off the season with a hearty "Boo Yah!" Gonna head out to some H2O and mingle with the honeys. Our suggestion? Y'all do the same. here's a bit o' the Fresh Prince to get you in the mood.



BTW...Don't forget to check back here on Monday. We're gonna have you cryin' your eyes out.



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Good Cop -- Great Cop

Hot diggety damned! Didja hear? PoPo in the Big Apple went and caught themselves four terrorists. They busted the rat-bastards yesterday and today they’ve got ‘em in court. HUZZAH!



NYPD Blue didn’t torture anyone to get information.


They didn’t kill any civilians in the process of the arrest.


They didn’t need Halliburton,
or KBR,
or Blackwater,
or a predator drone,
or fuckin’ Lynndie England to get the bad guys…

Nope. Just good, old-fashioned police work. Just like the cops in Bali...and London...and Madrid.



Now these recent converts to Islam are gonna get their day in court, then soon get plenty of time in the Gray Bar Motel to study the Koran. They’ll need it.



You see, just like Christianity and Judaism, Islam is a religion of peace. And just like Christianity and Judaism, there are BSC motherhubbards spewing hate outta their lie-holes claiming to do it for God, or Yahweh, or Allah, or Jesus. If these chuckle-headed wannabes had actually studied about their newly found religion, they wouldn’t be out tryin’ to blow people up. How do a bunch of bass-ackward, crazy, bald-headed, cracker assed crackers from the 775 know? ‘Cause we can read…



Chapter 3, verse 172, of the Quran: "Of those who answered the call of Allah and the messenger, even after being wounded, those who do right and refrain from wrong have a great reward."



Amen.

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Silver Tongues from the Silver State

Every time a report is issued talkin’ ‘bout edu-ma-cation, the Silver State ranks down at the bottom with the likes of Mississippi, American Samoa and the Aleutian Islands. It was always kinda funny…’til now. Below are a couple o’ recent examples of Nevada-educated political-types.



Yesterday, Senator Harry Reid was asked about releasing prisoners from Gitmo. His response?

REID: I’m saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States. That’s very clear.

QUESTION: No one’s talking about releasing them. We’re talking about putting them in prison somewhere in the United States.

REID: Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.

QUESTION: Sir, are you going to clarify that a little bit? …

REID: I can’t make it any more clear than the statement I have given to you. We will never allow terrorists to be released in the United States.


How in the hell did this guy get elected to the United States Senate? Oh yeah, Nevada voters. Aye caramba! Another example…


Senator John Ensign just got back from touring Gitmo. His analysis? He said average Americans would be “outraged because the kind of treatment (detainees) get is certainly not only better than anybody in an American prison, but they get better health care the average American citizen does.”


Just fucking great. Gitmo terrorists get better healthcare than the average Joe Blow and Ensign thinks that’s a good idea. Shows you what shitty healthcare Americans have. Better treatment than homegrown prisoners? Not. Close. American prisoners have the right to a speedy trial, they have the right to an attorney, they have the right of to be charged with a fucking crime. Those poor rat-bastards in Gitmo have one right…the right to be waterboarded ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-THREE TIMES!!!




You wanna know what Americans are outraged about Senator Douchebag? We’re outraged that you, Senator Reid and the rest of your ilk are shitting all over the Constitution and spinning it as a way to “keep America safe.” HOGWASH! We’re gonna say this again, ‘cause y’all obviously haven’t been payin’ attention.


A politician’s job isn’t to “keep America safe.” Politicians swear an oath to "uphold the Constitution of the United States of America." So far, Senators Reid and Ensign have been doin’ a piss-poor job of it. Two great examples of Nevada-educated dumbasses. Good thing we’ve got elections comin’ up. When we’re through tossin’ the bums out, Reid and Ensign can go back to workin’ at the drive thru. Just be careful what you order.


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Meanderthal

She’s 47 million years old and her name is Ida. No, she’s not John McCain’s sister, she’s the missing link. An appropriate time for a haiku, neh?

Evolution? Yes.
"Believers" can now believe.
Thank God for science.



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Awkward Christian Soldiers

Christians who believe in the war against global extremism, that torture is not a crime and that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars are both justified have got to stop referring to the Old Testament.



