Monday Morning Mind Wonderings

The Government-Cheese in Taxachusetts is going to appoint a “caretaker” to Teddy K’s Senate seat. It’s only an interim gig but, heck-fire, it’s a Senate seat nonetheless. Sources close to the situation speculate that TK’s widow is gonna get the nod. Aye caramba! Since when does the intimate knowledge of a Senator’s doodle translate to the ability to legislate? If that’s the line of reasoning, wouldn’t the skank ho’s that David Vitter was bangin’ be qualified for office too? SHEESH!


To help out with Kal-ee-for-nee-uh’s budget deficit, the Governator is holding a garage sale. HAW! Serves the motherhubbards right. That’s what y’all get when you elect a juiced-up, drug abusing B-list actor as your Governor. Although, as a Nevadan, I have no room to talk about crappy governors.



Finally, we’ve got to shout out a hearty HUZZAH to Paul Lewis. He’s a British cameraman who was shooting video of a rookie making her first jump when his main parachute failed to open. His reserve only partially opened. And the brotherhubbard SURVIVED the fall. Yee Haw! Yo P-Lew…next time you’re in the 775, look me up, we’ll hit the craps tables. With your luck, we’ll walk away owning the joint. True dat.


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Summer is Almost over...But Not Quite

This has got to be one of the best summer songs ever! Heck-fire...that's why we're postin' it here. True dat.

Warning Sighs

If the FDA and the Government-Cheese have their way, buying cigarettes is gonna scare the bejeezus outta people. There’s a study out that found placing graphic images on cigarette packaging makes people less likely to buy ‘em. Graphic images like black lungs, gangrenous feet, people breathing out of stomas and dead babies are a few of the pics they’re gonna use to keep people from using tobacco products. Now, I’m not really in favor of that idea. After all, tobacco is a legal product here in the USo’A. But if the Government-Cheese wants to show people the deadly evils that come with smoking, I think they should expand the whole thing.


1. From now on, there should be graphic images of mutilated bodies and corpses lying on the side of the road in every car commercial.


2. Every bag of fast food sold in America should be required to have a picture of one of those morbidly obese people – naked!


3. Every alcoholic beverage should be labeled with the phrase “You ARE the father!”


4. Politicians must all get the word “LIAR” tattooed on their foreheads.


5. Cannabis clubs in California should have to sell their weed in baggies that look like little bags of Doritos.


6. High school diplomas must include an application to work at the nearest McDonald’s drive-thru.


7. And finally…every church in American must prominently display a picture – not a painting or a statue but a real-life photograph of their God. Of course, you wouldn’t see anything so they have to include the phrase “What Your Money Buys” underneath.



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Ted's Dead Baby...Ted's Dead

So Teddy-K is takin’ a dirt nap. Ya know…if any of us regular chucklenuts out here woulda got brain cancer like he did, with the healthcare system we’ve got in the USo’A, we’d all be bankrupt now. No such worries for Ted’s fam, though…he got free medical insurance the minute he was elected to office. That’s forty years of free, taxpayer-supported, top-of-the-line socialized medical treatment. Funny, the politicians who spout off about how bad socialized medicine is are the same ones who have the government-cheese pay for everything. Hypocrites.

A list of who’s happiest that TK kicked the bucket:

1. John Ensign’s parents
2. Mark Sanford’s wee wee
3. Michael Jackson’s doctor
4. Michael Vick’s new teammates
5. Jim Gibbons’ Stimulus Czar
6. Anyone related to Mary Jo Kopechne

But you know who suffers most from this 24 hour news cycle of constantly changing stories? Our brave men and women in uniform. It’s bad enough bein’ in the suck that is Iraq and Afghanistan for no good reason other than to get your ass shot off. But those poor bastards are so yesterday’s story that four of ‘em can get IED’ed in one day and it doesn’t even make the news. Oh yeah…and Beau Bergdahl…GET BACK SOON BEAU! These rat-bastard politicians say they support our troops, now is the time that you see it’s just that…only words.


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Cracker-Assed Crackers

Last week some chucklenut offed his supermodel wife, chopped her up in pieces and tossed her in a dumpster. Pretty sick stuff. The story was smeared all over the news like peanut butter on a three-year-old. But do you ever notice when these things come up, it's always pretty white women that are the victims? You never see the news run a story on a minority woman being killed, or raped, or kidnapped.

They keep saying America is the greatest country in the world. They tell us about the virtue of our melting pot society. It's all hogwash. The USo'A is run (and occupied) by a bunch of xenophobic, huckleberry, bass-ackward, racists. Don't believe me...the stories on the news prove it every single time. Aye caramba!

