Dumb and Dumb-Assed

So…OBL has a new audio tape out. Doesn’t the motherhubbard know we’re in the 21st Century now? Yo’Sama…how ‘bout a Twitter feed or a Facebook update? SHEESH! Anyway…OBL says that if we give the chair to KSM, that he’ll “…execute any of your people that we take prisoner." No shit. Ummm…weren’t you gonna do that anyway? I’ve said it before…offing KSM will just make him a martyr. What we do is, try him in a civilian court, get a conviction and send him off to the prison they sent Sean Penn to in Bad Boys. It worked for Bernie Madoff. True story.

The Pope is in some deep doo doo as of late. Turns out that the Pontiff “…refused to punish a priest who sexually assaulted as many as 200 deaf boys over the course of three decades.” Aye caramba! This is the same guy who bitches and moans and complains about gay marriage and he’s covering up for his skeevy pedophile rapist friends. If the Catholic Church was a corporation and the CEO (the Pope) got busted doin’ this kind of sick stuff, there’d be hell to pay. Guess the guys are gonna have to wait to get to Hell, neh?

And finally…there is a creepy new poll out that paints the Republican Party in a dark light. Seems that…get this…38% of Republican Party thinks President Obama is doing a lot of the same things Adolph Hitler did. Yeah right. Hitler wanted single-payer, universal healthcare for everyone. Are you kidding? But the most telling question was that 24% of republicans think the President is the Antichrist. WTF is up with that? You know, I called George Wpe Bush a lot of things during his time in office but I’ve never referred to him as the Antichrist. Dumb as a bag of rocks...but not the Antichrist. Some say the vitriol is racist, some say it’s anger over the economy. Me? I say it’s ignorance. Now you know why when the tighty-righties start talking about fiscal responsibility, the first thing they want to do is cut funding for education. It’s to swell the ranks of republican voters. Pitiful.

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Hypocritical Mass

Last week the SCOTUS ruled that inmates don’t have the constitutional right to get a DNA test that might prove their innocence in a crime if the inmate has already been convicted of that crime. Remember when the USo’A would free a hundred guilty rat-bastards rather than imprison one innocent person? We do. And damn, it seems like it was a long time ago.

A watchdog group out of D.C. called, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, wants the Senate Ethics Committee to investigate the actions of Senator John “Able-Semen” Ensign. Problem: Johnny Wad isn’t taking responsibility for his actions and, through those actions, we found out he doesn’t have any ethics either. Don’t worry guys; the election is right around the corner. Ensign is gonna get fusticated.

The lawyer for Bernie Madoff (With the Money) says his client is remorseful and that twelve years in the hoosegow is adequate punishment for the biggest fraud in American history. Donte Stallworth of the Cleveland Browns was driving drunk and killed a pedestrian. His sentence? Thirty days. Ever feel like the cute and fuzzy bunnies get all the breaks? Believe this…if it woulda been you or me, they’d have run us off to Gitmo.

And finally, speakin’ ‘bout Gitmo…the other day, republicans in Congress introduced a resolution that stated, in part,

“Congress expresses its support for all Iranian citizens who struggle for freedom, human rights, civil liberties, and the protection of the rule of law... [and] affirms the universality of individual rights…”

This is what’s so BSC about the tighty-righties. They’ll piss and moan and wail and rend garments over Iranian protests but when it comes to giving human rights, civil liberties, individual rights and the protection of the rule of law to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, they stick their collective heads back up their collective asses and hide. Republican hypocrisy. Alive and well.

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A Closer Look

There’s a very special surprise at the bottom of today’s post for y’all. But first, a quick bit of business.




The Government-Cheese is thinkin’ ‘bout confiscating Bernie Madoff (with the money)’s wife’s and sons’ assets. Finally. Anyone thinking the Madoff (with the money) clan didn’t know what dear old dad was up to, probably graduated from Jerry Falwell’s Law School. BTW…the Feds found all of Eliot Spitzer’s hooker money and a hundred or so G’s in one politician’s freezer but they didn’t notice Bernie ripping off billions? WTF were they doin’ down there? Lookin’ for Saddam’s WMD’s?



