Donald...DUCK!

Here at PTB we’re not necessarily anti-religion – anyone who wants to believe in an Invisible Man in the Sky…more power to you. After all, that’s what America is about…we can believe in anything we want and the Government-Cheese (for the most part) has to STFU. No, what gets our Underoos in a bunch is the hypocrisy and the overall BSC things people do in the name of religion…just ask Leo DaVinci.



A couple of days back, Saudi Arabian cleric Sheik Muhammad Munajid was pissed. He was so mad, in fact, that he issued a fatwa. We never could understand how men of God could give out death sentences like they were hors d’oeuvre samplers at WalMart but we digress…



Munajid asked his followers to kill what he described as “one of Satan’s soldiers.” Cool…we always wondered who Beelzebub’s Rambo was…for a time we just figured it was George W. Bush. Alas, we were wrong. But who could be the big bad bringer of evil and what could he have done to get an invitation to take a dirt nap? Munajid issued his fatwa against…wait for it…wait for it…



Mickey Mouse. SHEESH!



According to the Sheik, everything Mickey touches becomes impure. He went on to say that under Sharia law, “Both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.” Now, we understand needing to control rodents in and around the house. No one wants to wake up with the Hantavirus. But you don’t need a fatwa for that…just buy a cat. But Mickey Mouse? The only thing less dangerous than Mickey is the Russian Army. Sure, that squeaky voice is enough to drive anyone crazy and those red pants are WAY gay but to issue a fatwa? Puh-leeze. Yo Sheik…grab a clue. If you don’t like Mickey Mouse, don’t send your minions on a suicide mission…just grab the remote and turn off the fuckin’ T.V. That’ll make things easy on all of us. Especially Minnie.




(8.-)

Clock Stopper

Back in the late ‘80’s Manhattan real estate developer, Seymour Durst put up the first National Debt Clock. He was cheesed off ‘cause America was in the hole to the tune of a couple o’ trillion dollars. Bad news folks. We're more than ten trillion down as we speak.



The national debt has grown so much in the past few timescales that the National Debt Clock has now run out of friggin’ numbers. SHEESH! Eight years of Chimp-Dick’s Administration and twelve out of the last fourteen years of Congress under Republican control and we’re swimming in an ocean of red ink.



The crux of today’s biscuit is simple: If you believe that the Republican Party is the party of fiscal responsibility, you’re dumb as a sack of doorknobs. If you believe that the Democrats are gonna raise your taxes, you’d be right. After all, someone has to pay for all this shizzle. Us.



(8.-)

Sound Effects Are Expensive

Well...with the shizzle droppin' to shoe level, we wanted to lighten up your day. Just remember, you can't lose any more money in the Stock Market because its closed on the weekend. Thank the Invisible Man in the Sky for small miracles.

Why We Love Parody

This is a parody of the spot above. Be careful...these guys are pretty cool.


(8.-)

Yogi Wants A Doughnut

So, VPILF Sarah Palin is related to the late Princess Diana. Hmmm…do you think if the McCain/Palin ticket wins the White House and Senator McRelic takes a dirt nap, that the Governor will take over and declare herself Queen of the United States? Palin is also related to FDR but don't look for her to get us out of the depression Chimp-Dick got us into. That's not her style.







Shhh….listen. Can you hear it? No? Neither can we. That cone of silence is Bill and Hillary Clinton campaigning for the ‘Bamer. Sure they wanted change in the White House…they just wanted it to be them moving back in. Hey guys…the ‘90’s are OVER. Sore. Losers.

The RGJ conducted a poll that says Skeevy Dean Heller is leading Jill “I’ve lived in Nevada for a hundred years” Derby. Another poll shows Senator McDust Bucket leading the ‘Bamer here in the 775. Question: are the people of Northern Nevada dumb, racist, oblivious to history or just plain BSC? Here’s hoping it’s the latter.



