Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Bye Bye Bush-Wipe

While most of the nation is suffering from electile dysfunction, we here at PTB are sportin’ large woodies. Know anyone else who has primary parties? Debate dates? State-of-the-Union soireees? Probably not. But this year’s SOTU address got us pumped.

Last one EVER for WPE. YEEEEEE HAWWWWWW!!! It’s been seven years but it feels like friggin forever!

Monday, we did our annual SOTU experiment where we put a lump of coal up pj’s butt to see if he’d turned it into a diamond by the end of the speech. Sure enough…seven years WPE has opened his lie-hole to the nation and we’ve gotten ourselves a genuine booty-diamond every single time!

We watch the SOTU address as religiously as some people watch the Super Bowl. This year pResident Bush didn’t disappoint. We got fifty-three minutes of hogwash, bullshit, distortions, excuses, kiss-ups, and outright lies. The smirking little prick had all of us here at PTB whooping and hollering, cursing and yelling and throwing things at the television. When it was over, broken shot glasses littered the floor. Crushed beer cans, an empty bottle of tequila, cold pizza and an assortment of stale chips littered mom & dad’s basement to the point it looked like a Baghdad bomb site.

We won’t go over the minutiae with you, but there were some interesting tidbits we’d like to share about the SOTU address…

Nancy Pelosi is one smokin’ hot GILF.

Notice how Dick only gave standing ovations when the subject was war?

Do Supreme Court Justices wear their robes in the shower? During sex?

WPE said that, “Patients and doctors should make their own medical decisions…not the government.” If that’s the case, how come Montel can’t use medicinal marijuana and how come the right-wing is against a woman’s right to choose? Just asking.

Referring to abortions WPE said, “All life should be treated with dignity.” Notice how fetuses have rights but the minute you pop out as a human being, you’re nothing. What about dignity for our senior citizens? Dignity for poor people? What about the lives of Afghan and Iraqi civilians? And most importantly, what about the lives of American troops? Now you know why we throw things at the television.

And lastly…WPE threatened the leadership of Iran by saying, “Iran’s government oppresses a good people.” Now we know it’s hard for the pResident to wrap his tiny brain pan around right and wrong but if Iran is bad for oppressing her people…WTF is up with our bestest buddies in Saudi Arabia, Vietnam and China? Oh, right. They may be bastards, but they’re OUR bastards. Good thing the biggest bastard of ‘em all is on his way out. Sayonara sucker!