Only the Good Die Young

Tim Russert may have been born in Buffalo, New York but his honesty, his integrity and his passion for politics made it seem like he was straight from the 775. We spent so much time in the basement watching him on TV that he became a part of our family. Tim died Friday afternoon…he was 58 years old. There won’t be a day that goes by that we won’t think of him…and miss him. So long bro...you’re on to a better gig…go get ‘em boy!


(8.-(

Freeballin' Friday

Since tomorrow is Flag Day, it got us to thinkin’…if you make flag burning illegal, how then are you gonna get rid of old flags?

Speakin’ of flags…according to this website, it is NOT illegal to fly the flag of another country instead of the American flag. So to the fascist redneck who cut down the brother’s Mexican flag last year…you’re not a patriot, you’re an ass so STFU!


John McCain was a Marine. The U.S. Marine Corps creed is that “No one gets left behind.” Funny…he kicked his first wife to the curb ‘cause she got majorly messed up…way to show your loyalty bub.


The SCOTUS ruled yesterday that prisoners in Gitmo have the same rights as American citizens. The tiughty-righties are blowing a gasket. We got one thing to say to all y’all right-wing nutjobs…ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. True dat.


Chimp-dick has taken the oath of office twice and been in this gig for more than seven years. You’d think he’d know what his job description is. Nope. Yesterday the pResident regurgitated the tired old line that his job is to “protect the American people”. Wrong Bush-wipe. We don’t need your sorry ass protecting us. No, your job is to uphold the Constitution. So far, you’ve done piss-poor work.


Ron Paul ended his run for the presidency yesterday. Too bad. He’s the only real “change” candidate in the field. The American political landscape is a little less bright without Dr. Paul.


When Barack and Michelle Obama fist-bumped a couple of days ago, we said to ourselves “That’s never been done in American presidential politics.” The tighty-righties are calling it the “terrorist fist jab”. We were wrong, it has happened before. But no one'll call that one a terrorist fist bump.

Back here in the 775…a county employee is accused of stealing 2.2 MILLION dollars from the water department. They say he has a gambling problem. That is a crappy excuse. Gambling didn’t make you a thief. Gambling didn’t turn you into a liar and a cheat. You did all that on your own.


One more note on the H2OMG…most people can’t get out of work with a pilfered pen. WTF was management doing that they didn’t see 2.2 MILLION dollars missing? It’s not like the dude could walk out with it in his pants.


And finally…the University of Nevada lost a stud yesterday when Matt LaGrone transferred to Oregon State to play football. LaGrone says he was promised that he could play both football and basketball for the Wolf Pack after his sophomore year. Guess not. Coach Fox and A.D. Groth said he couldn’t. We ask…Why not? C’mon…if the kid is good enough to play…let him. Oh well. Can anyone remember a span of time in Wolf Pack athletic history that had so many firings, transfers, suspensions and generally bad behavior? From what we’re told, the morale up on the hill is in the drink. So too, it seems, may be Nevada athletics. We shall soon see.

(8.-)

The Reagan Defense -- "I don't remember"

Ya know, this Jim Gibbons divorce thingy is getting’ freakier every day. Hey, no problems…we here at PTB are just fine with freaky. But we wanna make two observations about the Gov’s recent revelations:


Yo GJG…you text messaged your skronk almost a thousand times in a six week period and you say you don’t remember what any of the messages were. Nice. Aren’t you supposed to have more than a tiny brain pan to be the friggin’ governor? It’s the typical politician’s alibi. Deny it happened then, when you get caught, say you don’t remember.

You said that in the early months of your administration that you’d talk to your paramour about your office, your tax policy and your personnel decisions. Question for you Jimmy boy: Do you think it’s proper for you, as Governor, to discuss personnel matters with your ‘ho? Believe this…if you were a democrat, the tighty-righties would have already opened a can of impeaches on your ass. Do us all a favor…resign. Then you won’t have the big, bad, evil media monsters tracking your every move anymore. That’ll be up to the Bush-wipes' secret eavesdropping program.