A report out from GQ magazine says that former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld headlined intelligence briefings for pResident Bush with militaristic bible verses. Most of them were from the Old Testament. Wonder why?



Ya see, JZeus’ Dad in the O.T. was one mean, cantankerous, pissed off, S.O.B. Damn…he kept Moses out of the promised land. He turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt. He let his boy Job get munched by Moby Dick. There was myriad fire and brimstone and plagues and that sort of stuff. Aye caramba, that Dude was the God of war! Then, along comes Junior. Remember him? Apparently, Mr. Rumsfeld does not.



Read a couple of books from the New Testament. Know what you’ll find? Through and through, JZeus preaches tolerance, and love, and peace. He’s the exact polar opposite of His Old man. Surely, if the SOG were alive today, Rumsfeld and his ilk would brand him a pacifist…a coward…or worse…FRENCH!



It’s always a turd in the punchbowl when people kill in the name of their God but the right-wing nut cases, who claim America is a Christian nation, continually do things that would have JZeus spinning in His grave. So, which is it? Are you a true Christian Rummy, or is all that religion stuff just something y’all trot out to ease your conscience? We bet the latter.



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Spiked

This is a clip from the 1990 PBS special "Do it Acapella" from Spike Lee. If this doesn't have you tappin' your foot, you probably got IED'ed over in the Suck.



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Bait and Switch

You can’t run on a platform of change and hope if you do the same fuckin’ bullshit the douchebag you replaced did.

Yesterday, the ‘Bamer said he’s gonna stop the release of hundreds of photos that show G.I. Joes abusing prisoners. He said the release of the photos would, “…further inflame anti-American opinion and to put our troops in greater danger.” Listen Barry-O…American troops are fighting two unnecessary wars with little rest and crappy gear. They’re already in great danger – a couple of pictures won’t change that. The president went on to say, "the individuals who were involved have been identified, and appropriate actions have been taken." How do we know? How can we believe you? After eight years of hearing Government-Cheese Dicks telling us “Things are being taken care of,” we’re a little leery of believing y’all right now.

Look Mr. President, it’s understandable that you’re politically scared. After all, Dr. Evil and Fat Man have already laid the blame for the next terrorist attack on you and your policies. But those policies look an awful lot like the policies of the Bush-Wipe and his administration. Where is the change you promised us? This is America. We don’t keep secrets from our citizens (anymore). We’re grownups. Release the photos and let Americans decide if you’ve taken care of business. Keep ‘em secret and you’re no better than the right-wing nut jobs who held your office the last two terms. Remember how that turned out?



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Tortured Logic

Write it in stone…You can’t call yourself a Christian if you believe in torture. Period. In a story out today, evangelicals say they’re fighting their conscience about waterboarding prisoners. I know what you’re saying, “Evangelicals have a conscience?”


The spiel coming out of the lie-holes of right wing nut jobs is that a terrorist could have information of an imminent attack on America. They figure, if that’s the case, then torture the bastard to get the pertinent information. It’s called the “Jack Bauer-24” scenario. We have just one tiny problem with that…



FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch “24” on FOX, we here at PTB make one million dollars!



The problem is that “24” is a goddamned television show! It has as much to do with real-life terrorism and interrogation as Reno-911 has to do with the Reno Police Department. Wait, bad example. Put it to you this way: fictionalized scenarios for television dramas have little or nothing to do with how those things would turn out in real life. It’s fiction. But the tighty-righties would have you believe that some fake-assed T.V. show is the real deal. Poppycock.



Fact: Torture doesn’t work.

Fact: Torture is a crime.

Fact: Americans torturing Muslims is a recruitment tool for al Qaeda.



So, if you consider yourself a Christian, you can't condone torture – you must condemn torture. Remember, you were taught to “turn the other cheek.” ‘Cause I’m pretty sure when JZeus said, “My cup runneth over.” He wasn’t talking about waterboarding.



