For a long while now I’ve held the position that the United States Congress should loosen up a bit. Heck-fire, the House and Senate are so boring, it seems like the stick up their ass has a stick up its ass! I think it’d behoove all of us to emulate the British system. In the British House of Commons, it’s not unusual for a legislator to stand up and give Bronx cheer, or the finger or an F-Bomb to the Prime Minister. High comedy indeed. I only mention this ‘cause back here in the USo’A, the loonies on the left and elsewhere are calling for the head of South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson.
Y’all know J-Dub…he’s the brotherhubbard who shouted “You lie!” during the ‘Bamer’s JSo’C speech last night. Now, some people think that Mister Wilson was out of line but y’all gotta remember, this is America. We can say any goddamned thing we want. It’s our right. And, as citizens, it’s our duty to let the government-cheese heads know what we’re thinking. Couldn’t do that in China or Russia or Iran without ‘em slappin’ you in their version of Gitmo. True dat. Another reason I’m siding with Joe Willie on this one is ‘cause for eight long years, all I ever did was shout at George “My Pet Goat” Bush when he was on the tube. Hell, I went through more than two dozen television sets during that period ‘cause every time I saw that smarmy little chimp-dick on television, I’d toss my beer bottle at him. Aye caramba!
So cut Congressman Wilson some slack. At least, being from the S.C., he wasn’t out “hiking the old Appalachian Trail” like Governor Mark “Of The Beast” Sanford. And one quick aside for the tighty-righties out there who think I’m on your side…Bite me. I don’t roll like that. Y’all should think back to the days when you insisted that any criticism of the President of the United States amounted to treason. Remember that Reflublicans?” I do. That was back when your boy WPE was president. Maybe you should show the same kind of respect to the ‘Bamer. You should. But you won’t. That’s just how y’all roll. Hypocrites.
Ya know, I’m pretty damned disappointed. For weeks now the tighty-righties have been skidmarking their Underoos over President Barack Hussein Obama’s speech to the nation's school kids. They said that the ‘Bamer’s speech was gonna turn ‘em all into little left-win socialists. Guess what? It didn’t happen.
I guess I should’ve known it’d turn out this way. It’s the “Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome.” Remember back in the day when reflublicans warned us to stock up on supplies and duct tape our houses shut ‘cause the bad guys were gonna attack any minute? I do. BOOGITYBOOGITYBOOGITY! No attack. Remember back in ’04 when the right-wing nutcases said that if a democrat was elected President, the United States would be less safe? I do. I don’t think John Kerry could have made us less safe on purpose than the Bush-Wipe did in those four years.
Yup…the tinfoil hat wearin’ right just loves scarin’ the bejeezus outta folks. And it used to work, Here’s hoping the American public will see through the bullshit now.
Obama advisor and “Green Czar” Van Jones resigned over the weekend ‘cause he said that the government-cheese was involved in 9/11 and he called republicans “assholes.” Well, he wears the kind of tinfoil hat that lets him believe that the Bush-Wipes could plan anything correctly, maybe he should have resigned. But calling republicans assholes…ummm…Didn’t Dick call a fellow member of the Senate a “fucker”? Oh yeah…and Dick is the one who still thinks Iraq had something to do with 9/11. Democrats say dumb things and have to resign…republicans say (and do) dumb things and they’re promoted to the head of the party. Be afraid tighty-righties…2010 is right around the corner and y’all are gonna get smoked like a Cuban cigar. Aye caramba!
While most of y'all are gonna be scarfin' down ribs or headin' out to the lake, I'm gonna be workin' my 13th Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon. So y'all be careful out there. This video by the brotherhubbards at Auto-Tune shows you why.
Ya know…I hate to tell y’all I told ya so but, “I told ya so!” Earlier this week, the general in charge of American troops in Afghanistan said that we’ve gotta re-think our strategy in that conflict. No shit, Captain Obvious. Problem is, like I said before, no matter what plan we put in place, short of nuking the whole country into bolivia, is gonna end up with the same result. Mujahedeen – 5 The Rest of the World – 0. Remember your history peeps…Afghanistan is where empires go to die. And the American empire is getting’ ready to take a dirt nap on this one.