(8.-)

Text Book

687 text messages? SHEESH! Allowing for eight hours of sleep a day, that comes out to 1.29 texts every waking hour for six weeks. It’s no wonder the state is sinking like the anchor on the Titanic…the Gov. was too busy making winky-winky at his mistress to actually, you know, run the state. So much for the sanctity of marriage and the solemn oath to serve the citizens of Nevada.



Now, everybody knows that the liberal lefties wear their penises on their sleeves. But we have to wonder why the moral minority on the right has their Underoos in a bunch over this gay marriage thing. It’s not like they believe in the sanctity of marriage themselves.



Ronald Reagan, John McCain, Bob Dole, Newt Gingrich, Henry Kissinger, Phil Gramm, Pete Wilson, Gorge Will, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Barr, Alfonse D’Amato, John Warner, George Allen, Nelson Rockefeller and Rudy Giuliani…all divorced and in some cases, more than once. Sanctity? No. Hypocrisy? Yes.




So to all you tighty-righties who insist on putting your nose in America’s bedrooms…STFU! Gays should have the same right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that straights do. After all, this is America…isn’t it? Besides…nothing says life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness like getting married…or is that getting a divorce?


(8.-)

Stand By Your Man

It’s nice to see a woman standing by her man. Today, the L-Bush said that history will vindicate WPE. If history means some kind of war-crimes trial and if vindicate means convicted of treason and hung by the neck until dead…then yeah…history will vindicate Chimp Dick. How do we know? We know history. Here’s some of the highlights of Mrs. Bush’s husband’s last seven years:






Ignored warnings about OBL leading up to 9/11



Falsely promised Americans a Hydrogen fuel cell



$4.00+ for a gallon of gas



Lied about WMD’s



No exit strategy from Iraq



Still haven’t found OBL



Tax cuts for the rich that hurt the poor




Non-support for the new G.I. Bill



Suspension of Habeas Corpus



Indefinite detention of Gitmo prisoners



Allowed torture of prisoners




Outed a CIA agent in political retaliation in a time of war



Illegally eavesdropped on American citizens



Politicized the State and Justice Departments



Whiffed on Katrina






We could go on…and on…and on…but to what end? REAL Americans already know GWB is the WPE. Tighty-righty Bush-Wipes are praying history will look more kindly on him. Hindsight may be 20/20 L-Bush…but we see just fine right now.





(8.-)

Fill 'Er Up!

Damn…$4.00+ for a gallon of gas is really startin’ to get binding here in the 775. We’ve got more roads and more space between things than just about anyone in the USofA.



The upside is that parents are makin’ little Suzie and little Johnny walk to the mall instead of givin’ ‘em a ride. That’ll burn some of the fat off their asses, neh?



Expensive gas means fewer people driving. That means less traffic and less air pollution and it’s an AWESOME karma payback for those terrorist-enabling Hummer drivers!



Have you seen the new car commercials promising $2.99/gallon gas for three years if you buy one of their vehicles? We’ve done the math and if gas goes up to $15 or $20 a gallon, that $2.99 guarantee will put some folks out of business. It reminds us of McDonalds’ 1984 Olympic food giveaway. Someone in the marketing department is sweating bullets right about now!



But $4.00+ for a gallon of gas hurts three sectors in the 775 especially hard…



NEVADA ATHLETICS – With petrol being so expensive, Wolf Pack footballers won’t have enough money to afford to both drink AND drive.



NEVADA BROTHELS – the way the Silver State is set up, the only thing farther away than brothels is the planet Uranus.



HOT AUGUST NIGHTS – Yeah, we know you need a lot of money in the first place to own a classic car, but you’re gonna have to take out a second mortgage if you wanna drive that hoopty around the 775 for any length. Besides…have you seen the mileage rating for a 1929 Cord? YIKES!



(8.-)

Twenty More Years!!!

Full Disclosure: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB get ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Sorry folks but we didn't wanna end your week on a downer. So here ya go:

We just got the news that FOX has renewed the Simpsons for their 20th season. That'll tie it with Gunsmoke as the longest running show in the history of American television. Makes us want to put our heads in the Shine-O-Ball-O!