And finally…



Former Nevada hoops standout Kirk Snyder can’t seem to get a job in the big show. He’s lookin’ at ballin’ in either Europe or Asia. Hey Nick Fazekas! Hey JaVale McGee! Y’all payin’ attention? Sure hope y’all save yer money. Elswise you’ll both be back here in the 775 trapping bears.



(8.-)

Hump Day...Already?

Looks like the little scamp that hacked VPILF Sarah Palin’s e-mail is gonna get hisself a new room at the Gray Bar Motel. Funny, the VPILF’s hacker gets indicted within two weeks of his crime and we’ve got thousands of “Enemy Combatants” in Gitmo…many who’ve been there for five or more years…and only one – ONE has been charged with a crime. Land of the Free? Nope.





Governor Jim Gibbons is back in the news. Well, at least he’s somewhere. The evil, American-hating media elitists down at the Las Vegas Sun found out GJG spent just 12 days in his office in the months of August and September. Looks like Gibby learned his work habits from Chimp-Dick. We wax poetic in haiku:


Governor Gibbons…
we elected your dumb ass
to get some work done!


Out of the office?
Important things somewhere else?
Soon you will be gone.


A Public Servant
should fuckin’ serve the public
not your large ego.





One last quickie on last night’s Presidential debate. Remember how we were suggesting drinking games? Bad. Idea. Last night the PTB’ers gathered ‘round the tube with mucho nachos and myriad shots of Tequila. The game? Take a shot every time Old Senator Dust Bucket used the term “My friends” and every time the ‘Bamer said, “Understand.” YIKES! We’re gonna have to apologize to mom & dad for what ensued. Technicolor Yawn anyone? Yup. Porcelain God Worship? You betcha! Icky! This morning when we headed out, there were people still passed out in the driveway. The smart money says they’ll still be there tonight. Can’t wait for Word War III.



(8.-)

Word War II

It’s gonna be a great day here at PTB. We treasure these political debates like they were the Super Bowl. Ah, the life of civics geeks. ANYWAY…we know that not all y’all are as pumped for Word War II as we are so we’ll let you in on a game we used to (and sometimes still do) play.


Before the debate, get together a bunch of points about the candidates that you can bet on like:


Who will mention 9-11 first?

Who will mention “main Street” first?

What color tie will the ‘Bamer wear?

What color tie will John McCain wear?

How many times will John McCain wink at the crowd?


See? It’s that easy. Get your friends together, make your bets and let the game begin!



During the debate, every time a candidate uses the words…

Bailout
Economy
Terrorism
9/11
Raise Taxes
Corporate Welfare
Surrender

…or a host of other words, you just know they’re gonna use, everyone in the room has to take a drink of their preferred beverage. Simple. Know anyone who doesn't drink? N/P. Just substitute the words above with…

Iraqi Government
Dead American Soldiers
My Washington Experience
Afghan Civilian Deaths
George W. Bush


…more than likely the above terms won’t be used at all. That’ll spare your teetotaler friend the hassle of getting blasted.




So you see, you can have a fun time at tonight’s debate even if you don’t give a fat-rat’s-ass who wins or loses. As for us…we’re frothing at the bit just waiting for kickoff!


(8.-)

Manic Monday

Ummm…wasn’t $700 BILLION supposed to help the Stock Market? Guess not. Next time Chimp-Dick opens his pie hole and declares a state of emergency if we don’t act rapidly…don’t listen. $700 BILLION down the toilet. Wonder how much education, healthcare or infrastructure we could have bought for that kind of scratch? Lots.




BTW…the guy they’re putting in charge of the $700 BILLION bailout? A former executive at Goldman Sachs. JZeus Friggin’ Christo! That’s like letting the fox guard the hen house. WTF? Is ANYONE paying attention out there? Apparently not.




The Juice was convicted of something-or-other over the weekend. Question: Isn’t 1995 over? SHEESH! We give this has-been more airtime than the war in Iraq. Liberal media? We think not.




