Power Chords and Big Hair

Love might hurt but the weekend makes it all better.

Like Father Like Son

War is Heck When You're a Dick

Republicans are Right About Obama

Footbrawl

Looks like Rush Limbaugh is gonna be one of the new owners of the St. Louis Rams. Problem is, the NFL Players Association thinks he's too much of a hateul fearmonger to be the owner of a major sports franchise. Really? Anyone remember Marge Schott? Aye caramba! Since when do we start giving personality tests to team owners? If that were the case nobody would own a team. Look, if RL has the cashola to buy a team, let him. After all, if he's busy running the Rams into Bolivia, maybe he'll stop flapping his lie-hole about how happy he is that America lost the Olympics. BTW...it surely would give people a reason to hate the Rams, neh?

(8.-)

Moon Dogged

In honor of World Space Week and in conjunction with the good ole USo'A bitch-slappin' Luna a couple of times this morning, we're gonna give you a Friday from the 1970's. Those were the days when they promised us flying cars and moonbases and jet packs by the turn of the century. Funny how far American ingenuity has waned since then. Now all we have are boner growin' pills, boobie growin' pills, hair growin' pills and one friggin' pill that does all three. Aye caramba! Well...at least in the 70's they still had an apperciation for the female figure, neh? But I surely wish they'd hurry up with those jet packs.

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He May be a Douchebag but He's Our Douchebag

Palin Comparison

There’s a lot of buzz goin’ ‘round about how fast VPILF Sarah Palin wrote her memoirs. C’mon guys…don’t you know that hot air and bullshit flow outta her lie-hole like black gold out of Jed Clampett’s back yard? True dat.

I saw Rep. John Boehner today talkin’ about the Barry-O’s lack of a clear plan in Afghanistan. SHEESH! Yo Bone-Thug…where was you condescending tone and righteous indignation when the Bush-Wipe started this clusterfuck? Oh right. He’s your boy. You want a strategy for Afghanistan? Get the fuck out. It sure would be better than what we have now.

And finally…a couple of weeks back a bunch of Catholic bishops thumbed their noses at the ‘Bamer’s proposed healthcare plan. Since the cadre of Padres is opposed to abortion, they’ve got to weigh that against their concerns about social justice. So they’re against the whole thing. SHEESH! Talk about a one trick pony. Yo Catholic Bishops…you might not support abortion (just like I don’t support y’all pedophilin’ with altar boys) but I’m gonna ask y’all the same question I’ve been askin’ for years. Would JZeus support Universal Healthcare? I’m betting he would.


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2-4-6-8 Who Does the GOP Love to Hate? AMERICA!

While I don’t normally enjoy seeing the tighty-righties happy, this was a bit more of a pisser than usual. Over the weekend the republicans were celebrating the fact that Chicago lost the 2016 Olympics to Rio. They were high-fiving, back-slapping and dancing in the aisles because of the perception that it was an “Obama failure.” They were actually happy that America lost. Douchebags.


In 2003 when the Bush-Wipe got us into Iraq, I was of the opinion that it was an idiotic move. Still am. But even though I was against the war, I didn’t want America to fail – even though success in the war would mean a success for the WPE. But that’s one difference between the American people and the GOP. Americans love their country. The Republicans are only in it for themselves…no matter who loses. And in the end? We all lose.


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Compare and Contrast

Geez...gimme a couple of hours and I coulda filled up Chimp-Dick's side tenfold. The sad thing is, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilley, Rush Limbaugh and the rest of the tinfoil hat wearin' militia, would rather still have GWB as the Commander-In-Chief. Perfect example of how broke our educational system is. True dat.

(8.-)

WOLF PACK

End of the Weak

That Sinking Feeling

If anyone wonders why trust in American news organizations and journalists is at an all-time low, look no further than the stories in the last 12 hours about the tsunami that hit American Samoa. More than three-quarters of the stories I read referred to it as a “tidal wave.” Do you wonder if we trail most of the rest of the industrialized world in math and science? There’s the proof.