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Just Being Social (ist)

Here in the USo’A, we’ve socialized our military. After all, fighting the Brits, or the Krauts, or the Commies, or whoever is in the Enemy of the Month Club is a function so important; we need the juice of the Government to get the job done right.

Do you think Blackwater could do a better job than the US Army? I don’t.

We’ve socialized law enforcement. Catching perps and tossin’ ‘em in the Gray Bar Motel is such an important function that we’ve given the Government-Cheese the task of keeping us safe from the baddies. You know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout: Shopkeepers who sell alcohol to minors, ‘ho’s, stoners, college kids illegally downloading music…you know really bad guys.

Do you think Paul Blart or 21 Jump Street can do a better job than The real PoPo? I don’t.

I t just seems to me that if our safety, our security and our protection is so important to us that we have to trust the government to do it, why isn’t the health of our children that important too? How ‘bout the health and welfare of millions of senior citizens and people living in poverty? How ‘bout our own health? Change the system? The smart ones say HELL YES! The government can't be as bad as private companies. The airheads who spout right-wing talking points say HELL NO! After all, the government wouldn’t do nearly as good a job as big pharma, the health insurance industry or corporate, for-profit hospital chains.

Hell, and I always thought we had a government of the people for the people and by the people. Maybe we could just let big business run the government too? Oh yeah, I forgot…they already do. SHEESH!

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Newtered

I saw Newt Gingrich the other day blatherin’ on about Universal Healthcare. You know the Newt-ster. He’s the rat-bastard that was tellin’ us how JZeus talks to him and that gay marriage is bad and that we needed a constitutional amendment to save heterosexual marriage from all those gay people. All the while, he was bangin’ his paramour. Hypocrite. ANYWAY…


Newt was pretty adamant when he said we “shouldn‘t trust the government on these important issues.” He implied that there is no role for the government to play when a person makes decisions about his or her health choices. This from the same party that says a woman’s right to an abortion is wrong. Yo Newter…If you think the government-cheese should stay away from healthcare decisions, WTF were you the one leading the fight to keep Terri Schiavo plugged in over the objections of her family?


No, the republicans don’t want Government run healthcare. They want to leave that up to the insurance companies...

and the pharmaceutical companies...

and the big-time for-profit corporate hospitals.


Same as it ever was.

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Flyin'

This is just AWESOME. Now, If I could just get one of these bad boys in my own backyard!

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Bible Belted

Adieu Mr. P

Les Paul may be gone but great guitar lives forever. Thanks for the memories, Les. You'll be missed. I know, wherever you are, the place is rockin'!

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The Movie Rick Pitino Didn't See

Forty-Four and Counting

Forty four days since Private First Class Bowe Bergdahl was captured by the bad guys. Forty four fucking days. Have you heard anything about him on the news? No. Nothing but town hall rabble-rousers, tinfoil hat wearin' "Birthers" and Michael Jackson’s doctor. Aye caramba! Next time I hear someone use the term “Liberal Media,” I’m gonna break my foot off in their John Brown Hind Pot. Way to remember your hero soldiers America.

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Put Your Irony Setting on Stun

The only thing not authentic in this picture, is the picture of me. Everything else is straight up. Question: If Gun violence is on the rise, why the "Going Out of Business" sale?

Monday Musings

Why is it O.K. for the United States to torture “enemy combatants” in Gitmo, but it’s not O.K. for our enemies to torture our guys when they get captured? Oh, I know. It’s the same reason Los Angeles Dodger fans booed the hell outta Barry Bonds when they found out he was a steroid-abusing cheater but gave Manny Ramirez a standing ovation for the same thing. Torture sure is a fucked up thing…but at least, it’s OUR torture. Aye caramba!



Now that Blackwater is back in the news ‘cause its founder is a friggin’ BSC motherhubbard, I started to wonder. Remember back in the day, if you were in the armed forces and you messed up, they’d make you peel potatoes? It was called K.P. Well, it seems that you can’t go all Gomer Pyle on a dumbass nowadays ‘cause the United States Government pays Blackwater to peel potatoes, do laundry and dig latrines. Did you know that digging shit-holes for Blackwater gets you TEN TIMES the pay rate of the poor dogfaces getting their asses blown off? Remember when war profiteering was a bad thing?



Now, I really don’t want to start off the week on a bummer note (a different tack from the usual Mondays, I know.). So, I’m gonna play a couple of sets of “Vilification Tennis”…here goes…


"Your momma is so hairy, when she takes her clothes off, PETA throws red paint on her!"


