Stand and Deliver

Sad news from right here in the 775…Jaime Escalante died last night. Now y’all probably don’t know who Kemo was. He didn’t get the pub like those BSC motherhubbards from Michigan…or Karl Rove…or Dancing With the Stars. Kemo was the math teacher that inspired the movie Stand and Deliver. It was his passion…his commitment…his dedication to education that put Garfield High School on the map and gave generations of brown-skinded brothers and sisters the confidence to succeed in a cracker-assed cracker world. Yo Jaime…sleep well my brother. Ya done good.

Remember last April, when Homeland Security released a report sayin’ how BSC militias were popping up all over the place and that we’d better keep a look out for “homegrown terrorists?” Remember what the tighty-righties did? They bitched. They moaned. They complained. They said that there was no such thing as homegrown terrorists and that DHS was overblowing the situation. Well I’ve got news for John Boener, Eric Cantor, John McCain, Caribou Barbie and the rest of you right-wing nut cases…I WANT AN APOLOGY! Anyone telling you that the republican party is concerned about the safety of America and her citizens is LYING!

One last thing to you militia freaks. Ya know guys…I don’t hide the fact that I hated Chimp Dick, Dr. Evil and the rest of those un-American assholes that royally fucked up the country, broke the military and ruined the economy. Never once did I hide my disdain for those chucklenuts. But the worst I ever did was threaten to break my foot off in their collective John Brown hind pots. You rat-bastards were plotting to kill police officers, innocent American civilians and anyone else that didn’t fit with your world view! Well guess what? Y’all are neither Christian nor American. An American who doesn’t like the system tries to change it at the ballot box or through civic responsibility. A Christian would love his neighbor as he loves himself. A Christian would turn the other cheek and follow the teachings of the Prince of Peace. Like I said…y’all aren’t Christian or American. It’s fuck-tards like you that has JZeus spinning in His grave. Better bundle up good…I hear-tell Hell is a cold place and you’ll all be there soon.

@:
:@

A WTF Weekend, Neh?

Half-Guv Sarah Palin got her Alaska reality show. Hollywood-types are reporting that Discovery Channel will pay more than $1 million per episode for the gig. Aye caramba! Funny, the former almost-VPILF always rags on the “lame stream media” and bashes reporters and journalists (like she’d know what they do). Now, with her gig on Faux News and her reality show, she has become what she says she hates...”Hollywood media elitist.” Welcome to the family Sarah!

Speaking of Hollywood…tonight is the last episode of 24. FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of 24, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who knew back in 2001 that Jack Bauer and company would have such an impact on American political landscape? Well…it’s over now and the republican party is gonna have to find a new series to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses. May I suggest American Idol? FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of American Idol, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! True story.

And finally…Can someone be a Christian if they’re in a militia? Several members of “Hutaree,” a Christian militia were arrested over the weekend for plotting to kill police officers. YOW! Hey douchebags…WTF about the sixth commandment don’t you understand? Ever heard of turning the other cheek or loving thy neighbor? He isn’t called the Prince of Peace for nothing, ya know. Yer all a bunch of fucking morons and are about as Christian as the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s hoping y’all get a nice long stay at the Gray Bar Motel.

@:
:@

WTFriday

You can rest assured people, Iraq now has American-style democracy. How can you tell? Well, a couple of days ago the Iraqis voted for, among other things, Prime Minister. After the votes were tallied, the present PM Nouri al-Maliki appears to have lost to former PM Ayad Allawi. So what does al-Maliki do? He refuses to recognize the vote count and is threatening to sue. Yup…just like the republicans in Bush v Gore and that chucklenut republican in Minnesota who lost to Senator Al Franken, al-Maliki refuses to see reality. Guess what al-Maliki, you lost. Get over it. Now, if we could just get the republicans here in America to do the same.

Sad news today. Prostidude has quit his job. Y’all remember Markus don’t you? He was the first legal man-ho in the USo’A, Inc. But in his two months at the Greatest Job in the World, he only had ten paying customers so now he’s among the ranks of the unemployed. I told you Markus…girls don’t need to pay for sex. Never have. Never will. On the other hand, if you’d have listened to me and accepted male clients, your ass would be sore but you’d have been one rich motherhubbard. True story.

And finally this week, an open letter to the Teabaggers converging on Stateline. Hey, I know y’all are mad. I know y’all are scared. But the way y’all are acting is, quite frankly, bullshit. Sending fake anthrax letters and nooses and death threats and packing guns outside of Presidential speeches is your way of protesting? Aye caramba! That isn't how America is supposed to work. That's how some third-world country in the middle of nowhere might act but we're friggin’ AMERICANS! Don't like the motherhubbards or what they do? VOTE 'EM OUT! I say y’all need to grow up, get busy and get back to helping America be the greatest country in the world. If not, y’all can get your cracker asses the hell outta Dodge.

@:
:@

Dumb and Dumb-Assed

So…OBL has a new audio tape out. Doesn’t the motherhubbard know we’re in the 21st Century now? Yo’Sama…how ‘bout a Twitter feed or a Facebook update? SHEESH! Anyway…OBL says that if we give the chair to KSM, that he’ll “…execute any of your people that we take prisoner." No shit. Ummm…weren’t you gonna do that anyway? I’ve said it before…offing KSM will just make him a martyr. What we do is, try him in a civilian court, get a conviction and send him off to the prison they sent Sean Penn to in Bad Boys. It worked for Bernie Madoff. True story.

The Pope is in some deep doo doo as of late. Turns out that the Pontiff “…refused to punish a priest who sexually assaulted as many as 200 deaf boys over the course of three decades.” Aye caramba! This is the same guy who bitches and moans and complains about gay marriage and he’s covering up for his skeevy pedophile rapist friends. If the Catholic Church was a corporation and the CEO (the Pope) got busted doin’ this kind of sick stuff, there’d be hell to pay. Guess the guys are gonna have to wait to get to Hell, neh?

And finally…there is a creepy new poll out that paints the Republican Party in a dark light. Seems that…get this…38% of Republican Party thinks President Obama is doing a lot of the same things Adolph Hitler did. Yeah right. Hitler wanted single-payer, universal healthcare for everyone. Are you kidding? But the most telling question was that 24% of republicans think the President is the Antichrist. WTF is up with that? You know, I called George Wpe Bush a lot of things during his time in office but I’ve never referred to him as the Antichrist. Dumb as a bag of rocks...but not the Antichrist. Some say the vitriol is racist, some say it’s anger over the economy. Me? I say it’s ignorance. Now you know why when the tighty-righties start talking about fiscal responsibility, the first thing they want to do is cut funding for education. It’s to swell the ranks of republican voters. Pitiful.

@:
:@