Speaking of H20…neighbors of George H.W. Bush honored him today by giving him a Navy anchor and a plaque. They say it’s a way to thank Bush for his service as president and for being a good neighbor. Gee, I thought the anchor was a metaphor for what his chimp-dick of a son did to the economy, our standing in the world, to our armed forces, to poor people and to everyone not related to a big-time bank, insurance company or lobbying firm. WPE sunk us all and now we risk sleeping with the fishes.




And finally, closer to home. The U.S. Census Bureau just released a report on how Nevada spent money during the time before the recession (can anyone remember back that far?). It said that when the Silver State was flush with cash, they didn’t save it, they spent it. They didn’t spend it on the poor…or on education…or the sick…or the elderly. Nope. When Nevada had lots of tax money they spent it on...more cops. Aye caramba! That’s the Nevada spirit. It’s what we’ve always needed…more jackbooted, fascist thugs patrolling our roads and parks and buildings looking for shopkeepers selling alcohol to elderly looking 20-year-old decoys and bustin' burners for smokin' the sticky-icky. What a waste.



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Don't Ask Don't (Show and) Tell

I never understood the hypocrisy of the U.S. military when it comes to my gay brothers and sisters serving in the armed forces. After all, it is one of the highest callings for someone to volunteer to protect the good ol’ USo’A. But critics, puritans, religious zealots, homophobes and tinfoil hat wearin’ looney tunes still think gays shouldn’t be able to serve. And “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is as big a fucked up mess as you can imagine. But now, there’s hope.

Last week, Pentagon brass called for an end to the U.S. military's ban on allowing women to serve in submarines. YAY! I cheer because the same argument used to keep women from serving on submarines, is the same argument the cracker-assed crackers use to keep gays from serving. The line goes, “When the shit hits the fan, you don’t want to worry if the guy in your foxhole is checking out your ass or if he’s shooting at the bad guys.” I always thought that if you are having sexual thoughts when you’re in a firefight, you’ve seen the movie Crash one too many times. That being said, if the U.S. Navy thinks it’s O.K. for men and women to “hot bunk” together on submarines, then it should be O.K. for gays to serve anywhere in the military they want. Sex is no longer the issue.

Besides…gay peoples should have the same right to get their asses blown off in these two bullshit, pointless, unwinnable clusterfucks just as much as straight peeps do, neh? Heck-fire…even more. Most places in the U.S. deny gay couples the right to get married, the right to receive partner benefits and even the right to adopt kids. So, gays volunteering to defend America against the bad guys are defending a country that denies them basic civil rights. And that’s wrong in too many ways.

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Around The World in Sixteen Years

Jessica Watson isn’t your typical 16-year-old. While most girls her age are thinking about the prom or the Jonas Brothers newest song or the latest incarnation of High School Musical, Watson dreams about…get this…sailing around the world. Alone. Without help. Aye caramba!


Watson’s mum and dad are cool with the whole thing. They figure, if their daughter has a dream, they’re gonna support it. Others aren’t being so supportive. Critics say the Watsons are looney to let their daughter attempt such a dangerous feat. They say she’s too young and too inexperienced. They’re even accusing the Watsons of being bad parents. I don’t agree.


FULL DISCLOSURE: I don’t have any babies…never raised kids and unless they come out with a newer model that subsists solely on Keystone Light, frozen burritos and corn nuts, I never will. That being said…


On December 8, 1941, hundreds of thousands of Americans volunteered for the military. And you know what? Thousands of them were as young as Jessica Watson. Some were even younger. They lied about their age so they could make a difference in the war effort. Throughout the years, I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a few of those Vets. Their eyes sparkled with pride at the fact that they were considered too young to help, but got in anyway. Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…


Since when did sixteen become “too young?” If Jessica was a boy, would there be all this fuss? I say, if Jessica wants to circumnavigate the globe alone…and her parents say its O.K….then so be it. It’s nice to see a teenager nowadays with goals and aspirations and dreams. Besides…it sure beats her sitting in her room dinking around on Facebook or, even worse, listening to the Jonas Brothers. YIKES!


