Monday, March 10, 2008

Gimme Back My Bullets

Knee-jerk reactions to overblown problems seem to run rampant nowadays. We get popped on 9/11 and what did we get? The Homeland Security Department. No. Help. Whatsoever.

The economy goes in the toilet and what happens? Government-Cheese cuts everyone a $600 check and sends us on our way. Thanks for the help numb-nuts.

Hollywood writers go on strike and whadda they give us? American Gladiators. SHEESH!

So now there are a couple of problems up at the University of Nevada and the proposed solutions would make the boys at FEMA proud.

Some wack-job in the IL goes BSC and unloads on a classroom. So, Students for Concealed Carry on Campus (or as we like to call ‘em…”StuCCC”) thinks it’s a good idea for trained students, professors and administrators to carry guns on campus. Never mind that less than ten percent of crimes against college students happen on campus. They’d all be TRAINED! Bad. Idea.

The NYPD Blues are as trained as anyone in handling firearms and couple of months ago they popped fifty caps in the WRONG guy. WTF’s gonna happen when some crazy mo-fo storms into a classroom, waving his cellphone and screaming “God is great” at the top of his lungs? A hundred and fifty stressed-out, zit-faced, Red Bull-guzzlin’ twenty-somethings with a lifetime of student loan debt in front of them will all whip out their pistolas and start blasting away. NICE.

Actually, we kinda like the idea of guns on campus but we don’t think they should be concealed. Students should be required to carry their weapons in plain sight like The Governator or or Ramb-old. Call it weapon envy…”My Glock is bigger than your Glock.” It’ll be a Glock-swingin’ contest! Can you imagine Theatre majors totin’ pearl handled Derringers? How ‘bout an Anthropology major haulin’ around a blow gun or a science geek packin’ a death ray to class? AWESOME!

Maybe they’re on to something there. Or maybe they’re just on something. Then we could blame it all on the firewater. That’s what they’re doing now.

Football fans have been getting’ a bit too crazy for the taste of some up at the U. and those who object blame it all on alcohol. But that’s a fluff bomb. People are gonna drink to excess whether you sell the stuff in the stadium or not. And just because you’ve been imbibing doesn’t make you a loudmouth blowhard. No, don’t blame the booze for boorish behavior. Jackasses are jackasses…sober or not. We blame it all on their parents who didn’t teach little Billy and Susie how to behave in public. We also have to lay some blame on the puritanical adults with holier than thou attitudes who’s ears burn whenever they hear an F-Bomb. Grow a thicker layer of skin wussies!

Wanna make football games more “fan-friendly”? Win more than half your games. That’d be a good start. Seriously though, without alcohol, how will fans be able to sit through snooze-fests with powerhouses like Sacramento State, Nicholls State and Idaho. Can you say EXCRUCIATING? Besides if Nevada bans booze at football games, our RP.I will drop through the floor. RPI you ask? Rowdy. Punk. Index.