Nevada’s football team fusticated the Idaho Vandals this weekend. Thinkin’ ‘bout it, we’ve figured that aside from Alaska, the Dakotas and Montana, Idaho is the worst college football team in the nation who’s named after their entire state. Think the Wolf Pack would beat say…Texas? Florida? Oklahoma? Hell no…we’d get beat a hundred to absolute bupkis!




Speaking of Nevada sports…the women’s FOOTIE team ended their 2008 non-conference schedule…wait for it…wait for it…0-9-2. YIKES!!! Two years ago, Cary “Dumb as A Sack of Doorknobs” Groth dismissed NAME REDACTED for “The good of the team.” Groth said that the squad needed a new direction. Ummm…is this the direction she meant? The soccer team used to be the most exciting team on campus. Not anymore. Thanks Cary. Who the hell did you used to work for…Lehman Brothers? If this was any other school in the nation, Groth would be puttin’ in her app to work at the drive through.




Lastly, Virgin Galactic, you know, the guys getting paid for launching tourists into space? They turned down a million dollars to let a company film a sex scene in earth orbit. Bummer. We’d have paid to see that one. VG didn’t give a reason why they turned down that kind of scratch but we have an idea. If they took people up to Earth orbit so they could do the “Horizontal Mambo” they couldn’t very well keep the name “Virgin” Galactic, could they?


(8.-)

Friday Nitght Lite

We get this here clip from our own Brewcat. That bad motherhubbard sure mixes a mean cocktail and finds some of the best vids on the net. Enjoy your weekend...

(8.-)

Thursday Thought Bubbles

VPILF Sarah Palin is prepping for tonight’s battle with Joey the Shark by goin’ to…get this…GOP Debate Camp. WTF do they teach you there? How to confuse Shiite and Sunni? How to pee with a wide stance? The proper display and disposal of flag pins? Or maybe you learn how weather patterns are affected by gay sex. Either way, we’re looking forward to the debate more than a Rastafarian looking forward to the first spliff after a urine test.





One more thought on the VPILF. The other day she was asked if she knew of any SCOTUS decisions she disagreed with besides Roe v Wade. She couldn’t think of one. Here at PTB our most hated decision is Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, but we’re civics geeks. Hell, wanna bet if she was asked which SCOTUS decisions she agreed with, she couldn’t come up with one of those either? Guess now we know what Dan Quayle would have looked like with boobs.



Number nerds have figured that Barack Obama is more likely to live out his presidential term than John McCain. Hmmm…think so? The slide rule smarty pants suggest McCain’s age and health make him a prime candidate to take a dirt nap while in office. We disagree. As soon as the ‘Bamer moves in to the White House the clock is ticking. Bass-ackward, redneck, inbred, hillbilly crackers will be lining up to JFK him. There’s nothing whitey hates more than a successful brown-skinded brother. Well, maybe a successful woman.




How come when Heath Ledger, the creepy Olsen Twin, Rush Limbaugh, Heather Locklear and their ilk get busted with ‘scripts, no one gets charged with a crime but when Snowboarding Spicoli gets caught with the kind on his way to Burning Man he gets Abu Ghraibed? Just asking.




Closer to home…The Environmental Protection Agency says that Yucca Mountain has to be designed to protect against excessive radiation exposure to residents of the 702 for up to…wait for it…a million years. SHEESH! Who’s gonna be around if the motherhubbard starts leaking in 3008? That’s only a thousand years. Heck, the EPA can’t even make sure FEMA trailers are free of asbestos. How’re they gonna pull this off?




Finally…y’all know we love our dogs here at PTB. In the Sunshine State our counterpart is Greg LeNoir. Last week GLeN was swimming with his rat terrier when Jaws III popped in from out of nowhere and started doin’ the reverse McGruff. Seeing his pup turning into a taste test, GLeN jumped in and pulled an Ali on the fish. BAM! Down goes Frazier! Human and canine came out of it with minor scratches…the shark reportedly wants a rematch down in ‘Vegas.