The thing that really sucks, though (as if the loss of our standing in the world isn’t enough) is that the Government-Cheese doesn’t even realize that awful reality. As a matter-of-fact, yesterday former director of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge, said that we’d have to change our thoughts on what victory in Afghanistan means. When they start moving the goal posts in the middle of the game, you know you’re screwed. Ridge said victory in Afghanistan would mean rebuilding that country. Aye caramba! Is that really what you think T.R.?
The first day of school was always the hardest The first day of school the hallways the darkest Like a gauntlet the voices haunted Walking in with his thin skin lowered chin He knew the names that they would taunt him with Faggot sissy punk queen queer Although he'd never had sex in his 15 years And when they harassed him it was for a reason And when they provoked him it became open season for the fox and the hunter, the sparks and the thunder that pushed the boy under, then pillage and plunder It kind of makes you wonder how one can hurt another But dehumanizing the victim makes things simpler It's like breathing with a respirator It eases the conscience of even the most conscious and calculating violator Words can reduce a person to an object, something more easy to hate An inanimate entity, completely disposable, no problem to obliterate But death is the silence in this language of violence Death is the silence But death is the silence in this cycle of violence death is the silence It's tough to be young, the young long to be tougher When we pick on someone else it might make us feel rougher Abused by their fathers but was at home though so to prove to each other that they were not homos The exclamation of the phobic fury executioner, a judge and jury The mob mentality, individuality was nowhere Dignity forgotten at the bottom of a dumb old dare and a numb cold stare On the way home it was back to name calling Ten against one they had his back up against the wall and they reveled in their laughter as they surrounded him But it wasn't a game when they up jumped and grounded him They picked up their bats with their muscles straining and they decided they were gonna beat this fella's brain in with an awful, powerful, showerful, an hour full of violence Inflict the strictest brutality and dominance They didn't hear him screaming, they didn't hear him pleading They ran like cowards and left the boy bleeding in a pool of red 'til all tears were shed and his eyes quietly slid into the back of his head dead... But death is the silence in this language of violence Death is the silence But death is the silence in this cycle of violence death is the silence But death is the silence in this language of violence Death is the silence But death is the silence in this cycle of violence death is the silence You won't see the face 'til the eyelids drop You won't hear the screaming until it stops The boy's parents were gone and his grandmother had raised him She was mad she had no form of retaliation The pack didn't have to worry about being on a hitlist But the thing they never thought about was that there was a witness to this senseless crime, right place wrong time Tried as an adult one of them was gonna do hard time
The first day of prison was always the hardest The first day of prison, the hallways the darkest Like a gauntlet the voices haunted Faggot, sissy, punk, queen, queer Words he used before had a new meaning in here As a group of men in front of him came near for the first time in his life the young bully felt fear He'd never been on this side of the name calling Five against one they had his back up against the wall and he had never questioned his own sexuality but this group of men didn't hesitate in their reality with an awful, powerful, showerful, an hour full of violence Inflict the strictest brutality and dominance They didn't hear him screaming They didn't hear him pleading They took what they wanted and then left him bleeding in the corner The giant reduced to Jack Horner But dehumanizing the victim makes things simpler It's like breathing with a respirator It eases the conscience of even the most conscious and calculating violator The power of words, don't take it for granted when you hear a man ranting Don't just read the lips, be more sublime than this Put everything in context Is this a tale of rough justice in a land where there's no justice at all ? Who is really the victim ? Or are we all the cause, and victim of it all ? But death is the silence in this language of violence Death is the silence But death is the silence in this cycle of violence death is the silence But death is the silence in this language of violence Death is the silence B ut death is the silence in this cycle of violence death is the silence You won't see the face 'til the eyelids drop You won't hear the screaming until it stops
This weekend in the 775, one of the greatest events on the planet gets underway…Burning Man. It’s an annual orgy of art and music and mysticism and alcohol and drugs and dirt and boobies on the playa of the Nevada desert. If you get a chance, I highly recommend going. It’ll be the party of your lifetime. And if you do go, remember one thing: Reno-911 still thinks it’s 1950. They’ll be patrolling the area looking for really bad things like pot smokers, drunk people and girls showing off their niblets. I always found it frustrating that the PoPo spend so much time and effort and money bustin’ Burners for being…well for being Burners while the Jaycee Lee Dugards of the world have to fend for themselves. Aye caramba!
