Happy Holidays Pt#2

For all you Christmasochists out there suffering from Santaclaustrophobia...Number two is for you (and no, I don't mean doo doo). True dat. Enjoy.

Happy Holidays

Growin' up, one of my all-time favorite cartoons was Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The Bumble used to scare the bejeezus outta me but every Christmas I'd watch anyway. So, in the spirit of the holiday season, all this week we're gonna give you some of the funniest riffs on Rudolph you're ever gonna see. Enjoy.

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Life's a Mitch

Eighty-four years ago today, Billy Mitchell was court-martialed for telling his superiors what he knew in his heart to be true. The airplane was here to stay…it was going to revolutionize the development of the world and the world’s armies and his superiors were pompous douchebags who wouldn’t (or couldn’t) see that obvious fact. Even back in the day it wasn’t a good idea to piss off your boss. Mitchell got demoted and eventually resigned from the U.S. armed services. Too bad. Sixteen years later the Japanese proved him right by bombing the bejeezus out of Pearl Harbor. So much for “I told ya so’s.”



But that’s why Mitchell will always have a place in my heart. Ya see B-Mitch was the kind of guy who could see the future without taking his eye off the present while remembering the lessons of the past. And he wasn’t reticent about his thoughts. He called ‘em like he saw ‘em and more often than not he was right. Alas…we’ve got nothin’ like that now and we sorely need it.



Afghanistan…Pakistan…Iraq…Iran…North Korea…the economy…the insurance and banking cartels…tinfoil hat wearin’ teabaggers…homegrown terrorists…torture…Gitmo...healthcare...the national debt. There are a million December 7ths out there and no one sees ‘em coming. Wish you were here General Mitchell...we could use someone like you. Problem is, if you were, you’d still be vilified and December 7th would still be on the way. True dat.


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Wednesday Wonderings

Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi got creamed a couple of days ago when a BSC motherhubbard tossed a marble statue that hit him square in the mug. YOUCH! But am I the only one in the world who saw that story and instantly thought, “Why couldn’t the Iraqi shoe dude been that accurate?”

As the healthcare debate rambles through the Senate I got to thinking. Do you know anyone, that doesn’t have healthcare, who is against reform and a public option? I didn’t think so. Seems like the only people against healthcare reform are the ones who already have health insurance.

An new study, just released by the Census Bureau, says that by 2050 whites won’t make up the majority of citizens in the USo’A. If you go outside sometime today, cup your hand to your ear and listen very closely. That funny sound? That’s the sound of Lou Dobbs’ sphincter crushing a lump of coal into the world’s most perfect diamond. True dat.

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Political Con inSulting

Nevada, like a lot of states, has had a hard time this year balancing the budget. To help the situation there have been layoffs and furloughs and pay cuts given to state employees. Problem is, the douchebag politicians running the joint didn’t think their pay warranted any cuts. That is, until now. Last week Assemblyman Ed Goedhart, R-Amargosa Valley, cut a check to the NV for $526.65. That represented a six percent pay cut. While y’all might think this is gonna be a feel-good piece about Assemblyman Ed, you’d be wrong.

Several representatives, when asked why they didn’t buck up like the rest of us, said that they don’t make enough money in the first place and that cutting nothing from nothing was stupid. Fair enough. But just how much “nothing” do these government-cheese dicks get? Well, I did the math (hey…no jokes).

It turns out Nevada State Legislators make a flat $8,777 dollars for every 60 day session. Since sessions always run 120 days, they still make $8,777. Now eight grand for four months’ work isn’t very much but when you consider that NV Reps also get a $167 daily per diem for the full 120 days and are reimbursed for travel, lodging and moving expenses, things start to add up. Let’s see…167 x $120 = $20,040. Add in the eight grand and the total swells to $28,817 not including travel, lodging and moving expenses.

So, Nevada Legislators like Senator Barbara Cegavske and Assembly Majority Leader John Oceguera get almost thirty grand for four month’s work, PLUS travel, lodging and moving money AND the prestige of being a big-time politician and they think that 30G’s isn’t a lot of scratch. SHEESH! Listen up douchebags...if you don't like the pay, don't run for office. It's called public service for a reason. But we can only blame ourselves, folks. We voted these chucklenuts into office. Here’s hoping we all remember this post next election time and vote the rat-bastards out. All except Assemblyman Ed. That brotherhubbard should run for governor. True dat.

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Space Bar

Shooting Blanks

Back in the day, the “King of All Righties,” Ronald Reagan, was hell-bent on building a missile defense system. The media dubbed it “Star Wars.” It was a quick and easy way for Uncle Ronnie to line the pockets of his defense contractor buddies. It was the expansion of the military/industrial complex, just like Ike said.

Fast forward to earlier this year. Tighty-righties, intent on undercutting anything the ‘Bamer suggested, were skidmarking their Underoos because President Barry-O wanted to scrap Bush-era plans for the same type of MDS. “He’s soft on National Security,” they screamed. “He’ll get us all killed,” they blathered. Turns out…as usual…the right-wing nut cases were wrong.

