It's Like Finding A Needle In An Ass Crack

Well the Mitchell Report is out and so are eighty-something rat bastards. We’ve said it before here at PTB…we’re not against drugs…


We’re against hypocrisy.


We’re against cheaters.


We’re against liars.


The really sad part about this clusterfuck is that the Mitchell Report only investigated steroid related stuff…not amphetamines. Athletes in all sports pop dexies and cross tops and rippers like they were M&M’s and no one gives a shit.


But if you have the ganja in your system…you get busted. Think a rasta buzz is “performance enhancing?” No. Think those in charge care? No again.


(8.-)

Don't Touch That Dial!

Here at PTB sport is an important part of our lives. We're of the thought that if countries could sort out their differences on the fields of play rather than the fields of battle, we'd all be better off. Yeah...yeah...we know we're naive but we'd pay big bucks to see the Bush-Wipe fight Ahmadinejad in a no-holds-barred cage match. Wouldn't THAT be fun?

That being said...we're gonna put war and politics and famine and death and gay republicans and the deficit and chimp-dick and the invisible man in the sky on hold for a couple of posts and turn our attention to the wonderful world of sports.

PLAY BALL!

(8.-)

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

A couple of questions about the BSC Colorado church shooter…

How bad do you have to fuck up to get kicked out of missionary school?

Was the dude secretly a Muslim?

Did he make fun of the Pope’s shoes?

Did he vote for a Democrat?

We thought the God-squad was all about loving thy neighbor and doing unto others and turning the other cheek.

Guess not.

WTF kind of churches employ ARMED FRIGGIN’ GUARDS?!? Is the collection plate that full on Sundays or maybe y’all fear retribution from someone who got molested/ripped-off or otherwise screwed by the church?

Then there’s THIS total piece of crap. It says that if your parents are religious, you’ll likely be a well-adjusted, well-behaved kid. Check it...BSC was homeschooled by devoutly religious parents.

Jesus must be spinning in his grave.

(8.-)

Weird Science

A Christian biologist is suing the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, claiming he was fired because he would not accept evolution as scientific fact.

Question: WTF university did this doofus graduate from?

He said this condition was never spelled out in the ad for the job and that his canning led to severe economic losses, an injured reputation, emotional pain and suffering and mental anguish.

Check it Natty...a scientist that doesn't believe in evolution HAS no reputation to injure...your emotional pain and suffering can be treated by a little chat with the invisible man in the sky...and by not believing in evolution, your mental anguish is as miniscule as your brain!

As far as economic losses are concerned...no worries...Natty got a job teaching biology at Liberty University, the school founded by the Rev. Jerry Falwell.

If that doesn't say it all...nothing does!

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War is Hell...Just Ask A Veteran

“War…” a man once asked rhetorically.

“What is it good for?”

“Absolutely nothing.” he said, correctly answering his own question.

2,333 souls perished and 1,139 were wounded at Pearl Harbor 66 years ago, sparking America's entrance into WWII.


Today, the Japanese and the Germans and the Italians are some of our closest, bestest friends in the whole wide-world!


Let us all hope it won't take 66 years to win the hearts and minds of our Muslim brothers and sisters.


Chimp Dick likes to say that he's a "War President." We take that to mean he's a "President that's good for NOTHING!"


(8.-)

Fleecing the Flock

We're not big believers here at PTB.


We're of the opinion that religion kills.


But more and more the "Soul Patrol" is trying their damndest to get into our business.


Here's where the hypocrisy hits the road...


It seems that a goodly number of God-lies have been pimpin' their rides...makin' over the home front and living the vida loca...


The government-cheese doesn't think the dollars should be lining the pockets of these wannabe profits (pun intended).


Funny thing is, in Luke 18:24-25 (that's in the bible for all you heathens) the SOG was pretty clear on the matter.


Bundle up motherhubbards...it's colder than a blue nut where you're goin'!!!


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Friend or Foe?

Saudi Arabia...our closest allies in the Middle East.

Cuba…the enemy in our own back yard.

In Cuba…women can become doctors, lawyers and teachers.

In Saudi Arabia…women can’t drive, they’ve gotta be covered from head to toe and can’t get a job without permission from the alpha male of the family.

The Saudis are our BFF in the war against global extremism…and they just let 1,500 of the baddest of the bad guys out of jail if they “promised to behave.”

In Cuba…you can get the finest hand-rolled cigars and some of the best liquor in the world.


In Saudi Arabia…the morality police will hunt you down for smoking or drinking and if you’re a rape victim, you get 200 lashes and six months in jail…IF YOU’RE THE VICTIM!

