The Best Laid Plans of Mice...

Yep...they're keeping us safe.

WTF???

If they can't keep the plans to the friggin BAGHDAD EMBASSY from making it to Cyberia...do you really feel safe with them in charge of security in America?

Oh yeah...

Now the motherhubbards are talking about staying in Iraq for the next HALF CENTURY.

Hello...is there anybody IN there?

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Dead Poet's Society

The Gaz tells us that the biggest concerns for residents in northern Nevada are traffic, growth and water.

Ever the opportunists, we here at PTB offer a little 575 for the 775...

City Council votes
Put up another strip mall
wilderness no more.

The Mapes got blown up
Cinderblocks and memories
are all that are left.

Bumper to bumper
If you build it they will come
Drink the desert dry.

We used to be the
biggest of little cities
now we're just Fresno.



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If He Marries His Sister's Daughter, Will the Kids Call Him Uncle Dad?

See this pink-assed cracker? ---->

His name is Robert Zoellick. The President just named him to head-up the World Bank.

What's the problem you ask?

Zoellick is replacing Paul Wolfowitz. Remember the Wolfster? He was the chief architect of the war in Iraq.

Wolfie did such a cracker jack job with the war that he got himself a promotion to the top gig at the WB.

Wolf-gag promptly gave his uber-manly girlfriend a raise and a promotion which led to his can getting canned.

So now the prez is picking ZoZo for the gig.

His qualifications? He was a consultant to ENRON!!!

Remember those rat bastards? It seems the crappier you do your job, the more likely it is that the President will give you a promotion.

Just remember...the president is NOT in bed with big energy.

Yo Mr. Bush...all we do here at PTB is write a bit of a blog...got an opening at Homeland Security?

(8.-)

We Don't Need No Education...

Question to the more spiritualized among us…

Why was eating from the tree of “KNOWLEDGE” a bad thing?

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day (that is if he likes fish). Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life (unless he doesn’t like fish).

You’d think the “Greatest Country in the World” could afford gear for ALL students…not just the bourgie ones.

It doesn’t have to be top-of-the-line, brand-spankin’ new --insert designer label name of choice here -- stuff.

But Agnes Risley students are a shining example of what a little investment (grants, free software and unappreciated teachers), a little ingenuity and a lot of hard work can accomplish.

The Government Cheese always has money for pay raises...
and blowin’ people up…
maybe it’s time they handled our tax money a little wiser. Neh?

(8.-)

Why We Fight

Soldiers go to war because they're ordered to...

Politicians send soldiers to war because they, themselves, don't have to.

Here at PTB we love our men and women in uniform. We hope all of you to love 'em too. And so tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love 'em...

Lord knows, the politicians never have and never will...

...and when they say they do love the troops, tell them they're L I A R S!

As for the gang here at PTB...We just want our brothers and sisters home.

Godspeed

(8.-(

Why the Hell Would Gomer Leave Mayberry?

Here at PTB we feel that there is no higher calling than to serve one’s country. It seems though, that since WWII ended, we’ve been sending our kids to far away lands to die for nothing. Don’t believe us?

North Korea is still a threat…

Viet Nam is our friend now…

Grenada? Puh-Leese!

You saw for yourself what Gulf War #1 did…

And now these two POINTLESS wars.

If you volunteer for the service now…you’re asking for it.

(8.-(

Deadbeat Dad...Beat Dad Dead

So half the child support ordered in the 775 isn't paid. Who’s responsible for that?

Not me said the flea who used an STD

(Sudden Toddler Dissemination) Preventor.

In this country you need a license to

Fish…

Drive a car…

Own a business…

Get Married…

Hell…you even need a license to Ill.

But any motherhubbard with the right parts can poop out a baby with no requirements.

Listen up boys & girls...you birth it…you’re responsible for it.

(8.-)

If We Don't Fight 'Em Over There, We'll Have To Fight 'Em Over Here.

Here at PTB we have a soft spot in our hearts (and heads) for our Mormon brothers and sisters.

Hell, the 775 is home to quite a few LDSers.

But talk about a shitty break...some rat bastard went and named named these despicable creatures after 'em.

Can you imagine what a what a Catholic cricket would look like?

The Silver State's pestician may think 10-20 acres of the little bastards aren't a big deal...but just looking at ONE of them gives us the major willies.

At least we've got our own flock of seagulls. Remember it on election day!

(8.-)

Flags of Our Fathers

We here at PTB are proud flag wavers/burners. Both are great ways to show how much you love the good ol' U.S. of A.

But this "flap" (pun intended) about the humongous stars & bars flying over Hummers-R-Us down in the 702 has us cheesed off.

