Thought Burbles

A couple of random thoughts for a Tuesday…

It surely does suck that the Earthquake Gods decided to take a dump on Chile. Here’s hoping my Chilean friends bounce back quickly (no pun intended). Almost a thousand people dead sucks-ass but the worst part about the Chilean earthquake? Haiti is as forgotten as Sarah Palin’s reading list.

In order to save money, THE University of Nevada is cutting programs and colleges deeper than John Boener’s spray tan. Pretty soon, the only thing left at UNR is gonna be the football team. And they suck so bad, we might as well cut them too. It surely would save the 775 from a lot of embarrassment.

Tiger Woods is back home today after spending a week at sex rehab. That’s gotta be awkward at the dinner table. “Elin honey, could you please pass the salt? I’m not a sex addict anymore.” THWHACK!

And finally…The Canadian women’s hockey team won a gold medal. They promptly stormed the ice and celebrated with beer and cigars. The puritanical hacks at the IOC practically skidmarked their Underoos sayin’ that wasn’t the way they wanted athletes to celebrate their accomplishments. Yo IOC…these athletes have spent years and years of training for this event. It’s not like they’re gonna get a shot in the NHL or something. The IOC is so tight, the stick in their collective asses has a stick up its ass. True story.

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Baby Get Back

It’s a story that is pretty creepy once you really think about it. Ten Baptists were busted in Haiti over the weekend when they were caught trying to smuggle kids out of the country. The Baptists say they were “only trying to rescue abandoned children from the disaster zone.” Haitian police think differently. The Baptists had no paperwork and no permission to transport the kids out of the earthquake-ravaged country. Isn’t it funny how the more “Christian” you purport to be, the less Christian you act? I’m talkin’ to you Senator John “Pants on the Floor” Ensign. SHEESH! One thing I’ve gotta say…no matter how fucked up it is to be in Haiti right now…it’s still better than bein’ a Baptist. True dat.

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Why We Fight?

I thought I’d seen it all. Guess I was wrong. In a story today, buzzin’ ‘round Cyberia, it seems telescopic sights used by the U.S. Military…OUR U.S. military…are stamped with…get this…references to Bible verses. Aye caramba! A question to all my Christian brothers and sisters out there: What do you think JZeus would say about that? I’m guessin’ He’d be pretty pissed off. But what would I know?

A new study out says that the Silver State ranks dead last in the US in K-12 education. WTF is up with that? One of the categories “draggin’ down” our ranking…”students’ potential for success.” So, all y’all out there who graduated from or are gonna graduate from a Nevada high school…y’all better start practicing your speaking voice. There’s a gig waiting for ya at a drive-thru near you.

And finally…all weekend there were commercials running encouraging Americans to donate to the Haiti Relief Fund set up by the Red Cross. All you had to do was text a number and they’d add ten bucks to your phone bill. Pretty easy, neh? But what piqued my interest was the disclaimer” “calling and text charges will apply.” Gee thanks Verizon and Sprint and AT&T. An earthquake fusticates Haiti and y’all are turnin’ a profit on it. Nice.

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