(8.-)

10,000 Maniacs

So, the 'Bamer rolled into the RNO today. The crowd up at the "U" was so big, we thought the ladies from the Moonlight Bunny Ranch were givin' out free samples!


Like him or not, you've gotta admit...the 'Bamer can draw a crowd. Too bad he couldn't play Downtown. That way we wouldn't have had to close Fitzgerald's.


(8.-)

Dressing Down

Damn, Reg Dunlop died over the weekend. Best hockey coach we ever saw. Problem is, Mom got creeped out and made us go to the pantry and throw away all of our salad dressing and spaghetti sauce. She was worried they’d all start to smell like John McCain’s house and we’d get gobknobbled by cadaver dogs. UGH!


Same thing happened in '95 When Orville Redenbacher took the ole “dirt nap.” We haven’t had popcorn since.


We can only hope that Mrs. Butterworth keeps her cholesterol problem in check, Aunt Jemima loses some of those extra pounds and Uncle Ben continues his healthy ways. If not, mealtime in the future will be quite lonely.


(8.-)

Let's Get It On

Well folks...here it comes. We've been waitin' for this bad boy for a long time. This is gonna be bigger than Hagler/Hearns. This is gonna be bigger than Yankees/Dodgers. Hell, this'll be bigger and better than Enterprise versus the Borg. So, sit back, relax and enjoy. We will.


(8.-)

Let Them Play

Is John McCain full of shit, or what? This is what he said today in regard to the economic clusterfuck:

"It is difficult to act both quickly and wisely, but that is what is required of us right now. Time is short, and doing nothing is not an option."


Umm…actually, doing nothing IS an option…just not one that Uncle Fester and the ‘Bamer are gonna take. BTW, you know where you hear terms like “Act Now!” and “Time is Running Out!”? Used car lots and screaming car commercials. Heck, We half expect Senator McSame to hit the podium next time wearing a green suit with dollar signs all over it.


Look JMac…there’s nothing you can do in the next week that you wouldn’t have been able to do in the last 25 years of your political career. Do us all a favor…show up and take your ass-whoopin’ like a man. We’ll dally it in haiku:

To debate or not
Is John McCain pussin’ out?
That is the question


Economy’s bad!
Did you just figure that out?
What took you so long?



It’s debate time dude!
Words will come back to bite you.
Bamer’s smoove. You’re toast.


Don’t worry Grandpa
It will all be over soon
Can you say landslide?

Ace of Base(ball)

Well, they picked the name for the 775’s AAA Baseball team. Wait for it…wait for it… ladies and gentlemen, meet your new Reno Aces. Reno Aces? That’s about as original as a remake of Batman.


Family friendly? Aces. Smokin' Aces? Ace Holes? Doesn’t anyone remember how easily it was for kids in school to change your name into a horrible nickname?


We thought baseball was anti-gambling. Sheesh! That's the best name they could come up with? Shoeless Joe and Charlie Hustle must be spinning in their graves. BTW...ANYONE who knows the 775 knows that red is the color of the Devil.


And WTF does Aces have to do with the parent club? The fact that Arizona and Aces both start with the letter “A”?


SHEESH! We thought “Bighorns” was a crappy name. It seems like SK Baseball let their GM’s granddaughter name the team. If this is the best name SK Baseball’s marketing department can come up with it’s gonna be a long, lonely, cash-strapped road.


(8.-)

Dawn Patrol

We make no secret of it…here at PTB we love us some Dawn Gibbons. If we had our way, we’d slather her up with some tangy barbeque sauce and work her like a pork rib…but that’s the crux of another biscuit.



We just read that the soon-to-be former First Lady of Nevada is suing GJG for more muscle after he cut the number of NHP troopers watching over her. The Gov’s office reported earlier this month that Delta Dawn won’t be given security for non-official functions like going to the gym or stoppin’ by her momma's house. As usual, PTB to the rescue.