The Mayor wants a veterans' memorial at the site and the flag can stay. No memorial...no Oversized Old
Glory.

What? Like 'Vegas wasn't already gaudy?

Neighbors accuse the flag of keeping them awake at night.

Jeez...you'd think the gunfire and crack ho's would be AT LEAST as noisy.

We're just happy to read a story about erecting poles!

One final thought. Would a real patriot drive a hummer?

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Cracked Ho's

So, this motherhubbard tells us he "voted his conscience" when vetoing legislation dealing with Nevada's meth problem.


Yeah right.


He said that people who lobbied him called the bill “onerous.” For you definition-challenged individuals, it means “burdensome or oppressive.”


You’d think we’d NEED that kind of a law to deal with this problem.

Oh, we get it.

We can oppress the terrorists in Gitmo...

We can oppress our brown-skinned brothers trying to make a better life for themselves...

We can even oppress an entire segment of the population because of who they're bangin'.

But we wouldn't want a little oppression on "Crackufacturers."

Thanks a lot Nevada Assembly Republicans…you’ve reinforced every negative stereotype we’ve had about your party.

(8.-(

Smoke on the Water

Back in the day…who put out forest fires in Tahoe? The trees are still there, so it doesn't seem to have hurt the forest much.


And how is it that, back in the day, you could ride a horse from the lake to Virginia City in about an hour?

When the bourgieman builds his pad in Bambi's back yard, he shouldn’t cry when the Washoe Zephyr makes him pay. Actually, we're the ones who are paying.

Welcome to fire season.


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Stop...Oh Yes, Wait A Minute Mister Postman...

So, the government wants to get out of the mail delivery business, eh?

With privatization of the postal system...will rate increases become non-existent? No.

We’ve tried privatization.

Remember the rebuilding of Iraq by Halliburtion?

The government privatized half of FEMA before Hurricane Katrina. We know how that turned out.

If the government keeps privatizing its work, what the hell are they spending our ever increasing tax money on?

Besides, do you really want this guy delivering your mail?

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Deja Vu' All Over Again

Well...it's happened again. Second time in less than a week. How much more of this are we gonna take? Will the next death have to be your brother?

Son?

Dad?

Sister?

Remember, for every American casualty there are a hundred Iraqi deaths and countless martyrs.

We may be fighting them over there for now, but we'll be fighting 'em here for thousands of years to come.

If you support or have, in the past, supported this pointless war...the blood of our brave soldiers and thousands of innocents is on your hands.

(8.-(

Ps. Sorry 'bout missing this weekend folks. We here at PTB were celebrating Armed Forces Day. SOMEONE has to support our troops. Bittersweet, indeed.

Bad Friday

It's a sad day here in the 775. The thing is, it didn't have to happen and it doesn't have to happen again. But these guys HATE America and American soldiers so we're in it up to our eyebrows for the forseeable future. Just remember, as long as you vote for these douchebags, nothing...Nothing, NOTHING will change.

Adieu Sgt. Schober

(8.-(

Latest Iraq War Casualty -- Prince Harry's Balls

Skirt-wearin' poodle-walker

Chicken

P/Wussy

Lilly-Livered Yella Belly...

Those were the thoughts AFTER reading HRH was "deeply saddend at the news" he wasn't gonna get to go and kick some terrorist ass.

You'd think if the little bugger really wanted to go, he could pull one of these.

Remember when leaders were at the FRONT of the battle?

Now we know that there are only three REAL men left in Great Britain...This Guy...This Guy...and This Guy.


(8.-)

LIARS!!!

"Oil companies are not overcharging motorists for gasoline, an industry group told Congress on Wednesday."

WTF???

Anyone with a pea for a brain knows that's just not true. $200 billion in profits from 2003 through 2006 isn't chump change. Who pays? We do. Higher oil prices mean higher prices for gas, food and just about everything else.

These guys have the Huevos Rancheros to tell Congress that they're not screwing us? BSC they are. Something needs to be done. Here's one suggestion.

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Bizzare G'zar

You know this war thing is really getting out of hand when the President (from the party of small government) appoints another "Czar."
This guy is now in charge of military operations in Iraq, Afghanistan and others. Question: Isn't that what these crackers are supposed to be doing? What about the rat-bastard who is constitutionally required to be in charge? SHEESH! It seems like every time this happens we get another layer of government cheese- whiz.
Look guys, you'll never win this war...or this one...or this one. SUPPORT OUR SOLDIERS and bring 'em home. We've messed things up enough in the middle east. We here at PTB say "Let's bring our troops home and fight the terrorists here. We're tired of our brave soldiers dying over there...for nothing!"

