Girl-Hatin'

It's time that I rain on your parade
Watch as all your hopes explode to landmines
You ask for help but people turn away

You're living so far away from the truth
That you're believing in your own lies
It's no surprise that you sleep at night
Drowning in your prize

You made him feel so welcome
Make him forget about
The poison running through his veins
You may say that you love him
Now lie in the mess you've made

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

It's time I get a few things straight with you
You haven't been in for the whole time
Your stories, like your lifestyle, distorted, yeah

You're living so far away from the truth
That you're leaving me with no choice
But to put you back in your place
With every sentence

You made him feel so wanted
You make him feel that there is
Nothing more beyond your door
You may say that you love him
Now tell me what the love shit's for

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her

I hope that this isn't a sign
Of things to come
I'll kill myself for blaming you
Please tell me now
Is this a sign of things to come?

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her

It's time that I rain on your parade

Mama Mia

Here at PTB we surely love the Catholics. Heck-fire, without them, the only Christian denominations we could make fun of would be the Baptists…and the Mormons. That being said, this week the Vatican contends that their priestly celibacy stance is not the root cause of the sex abuse scandal. WTF? Is the Pope on drugs? Hey Ratz…listen to me now and believe me later. I agree…requiring priests be celibate did not…I repeat…did not lead to the molestation of all those millions of kids. Priests not following the celibacy order is what caused it. I mean, if you can't keep your pecker in your smock, what's the use? Funny how the more “holy” people claim to be, the more sordid and fucked up they tend to be. True story.

Finally today…ABBA, among others, is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of fame today. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…if you have a R&RHOF and Rush is not part of that hallowed group…y’all ain’t nuthin’ but poseurs. ABBA? Fucking ABBA? Shit…those cracker-assed-Swedish-crackers wouldn’t know rock and roll if it bit ‘em on their polyester bell bottoms. No Rush = No Respect.

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Hit List

Nothing better than bein' in Glen Beck's doghouse. It's also nice to see myself on television and it isn't my mugshot. True story.

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Haim Highs and Lo-Hans

Former child star Corey Haim took a dirt nap last night and everyone seems caught off guard. Let me get this straight...he becomes rich and famous beyond imagination at a very young age, throws it all away on alcohol and drugs and nasty-assed monkey sex with groupies and y'all are surprised? The only thing surprising about this story is that it didn't happen earlier.

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over their Super Bowl commercial. L2’s lawyers say that the use of the name Lindsay in the spot is a direct reference to her because “many celebrities are known by one name only.” They’re right. Madonna…Cher…Pele and the like are so famous they are known by one name. Lindsay Lohan? Fuckin’-A lady…no one over the age of thirty or under the age of twenty-five even know who the hell you are. This smells like a frivolous lawsuit brought by an egocentric publicity hound. Yo LoLo…don’t quit your day job. That is, if you even have one. Hope you saved your money, toots!

And lastly today. A new poll out says that most Americans believe God is involved in their everyday lives and is concerned with their personal well-being. Really? Isn’t this the 21^st Century? Look guys. If there was an Invisible Man in the Sky who gave a schnizzle about your personal well-being, don’t you think he’d lower your cholesterol, drop those extra pounds, get you a better paying job and stop that Kenyan-born, socialist, Marxist, fascist, secret Muslim from passing healthcare? He sure would. But since there isn’t…He won’t. Get over it folks…we’re all on our own and there’s nothing that JZeus’ Dad can, or will, do about it.

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Thinking Biscuits

I don’t get it…on Monday a Toyota Prius, as they are wont to do, sped out of control over in Cali. Now the Feds are launching not one, but two investigations into the incident. Number of people killed? None. Meanwhile, Dr. Evil has admitted to okaying the torture of people in American custody but I haven’t heard a peep out of the Obama Administration. People killed? Unknown. But it surely smells like the ‘Bamer and his peeps have no stomach for a fight against the tighty-righties. Pussies.

Kay Bailey Hutchison and other members of Congress want to keep the space shuttle fleet flying. Worst. Idea. Ever. The shuttle is a piece of shit. It’s been called a brick with wings. It is a deathtrap. Don’t believe me? Just check out this story…from 1980! Why can’t America’s space program get off the fuckin’ couch and get with a program rather than trying to re-live the past like some melancholy, heartbroken schoolgirl? Yo usa...Look out behind you. Here come the Chinese!

And finally…”experts” say that raising taxes on sodas and pizza will raise a lot of money and take a lot of weight off of fat-assed Americans. Maybe, but here are two arguments: 1. Just ‘cause someone is a couple of pounds over “ideal” doesn’t make him/her obese or even unhealthy. Besides, this is a free country (isn’t it?). If someone chooses to be heavy, is it the Government’s job to tax ‘em into skinniness? No. And 2. If you’re gonna tax sugary drinks and pizzas ‘cause they’re bad for you…why stop there? Too much television is (allegedly) bad for you too. No extra taxes there. Too much stress is bad for you too. Any extra taxes there? Nope. Here’s the crux of the biscuit…if you tax a certain segment of the population ‘cause their lifestyles are anti-productive, WTF the first thing you cut out of school budgets is P.E.? True story.

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A 1970s Ending to a Sad Week

The Ghosts of Presidents Past

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

Thought Burbles

A couple of random thoughts for a Tuesday…

It surely does suck that the Earthquake Gods decided to take a dump on Chile. Here’s hoping my Chilean friends bounce back quickly (no pun intended). Almost a thousand people dead sucks-ass but the worst part about the Chilean earthquake? Haiti is as forgotten as Sarah Palin’s reading list.

In order to save money, THE University of Nevada is cutting programs and colleges deeper than John Boener’s spray tan. Pretty soon, the only thing left at UNR is gonna be the football team. And they suck so bad, we might as well cut them too. It surely would save the 775 from a lot of embarrassment.

Tiger Woods is back home today after spending a week at sex rehab. That’s gotta be awkward at the dinner table. “Elin honey, could you please pass the salt? I’m not a sex addict anymore.” THWHACK!

And finally…The Canadian women’s hockey team won a gold medal. They promptly stormed the ice and celebrated with beer and cigars. The puritanical hacks at the IOC practically skidmarked their Underoos sayin’ that wasn’t the way they wanted athletes to celebrate their accomplishments. Yo IOC…these athletes have spent years and years of training for this event. It’s not like they’re gonna get a shot in the NHL or something. The IOC is so tight, the stick in their collective asses has a stick up its ass. True story.

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