(8.-)

Remembering...

We’re fighting two unjust wars with no end in sight.


Using the “Muddling Through It” defense, the pResident says we’re learning as we go.


Dr. Evil says he doesn’t care that Americans want to end the war.


Senator McSame doesn’t care if the wars last a hundred years.


War profiteering is rampant. Soldiers are stretched to the breaking point and when/IF they come home they get the shaft.


More than four thousand brave American soldiers…dead. Tens of thousands physically, emotionally and spiritually maimed. Hundreds of thousands of civilians…dead. Upwards of a million are now war refugees.


Sixty-four years ago today Americans put boot to butt and stood up to defeat a tyrant. Today…the United States is ruled by tyrants. And brave American men and women die needlessly because of it.


(8.-)

The Dan Quayle Defense

On the 45th anniversary of Bobby K getting BobbyK’d we look to the future of another young, handsome, charismatic leader.

Here in the USofA ‘08…there are millions of crackers out there whose worst nightmare is about to happen…President Barack Hussein Obama. YEEE HAWWWW! If you read us here at PTB on a regular basis, you know we called the Dem race for the ‘Bamer long ago (there’s still time for Ron Paul) and now that he’s made it, the talk turns toward his running mate.

Now, a lot of people are pushing Hillary Clinton for the number two slot and we think it’s a good idea. Why? Well, there are a lot of right-wing jihadists out there who are skidmarking their dungarees ‘cause a brown-skinded brother is gonna be President. So, if the ‘Bamer picks Whitey to be V.P., you’d better believe those BSC motherhubbards would JFK him in a New York minute.

But the thing that scares the bejeezus out of righty-whitey is Hillary and Bill Clinton back in the White House. Think about it…if Hill Bill Vol.2 is a heartbeat away from the presidency, the LAST thing the bad guys would want is for something to happen to the ‘Bamer. Heck-fire…if Hillary was the V.P., the Klan would probably volunteer to help the Secret Srervice keep the Prez safe. So c’mon BO…think of what’s best for you and the country…pick Hillary. Best. VP. Ever.

@:

:@

Say What?

Yesterday Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stepped up the right-wing jihad against Iran by calling any dialogue with its leaders pointless. Typical Bush-Wipe…shoot first, think later. It was a swipe at Barack Obama’s position of talking to the leaders of such nations. The day before, Senator Skeevy McAncient said the ‘Bamer’s willingness to be diplomatic with the Iranians was, “misguided and insufficient.” Now do you see why the republicans are gonna get creamed in November? They think diplomacy is for wimps and war is the way of the world.

Well, we did a little bit o’ the research and came up with three historical arguments that support givin' peace a chance...

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."- Sun Tzu
Now we’ve never learned to speak Chinese, so we’ll have to rely on the translation. But Sun Tzu had a point there. If you can kill ‘em with kindness, no need to kill ‘em with bullets.

“Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?”- Abraham Lincoln
We never met Honest Abe but he’s on the money with that one. It happens on playgrounds all over the USofA. Two little kids who don’t like each other start talking, find out they like what all other little kids like and end up being friends.

"Listen to your enemy, for God is talking."- Jewish proverb
Y’all know our position on the Invisible Man in the Sky but this Jewish proverb got us thinkin’. Doesn’t your God’s book say things like “Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, and whatever you do to the lowest of creatures, you do unto me? Well then, why don't you practice what your Good Book preaches?

Talking to Iran or Syria or North Korea isn’t gonna hurt anything. What it MIGHT do is save American lives. Isn’t that the goal?

(8.-)

Not Your Brother's Keeper

There are few places in the 775 more beautiful than Elko County. That place is so sweet it’s almost enough to make you believe in a God…almost. Yeah, here at PTB we love us some Elko. But in a recent RGJ article, it looks like the peeps of the “Big Easy” are losing their way.


Elko is described as being a conservative place – republicans in the county outnumber democrats 2-1. We never did get that. Ya se, Elko is home to enough brothels, casinos and watering holes to make Beelzebub blush. Nothin’ conservative ‘bout that. It’s what we here in the big city call the “real Nevada.” Live hard, love hard, drink hard, party hard die hard. That’s the way it should be.