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War...What Is It Good For?

Here's to the safe return of the three soldiers missing in Iraq. Although one of them is from right here in the 775, EVERY soldier in and out of uniform is in our thoughts. War may be hell but this quagmire is even worse than that. Let's hope it's over soon so we can bring our troops home!

(8.-)

Life in the Gray Bar Motel

So, 294 out of 368 new prisoners in the NNCC this month admit to being meth addicts. That’s 80 percent. Half of them admit to being high when committing their crimes. Here at PTB we’re all about personal responsibility. So, first things first…quit blaming the drug for your crime. Alcohol doesn’t cause DUI’s. Doofuses who drink and drive cause DUI’s. The question is, which is the better solution? Getting treatment, counseling and detox for meth users or locking them up and let ‘em do time?
If, as the study suggests, every dollar invested in treatment results in $12 dollars saved in criminal justice, crime and health costs…what could be better than treatment?

(8.-)

Mommie Dearest

"Hey, Doc, I got a mother, allright? I mean, you got a mother. Sarge's got a mother. I mean, shit, I bet even the captain's got a mother. Well, maybe not the captain, but the rest of us got mothers," from the movie: Saving Private Ryan.

Yup...everybody's got a mum.

If she's in this living realm...give 'er her props.

If she isn't...give 'er a shoutout anyway.

It'll make you feel better, it'll make her feel better and things won't end up like this.

(8.-)

It's About Time Benny, My Clothes are Goin' Outa Style!

Man, we here at PTB have been waiting for this moment for a long time. Finally, real baseball comes back to the 775! Wooo Hooo!!!


For those of you not long here, Reno used to be home to the San Diego Padres single-A affiliate. This guy played here...so did this guy and this guy too. We could always look to the pros and see guys we'd seen swinging at Moana Stadium. It was always a source of pride. We haven't had that in many a summer. Welcome back baseball...we missed you and we welcome you back home to the 775.

To celebrate, we here at PTB are gonna crack some brews, down a few dogs and have a catch or two...maybe even head over to Mr. Mertle's house and see what Hercules is up to. Heck, we're so stoked, we might even look up ole' Wendy Peffercorn. PLAY BALL!!!

(8.-)

There's A New Sheriff in Town!

Congratulations to the AWESOMELY named Ted Power. He's the new president and publisher of the R-GAZ. He's just off the boat from the LA...the good LA. Not the bad one.

And no, that's NOT him ----->



We here at PTB always get a twinge of green when someone's given name conjures up images of THIS guy...


Our stage name?

Boner Petite...of course.

(8.-)

When Animals Attack

Now THIS is something we here at PTB can really get behind. Normally, the government-cheese is way off in solving problems. Not today. They're setting up what will obviously be a "Battle Royale" between Tall "Bad Boy of the Plant World" Whitetop and newly deployed Billy "We Eat Plants for Lunch" Goats. BTW...how the hell DO you deploy goats?

ANYWAY…

Huzzah to the powers-that-be for using an innovative, low-tech solution to solve a problem. Now if we could just get goats to eat these things, we’d really be set!

(8.-)

Drowning on Dry Land

See this picture?
It was taken right here in the 775.


Notice anything missing?
H2O!

And people.

That’s right, most of the Silver State is situated in the desert.
Desert = little or no water.

No H2O = no people.

SB 487 will create The Northern Nevada Water Authority in order to “…bring water leadership to Northern Nevada and Washoe County,” according to this guy.

Look…unless we get one of these…we’re gonna be dry for a long time. We don’t need another bureaucratic red-tape festooned layer of government cheese…what we need here in the 775 is “growth leadership.”

If you build it, they will come. If you don’t build it, they’ll stay the hell where they are. It seems our fearless leaders want to quickly change our quality of life so we become more like Cali.

(8.-)

Harry Reid Says "I Won't Bite!

Well...not in those exact words, but it was good to see that our dear Harry has his priorities straight. . Just in case those in D.C have forgotten:

We’re in the middle of TWO wars (no one seems to even remember this place)…

Gas prices are at record highs while oil companies are making record profits (and everything else we buy is getting more expensive as a result)…

New Orleans still looks like this (and probably will for a long time to come)…

Americans are still spending in the neighborhood of $50 for an aspirin (and lord knows how much for these)…

We could go on…and on…and on…but we’ll step aside for the day with one last thought…

How, in all good conscience, can a politician attend a bourgie feast-a-thon while this is still going on? Makes us wonder.

(8.-)