The Government-Cheese in Taxachusetts is going to appoint a “caretaker” to Teddy K’s Senate seat. It’s only an interim gig but, heck-fire, it’s a Senate seat nonetheless. Sources close to the situation speculate that TK’s widow is gonna get the nod. Aye caramba! Since when does the intimate knowledge of a Senator’s doodle translate to the ability to legislate? If that’s the line of reasoning, wouldn’t the skank ho’s that David Vitter was bangin’ be qualified for office too? SHEESH!
To help out with Kal-ee-for-nee-uh’s budget deficit, the Governator is holding a garage sale. HAW! Serves the motherhubbards right. That’s what y’all get when you elect a juiced-up, drug abusing B-list actor as your Governor. Although, as a Nevadan, I have no room to talk about crappy governors.
Finally, we’ve got to shout out a hearty HUZZAH to Paul Lewis. He’s a British cameraman who was shooting video of a rookie making her first jump when his main parachute failed to open. His reserve only partially opened. And the brotherhubbard SURVIVED the fall. Yee Haw! Yo P-Lew…next time you’re in the 775, look me up, we’ll hit the craps tables. With your luck, we’ll walk away owning the joint. True dat.
If the FDA and the Government-Cheese have their way, buying cigarettes is gonna scare the bejeezus outta people. There’s a study out that found placing graphic images on cigarette packaging makes people less likely to buy ‘em. Graphic images like black lungs, gangrenous feet, people breathing out of stomas and dead babies are a few of the pics they’re gonna use to keep people from using tobacco products. Now, I’m not really in favor of that idea. After all, tobacco is a legal product here in the USo’A. But if the Government-Cheese wants to show people the deadly evils that come with smoking, I think they should expand the whole thing.
1. From now on, there should be graphic images of mutilated bodies and corpses lying on the side of the road in every car commercial.
2. Every bag of fast food sold in America should be required to have a picture of one of those morbidly obese people – naked!
3. Every alcoholic beverage should be labeled with the phrase “You ARE the father!”
4. Politicians must all get the word “LIAR” tattooed on their foreheads.
5. Cannabis clubs in California should have to sell their weed in baggies that look like little bags of Doritos.
6. High school diplomas must include an application to work at the nearest McDonald’s drive-thru.
7. And finally…every church in American must prominently display a picture – not a painting or a statue but a real-life photograph of their God. Of course, you wouldn’t see anything so they have to include the phrase “What Your Money Buys” underneath.
So Teddy-K is takin’ a dirt nap. Ya know…if any of us regular chucklenuts out here woulda got brain cancer like he did, with the healthcare system we’ve got in the USo’A, we’d all be bankrupt now. No such worries for Ted’s fam, though…he got free medical insurance the minute he was elected to office. That’s forty years of free, taxpayer-supported, top-of-the-line socialized medical treatment. Funny, the politicians who spout off about how bad socialized medicine is are the same ones who have the government-cheese pay for everything. Hypocrites.
A list of who’s happiest that TK kicked the bucket:
But you know who suffers most from this 24 hour news cycle of constantly changing stories? Our brave men and women in uniform. It’s bad enough bein’ in the suck that is Iraq and Afghanistan for no good reason other than to get your ass shot off. But those poor bastards are so yesterday’s story that four of ‘em can get IED’ed in one day and it doesn’t even make the news. Oh yeah…and Beau Bergdahl…GET BACK SOON BEAU! These rat-bastard politicians say they support our troops, now is the time that you see it’s just that…only words.
Last week some chucklenut offed his supermodel wife, chopped her up in pieces and tossed her in a dumpster. Pretty sick stuff. The story was smeared all over the news like peanut butter on a three-year-old. But do you ever notice when these things come up, it's always pretty white women that are the victims? You never see the news run a story on a minority woman being killed, or raped, or kidnapped.
They keep saying America is the greatest country in the world. They tell us about the virtue of our melting pot society. It's all hogwash. The USo'A is run (and occupied) by a bunch of xenophobic, huckleberry, bass-ackward, racists. Don't believe me...the stories on the news prove it every single time. Aye caramba!
Here in the USo’A, we’ve socialized our military. After all, fighting the Brits, or the Krauts, or the Commies, or whoever is in the Enemy of the Month Club is a function so important; we need the juice of the Government to get the job done right.
Do you think Blackwater could do a better job than the US Army? I don’t.