But what, you might ask, is getting Elko’s collective Underoos in a twist? Governor Jim Gibbons’ divorce, that’s what. According to the RGJ, “Gibbons Country” is ready to throw the Gov. under the bus. They feel this divorce thing is getting quite messy and they’re not happy with their favorite son.


Here’s the crux of our biscuit:


If you support GJG’s position on the Iraq war…if you understand the man-crush he has for Chimp-Dick and Dr. Evil…if you agreed when he called anti-war activists “tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals” then WTF is the problem? C’mon Elko…have none of y’all ever canoodled with someone other than your spouse? Yes. Has anyone in the "Big Easy" ever gotten a divorce? Sure. Look Elko…if you’re as conservative as you say you are…remember your God’s book:


“Let he without sin cast the first stone.” And if getting a divorce is enough to make y’all drop trow and run for the hills, consider yourself lucky…our Governor could be the one with the “wide stance.”

(8.-)

DANGER: Politician Crossing

Way back in the Stone Age (1994 to be exact) a tsunami of conservatism swept quite a few righties into positions of power. It’s called the Republican Revolution. Among those who rode the wave were notables such as Bill Frist, Nevada’s own John Ensign and WPE GWB. Leading up to the ’94 elections the right-wing jihadists used a very clever visual aid. After all, Americans are so stupid, without a cheat sheet most of y’all wouldn’t know which hole to pee out of. The prop we’re talkin’ ‘bout, of course, was the Contract With America.

Analogous to a sixth grader running for class president and promising less homework, longer recesses and better cafeteria food, the Contract With America included all sorts of go-nowhere ideas. Thinking they were smarter than Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson republicans wanted a Constitutional Amendment to ban flag burning. After all, at the time, flag burning hippies were ruining America.

Thinking they were smarter than John Adams and Alexander Hamilton, republicans wanted a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. After all, why should homos get to enjoy all the perks of marriage (and divorce) when the Bible says marriage (and divorce) is only for heterosexuals?

Thinking they were smarter than George Washington and Gouverneur Morris, republicans wanted a Constitutional Amendment requiring a balanced budget. After all, everyone knows you can’t live outside your means and countries that run on deficits are fiscally irresponsible.

We knew at the time the CWA was nothing but smoke and mirrors. It was a pathetic circus trick designed to get republicans elected. It worked. Problem is, only one thing in the CWA actually got passed was term limits. Horrible. Idea.

We said it back then and we’ll say it now…America already HAD term limits…it was called the VOTE! Don’t like the guy? Vote him the hell out. We didn’t need a law that takes the vote away from the people. Alas…it passed and the right-wing jihadists were ecstatic. The operative word there is “WERE.” Now, it seems the very same politicians who were all droppin’ trow to hook up with the CWA are coming out against term limits. Seems the skeevers just wanna save their jobs. Here’s the crux of our biscuit:

Nevadan’s voted twice to enact term limit laws. So serve your time, get the hell outta Dodge and let someone else rattle around the halls of government. You wanna get rid of term limits? Let the people decide. Put it to another vote. But next time, leave your visual aids at home.

(8.-)

Free Association Friday

Is politician the only job where if you get divorced, bang a ‘ho or have an EMA you have to resign? Hell…even priests get to keep their jobs! We do wonder though, how you can keep your Government-Cheese gig after gettin’ busted for trolling for gay sex in an airport bathroom.


Everyone’s gettin’ their Underoos in a twist over Scotty Mac’s new book. There’s nothin’ in there we didn’t already know. But notice how critics of the book are raggin’ on Scottie Mac the person while ignoring revelations that Chimp-Dick, Dr. Evil and Scooter are guilty of treason? We’ve gotta say…if this pResident was a Democrat, they’d have opened up a can of impeaches on his ass long ago.


WTF? A tent city in the Biggest Little City? If we’re the greatest country in the world, how the fuck come we’ve got homeless people livin’ in tents? We wonder…would JZeus rather spend a billion dollars a month bombin’ brown-skinded brothers or helping the homeless?