Earlier this week, the Russkies test launched a new, long-range missile – just the type of weapon Star Wars and its descendents were supposed to protect us from. You wanna know what happened? POOF! For the seventh time in twelve tries, the Red Enemy failed to get their missile to work right. That’s less than a fifty percent success rate.

Now, you won’t hear any mea culpas from the boogity boogity crowd. That’s not how they roll. But remember this…the Republicans will do anything to get reelected. They’ll make up facts and twist words and pervert ideas and try to scare the bejeezus outta people all for their own electoral gain. that's how they roll. It worked for a while but Americans are wising up to that charade. Here’s hoping that in the 2010 and 2012 election cycles, those tactics work just as well as the new Russian missles. Then, the only defense system we’ll need is the vote.

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It Could Be Worse

Just Desserts

What a Family Eats in a Week

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Daddy's War Bucks

Ya know, I get a lot of flak from the “tinfoil hat” crowd over their assertions that I have a bromance with the ‘Bamer. Heck-fire, it’s kinda funny considering I’ve never been a fan of no man. But they’ve got to understand that after the eight years we had of Chimp Dick and Dr. Evil, anyone woulda been better. That said, Barry-O has been pissing in my Corn Flakes lately.



When Prezzy B. was running for office, he promised to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He promptly did the douchebag move and forgot about getting out of Iraq. And now, he’s considering escalating in Afghanistan. He says he wants the U.S. to stay ‘til the job is done. Aye caramba! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Afghanistan is where empires go to die. And we’re gonna be there ‘til America, as a country, isn’t any better than Finland (apologies to my Finnish brotherhubbards). Yo Barry-O, you wanna get the job done? How ‘bout spending some of that free money on creating jobs here at home and less money on making new terrorists?



The other thing that’s cheesing me off about Chocolate JZeus, is his reticence on healthcare reform. Look, y’all aren’t gonna get one vote from the tighty-righties, so why not “pull a Bush” on ‘em and ram the motherhubbard down their throats anyway? I know, I know, you’re gonna get republicans sayin’ we can’t afford it and that they don’t want a government-cheese bureaucrat making people’s health decisions. Question:



Why is it that we have unlimited trillions of dollars to blow up brown-skinded brothers in far away lands but we don’t have enough money to help our own poor, sick and dying? Next time I hear a politician waxing poetic about America being a “Christian nation,” I’m gonna break my foot off in his John Brown hindpot. True dat.



And last question: Yo republicans! Y’all say you are against bureaucrats meddling in a person’s medical choices. So how come y’all keep sticking your anglo-bourgie cracker noses into a woman’s lawful right to choose? Hypocrites.



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Separation of Church and State

Lazing into the Weekend

I surely do love me the music that specifically mentions the 775. In this case...Tonopah, Nevada. GO MUCKERS!


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Right Wing Wussies

Put a Sock on it

With God on Our Side

Bow Wow

Over the weekend, Chocolate Elvis met with the Emperor of Japan. In typical Japanese tradition, the ‘Bamer bowed during the greeting. Wanna know what happened next? The lunatic fringe skidmarked their collective Underoos. Don’t believe me? This from tighty-righty Bill (no not that Bill) Kristol:


“I don't know why President Obama thought that was appropriate. Maybe he thought it would play well in Japan. But it's not appropriate for an American president to bow to a foreign one." He added that the gesture bespoke a United States that has become weak under Obama. "I'll bet if you look at pictures of world leaders over 20 years meeting the emperor in Japan, they don't bow," Kristol said.


O.K. Bill...I’ll give you that one but I do have a question. Was Chimp-Dick sucking face and holding hands with the Saudi King O.K. with you? What about when the Bush-Wipe appeared with the leader of Vietnam, our sworn enemy? SHEESH! Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…


No matter what President Barack Hussein Obama does, the tighty-righties are gonna hate it. If Obama wanted a sandwich for lunch, the Republicans would want to rename peanut butter "Freedom Butter.” True dat. No worries, though. The right-wing nut cases are throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks. But the way they’re behaving as the “Party of No," everything that sticks is on their faces.


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Repeating History

Happy Veteran's Day

Here's one for all who serve our country. Sorry that you have to be in the Suck. Just remember, the 'Bamer promised to get y'all the hell outta there. We're still waiting mister President.

Another Prick With a Wall

Hurry Up and Wait

Gaming the System

This is a picture of the rich, white, tighty-righties who are gonna be rollin' in the dough now that Ohio has legalized gaming. I can just see it now...

"Cincinnati, America's Adventure Place." Aye Caramba!


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My Alibi

Ronald Reagan was just a Hollywood Elitist douchebag with no clue about how the world worked.
The only difference between Uncle Ronnie and Dr. Evil? The chimps they worked with. The similarity? They both lied.

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Good Zolly Miss Molly

The coolest thing I've learned from working in television all these years, is the name of this camera move. It is a combination zoom/dolly shot. And they call it...a Zolly. Go figure. Whatever they call it, it surely does scare the bejeezus outta folks. Happy Halloween!


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Mash Up

After watching all these black and white clips, it makes you wonder how anyone got scared back in the day. SHEESH! Not one clip of Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh. Now that woulda been scary!

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