Madam First Lady, may we offer ourselves up to be at your service. Mind you, we don’t go to swanky parties or cotillions or soirées so your social calendar might get a little light. But hangin’ with us really isn’t so bad.



Mom & Dad’s basement is nice and cool in the summer and not too cold in the winter. We play beer pong and video games into the wee hours of the night. Heck, we even take the occasional shower but if you moved in, we’d take a LOT more (that way your momma won’t hate us).



So, whadda ya say First Lady? You’re a free woman…we’ll make you an honest one. Bring plenty of napkins, toothpicks and dental floss. As Theron famously said in the movie 300, “If we were lesser men, she’d be set on us still.” YOW!



(8.-)

Lemme Hold A Dollar

Much like the little raggimuffin Oliver holding out his empty gruel bowl and asking the head of the orphanage, “Please sir, may I have some more?” Chimp-Dick stood in front of the American people last week and asked for $700 BILLION to bail out the bourgie fat-cat bankers of Wall Street.


There are two prongs to the fundamentalist extremists in the Reflublican party. The warmongering hawks like Dr. Evil, Rummy and Karl Rove and the economic, free-market turds like Phil Gramm and John McCain. Both groups have only their selfish interests at heart. Don’t believe us? We’ll go with the neo-econo-cons for now…


Back in the day Ronald “Celebrity, Actor, Elitist” Reagan helped his tighty-righty friends deregulate the Savings and Loan industry. What happened? The greedy rat-bastards stole all their investors’ money and the Government-Cheese bailed ‘em out with…wait for it…wait for it…taxpayer money!


Since then they’ve deregulated, then had to bail out:

Energy Corporations

The Housing Market

Banks

Insurance Companies

And now, possibly, the Auto industry.


Ay Caramba! They deregulate an industry so their corporate cronies can steal all the money they can, then they put us…you and me…on the hook for the bill. It’s called corporate welfare and the Reflublicans are fond of it. Think about it…


If you opened up an ice cream store and only served flavors like Mushroom Cap and Potato-skin Swirl or Liver and Onion Sorbet…all the while skimming profits and cooking the books…you’d go out of business pretty quick. If that happened, do you think the Government-Cheese would bail you out? Hell. No.


Do you know who famously said, “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”? If you’d have said John McCain…you’d only be 2008 right. The first person we can confirm said it was…wait for it…wait for it…HERBERT FRIGGIN’ HOOVER! He said it in 1931. Nice. What’s that they say about those who forget history? Nah, forget it…



(8.-)

Pay for Play

Today we wanna talk about two things we know a lot about but, sadly, have very little of…sex and money. Livin’ in Mom & Dad’s basement and blogging all day isn’t as glamorous or lucrative as you might think.


Y’all know that the Silver State is in a crunch for cash. Thank you Chimp-Dick. The Government-Cheese is cutting so much it looks like Floyd the Barber on steroids. Well, a couple of days ago, the economic powers-that-be got together to figure out our financial future. What did they come up with?


“We have to teach people to compete like never before, and enjoy it," said John Luthy, a “speaker-facilitator” (read: overpaid lackey) talking to the Nevada Commission on Economic Development. Great. Their idea on turning around our economy is for the little guy to work HARDER. This bobblehead gets PAID to spout nonsense? YIKES! Well…we’re here to tell you about our idea to get us out of this financial shitstorm. Y’all won’t have to work any harder but like Mr. Luthy mentioned above…you’ll enjoy it!


Last year, a brother paid $145,000 for the rights to the name of “Mustang Ranch.” The name only. SHEESH! Lord knows what the brother woulda paid for…you know…ACTUAL boobies but that’s the crux of our biscuit today.


Nevada should mainstream prostitution. “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!” say the puritanical hypocrites. Not so fast people…check it.