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Run Forest...Ruuuun!

A lot of people gave Paul McCartney shit for forming Wings. The band got a bad rap as far as I'm concerned. Best thing about this video is knowing they were all stoned during filming...and being stoned around James Coburn is a scary thing!

(8.-)

Thursday Thought Burbles

A couple of things have been bothering me lately…


I read the report just out that says teenage birth rates are higher in states that pimp themselves as “highly religious” as opposed to “heathen” states like the NV. That got me thinking.

Does JZeus’ presence in a person’s life increase fertility? And if so, how come the Pope doesn’t have any babies?

How creepy is it to doin’ the rumpity-bumpity with one of those crucifix-thingys hanging (no pun intended) on the wall in the bedroom?

And…do those huckleberries take Genesis 1:22 literally? If they do, how come they can multiply in the bedroom but they can’t add or subtract in the classroom?

Last week, a stewardess on a Boston-bound flight found a threatening note in the bathroom. The plane flipped a bitch ASAP and landed. They disembarked all the passengers and re-screened their luggage before letting ‘em take off again. Ya know…we’ve been spending billions of dollars, thousands of military lives and hundreds of thousands of civilian lives fighting the war on terror…and a fucking piece of paper brings us scurrying back behind mama’s apron strings. SHEESH! Americans have got to be the biggest pussies in the world. It looks like the “War on Terror”…ummm, sorry…the “War Against Global Extremism” is going about as good as the war on teen pregnancy. Heck-fire…next thing you know the TSA is gonna ban passengers from bringin’ Post-Its on a plane.

And finally… Samantha Elauf, a 19-year-old community college student from Tulsa, Okla., is Muslim. I know what you’re gonna say, “Someone in Oklahoma is Muslim? YIKES!” Elauf is suing Abercrombie & Fitch because they refused to hire her ‘cause she wears a hijab. A&F says it violates their “Look Policy.” Elauf says it’s religious discrimination. I say… since when is employment a “right?” If Elauf wanted to be a lifeguard, they wouldn’t let her wear a hijab either. Heck-fire…could you imagine how hard it would be to work as a hair model with a hijab? Impossible. Abercrombie & Fitch have every right to demand their employees fit their “look” and you can’t really get the “heroin chic” look wearin’ religious garments.

Hey, I’m all about religious freedom. And if Islam wants to stay rooted in the misogynistic ways of the 5th Century…so be it. But this is America and just as Samantha Elauf has the right to wear her hijab in public just as Abercrombie & Fitch has the right to not hire her. Besides…WTF would want to work at an A&F store in Oklahoma? Talk about your weird dichotomy. Having an Abercrombie & Fitch in the OK is like driving a Lamborghini in a demolition derby. “Which way to the shit-kicker aisle?” Aye caramba!


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Hater Haters

If you’ve read the RGJ lately, either online or in dead tree form, you’d have noticed quite the vilification of Nevada head football coach Chris Ault. Shoot-fire…with all the vitriol spewin’ ‘round there, you’d think the Little General was Obama’s healthcare plan and Nevada fans were Glenn Beck’s teabag posse. YIKES! But I’m here to remind y’all about a few things.


You cannot judge an entire season after two games. You just can’t. That’d be like predicting how long a marriage will last by how long the first night of sex lasts. Not a very reliable indicator. True dat.


Chris Ault has been coaching at Nevada since they used real pig bladders for a ball. He’s in the college football hall of fame. Does an 0-2 start make him less smart than any year before? No. He’s the same coach that’s been at the helm for decades. He didn’t just all-of-a-sudden get stupid like Colin Powell did. Besides…Ault isn’t the one running and blocking and tackling. He’s also not the one NOT running and NOT blocking and NOT tackling.