Four arrests in one weekend. Looks like the Wolf Pack football team is in mid-season form already.


We don’t quite get WTF is up with all this Sex and the City hype. We’ve read everything we could about the hoopla surrounding the new flick. The motherhubbard should be re-titled Clothes and the City” ‘cause we couldn’t find sex anywhere. What a ripoff.


Speakin’ ‘bout SatC…if you spend $400 on a pair of shoes or $500 for a purse or $1,000 for a dress…you’ve got some really messed up priorities.


The First Lady is accusing the Governor of having a girlfriend and he’s denying it. Now, we know what you’re thinkin’, “Is there really a heterosexual republican politician out there?” Yo Gov., just cop to the fact that you’re puttin’ tab “A” into slot “B” and let’s move on. We wanna get to the juicy stuff.


We didn’t know this, but here in the 775 you can get a citation for “failing to carry out your duties as a parent.” WTF is up with that? Is there a list of parental duties somewhere? Are we gonna cite parents of obese kids for letting poor Suzie and Bobby eat at Mickey-D's? Are we gonna cite parents who let their kids listen to gangsta rap? Can you say “overkill”?


And lastly today…wildfires in the 775 are getting bigger and more dangerous. No. Duh. Wanna know why? ‘cause more and more people are building their houses in the middle of the forest. When a fire hits, we all drop trow and stamp the motherhubbard out. That leaves more schizzle to burn the next time ‘round. Forest fires are nature’s way of thinning things out. When we interfere, things get worse. Question: Who put out Tahoe forest fires back in the days of Ben, Hoss and little Joe? Answer: No one. And it all worked out fine for them.

(8.-)

In Space...No One Can Hear You Flush

Astro commode broke



Ground control to Major Tom



Does freeze-dried poo float?







@:
:@

Kissin' Asses for Votes

Skeevy Uncle Fester is in town today tryin’ to convince voters in the 775 he should be the next President. Good move actually. Ya see, this here part of the Silver State is redder than the ass-cheek of a ripe tomato. We’ve said it before…the only congressional district that was MORE pro-WPE is that creepy one in northern Mississippi where the most common relation is uncle-dad, cousin-grandpa and auntie-mom.

Now, we could ask Oldie McAncient all sorts of questions like “What’s the difference between Sunni and Shiite?” “How can tax cuts for the rich help the middle-class?” And our personal favorite…”So, how IS that surge a-workin’?” Problem is, Grandpa McDinosaur doesn’t have answers to those questions.

But seein’ how Geezer McAged is droppin’ by…we wanna ask him about something close to all of our hearts: Yucca Mountain. You might remember that Congress is trying to ram a nuookuler toilet down our pie holes and Senator McObsolete was all for it. The operational word there being “WAS.” Turns out the good Senator from the AZ has flip-flopped quicker than a pancake on a griddle.

So, we’ve gotta ask: “Yo JMac…if you were for sticking Nevada with the nuke dump before you decided to run for president, now you say you’re against it…how can we believe you? And what the hell else are you gonna flip-flop on just to get a couple of votes?

(8.-)

Memorial Day Late and a Dollar Short

Today we wanted to expand a little bit on yesterday’s post. Y’all know that here at PTB we love our men and women in uniform. That said…Memorial Day blows. You lay your ass on the line 24/7/365, livin’ and dyin’ in the Suck tour after tour and for what? So the rest of the country can get another three day weekend? So furniture stores can slash prices and offer huge discounts on mattresses? SHEESH! No, we’re of the ilk that Memorial Day should be every day. After all, freedom isn’t free and our men and women in uniform are paying the price with every breath they take.



Now, we’re from the side who believes that “Support Our Troops” means bringin’ ‘em home. No war…no casualties. Simple enough. Problem is, the Government-Cheese doesn’t give a rat’s ass about bringin’ our troops home. How do we know? Y’all ever heard of the G.I. Bill? That’s the legislation that helps veterans after their service to our country has ended. It helps ‘em with college tuition, it helps ‘em get home loans. You know, the things you’d expect the greatest country in the world to do for the soldiers who fight for freedom.



