Tuesday's Gone

This just in: Michael Jackson is still dead. Problem is, the story just won’t go away. If the mainstream media had covered the Bush administration with this much manpower and gusto, Scooter, Rummy, Brownie, Dr. Evil and the Bush-Wipe would all be in jail right about now. BTW…who the hell is paying for all the cops to be security for the funeral? It’s not like the Governator and the rest of Cali is swimming in dough.

Speakin' of dough...last night, down in the basement we had an epiphany. Chocolate chip cookie air freshener. The great smell of Mom baking, without the mess, the calories or tooth decay. Can someone please make this happen?

And finally…caught a great documentary on NatGeo last night. Hitler’s Stealth Fighter. You heard it right…The Nazis had a flying wing that was stealthy and looked just like the B2 Stealth…and they had it sixty years before the United States did. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: The only reason the Nazis lost WWII is because Hitler was in charge. Knock off that BSC motherhubbard and we’d all be speakin’ German right now. True dat.

(8.-)

Awkward Christian Soldiers

Christians who believe in the war against global extremism, that torture is not a crime and that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars are both justified have got to stop referring to the Old Testament.



A report out from GQ magazine says that former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld headlined intelligence briefings for pResident Bush with militaristic bible verses. Most of them were from the Old Testament. Wonder why?



Ya see, JZeus’ Dad in the O.T. was one mean, cantankerous, pissed off, S.O.B. Damn…he kept Moses out of the promised land. He turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt. He let his boy Job get munched by Moby Dick. There was myriad fire and brimstone and plagues and that sort of stuff. Aye caramba, that Dude was the God of war! Then, along comes Junior. Remember him? Apparently, Mr. Rumsfeld does not.



Read a couple of books from the New Testament. Know what you’ll find? Through and through, JZeus preaches tolerance, and love, and peace. He’s the exact polar opposite of His Old man. Surely, if the SOG were alive today, Rumsfeld and his ilk would brand him a pacifist…a coward…or worse…FRENCH!



It’s always a turd in the punchbowl when people kill in the name of their God but the right-wing nut cases, who claim America is a Christian nation, continually do things that would have JZeus spinning in His grave. So, which is it? Are you a true Christian Rummy, or is all that religion stuff just something y’all trot out to ease your conscience? We bet the latter.



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Lemme Hold A Dollar

Much like the little raggimuffin Oliver holding out his empty gruel bowl and asking the head of the orphanage, “Please sir, may I have some more?” Chimp-Dick stood in front of the American people last week and asked for $700 BILLION to bail out the bourgie fat-cat bankers of Wall Street.


There are two prongs to the fundamentalist extremists in the Reflublican party. The warmongering hawks like Dr. Evil, Rummy and Karl Rove and the economic, free-market turds like Phil Gramm and John McCain. Both groups have only their selfish interests at heart. Don’t believe us? We’ll go with the neo-econo-cons for now…


Back in the day Ronald “Celebrity, Actor, Elitist” Reagan helped his tighty-righty friends deregulate the Savings and Loan industry. What happened? The greedy rat-bastards stole all their investors’ money and the Government-Cheese bailed ‘em out with…wait for it…wait for it…taxpayer money!


Since then they’ve deregulated, then had to bail out:

Energy Corporations

The Housing Market

Banks

Insurance Companies

And now, possibly, the Auto industry.


Ay Caramba! They deregulate an industry so their corporate cronies can steal all the money they can, then they put us…you and me…on the hook for the bill. It’s called corporate welfare and the Reflublicans are fond of it. Think about it…


If you opened up an ice cream store and only served flavors like Mushroom Cap and Potato-skin Swirl or Liver and Onion Sorbet…all the while skimming profits and cooking the books…you’d go out of business pretty quick. If that happened, do you think the Government-Cheese would bail you out? Hell. No.


Do you know who famously said, “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”? If you’d have said John McCain…you’d only be 2008 right. The first person we can confirm said it was…wait for it…wait for it…HERBERT FRIGGIN’ HOOVER! He said it in 1931. Nice. What’s that they say about those who forget history? Nah, forget it…



(8.-)

Le Roi est Mort. La Vie Longue Le Roi.

It's been a tough couple of weeks for us here at PTB. Like they say: "bad things come in threes." Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots. See what we mean? ANYWAY...in the last couple of cycles we lost Jim McKay...Tim Russert and now George Carlin. These guys weren't just TV personalities...they were our friends, our mentors, our heroes. They made us laugh. They made us cry. But most importantly, they made us think and they gave us hope. In losing those three brotherhubbards...America shines a lot less brightly today. With that, we give you the George Carlin classic: Advertising Lullaby.

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Dictator in a Polo Shirt

Jeez…you’d think the O-Bamer said he’d give a hummer to OBL the way people have been jumping in his grill. All he said was that he’d talk to the bad guys. We’ll tell you right now…the bourgie motherhubbards that are ragging on the big “O” have NEVER been in a street fight. How do we know? ‘Cause anyone who has ever kicked the crap out of someone else (or had their own asses handed to ‘em) feels pretty silly afterward. Hell, with any sense of decency or morality, they probably feel really shitty. Just like your second grade teacher said, “Fighting never solved anything.”


Here’s the crux of the biscuit: Bush-Wipe was playing kissy-face with the COMMUNIST President of Vietnam earlier this year. Remember Vietnam? How many lives were uselessly lost fighting the very same communists we’re sucking up to right now?

China is America’s biggest trading partner. Remember fighting Communist Chinese and Koreans in the Korean War? How many lives were uselessly lost fighting the very same communists we’re sucking up to right now?

When Michael Moore went to Cuba while shooting “Sicko,” the Government-Cheese got their panties in a tweak because of the embargo against doing business there. Just a month earlier, Matt and his fivehead was in Cuba shooting a segment for the “Today Show”. Not a peep. Why? ‘Cause you can deal with ANY rat-bastard dictator if you’re a long-time politician or hosting a high-profile TV show. But, if you’re a Hollywood liberal, a democrat or a newbie you’re SOL.

(8.-)