There is a Reason They Call it the World Cup

Over the weekend several friends of mine were giving me shit because of my love of soccer. The read the last PTB posting and were not impressed. So, while I was watching the U.S. v England game on Saturday they pounced. “It’s not REAL football,” they said. “It’s a boring game,” they insisted. They have the right to their own opinions but there is a special reason I hold international football close to my proverbial bosom.

Compared to the rest of the world, the United States sucks in soccer. It’s not like basketball back in the “Dream Team” days when we’d beat everyone a hundred to bupkis. No, soccer is one of those sports where the United States team has to be the scrappy, can-do, anything's possible Americans rather than the "know-it-all, holier-than-thou," ugly American most of the world makes us out to be. I don’t mind being the underdog to the rest of the world. But we’re getting better. You cannot be the best unless you beat the best. Well, England is one of the best. And for one game on Saturday, we were just as good.

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The Cup Runneth Over

For a football lover like me, there is nothing better than the World Cup. This football doesn’t pit Los Angeles against New York or Miami against Denver like American football does. No, this football pits the likes of Germany against Serbia (just like WWII) and the United States against England (just like 1776!). The international flavor of World Cup football is one of its biggest draws. Which brings me to North Korea.

A couple of days ago Yahoo Sports did a profile on the North Korean football team. The comment section quickly filled up with vitriolic statements like, “If you don’t win, they’ll execute you” and “Your country sucks” and “I hope you all die.” Aye caramba!

Now, I know there are a lot of haters out there. Heck-fire…I’m one of ‘em but this is the World Cup...THE WORLD FRIGGIN' CUP...you could, at least, admit that North Korea is a football team that has earned a place in the tournament and should be treated with the same respect as every other team in the tournament. Don't hate their politics, love their football. I’m no fan of Angela Merkel but I don’t go ‘round calling the German team Nazis. And I’m no fan of l’il Kim either but these players have earned the right to play on the world’s most prestigious stage…even if they are the biggest long shots in the tournament.

Remember...sports fans LOVE an underdog and no team is more underdogged than North Korea. I , for one, hope North Korea plays their collective arses off and give Joga Bonito, and the rest of us, a game...no, a World Cup for the ages. Oh yeah, and one other thing…

QUEEN ELIZABETH IS BUTT UGLY…PRINCE CHARLES HAS A SMALL PENIS AND FISH AND CHIPS TASTE LIKE ASS!!!

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The Stories of His Demise...

I remember it like it was yesterday. During a near-meltdown at the Springfield nuclear power plant, an automatic shutdown computer was flashing the following message: To avoid meltdown, press any key. Homer, the safety inspector on duty, was apoplectic, “Any key? Where’s the ‘any’ key? I can’t find the ‘any’ key!” And that about sums up the Republican result in last night’s Nevada GOP Senate primary.

You see, a couple of months ago, people were sayin’ that Harry Reid’s career was sleeping with the fishes. The bobbleheads on television were already saying that anyone could beat Reid in the general election. Then the republicans went out and got…anyone. They got “Tark the Shark’s” son…they got the Chicken Lady…they got the only politician in Nevada who supports, get this, BANNING SALES OF ALCOHOL. Aye caramba!

The three tighty-righties fought each other and called each other names and in the end there was only one winner. Sharron “Wacky” Angle…she of the “No alcohol should be sold in Nevada” meme. So, sometime last night Harry Reid’s career rolled over in its grave, climbed out of the hole and is now prepared to go full-fledged zombie on Angle’s Teabaggin’ self. The talking heads thought anyone could beat Reid in the general election. That was yesterday. Today it’s a whole different story.

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Be Counted

For a civics geek and political junkie like me, primary election day is like Kwanzaa, Rosh Hashanah and Sadie Hawkins Day all rolled into one. That being said, y'all gotta get yer asses out there and vote. Doesn't really matter who you vote for, just do it. Figure it this way...if you don't vote, you can't complain...and with the way things are hitting the fan nowadays, there's plenty to complain about.

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Dumb-Assed is as Stupid-Assed Does

School districts across the nation are drowning in red ink much like wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico is drowning in BP’s oil. So, to cut costs, more than 120 districts in the USoA, Inc. are cutting back to four day school weeks. Save a little dough, keep little Johnny dumb as a bag of rocks. Makes sense.

Matriculating up the ladder, University of Nevada Regents aren’t cutting days, they’re cutting programs. Among those now sleeping with the fishes are the Resource Economics program at the College of Agriculture, the Supply Chain Management program in the Mathematics Department, and the Center for Nutrition and Metabolism. I don’t get it…UNR can spend millions upon millions of dollars fielding a mediocre-at-best athletics department and they can’t (or won’t) spend a dime to keep important academic programs running. Aye caramba.

This kind of thing kills me because the common bogeyman on the dumbing down of America is television. And as I’ve said before: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB get one million dollars. But the turn of the USo’A, Inc. into Idiocracy isn’t being caused by the boob tube, it’s being caused by bureaucrats cutting education to save a few dollars at the cost of the country’s future. Don’t believe me? A survey just out says that seventy-five percent of those polled couldn’t name one Supreme Court Justice. Depressing, neh? The highest court in the land…the chucklenuts that just voted corporations have the same rights as people…and 75 out of 100 people cannot name one of those nine judges. No wonder they're keepin' y'all dumb.

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Laugh Track

There is a reason George Carlin was considered the greatest comedian ever.

Another One Bites the Dust

Last week Mark Souder, a congressman from Indiana, an evangelical Christian who promoted abstinence education and a fire and brimstone Bible thumper resigned from office. His crime? Bangin’ a staffer who was not his wife. Of course.

It’s been said time and time again ‘round here at PTB, it’s really no one’s business if a politician is “hiking the Appalachian Trail” or having a RentBoy “carry his luggage." That is, unless that politician’s entire career is centered around “family values.”

Everyone in the world knew that Slick Willie was gonna be bangin’ skanks in the Oval Office. Everyone in the world knew that John Edwards was a horndog with a wandering doodle. They weren’t trying to foist their moral superiority on people and that was just fine.

The problem comes when a holier-than-thou, homophobic, right-wing nutcase who says that marriage is sanctified by God gets popped doin’ the horizontal mambo with someone other than the missus. Representative Souder did the right thing in resigning...Senator John "Able Semen" Ensign, are you listening?

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The REAL Football

Well folks, the World Cup is only a couple of weeks away and tomorrow is the UEFA Champions League Final on our very own FOX network. FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch the FOX network, we here at PTB make one million dollars. That being said, here is a preview of NIKE's new World Cup addy. Enjoy! Long live Sam's Army!

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