A WTF Weekend, Neh?

Half-Guv Sarah Palin got her Alaska reality show. Hollywood-types are reporting that Discovery Channel will pay more than $1 million per episode for the gig. Aye caramba! Funny, the former almost-VPILF always rags on the “lame stream media” and bashes reporters and journalists (like she’d know what they do). Now, with her gig on Faux News and her reality show, she has become what she says she hates...”Hollywood media elitist.” Welcome to the family Sarah!

Speaking of Hollywood…tonight is the last episode of 24. FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of 24, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who knew back in 2001 that Jack Bauer and company would have such an impact on American political landscape? Well…it’s over now and the republican party is gonna have to find a new series to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses. May I suggest American Idol? FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of American Idol, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! True story.

And finally…Can someone be a Christian if they’re in a militia? Several members of “Hutaree,” a Christian militia were arrested over the weekend for plotting to kill police officers. YOW! Hey douchebags…WTF about the sixth commandment don’t you understand? Ever heard of turning the other cheek or loving thy neighbor? He isn’t called the Prince of Peace for nothing, ya know. Yer all a bunch of fucking morons and are about as Christian as the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s hoping y’all get a nice long stay at the Gray Bar Motel.

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WTFriday

You can rest assured people, Iraq now has American-style democracy. How can you tell? Well, a couple of days ago the Iraqis voted for, among other things, Prime Minister. After the votes were tallied, the present PM Nouri al-Maliki appears to have lost to former PM Ayad Allawi. So what does al-Maliki do? He refuses to recognize the vote count and is threatening to sue. Yup…just like the republicans in Bush v Gore and that chucklenut republican in Minnesota who lost to Senator Al Franken, al-Maliki refuses to see reality. Guess what al-Maliki, you lost. Get over it. Now, if we could just get the republicans here in America to do the same.

Sad news today. Prostidude has quit his job. Y’all remember Markus don’t you? He was the first legal man-ho in the USo’A, Inc. But in his two months at the Greatest Job in the World, he only had ten paying customers so now he’s among the ranks of the unemployed. I told you Markus…girls don’t need to pay for sex. Never have. Never will. On the other hand, if you’d have listened to me and accepted male clients, your ass would be sore but you’d have been one rich motherhubbard. True story.

And finally this week, an open letter to the Teabaggers converging on Stateline. Hey, I know y’all are mad. I know y’all are scared. But the way y’all are acting is, quite frankly, bullshit. Sending fake anthrax letters and nooses and death threats and packing guns outside of Presidential speeches is your way of protesting? Aye caramba! That isn't how America is supposed to work. That's how some third-world country in the middle of nowhere might act but we're friggin’ AMERICANS! Don't like the motherhubbards or what they do? VOTE 'EM OUT! I say y’all need to grow up, get busy and get back to helping America be the greatest country in the world. If not, y’all can get your cracker asses the hell outta Dodge.

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Dumb and Dumb-Assed

So…OBL has a new audio tape out. Doesn’t the motherhubbard know we’re in the 21st Century now? Yo’Sama…how ‘bout a Twitter feed or a Facebook update? SHEESH! Anyway…OBL says that if we give the chair to KSM, that he’ll “…execute any of your people that we take prisoner." No shit. Ummm…weren’t you gonna do that anyway? I’ve said it before…offing KSM will just make him a martyr. What we do is, try him in a civilian court, get a conviction and send him off to the prison they sent Sean Penn to in Bad Boys. It worked for Bernie Madoff. True story.

The Pope is in some deep doo doo as of late. Turns out that the Pontiff “…refused to punish a priest who sexually assaulted as many as 200 deaf boys over the course of three decades.” Aye caramba! This is the same guy who bitches and moans and complains about gay marriage and he’s covering up for his skeevy pedophile rapist friends. If the Catholic Church was a corporation and the CEO (the Pope) got busted doin’ this kind of sick stuff, there’d be hell to pay. Guess the guys are gonna have to wait to get to Hell, neh?

And finally…there is a creepy new poll out that paints the Republican Party in a dark light. Seems that…get this…38% of Republican Party thinks President Obama is doing a lot of the same things Adolph Hitler did. Yeah right. Hitler wanted single-payer, universal healthcare for everyone. Are you kidding? But the most telling question was that 24% of republicans think the President is the Antichrist. WTF is up with that? You know, I called George Wpe Bush a lot of things during his time in office but I’ve never referred to him as the Antichrist. Dumb as a bag of rocks...but not the Antichrist. Some say the vitriol is racist, some say it’s anger over the economy. Me? I say it’s ignorance. Now you know why when the tighty-righties start talking about fiscal responsibility, the first thing they want to do is cut funding for education. It’s to swell the ranks of republican voters. Pitiful.

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Monday Muscles

Tiger Woods is coming back from his self-imposed exile at this year's Masters. He says he's worried about the reception he'll get from the fans. Yo Tiger...you play crappy golf and you won't hear the end of the "how hookers ruin your golf swing" jokes. Play like the old Tiger Woods by rubbing a but on the competition and the fans will fall in love with you all over again. True story.



Texas Rangers' manager Ron Washington got busted last week for testing positive for cocaine. SHEESH! WTF is this 1980? Yo Ron...Crockett and Tubbs called, they want their polyester suits back.


Got to watching me some NCAA basketball over the weekend. Best part of the whole thing? Northern Iowa's Ali Farokhmanesh. Never heard of a cracker named Ali. Didn't know anyone in Iowa was named Ali. The state of Iowa officially ROCKS!


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Get (OK) Goin'

We showed y'all the OK Go treadmill video a few weeks back. It was for the song Here it Goes Again. Today you're gettin' another taste of the band with their Rube Goldberg-esque video for This too Shall Pass. This is an awesome video but I prefer, the original vid. LOVE me some marching bands. True story. Cool thing is...both videos were done using one single camera shot. Cool stuff.

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Thursday Thought Burbles

Yesterday we popped a cap in another Al Qaeda leader in the Af/Pak war. Question: How many "leaders" does Al Qaeda have? It seems every time we drone someone, we either kill innocent civilians or an Al Qaeda "leader." Dude was probably OBL’s limo driver. Oh wait…we’ve already Gitmo-ed that guy.

Saw skeevy Rep. Eric Cantor on television yesterday…spoutin’ on about how “Obamacare” is gonna ruin the country. Nothing new from that lie-hole. But what got me was that Cantor was wearin’ an orange tie…on ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!! Yo Eric…in my hood, wearin’ orange on St. Patrick’s day will get a cap popped right between your eyes. Better not come Teabagging here in the 775 wearin’ that crap. True dat.

While listening to yesterday’s Nevada v Wichita State men’s basketball game on the radio Ryan Radtke, the play-by-play guy, skidmarked his Underoos when this dunk happened. POSTERIZATION!!! Gotta love those radio announcers. Speaking of Wichita State…y'all know what a "Shocker" is? Do y'all realize what a “SHOCKER” is? Aye caramba!

And finally…in a Rhode Island school, they found an effigy of President Obama hanging in a classroom. Seems peeps were cheesed-off when the ‘Bamer applauded the firing of teachers in the underperforming school. Here’s the crux of the biscuit: President Obama didn't fire those teachers. President Obama didn't make those schools into "failing" schools. President Obama applauded holding teachers accountable. Is that a "hang the guy in effigy" offense? No. And to the teacher that said the effigy was part of a lesson plan, I say to you...no wonder your schools are failing. But don't worry…you can always come on out to the 775. We’ve got room for the likes of you. True story.

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