Does anyone see the hypocrisy in this foreign policy or do Americans just not care? We think the latter.

Le Roi est Mort. La Vie longue le Roi!

There isn't one of us here at PTB that hasn't imagined themselves as "The King"...you've never seen a bike fly 'til you've seen an airborne Huffy.



EZ-E did the BSCziest stuffle a human being could think of.




Living 'til 69 while doin' it makes it all that more impressive.



20-1 says he salted his McFries.


Huzzah to a REAL American hero!!!


(8.-)

THIS Is Why We LOVE the Grrls!!!

Gobbled...

Happy Thanksgiving
(luckier than most)



At least you’re not in the suck
(why are you a thankful one?)



You could be this guy
(we shall avenge you)







(8.-)

Drop The Soap!

Here at PTB we LOVE studies.


Turns out these guys found "The number of people in U.S. prisons has risen eight-fold since 1970, with little impact on crime but at great cost to taxpayers and society."


They've released a report calling for a major overhaul in the justice system.


No Duh.



When Lindskank LoHoHoHan spends a mere 84 minutes in the gray bar motel for DUI and cocaine posession...


When Iron-Head Mike will spend ONE WHOLE DAY in the calaboose for DUI and cocaine posession...


and this murderer doesn't spend a minute behind bars for his crimes...it's not the system that's at fault...it's the people who run it.


We're calling 'em the "Correctional Industrial Complex."


(8.-)

Mixed Up Priorities

For only the sixth time in a pResidency that has seemingly lasted forever…GWB has vetoed a bill.


This particular measure would have provided a 20 percent increase in money for job training programs, $1.4 billion extra for health research at the National Institutes of Health, $2.4 billion for heating subsidies for the poor, $665 million for grants to community action agencies, $63.6 billion for the Education Department and a $225 million increase for community health centers.


At the same time WPE signed a separate bill to give the Pentagon about $460 billion. For what, you ask? $6.3 billion for the next-generation F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, $2.8 billion for the Navy's DD(X) destroyer and $3.1 billion for the new Virginia-class attack submarine.


Let’s see…job training, health research, helping the poor heat their homes, community action agencies education and community health centers are BAD while fighter jets, destroyers and attack subs are GOOD!


Quick question…do fighter jets, destroyers and attack subs help fight the war on terror? No.


When he says he loves America and her people, as always, HE’S LYING!!!

A Lowdown Dirty Shame

89 Years ago today, on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the "War to End All Wars"...ended.


And nothing changed.



89 years later twenty-five percent of homeless Americans are veterans.



When they say they love America and they support our troops...they're lying!


Happy Veteran's Day...yeah...unless you're a veteran.


(8.-)

Yer Doin' A Heckuva Job Bushie!

How IS that war on terror going you ask?


Our bestest friends in the region just declared martial law and are arresting opposition leaders. They still haven’t found OBL -- who is IN THEIR COUNTRY! Nice.


Our allies are attacking the Kurds (you remember the Kurds…they were the ones WMD’ed by Saddam Hussein) and we’re letting ‘em do it. Sweet.


The Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines have lowered their standards so much that pResident Bush would qualify for service (if he wasn’t such a chickenshit, milquetoast coward). Amen.


2007 has now become the deadliest year for American soldiers in Iraq. Uh oh.


The Taliban and Al Qaeda are as nasty as ever in Afghanistan. Still?


Congress is close to confirming the next Attorney General. He thinks torture is O.K. Doh!


The spineless Democrats won’t bring our troops home ‘til 2013 and the Republicans aren’t EVER going to get our troops home. Sigh.


If this isn’t a clusterfuck, nothing is.


(8.-)

Zulu...Yankee...X-ray...Whiskey...Victor

If you’ve visited this part of Cyberia more than once, you know how much we hate the Government-Cheese. But we here at PTB love NASA. Heck, most of us wanted to be astronauts ‘til we found out you needed to know math and science and stuff like that. Hell, we just wanted to bang alien hotties and bang the heads of alien baddies. Oh well...


So, it turns out that NASA did a study looking at all the bad crap that happens and almost happens with the airline companies of the good ole USofA and they won’t tell us what they found. NASA says that if they release their findings it would, “…undermine public confidence in the airline industry or hurt the industry's profits.”


THIS is why we hate the Government-Cheese. NASA spent eight-and-a-half MILLION of OUR dollars to find out that airline service and safety in America is worse than that of Djibouti and they don’t want us to know ‘cause we’d quit flying and the airlines would lose money.


Guess what numbnuts…we’ve already quit flying. Why?