The selling of sexual favors is already legal in most parts of the state. Problem is, where it IS legal…is the middle of BFE! But if The Silver State makes it as easy to get laid as it is to order a pizza, there’ll be several positive results…



The tax money generated from legal prostitution would make gaming taxes look like an old, worn out dollar bill.


No skanks hasslin’ tourists on the street.


No more violence against streetwalkers by pimps and johns.


No more need for the PoPo to go undercover to bust horny people. They’ll be able to go catch the REAL bad guys like murders and rapists and terrorists and Karl Rove.


It would be HUGE for the tourism industry. Do you know how many sexually repressed people there are just in Utah? MILLIONS. Hell, people would come to Nevada from around the world just to check it out.


Now, we know a lot of y’all out there got your Underoos in a bunch over this idea so we wanna give you an example of the hypocrisy of the illegality of selling one’s body for the horizontal tango.


A nineteen-year-old kid, just outta high school can sell his body to the NBA to play basketball. He’ll get damned good money for it too. Hell, Major League Baseball buys their meat as young as sixteen years old. You can sell you body (for not much) to Uncle Sam. You won’t get any sex out of it but you sure might get IED’ed. So, if people can sell their bodies for all sorts of work, even dangerous work, why make it illegal to charge money to put Tab “A” into Slot “B”?


Heck, if you have sex with a woman (or man) that you picked up in the bar but didn’t charge any money, that’d be legal. So, what makes swapping scratch for scratches on your back so bad?


No, we say legalize sex for money. Make it as easy as goin’ to the drive-thru at McDonalds. When they do…as always…we’ll have to order from the Dollar Menu.



(8.-)

Bill's Blown Gasket

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Government-Cheese to the Rescue

The USofA’s financial sector is so messed up right now, we just wanna kick someone’s ass…ANYONE’S ass. So we decided we needed to calm down and vent with a haiku…



When big business fails

Government-Cheese bails ‘em out.

When you fail…good luck.



Wall Street fat-cats ask

“Corporate Welfare for us.

Porsches are not cheap.”



Lose your life savings?

Not if you’re bourgie-assed rich.

Poor man’s goin’ down.


(8.-)

Why Book Learnin is Expensive

Adam and Eve
went to the tree
to take a bite of knowledge.


God came down
and looked around
And said, “Now pay your own way through college!



(8.-)



Special props to our own Casey Kasten for helpin’ out with that one. It’s a beautiful sight seein’ those Reynolds School of Journalism grads hard at work.

Fluff Bombing

We’re gonna do a quick drive by today, so hang on…


This is a perfect example why Michael Vick can munch on our doodleberries. Man has seizure, man needs medical attention. Who calls 911? HIS DOG! Yup...and the canine with the cranium didn’t even need to call information to get the number. He’d already dialed 911 for his owner on two other occasions. They don’t call ‘em “man’s Best Friend” for nothin’.


The two states with the highest dropout rates for high schoolers? The Silver State and the Great White North. Following close behind…Mississippi, Alabama, Texas and the rest of the bass-ackward deep south. No more wondering how the hell those guys can vote Republican time and time again -- no brain pans.


Foreclosures in the 775 jumped 46% in August. People are losing their homes at an astounding rate. Hmmm…and who’s been in charge the last eight years? Tighty-righty.


It looks like the FDA has approved an “anti-nausea patch” to help people undergoing chemo. Waste. Of. Time. We already have the best nausea-killer in the world growin’ naturally. It’s called the Kind. Wanna know why ganja is illegal and the new FDA patch isn’t? ‘Cause with the chronic, Cheech and Chong get the cash with the new patch…Big Pharma gets the loot. Guess who the government-cheese is gonna side with on that one?


And finally…


Yesterday, The Invisible Man in the Sky’s Right Hand Man here on Earth said that people must accept death at “The hour chosen by God.” Screw that bub. That’s why they have Sudafed, NyQuil, Bayer Aspirin and Band Aids. If the Big Guy gets to decide…why the hell do we have House and Hawkeye and Marcus Welby? No, we will not go quietly in to that good night. Y’all gonna have to take us outta here kickin’ and screamin’. So, when You’re ready, You’d better call Your bouncers ‘cause we’re not gonna go there without a fight.