Well, there’s a new version of the G.I. Bill wending its way through the halls of Congress. It has the blessing of politicians from both sides of the aisle. But not everybody is a supporter of our troops. There are two high-profile opponents of the new G.I. Bill. Now, you might be asking yourselves, “Who in the fu-schizzle could be so heartless, so callous, so mean-spirited as to deny our brave men and women in uniform benefits they so richly deserve?” None other than Chimp-Dick and Geezer McSkeevy. That’s right…pResident George Bush and Republican presidential nominee, Senator John McCain are AGAINST the new G.I. Bill.



You’d think America’s highest-profile combat dodger and its most famous Manchurian Candidate would, you know, actually SUPPORT our troops. After all, those two wannabes wear their little flag pins on their lapels and blow a lot of hot air spoutin’ ‘bout what patriots they are. You’d be wrong. No, according to the New York Times, WPE and Ancient McOldie don’t support the new G.I. Bill because it gives so much to the troops, everyone will want to get out and no one will want to reenlist! Aye Caramba! Look guys…no one wants to be in the Suck. Everyone wants to get out of the Suck and we owe it to everyone who’s ever been in the Suck to help make their civilian life a little easier. Here at PTB we think we owe it to ‘em. As for the Government-Cheese…once you’re out, they don’t give a shit about you.



Every time one of those rat-bastards say they love America and they support our troops…they’re lying!


(8.-)

An Army of Ummm...

Remember the dead

Fighting someone else's war

They gave more than all




They tell you they support our troops.



They support their wallets.


(8.-)

TOUCHDOWN!

Mars has been scaring the bejeezus out of us here at PTB since H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. Even against Tom Cruise…those Martians are bad motherhubbards!


Problem is, those aren’t really Martians…they’re boogityboogity bad guys from the darkness of a Hollywood writer’s mind.


Guarantee…the first cute&fuzzy bunny we find outside our own troposphere is gonna look like the grout in the cracks of yer tub…

So…in honor of HGW and the master…Matsuo Basho…we haiku:

The North Pole of Mars.
What do you think we will find?
E.T. anyone?

We Love us some Pole.
Does the Red Planet have life?
Santa and his Elves.

Life is everywhere
Man in the image of God
So God looks like a…?

(8.-)

'Til Death Do Us Part

Hardcore readers of PTB know the malevolence we feel toward politicians. Most of ‘em are skeevy, elitist, pampered, rich, bourgie, motherhubbards looking out for numero uno. But every now and then one of those crazy turds really makes a splash.


The other night Nevada State Assemblywoman Francis Allen and her husband were attending a shindig where Mr. Assemblywoman allegedly “embarrassed” his wife. We’re sure that anyone who’s ever been married has had a similar incident happen to them. Hubby probably got sloshed, started dancin’ around the room wearing only a bar napkin and a lampshade, then started puttin’ the moves on the boss’ wife.


Not happy with her hubby’s exploits Assemblywoman Allen did what any BSC spouse would do…she SHANKED him! Stuck him like an Easter ham! She gave him a cold steel enema! This is how Nevada’s leadership behaves? SHEESH! Guess we’re lucky she didn’t pop a cap in the guy. If she keeps her job though, it’ll be just one more example of how the criminal justice system in this country favors the rich and targets the poor.


Now, this is the second time this month that people who govern the Silver State have had public displays of affliction so we have a question…


Yo…to all our gay brothers and sisters out there…you SURE you want the right to get married? After all, you can be in a monotonous, love-less, sex-less, unsatisfying, violent relationship WITHOUT a piece of paper from the church…and you don’t have to pony up for a ring!

(8.-)

Home Sick

Yeah…we know the economy is tight. But here in the 775 we have no one to blame but ourselves. Ya see, NoNV voted overwhelmingly for Chimp-Dick and Doctor Evil back in ‘04. Heck, the only Congressional District to be even MORE in favor of the pResident-In-Chief is that creepy northern Mississippi district where the most common relations are “Uncle-Dad” and “Cousin-Ma.”


