Us No Sense

Maybe it's 'cause I grew up in a trailer. Maybe it's cause now I'm livin' in a basement. Either way, I think the government-cheese sent me the wrong 2010 Census form. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those Teabaggin'-types who thinks the census will be used to monitor the voices in my head. But still...I think they got a bit too personal.

PTB's 2010 Census Form



Last name: _______________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
( ) Billy-Bob
( ) Billy-Joe
( ) Billy-Ray
( ) Billy-Sue
( ) Billy-Mae
( ) Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?
( ) Booger
( ) Bubba
( ) Junior
( ) Sissy
( ) Other____________

Age:____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:(Check appropriate box)
( ) Farmer
( ) Mechanic
( ) Hair Dresser
( ) Unemployed
( ) Dirty Politician
( ) Preacher

Spouse's Name:_____________
2nd Spouse's Name:_______________
3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
Lover's Name:_______________

Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)
( ) Sister
( ) Brother
( ) Aunt
( ) Uncle
( ) Cousin
( ) Mother
( ) Father
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
( ) Pet

Number of children living in the home:_____
Number of the children living in the shed:_____
Number that are yours:_____

Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own:___
Number of vehicles that still crank:___
Number of vehicles in front yard:___
Number of vehicles in the back yard:___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck
____bedroom
____bathroom
____kitchen
____shed

Model and year of your pickup: 196_

Do you have a gun rack?
( ) Yes ( ) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( ) The National Enquirer
( ) The Globe
( ) TV Guide
( ) Soap Opera Digest
( ) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____

How often do you bathe?
( ) Weekly
( ) Monthly
( ) Not Applicable

Color of eyes:
Left_____ Right_____

Color of hair:
( ) Blond
( ) Black
( ) Red
( ) Brown
( ) White
( ) Clairol

Color of teeth:
( ) White
( ) Yellow
( ) Brownish-Yellow
( ) Brown
( ) Black
( ) N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( ) Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
( ) 1 mile
( ) 2 miles
( ) just a whoop-and-a-holler
( ) road?

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