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Why We Freak

Studies have found that combat veterans are twice as likely to commit suicide as people in the general population. Can you see where this is goin’? Nine percent of all unemployment in the United States is attributed to combat exposure, as is 8 percent of all divorce or separation and 21 percent of all spousal or partner abuse. Aye Caramba! So why are people surprised when a soldier, either stationed abroad or right here at home, goes BSC and starts poppin’ caps into people? Y’all shouldn’t be. We weren’t. Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit:

Most of the brothers and sisters serving in Iraq and Afghanistan belong to the National Guard. Remember the National Guard? “One weekend a month and two weeks a year.” Not. Anymore. Thanks to Chimp-Dick’s two unwinnable and immoral wars, Guardsmen (and women) from all over the USo’A are getting stop-lossed into three, four or five tours of duty. Stayin’ that long in the Suck would make anyone crazy! And all they get to do is army versions of C.W. McCall and Paul Blart -- escorting convoys to and fro and being security guards.

Yup…pResident Bush started this fuckin’ mess and it looks like the ‘Bamer isn’t gonna stop it anytime soon. Every day civilians and soldiers die needlessly. Every day young American men and women are being driven to the edge by this fucked up bullshit. Does the Government-Cheese care? They say they do during the campaign season but as soon as they take office, they forget. We shouldn’t be surprised.




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Joey, Joey, Joey. Oi, Oi, Oi.

Joey Gilbert, ex-favorite son of the 775, has joined forces with a couple other lawyer-types as a spokesman for a pro-Yucca Mountain lobbying group. Now, we know what y’all are sayin’, “Joey Gilbert can speak?”





But seriously, we’re wonderin’ how a cheatin’, lyin’, punch-drunk, convicted drug user can be the spokesman for anything. That being said, Gilbert has now gone over to the dark side. How can this be? Well…Gilbert has said he’s gonna throw his hat into the ring and run for political office. No problems with that. The thing is, Joe-Go has declared himself a Republican and started getting’ tootled by State Assemblyman Ty Cobb. Republicans pushing for the NV to store the country’s nookular waste? Yup. That’s their stance on the issue.




Proponents of Yucca Mountain say the Silver State will get big bucks from the Feds by storing all that radioactive diarrhea here in the 702. They point to all the scratch Alaskans get from oil company revenues. But that’s the crux of today’s biscuit…




Alaska’s oil money comes from the oil industry. Ask the poor bastards that live near Prince William Sound what they think of oil companies. Yucca-lovers say the big bucks’ll come from the Federal Government. Bad analogy. Ya see, oil companies have been making obscene profits for decades. Give a little to the AK’ers? O.K. Problem is, the feds have been hemorrhaging money since the Bush-Wipes took office. The Fed is dirt-poor. Feds got no juice, pachuco. So, where’s the money gonna come from? Nowhere.




Tighty-righty chuckleheads like Gilbert, who hate the federal government unless they want something from it, actually believe Silver Staters are gonna get big bank from the government-cheese. Not. Gonna. Happen. Best case scenario, we get the dump and nothing leaks for a million years. Worst case scenario, some BSC motherhubbard grabs hold of Pelham 123 on the way to Yucca and blows the bejeezus outta the poor bastards in Iowa or Nebraska or down in the 702. Anyone remember Trashcan Man from the Stand? We do.




Our suggestion? Hey Joey…STFU. Just because you have an (in)famous name doesn’t qualify you to accept Yucca Mountain on our behalf. Besides…Vegas glows nicely on its own.




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Second Amendment Sweetness

The best part about livin' in the 775, is that we might actually get to meet a couple o' rocket-hotties like this. Well, we can wish, can't we? have a GREAT weekend!

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Thursday Think

A group of Republicans wants to re-brand their party. People don't like you? Just change your name! Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Eric Cantor and Nevada's own Senator John "Don't call me whitey" Ensign, make up the famous faces of the “National Council for a New America.” Quick hint for the tighty-righties: The “old” America was run by George W. Bush and his cronies. We’ve already got a new America and your hateful, war-mongering, racist, elitist, homophobic philosophies are dead. Our call? Soon, the Republican party will be sleeping with the fishes. Just like the Whigs.



Bristol Palin is the new teen spokesperson for the Candie’s Foundation. That’s a group promoting abstinence among the little folks. Tryin’ to get teens to abstain from sex is like tryin’ to stop a zebra from getting stripes. Not. Gonna. Happen. Making Bristol Palin the pie hole of the no sex movement is like getting Amy Winehouse to be the spokesperson for D.A.R.E.