The crux of the biscuit today is…



Why do the taxpayers of Nevada have to fund a mansion for the Governor to live in when he doesn’t even live there? How many servants, cooks, maids, butlers and security guards are we paying for so GJG can have a place to entertain his bourgie guests?



Yo Guv…you’ve ordered everyone in the state to cut back on costs. Maybe you should do the same. You could start with the Governor’s Mansion...you know...the one you don't live in anymore.


(8.-)

Best. Masseuse. Ever.

We'll start the week off light. Here's a little somethin' from our Chinese brothers & sisters. After the shitty week they had last week...here's hoping things get better soon.

(8.-)

Run Forest! Run!

We never understood track athletes. They’re the ones who spend hours and days and weeks training and the one who spends the LEAST amount of time running the race…wins. We never understood that but we’ve always been big fans of the sport.. That’s why we’re jazzed up ‘bout the start of the High School State Track & Field Tournament this weekend.



Now, anyone who’s rolled in the 775 for very long knows who the Tarantulas are. We’re familiar with Muckers from the north side and Muckers from the south side. We know all about the Hornets, the Longhorns and the Lakers. They’re all over the Silver State. We’re talking about small high schools.



Most of us here at PTB went to 1A schools and are proud of it. Ya see, at a small school you’ve gotta do everything. You participate in your three or four sports. You’re in student council. You have to be on the setup and the cleanup crews for dances. Heck, you might even have to serve as the prom king and the prom queen. You’ve gotta be a jack of all trades…not because you’re proficient at ‘em but because bodies are scarce. Which brings us to the crux of today’s biscuit…



Last weekend The Lone Star State held its state track meet. The winner in the small school category was Rochelle High School. WTF should anyone care ‘bout that? Simple. Rochelle High School had exactly ONE member of their track team compete. Bonnie Richardson entered five events and placed in all of ‘em. High jump, long jump, discus, 100 and 200 meters. And she alone won the team title. SNAP!



You’ll never see a story like that happen in ‘Vegas or Reno. But that kind of performance happens all the time in places like Gerlach, Ely, Carlin and Wells. Small school sports…just one more reason to love livin’ in the 775.



While we’re on the subject of T&F…Oscar Pistorius hit triple sevens today. You might remember Oscar as the fastest man on no feet. We talked about him a while back when the International Association of Athletics Federations banned him from running against athletes who aren’t amputees. The IAAF said that Oscar had an unfair advantage ‘cause he has two artificial legs. We said HORSESHIT to that! Today, the Court of Arbitration for Sport agreed with all of us here at PTB. Now Oscar gets to qualify to run this summer in Beijing.



We don’t know ‘bout y’all but this story is givin’ us a huge jones for the Olympics to start. And when they do start…here’s hopin’ Oscar rubs a butt on all of ‘em. You go boy!


(8.-)

When WalMart Starts Selling These...

Awash in a sea of negativity lately…we thought we’d dry off and get some positive vibes goin’ today.


Back before our time, a magazine called Popular Mechanics was layin’ out their vision of the future. WOW! Moon colonies, flying cars and personal jet packs were gonna be all over the place.

Fast forward to today. The moon is as bare as your wallet after filling your gas tank.

The flying car? They’ve got a few out but they’re as rare as an electric car. BTW…they promised us electric cars too!

Personal jet packs have been available since the 70’s but they never took off…pun intended. Besides…can you imagine rollin’ a DUI with one of those things? SPLAT!

Which brings us to today’s video. The guy’s name is Yves Rossy aka “Fusion Man” and this motherhubbard ROCKS! He jumped out of a plane, did a short freefall and let rip FOUR jet engines attached to a wing on his back. He managed to juice it up to 186mph, 8,200ft and even did a couple of barrel rolls and 360’s. He says next year he’s gonna fly across the English Channel.

We’ve only got one question: Where the hell do WE get one of those things?

E.T Phone God

Just a couple of thoughts from the non-believers here at PTB.