(8.-)

Boob Tube Banned by Boobs

As a rule, we don’t talk much about television ‘round here because…


FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars…


But last week, Saudi Arabia's top judiciary official issued a religious decree saying it is permissible to kill owners of satellite TV networks that broadcast “immoral” content because it causes the "deviance of thousands of people.” WOW…that’s some heavy guilt there. We knew television had influence on people but we had no idea it had that kinda pull.


The crux of today’s biscuit is twofold…


Saudi Arabia is George W. Bush’s closest ally and bestest friend. Now, Chimp-Dick has said time and time again that America will not tolerate oppressive regimes. That’s one of the (later) reasons he gave us for invading Iraq. So, how come WPE is willing to break our army by invading Mesopotamia and he licks the sweat off the nut sacks of Saudi Arabian leaders? It’s called being a hypocrite and anyone who doesn’t see that is either dumber than a bag of doorknobs or so far right that they make Karl Rove look like Teddy Kennedy.


Secondly…do you really think the Saudi royal family turns off the television when the Sopranos comes on? No. Fact of the matter is, those BSC motherhubbards watch Desperate Housewives, Weeds, Big Love , American Idol and all the other “immoral” shows out there in the comfort and privacy of their palaces while they down 40’s and smoke the “O”. Meanwhile, the unwashed masses don’t even have enough money to piss in a pot.


Control what people read, control what they see on television, control what they hear on the radio and they won’t realize what assholes y’all are. Saudi Arabia may be pResident Bush’s paramour but we know they’re just another bass-ackward third-world country, keepin’ down the little guy and living to excess. It’s what the Shah of Iran did the same thing and look what happened to him!


(8.-)

Thirty-Nine Years in One Minute

Sorry 'bout bein' all negative lately. It seems like the last months of the Bush Administration are taking it's toll. But today, we're gonna lighten things up.



The video above is a perfect example of why the Simpsons is the greatest television show ever.


FULL DISCLAIMER: Every time you watch the Simpsons, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars.


Enjoy the vid and your weekend. We'll be back on Monday.


(8.-)

Seven Years of Darkness

Seven years…it’s been seven years since OBL and his minions took a bite outta the Big Apple. If you were on Planet E at the time, you know exactly where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news and if you’re anything like us…you wanted vengeance. What we got were damned lies, band-aids and flag pins.


Seven years, thousands of military casualties, hundreds of thousands of civilians dead, billions of dollars…wasted.


In seven years, we haven’t brought one single terrorist to justice.


In seven years, we're still not even close to catching OBL.


In seven years, the ports and borders are still unprotected from another terrorist attack.


In seven years, the best idea they could come up with on airport security was to confiscate shampoo bottles and cigarette lighters.


In seven years we’ve gone from being the shining beacon of freedom in the world to become a terrorist state in our own right…torturing, killing, lying.


In seven years, the Bush-Wipes broke the army, bankrupted the treasury, nearly wiped out the middle class, started spying on American citizens, all while looking us straight in the face and telling us what a good job they’ve been doing. POPPYCOCK.


Somewhere on the Pakistan/Afghanistan border OBL is kickin’ back in his cave, watchin’ Al Jazeera on his 52” flat-screen, sippin’ on a forty and smilin’ that smile of his. He knows he kicked our asses. Nineteen guys with boxcutters brought down the most powerful nation in the world…all with a little help from pResident George W. Bush and his ilk.



In seven years WPE has done nothing to keep us safe, he’s done nothing to prevent the next attack, he’s done nothing but try to scare the bejeezus out of us in an attempt to keep his party in power. Seven dark years of GWB in office seems like forever and it can’t get over soon enough for us. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again. Worst. President. Ever.


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