Former Nevada FOOTIE coach NAME REDACTED'S lawsuit against the University of Nevada was tossed out by a judge yesterday. No jury trial for her. That’s Nevada justice for you…the little guy gets the shaft and the rich get the desired verdict. A quick observation: Since her dismissal from THE University of Nevada, the basketball team hasn’t made it to the NCAA Tournament, the football team hasn’t won a bowl game and the baseball team hasn’t seen a sliver of postseason play. Get used to it Nevada…you’ve angered the sporting Gods and they’re already smiting you.



And finally…remember when Chimp-Dick was all horny for Ethanol? When they started cranking up production of the stuff, they found that tortilla chip, corn flake and high fructose corn syrup prices were goin’ through the roof. That’s cause the corn was goin’ into gas tanks rather on to American plates. Check it: Scientists have just produced a race car that runs on…wait for it…wait for it…CHOCOLATE! Aye Caramba! The exhaust probably smells great but we fear the rise in the price of candy. We’ll just call it “Snickers Shock.”




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Chain Letter

We get e-mails like this on a consistent basis. Today, a reply. The original letter is in bold white type. The red type is all PTB.

The author, Lou Pritchett is a well-known public speaker who retired after a successful 36-year career as the VP World Sales for Proctor and Gamble.



AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA
Dear President Obama: Well, at least he got the intro right.

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me. This is what I call the “pussification of America.” C’mon, chickenshit…Obama is scarier than the Bush-Wipe?

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you. Obviously, this douchebag doesn’t get cable T.V., or magazine subscriptions, or read the newspaper, or how to work the Google machine. Know nothing is right.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support. It’s called a student loan. It’s called a scholarship. And since he was a practicing attorney when he got out of law school…that should give you a clue as to where he got his money. Unlike George W. Bush who got his Ivy League education and all his money from his daddy!

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American. WTF does that mean? America is the melting pot of ALL cultures. That’s what makes this country great! Who cares where he spent his “formative years?”

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. George Bush ran the Texas Rangers baseball club, with an unlimited payroll and managed no better than fourth place. EVER! Yup, that dude was a real winner. BTW…Reagan, Eisenhower and Kennedy didn’t run companies before they were elected President either.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core. Three words regarding Obama’s lack of military service – George Fucking Bush. And don’t tell me playing hooky with the Texas National Guard is “military service.” Besides, look what the right-wing nut jobs did to John Kerry for serving in the military. BTW…Dr. Evil (aka Dick Cheney) took more than thirteen deferments to get out of serving his country. Pussy.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others. Humility? Ummm…when the ‘Bamer went to Europe and apologized for the Bush years, y’all crucified him for being humble. Now you want humility? SHEESH! As far as class…c’mon…did you see Bush manhandle Angela Merkel at the ’07 G8? That Texas huckleberry is a walking faux pas. As far as blaming others…has ANYONE in the Bush administration taken responsibility for 9/11? Iraq? Afghanistan? The economy? Nope.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail. Reverend Wright was just saying what a lot of other people are thinking. You want radical extremists? Governor Bobby Jindal performed a fucking EXORCISM on a girl when he was in college. Sarah Palin’s preacher man believes in witches and ghosts. Talk about radicals…YIKES!

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad. You could construe that as humility…we went over that a couple of lines ago.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector. The government dominates the military, the police, who I can fuck, who I can marry, what I can smoke or snort. We’ve been living in a socialist nation for a long time now…y’all just don’t see it.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government-controlled one. America is the only industrialized nation in the world without universal healthcare. Does the system we have now work? $50 for an aspirin should give you the answer.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. Oil, coal and shale mess up the environment. They are high-pollution emitters. This troglodyte puts quotes around “windmills” like wind power, or solar power are stupid.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world. Highest standard in the world? Hardly. Been to the Lower Ninth Ward in the N.O. lately? How 'bout oakland? Detroit? American capitalists are the ones who got us into this mess. The banks, the oil companies…look at all the war profiteering going on in Iraq and Afghanistan…yeah right…American capitalists…model citizens. Just take a look at Bernie Madoff if you want a clear picture of an American capitalist. Loser.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations. Fuck extorting them…let ‘em fail. But don’t forget Chimp-Dick giving $800 BILLION, no strings attached, no oversight money to the banks. The rich helping their rich friends. BTW…after seeing some of those AIG parties, the motherfuckers don’t need extortion…they need jail time!