And lastly…Nevada hasn’t been a major player in college football since we moved up to 1-A from 1-AA. Remember those days? Crisp Saturdays in November, playoffs at hand and the smell of victory in the air. Remember those days? I do. And I surely do miss ‘em. But the fact is, the powers-that-be decided to move up and play with the big boys and we’ve been getting’ our hats handed to us ever since. Nevada will never be one of the elite teams when it comes to college football. All we can do is take it in the keester during the non-conference schedule, hope to beat tomato cans like Idaho and San Jose State during conference and hope for a miracle against the likes of Hawaii, Fresno State and Boise State. Stranger things have happened…just not lately.


Besides…basketball season is just around the corner.


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Airheads

Over the weekend 22-year-old Steven Hinton won the Reno Championship Air Races Unlimited Gold division piloting his P-51 Mustang, Strega, at more than 490mph. The headline read…”Reno Air Races close with historic victory.” You know what I thought when I read that story? When P-51’s were out there in R/L, waxing Zeroes and poppin’ caps at the Luftwaffe they were being flown by kids just as young, and younger, than Hinton. There is a reason those brotherhubbbards are called the “Greatest Generation.” They were twentysomethings and they were flying life or death missions in the greatest war of the 20th Century. Nowadays, 21-year-olds are most likely still living with mommy and daddy and workin’ at the drive thru of some greasy burger joint. Sad.



Speaking of sad. Gen. Stanley McChrystal has requested an additional 30,000-40,000 U.S. troops for the war in Afghanistan. StMcC says that if he doesn’t get the requested troops, the war in Afghanistan will be lost. So, what’s so sad? Sad is the fact that thousands more brave American soldiers will be put in harm’s way for this sham of a war. Sad is Bowe Bergdahl is still being held prisoner by the bad guys and no one seems to care. But saddest of all, is the fact that Stanley McChrystal, a fucking American general, has no idea that we’ve already lost the war in Afghanistan. And the chucklenut is either too blind or too stupid to realize it. SHEESH!




And finally…here we go again. The headline in today’s RGJ blared, “Region to get a new slogan.” Seems the RSCVA wants to boost visitor numbers and they think a new slogan will do the trick. Yeah, that always works. Now, I know what you’re sayin’, “The RSCVA has someone on board who thinks? Hardly. We did this a couple of months ago when the City of Sparks wanted to change their nickname from the “Rail City” to something like, “City of the Blowing Tulips.” GAWD! So, I guess if the RSCVA thinks “America’s Adventure Place” isn’t “cool or hip enough” of a slogan…I humbly offer my suggestions…


Reno… ‘Vegas’ ugly stepsister.”

“Reno…it’s not just for old ladies playing nickel slots anymore. We’ve got penny slots too!”

“Reno…what happens here is just more expensive than when it happens at home.”

“Drought? What drought? There’s no stinking drought!”

“Reno…we’ve got both kinds of music…country and western!”



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I Dude

They just introduced a bill in Congress to dump DOMA. Y’all know DOMA right? It’s the “defense of marriage act.” Ever wonder why marriage needed defending? Me too. Question to the social conservatives who rammed the bill through in the first place: WTF should government have a role in sayin’ who can be married or not? I was always told that conservatives wanted smaller, less intrusive government. I guess that only applies to insurance company regulation…and banking industry regulation and environmental regulation… stuff like that. Now I know what some of y’all are gonna be sayin’, “We don’t want anyone out there marryin’ their cousins or getting hitched to their dogs. True dat. But there are already laws on the book that address those issues. What DOMA is, is an anti-gay, homophobic, conservative Christian piece of crapola that shouldn’t have been passed in the first place. It’s nice to see that at least one chucklenut over in DC is thinkin’ with his big head instead of his little head.


Oh yeah…in India (and some other countries)…people do marry goats and pigs and horses. So far, JZeus’ Dad has let ‘em pretty much slide on that one. Heck-fire…the Old Testament is filled with plural marriages and folks bangin’ on the side. So if the tighty-righties start talkin’ about wrath from the Invisible Man in the Sky ‘cause we allow gays to be married…ask ‘em WTF was up with Lamech…and Abraham…and Jacob…and David…and Solomon and the rest of those OT horndogs. That ought to shut their pie holes.