Great news out of the Vatican today. The Catholic Church’s official astronomer says that it’s O.K. to believe in extraterrestrial life. Now we know what you’re saying, “The Catholic Church has an official astronomer?” Yup. The robe-wearin’ motherhubbards that excommunicated Galileo for ‘splainin’ the earth revolves around the sun now says if you believe in li’l green peoples, you can believe in the Invisible Man In The Sky too. It kinda all goes hand-in-hand though, doncha think? In all the years humans have been on Mother Earth, no one has seen an alien. Same with the Big Guy Upstairs. As long as we’ve been roamin’ the planet there hasn’t been one shred of proof that anyone is up there. That is, unless you believe the guy who translated his visions of God out of a hat. But we digress.

All that said, we have a couple of questions about this whole Catholics and aliens business.

If an alien has eight arms, what would his rosary look like?

The Fourth (or Fifth) Commandment says “Honor thy father and thy mother.” What if the aliens reproduce through mitosis?

Are aliens forbidden to eat meat on Fridays or to work on Sundays?

If the aliens don’t have mouths, where do you put the communion wafer?

If the aliens love the heat like Vulcans, does that mean Vulcan hell is filled with ice and snow instead of fire and brimstone?

Do you think aliens have crosses hangin’ in the rear view or have Jzeus bobbleheads on the dashboards of their hoopty wagons?

Do the aliens have to root for the Notre Dame football team?

And lastly, what if the aliens are Jewish?

We guess the convergence of the Catholic God and E.T. had to happen eventually…we can only hope the aliens are intelligent enough to see through all the bullshit.

(8.-)

Truth and Consequences

We spent a lot of years learning our craft over at the DRSo’J. We were tutled by such luminaries as Big Jake, Rude Boy and the Bourne Supremacy. So, when we read yesterday’s Your Turn in the RGJ, we just had to add our two bits.


Dean Ceppos got one thing right when he said he couldn’t pound ethics into his students. Duh. Anyone who’s been a parent (or a teen for that matter) knows how futile it is trying to pound something into someone. Doesn’t work. Never did. Besides, if a student doesn’t have ethics by the time they’ve reached college it’s too late.


But we wanna talk about the two things Dean Ceppos didn’t mention that every J-student should know.


First of all, in RL, ethics don’t mean shit. Newspapers, magazines, radio and television stations aren’t run by journalists, they’re run by bean counters. To them, it’s not about quality or accuracy or integrity, it’s all about the bottom line.


Cost ‘em a penny by writing a story ‘bout their best client and you’ll be canned so fast the door won’t have time to hit you in the badunkadunk. Cost ‘em a penny more than a snot-nosed rookie fresh out of Underoos and yer’ replaced quicker than you can say, “Do you want fries with that?”


To the bean counters you aren’t a journalist, you’re a body sucking up benefits and salary and ethics be damned if they come between you and them making their budget.


Secondly, if you have to sign a pledge stating you’ll behave in an ethical manner, you’re kidding yourself. Think the people with no ethics are gonna sign the pledge anyway? Yup. Ethics are in your heart, they’re in your soul and no piece of paper is gonna change that.


What really chaps our ass though, is the line in the pledge that says, “…"As a graduate of the Reynolds School of Journalism, I will uphold and apply the highest standards of integrity and ethics. This includes helping others by minimizing harm and showing compassion.” Hogwash. You’ve got one job future journos – that job is to find the truth. You’ve got no dog in the fight for who gets hurt. Hell…haven’t you heard? The truth fuckin’ hurts! That’s the way it is. That’s the way it’s always been. As for compassion, leave that to the psychics, the talk show hosts and the Red Cross.


Think showing the coffins of soldiers returning from Iraq hurts the pResident’s approval rating? Yes. Think pointing out the futility of the “War on Globally Extreme Jihadists” hurts the morale of the troops? Damn straight. Think reporting about the abuses of government cheese pisses off the little people? Hell yeah. But your job isn’t to worry about who gets hurt by the truth. Your job is to report the truth. There’s nothing more ethical than that.

(8.-)