Off with yer shoes…
No lighters…
No Muslims…
No bomb jokes…
No shampoo bottles…
Drunk pilots…
Eight hour runway delays…
Never, Never, NEVER on time.


WTF do you think would happen if NASA did this with fast food chains? “We don’t want to tell you that we found butt hairs in the burgers and fingers in the chili ‘cause if we did you’d stop eating fast food and they’d lose money.” This is our government at work??? SHEESH!!!!




America...the greatest country in the world? Hardly.


(8.-)

We Ain't 'Fraid O' No Ghosts...

You wanna know what's REALLY scary???



BOO!!!



Happy Halloween Charlie Brown!!!


(8.-)

Happy Nevada Day!

We're proud as punch to be from the Silver State. No place better to live in the entire USofA.



We've got Ho's...you don't.



We've got games...you don't.




We've got the most beautiful lake in the world...and you don't.



And our skiing is WAY better than yours!



So enjoy Nevada Day today Silver-Staters...it could be worse...you could be livin' in Ala-fuckin-bama!!!







(8.-)

For It Is The Doom Of Men That They Forget

As long as there is a breath of life, PTB will NEVER forget our Korean "Police Action" brothers and sisters.





Do you all know who does forget the sacrafices of our brave brothers and sisters?





This guy.





And they're doing it all over again in 2007.




When they say they love America and they care about you...





they're LYING!!!


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Burn Rubber

The Golden State is turning a crispy, golden brown.


Governor Steroid has declared a State of Emergency and the government is mobilizing everyone in an effort to help.


Quick question to the government-cheese out there (we’re talking to YOU cracker!)…


Are the quick actions to save lives and property ‘cause Malibu is bourgie white?


To put it another way…if all these flames were scorching the brown-skinded brothers and sisters down in the Big Easy…would you have been so quick to help?


We know the answer…it was a rhetorical question.


(8.-)

What Soccer Players Do At Work On Fridays

Here at PTB we love the "futball". So, to get y'all psyched for the weekend, we present our first-ever video. WARNING: Doing this at YOUR work could be hazardous to your future employment prospects. Have a great weekend!

(8.-)

Heller High Water

This is what really cheeses us off about CDH and his right-wingnuts...


They don't want to spend money insuring poor kids...


but they have all the money they need when it comes to blowing up our brown-skinded brothers and sisters.


Hell of a job Hellie! Your nose is so far up GWB's ass, when he farts your hair blows in the wind!


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His Own Private IdaHo'

We've said it before, we'll say it again. Here at PTB we love our GLBT brothers and sisters.


So you just know we love Senator Larry (don't call me Jenny) Craig.


Well, great news! Senator PeterPuffer has just been elected into the Idaho "Stall"...er we mean "HALL of Fame."


Congratulations Senator Turd Blossom...you've joined luminaries such as:


Mr Potato Head...


That BSC dude from Ruby Ridge...


and a freak well-known here in the 775...Claude Dallas. HUZZAH to you, Senator Craig, your place in history is secure!


(8.-)

Off With His Head!!!

Not meaning to get depressing on y'all this morning but there's something we don't get.


This rat-bastard has ADMITTED and been proven guilty of a heinous crime.


The ACLU (good friends of PTB) got the BSC sonavabitch's execution stayed because lethal injection is "cruel and unusual punishment."


So we've gotta say it...electroded balls are C&UP...


waterboarding innocents is C&UP...


killing children and civilians is C&UP...


The prick beat an 86 year old woman to death with a TIRE IRON. THAT's C&UP.


An arm full of drugs isn't cruel OR unusual...it's called Saturday night at Courtney Love's house.



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Childrens They Do Learn

Here at PTB we LOVE our brothers and sisters in uniform.


Alas, Bush-Wipe and his ilk (just like Der BSC and his Nazi buddies) have us in a helluva pickle.


People hate it when we compare all the pResident's men to the little dictator but check it:

They had stormtroopers...we have stormtroopers.


They had gulags...we have gulags.



They had two fronts...we have two fronts. Sound familiar?


Here's the problem. We need more troops than we have and the Government-Cheese's solution is to drop standards for recruits! Now they're letting in drug addicts and rapists and murderers and just plain dumbasses. It seems the only people the (h)Army doesn't want are the gays. You know, 'cause those gays are freakin' CRAZY!


(8.-)

God Said What?

Let's see if we can get this straight...


The MoSup of a bunch of Po' Nuns says she talks to the G-Man.


The Pope then tosses 'em out of the Church, cuts off their water and electricity and then has the cops perp-walk 'em out of their digs.


They get to come back into the church if they repent. We never knew that talking to the invisible being in the sky was a sin.


Guess it is now.


(8.-)