I Think We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

Y’all might remember this story: A while back, one bad-assed Carcharodon carcharias was munchin’ on Amity Islanders like they were Krispy Kremes. The PoPo was freakin’ out…the short dude from The Goodbye Girl was freakin’ out…everyone on the island was freakin’ out ‘ceptin’ the one dude who should have been…the Mayor. You know, the guy in charge.

That story reminds me of what’s happening in the Gulf of Mexico. We’ve got this life-devouring monster killing wildlife and wetlands and, in the future, people – and politicians are acting like Mayor Larry Vaughn. Caribou Barbie? “Drill Baby Drill.” Governor Alfred E. Neumann? “A drilling moratorium will kill jobs.” Senator sucking at the monetary teat of big oil? “I’m sorry that you have to pay.”

What we need right now is a real-life Sam Quint. Someone to screech his fingernails down the chalkboard of our collective brain pans. Someone with the huevos rancheros to take down this beast. Someone who is in this thing to help the American people…unlike government-cheese dicks looking out for the one thing they really care about…their careers. Any takers?

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Timeout

Since the USo'A's futball team plays the Desert Eagles today...and I'm rolling the old Betamax on the game, I've been off the grid. No news, no Facebook, no e-mails. Frankly, it is KILLING me. I hear whisperings of the BP clusterfuck gettin' attacked by robots, Rock Me G. Patraeus guest hosting for Stanley Mac and the state of Arizona burning into some kind of weird Cajun dish. Not good. So, to cheer us all up, we've got my boy Linus Van Pelt singing a hit song from the Police. Yup, that'll do it.

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Adieu Les Bleus

You’ve got to hand it to the Frogs…no team in international football has the diva thing down quite like Les Bleus. Alas, we won’t have them to entertain us anymore. This morning hosts Bafana Bafana dropped a deuce on Thierry Henry and company, sending France home in defeat and disgrace.

IMHO, the funniest story line to come out of the French team’s debacle is the tongue lashing they got from former star player Zinedine Zidane. Zidane criticized the team for its “ridiculous, childish behavior.” What a load of crap. Y’all rember Z2 dontcha? Last World Cup he got red carded in the final game for givin’ Marco Materazzi the old Glasgow Kiss. Talk about a classy guy. Getting scolded by Zinedine Zidane for acting like idiotic morons is like being called dumb by George W. Bush. True story.

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The Longest Day

Ah, the summer solstice one of my favorite times of the year. In honor...a little ditty from Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Now, let's hit the pool!

Utah...Metah...Wetah

A lot of people give the LDS church a ration of shit. People say it’s a cult. Some people don’t consider the LDSers Christians, and it’s just plain creepy that they run the entire state of Utah. Well, the Mormons and other Beehive Staters proved them all correct yesterday when the government-cheese executed convicted killer Ronnie Lee Gardner.

While I may be a progressive in some aspects, when it comes to the death penalty, I’m almost always for it’s swift use. The exception is any black man living below the Mason-Dixon Line…you Klansmen out there know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. But I have a real problem in this case.

The problem isn’t with the execution itself…the problem I have is that it was done in Utah. You see, if the state of Utah is run by the Mormon Church and the Mormon Church believes itself to be Christian, WTF are they doing executing anyone? Hell, the Utah Attorney General even TWEETED from the death chamber. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT CHRISTIAN? From what I’ve read in the Christian Bible, there are a million places where JZeus and His Dad talk about how killing is wrong. They talk about forgiveness and mercy. Do the Mormons follow those tenets of their Holy Book? No. But they sure have their magic underwear in a bunch over gay marriage…something that isn’t even mentioned in the Bible.

As long as the State of Utah has the death penalty as an option…no matter how heinous the crime, they’re not Christians. Hell, they’re no better than the perp they’re poppin’ caps at. Hypocrites? Yes. Men and women of God? No way in Hell.

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La Copa Rota

They sure the hell do a lot more with Legos than when I was a kid. Below...England v USA.

There is a Reason They Call it the World Cup

Over the weekend several friends of mine were giving me shit because of my love of soccer. The read the last PTB posting and were not impressed. So, while I was watching the U.S. v England game on Saturday they pounced. “It’s not REAL football,” they said. “It’s a boring game,” they insisted. They have the right to their own opinions but there is a special reason I hold international football close to my proverbial bosom.

Compared to the rest of the world, the United States sucks in soccer. It’s not like basketball back in the “Dream Team” days when we’d beat everyone a hundred to bupkis. No, soccer is one of those sports where the United States team has to be the scrappy, can-do, anything's possible Americans rather than the "know-it-all, holier-than-thou," ugly American most of the world makes us out to be. I don’t mind being the underdog to the rest of the world. But we’re getting better. You cannot be the best unless you beat the best. Well, England is one of the best. And for one game on Saturday, we were just as good.

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