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals. Here we go again…the federal government grew bigger under George W. Bush and the republican revolutionaries in the House and Senate than at any other time in history. Bush came in with a surplus…he left with the biggest deficit ever. Was this chucklehead ever “scared” of George Bush? Nope…but he shoulda been.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people. The tighty-righties believe in intelligent design, they’re against stem cell research and believe in an Invisible Man in the Sky. They think tax cuts for the rich are the answer to all of life’s problems. Intelligence is not their strong suit.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient. When did he tell you that? How do you know? This motherfucker is baggin’ on the ‘Bamer for being cocky? Arrogant? WTF? Doesn’t he remember, “Mission Accomplished” and “You’re either with us, or against us?” Talk about a pompous ass. BTW…Bush says history will prove him a great president. Not. Gonna. Happen.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do. For the last month left wing, radical media outlets like MSNBC and CNN have badgered Obama over the fact he isn’t gonna prosecute those who sullied our international reputation by allowing torture. Just last night Obama was on Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the World” list. Free Pass? The media was lickin’ Bush’s nut sack after 9/11 and didn’t start in on him ‘til 2007. Speaking of the media givin’ Barry-O a free ride, turn on Faux News Channel for ten minutes. You’ll see what I mean.


You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view. How does he want to do that? Obama famously said he wanted to reach across the aisle to work with republicans. So far, not one republican has voted for one Obama idea. The party of hate. The party of fear. The party of no. Obama doesn’t demonize those slathering lie-holes…I do. BTW…if the conservative viewpoint is “I hope the President fails,” then conservatives are all traitors.
You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing. Who controlled media access to returning dead soldiers? Who spied on INNOCENT Americans without warrants? Who kidnapped people off the streets and sent them to countries for torture? C’mon…you know it was George Bush.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years. Lou…I’m gonna be blunt here…you’re a fuckin’ moron. You’re a hate-mongering, gay bashing, fascist, without a new idea in your entire brainpan. There is one area of this letter where I agree with you – you are scared…and you should be.


Your time is over. Y’all had your chance and you drove the country into the shit-storm from hell. It’s gonna take a lot of time and effort to get us outta the mess that George W. Bush and his cronies got us into and I’m proud that President Barack Hussein Obama is the one trying to lead us out of it. The Invisible Man in the Sky surely knows we need the help.

Lou Pritchett
pj Connolly

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London Calling

Ah, Great Britain. The land that gave us

King Arthur…

King George…

Boy George…

John, Paul, Ringo and George…have given us a WTF moment we won’t soon forget. When you think of sexy Europeans, the Brits aren’t usually on the radar. You can blame that on The Big Book of British Smiles or Queen Victoria…but that’s the crux of another biscuit.
But it seems that the outwardly uptightness of the Brits is just a cover.


Last weekend a couple of British lovebirds strolled up to the grounds outside Windsor Castle and started doin’ the rumpity-bumpity in plain view of everybody. YOW! Several Japanese tourists in the area got their memory sticks full before the Bobbies rolled up and told the couple to stop. Here’s where it gets weird:


The couple was arrested, released and given a “written warning about outraging public decency.” A written warning. A FRIGGIN’ WRITTEN WARNING! Heck-fire, a written warning is something you get when you’re late for chemistry class or when you get pulled over for a burned out tail light.



If this would have happened in the USo’A, the PoPo would have perp-walked the motherhubbards to jail and given ‘em a “Rudy in the Booty.” Then they’d get convicted and be branded sex-offenders for the rest of their lives. In Great Britain they give written warnings. Bummer. Even the British aren’t as zealously puritanical as Americans.


Junior: “Look, mommy…it’s Big Ben!”
Mommy: “No Junior…Big Ben is a clock tower. That’s a towering cock.”



Just thinking about inserting Tab ”A” into Slot ”B” scares the bejeezus out of Americans. The Brits? Not so much. Queen Victoria must be spinning in her grave. But then again, she always was a bit of a spinner.

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Funday Morning

You're probably askin' yourself, "WTF is up with a PTB vid on a Monday?" This was way too cool to wait 'til Friday. Enjoy.


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Black AND White Video

We were hoping for some good weather for the weekend here in the 775. Not. Gonna. Happen. So, here's a Friday video to cheer y'all up.



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