(8.-)

Fly Day Night

To me, there's no better sight in the air than the sound of the Reno Air Races. It's gonna be a great weekend! As luck has it, I'm a a born and bred USo'A Air Force Thunderbird...but I guess the Blue Angels will suffice. HAW! What am I sayin' "suffice"? The Blue Angels will rock!

(8.-)

Chucklenuts

So, ACORN is in the news again and, as you might expect, the tighty-righties have their Underoos all up in a twist. O.K., I’m not gonna defend ACORN on this one but I do want to get to the crux of an important biscuit. Let’s just say ACORN is guilty as hell for everything they’re accused of. The worst thing to come out of it is that they get busted for registering a bunch of dead people that cannot vote anyway…because they’re dead! Does that really affect anybody? No.


But you surely can bet Glenn “I’ll Be” Beck and Rush “To Judgment” Limbaugh and “Dollar” Bill O’Reilley are having collective conniptions about ACORN. Here’s the question: If the right-wing nutcases go all ballistic over ACORN’s voter fraud, WTF haven’t they made a peep about Halliburton’s war profiteering? Or KBR’s killing of innocent civilians? Or the fact that Chimp-Dick used the Constitution to wipe his ass for eight years? Not a word from those douchebags. Nope, they’re using their straw man arguments to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses and those double-digit IQ’ers are buying it hook, line and stinker. Now you know why, when money is tight, the first thing they cut is ed-u-ma-kay-shun.


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Flagged

Last week down in the ABQ, some chucklenut thought it would be a good idea to hang his Nazi flag and his American flag outside his house. People were pretty cheesed off ‘cause the Nazi flag was displayed over an upside down American flag. Next thing you know, the huckleberry gets a visit from the Federales and the flags were removed. That gets me to thinkin’. Isn’t hanging flags outside your house your right under the First Amendment?


Now, I don’t condone what the BSC motherhubbard did but I will support to the death his right to do it. After all, in Iran, China, North Korea or Russia, if you “desecrate” their flag, they’ll perp-walk you to their version of Gitmo lickety-split. True dat. But this is America. It is everyone’s right as a citizen to do with the flag as they see fit. Anyone remember the antenna flags everyone flew on their Hummers after 9/11? What about the flags that corporate hucksters use to sell their wares on the Fourth of July and Veteran’s Day? Crass, vulgar and tasteless, maybe…but not against the law.


Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Government-Cheese sends John Q. Law to the house of a citizen for displaying a Nazi flag, WTF are they doin’ when the right-wing nut jobs wave teabag placards depicting the President as Hitler? Or Stalin? Or the Joker? Where is the Fuzz when the gun nuts show up outside a ‘Bamer speech packin’ heat? Yo FBI, there are plenty of crazies in the world but bein’ crazy isn’t an offense in the USo’A. If it was, Glenn Beck would be sleepin’ at the Gray Bar Motel and Kanye West and Joe Wilson would be his cellmates.

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Shoe Shoe Sh-Boogie

Well, the brotherhubbard who airmailed his Air Jordans at the Bush-Wipe is getting outta jail soon. While in the slammer, Muntadhar al-Zeid was treated like a hero by the other prisoners. When he gets out, he'll be treated like a God. Anyone who says invading Iraq was a good idea needs a hush puppy up the side of his head. WTF were we thinking? Oh, that's right...we weren't.


Funny (or maybe not)...had we not invaded Iraq, we'd only be in one unwinnable war right now instead of two.


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Eight Years That Seemed Like 80

I was gonna commemorate the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a rant against Chimp-Dick and the rest of the Bush-Wipes. After all, it was on their watch when the shitstorm happened. And pretty much, it's been downhill ever since. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Some wounds are slow to heal. So, on this sad day y'all get John Wayne's America, Why I Love Her. Ya know, Marion Morrison may have been a draft dodging, Hollywood elitist but he surely did this one up right. See y'all on Monday, I'll be in more of a fighting spirit then.


(8.-)