Not a bad start to the week, neh?


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Hoppin'

There’s a helluva party goin’ on here in the 775. Hot women, hot cars and hot music…it must be Hot August Nights. In celebration, we’ve got you this little tidbit from one of the baddest motherhubbards ever – Glenn Miller. That dude was smoother than a baby’s butt and his boys could do some band damage. Don’t believe it? Watch the dancers during the silent parts of this song…he’s got ‘em still groovin’! The awesome thing about this video is that the band really played the song. Everyone that is, ‘ceptin’ the brother ticklin’ the ivories. That dude’s piano playin’ is as fake as John Ensign and Mark Sanford's commitment to the sanctity of marriage. YIKES!


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Thursday Thought Burbles

The founder and big dog over at Blackwater, Erik Prince, thinks he’s on a mission from God to rid the world of Muslims. WTH is the outrage over that? There’s more faux indignation about SoSo bein’ an “activist judge” than about this pin dick bein’ a murderer. Yo EP…you REALLY think JZeus’ Dad told you to kill Muslims? Have you ever even read the Ten Commandments? Dude…you’re about as Christian as Genghis Kahn…but you’ve got the murder and pillaging down to a tee.


If Rush Limbaugh can still joke about Slick Willie’s doodle-wanderings from back in the 90’s, I figure I’ll be able to harass Senator John “Putting the ‘Sin’ in” Ensign and Governor Mark “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” Sanford ‘til the year 2025. Hot-damn, that’s gonna be fun!


Back here in the 775…Governor “Slim” Jim Gibbons (he also of the "wandering penis") wanted a cabinet level position and a couple hundred G's to oversee the spending of the federal stimulus money that he didn’t want in the first place! Aye caramba! Problem is, GJG is a friggin’ Republican! Aren’t they supposed to be the party of smaller government? Yo J-Dog…just be honest with yourself (and us). You’re nothing more than a political hack whose job skills will soon land you takin’ orders at the drive-thru. Good luck with that. Oh yeah...and Dawn Gibbons...the offer is still there...if you need a booty call, you know where to find me!

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Gun Nutless

If girls don’t like you…

if you can’t get a date…

and you haven’t done the horizontal mambo since 1984…

I know your problem. You’re spending way too much time dickin’ around with your computer and your blog and your Facebook account. If the BSC motherhubbard in the PA had spent more time learnin’ the ways of the fairer sex and less time in his friggin’ basement surfing the internet and diddlin’ with his peepee, he’d have hisself a girlfriend right now. Instead, he’s takin’ a dirt nap. Which reminds me…

If you’re a loser…or you’re mad at the world…or you have massive debts…and you wanna off yourself, please go right ahead. But there is no need to pop a cap in someone else first. I’m tellin’ ya…if there is a Hell, George Sodini has him a special room there…and he deserves it.

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Willie's Wonker

Well, it looks like Bill Clinton’s wandering doodle finally did some good. Thanks for getting our grrlz back Willie! So, In honor of Bill’s bodacious boner…and in honor of John “I Won’t Resign” Ensign…and in honor of Mark “Holier-Than-Thou” Sanford, we give to you a song written especially for them… BFS’s newest song – My Wena.



BTW…Yo, Senator Ensign and Governor Sanford…at least Tennessee State Senator Paul Stanley had the huevos rancheros to resign. You both are still a couple of wussies!


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Copy Cat

Joel Tenenbaum is getting’ jobbed and he isn’t even gonna get a happy ending. He’s the Boston University student who got popped “illegally” downloading music and was fined more than a half a million dollars. JEEZ! Aren’t the record companies rich enough? It’s not like the original writer or artist is gonna see a penny of the fine. But it begs the question: Is sharing music files over the internet really a crime? Here’s my example…

Back in the day I bought the album “That’s the Way of the World” by Earth Wind & Fire. Boy-howdy, I surely do love me some EWF! The 33rpm LP cost $15. Then I bought the 8-track for $12, then the cassette for another $15, then the CD for $20…that’s a grand total of $62 for one album. Should I have to pay for the digital version too? How many times do I have to buy the same friggin’ album?

Can you imagine the auto industry operating like the music industry? Buy a new car, drive it off the lot and when you’re through, drive it back to the lot. Next time you want to drive your car, all you’ve gotta do is go back to the lot and buy the car again. Oh yeah…and you can never, never, ever let your friend drive your car. After all, if they didn’t pay the car company to drive the vehicle, that’d be stealing from the auto industry…right?


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