I t just seems to me that if our safety, our security and our protection is so important to us that we have to trust the government to do it, why isn’t the health of our children that important too? How ‘bout the health and welfare of millions of senior citizens and people living in poverty? How ‘bout our own health? Change the system? The smart ones say HELL YES! The government can't be as bad as private companies. The airheads who spout right-wing talking points say HELL NO! After all, the government wouldn’t do nearly as good a job as big pharma, the health insurance industry or corporate, for-profit hospital chains.
Hell, and I always thought we had a government of the people for the people and by the people. Maybe we could just let big business run the government too? Oh yeah, I forgot…they already do. SHEESH!
I saw Newt Gingrich the other day blatherin’ on about Universal Healthcare. You know the Newt-ster. He’s the rat-bastard that was tellin’ us how JZeus talks to him and that gay marriage is bad and that we needed a constitutional amendment to save heterosexual marriage from all those gay people. All the while, he was bangin’ his paramour. Hypocrite. ANYWAY…
Newt was pretty adamant when he said we “shouldn‘t trust the government on these important issues.” He implied that there is no role for the government to play when a person makes decisions about his or her health choices. This from the same party that says a woman’s right to an abortion is wrong. Yo Newter…If you think the government-cheese should stay away from healthcare decisions, WTF were you the one leading the fight to keep Terri Schiavo plugged in over the objections of her family?
No, the republicans don’t want Government run healthcare. They want to leave that up to the insurance companies...
Forty four days since Private First Class Bowe Bergdahl was captured by the bad guys. Forty four fucking days. Have you heard anything about him on the news? No. Nothing but town hall rabble-rousers, tinfoil hat wearin' "Birthers" and Michael Jackson’s doctor. Aye caramba! Next time I hear someone use the term “Liberal Media,” I’m gonna break my foot off in their John Brown Hind Pot. Way to remember your hero soldiers America.
The only thing not authentic in this picture, is the picture of me. Everything else is straight up. Question: If Gun violence is on the rise, why the "Going Out of Business" sale?
Why is it O.K. for the United States to torture “enemy combatants” in Gitmo, but it’s not O.K. for our enemies to torture our guys when they get captured? Oh, I know. It’s the same reason Los Angeles Dodger fans booed the hell outta Barry Bonds when they found out he was a steroid-abusing cheater but gave Manny Ramirez a standing ovation for the same thing. Torture sure is a fucked up thing…but at least, it’s OUR torture. Aye caramba!
Now that Blackwater is back in the news ‘cause its founder is a friggin’ BSC motherhubbard, I started to wonder. Remember back in the day, if you were in the armed forces and you messed up, they’d make you peel potatoes? It was called K.P. Well, it seems that you can’t go all Gomer Pyle on a dumbass nowadays ‘cause the United States Government pays Blackwater to peel potatoes, do laundry and dig latrines. Did you know that digging shit-holes for Blackwater gets you TEN TIMES the pay rate of the poor dogfaces getting their asses blown off? Remember when war profiteering was a bad thing?
Now, I really don’t want to start off the week on a bummer note (a different tack from the usual Mondays, I know.). So, I’m gonna play a couple of sets of “Vilification Tennis”…here goes…
"Your momma is so hairy, when she takes her clothes off, PETA throws red paint on her!"
There’s a helluva party goin’ on here in the 775. Hot women, hot cars and hot music…it must be Hot August Nights. In celebration, we’ve got you this little tidbit from one of the baddest motherhubbards ever – Glenn Miller. That dude was smoother than a baby’s butt and his boys could do some band damage. Don’t believe it? Watch the dancers during the silent parts of this song…he’s got ‘em still groovin’! The awesome thing about this video is that the band really played the song. Everyone that is, ‘ceptin’ the brother ticklin’ the ivories. That dude’s piano playin’ is as fake as John Ensign and Mark Sanford's commitment to the sanctity of marriage. YIKES!
If you’re a loser…or you’re mad at the world…or you have massive debts…and you wanna off yourself, please go right ahead. But there is no need to pop a cap in someone else first. I’m tellin’ ya…if there is a Hell, George Sodini has him a special room there…and he deserves it.
Pickling The Beast is rants, ramblings and thought burbles spewed from the brain pan of pj Connolly. If you're sensitive, thin-skinned or easily offended...get to clickin' the hell outta here. Otherwise, enjoy.
The truth shall set you free...then it'll come back to bite you in the ass and make you pay.
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