Here’s a thought: If Bernie Madoff (with the money) was a brown-skinded brother or a drug dealer, the Feds woulda seized every last asset of his (and his family) the very first day. As it is…there was a lot of financial hanky-panky goin’ on in the Madoff (with the money) clan just after pops got popped. It just goes to show you…the justice system here in the USo’A bends over backward for whitey. If you’re in a minority, you get your ass handed to you.




Ok, Ok…we promised…remember the Inauguration? Lots and lots and lots of people crammed into the D.C. to celebrate. Well, below is a link to a picture of the event. WTF is so special about this particular pic? Well, you start off on a wide shot of the entire venue then, with the click of your mouse, you can zoom in close enough to recognize faces. The shot was taken with a 1,700 megapixel digital camera. Heck-fire…you can zoom in close enough to see the horns underneath Dick Cheney’s hat! Figure this…if we’ve gotta spend beaucoup dollars on Homeland Security, this is the kind of cool toy we want ‘em to come up with. Sure would be fun to have one of those cameras at the beach!




-----> CLICK HERE FOR THE PICTURE!!! <-----



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Money Talks. Who Listens?

Just before Bernie Madoff (with your money) got perp-walked out of the courtroom today, he said he was ashamed and sorry for his actions. Well, cheese-dick, sorry won’t bring back thousands of people’s life savings but it may keep you warm at night there in the Gray Bar Motel. If that doesn’t do the trick, you can always snuggle with your new cellmate Rocco.



Speaking of money…Governor Jim Gibbons has officially gone BSC. Today he sent a letter to the ‘Bamer saying he won’t accept all the stimulus money the Feds are giving the state of Nevada. Thanks Guv. Here in the 775, they’re cutting programs like an army barber cutting recruits’ hair. No matter what his reasoning might be, we need that money. By refusing to take all the funds, you’re showing your true colors Gib. You’re more interested in Republican, right wing nut job ideologies than you are in helping the residents of Nevada. Simply put…
Worst. Governor. Ever.



One last thing today ‘bout money. Last night the Reno City Council voted 4-1 to loan SK Baseball between $1million and $2.5 million a year - for 20 years. SK Baseball wants to build an “entertainment district” next to their new stadium. Question: WTF is gonna happen when no one shows up for baseball games or other “entertainments”? The city is already broke and now they’re loaning money to developers? AYE CARAMBA! We keep pouring taxpayer money into this eye-popping load of crapulence and chances are, we’re not gonna get squat out of it. Especially since the new retail spaces are gonna feature a Hollywood Video, a Sharper Image, a Linens-N-Things and Circuit City. Thank JZeus for Jessica Sferrazza. She’s the only one on the council with half a brain pan. The rest of those bobbleheads need to be tossed out before they do any more damage.




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Dolls and Sense

Well, Barbie turned fifty years old today. Funny, she doesn’t look a day over nineteen. Here at PTB we have a special place in our hard…ummm…HEART for Barbie. After all, she was the only girlfriend we had ‘til we went off to college….but that’s a crux of a different biscuit.





You’d think an iconic doll like Barbie would cause little commotion in the sleepy world of toys. You’d think, but you’d be wrong. Turns out, this year’s edition of our petite, plastic, paramour has everyone’s Underoos in a bunch. Why? ‘Cause Barbie comes with TATS! That’s right…little girls and boys from all over the world can tramp stamp their dolls to look like the real thing.



That got us to thinkin’ ‘bout other editions of Barbie you could release that’d cheese off the “holier-than-thous.”



There could be the Maury Povich Barbie where the doll would come on the MoPoShow and have seven guys DNA tested to see who the baby-daddy is.



There could be the Bernie Madoff Barbie who takes all your money then disappears along with her Malibu Barbie yacht and mansion set.



You could have an Alex Rodriguez Barbie who admits to getting breast implants years ago but swears she hasn’t had any other plastic surgery since then. In the meantime, you’d have to send her back to the factory to fix her messed up hip – a byproduct of having such humongous bazongas.



Lastly, if you wanted to, you could get a Rush Limbaugh Barbie. She’d be strung out on OxyContin and Cialis and when you pulled her string she’d start whining and complaining about commies, and socialists, and liberals, and gays, and Ted Kennedy’s jowls.



There you have it…HAPPY BIRTHDAY Barbie. We’re gonna get back into the closet and dig up our old favorite Barbie. Like Nikky Boone said in Remember the Titans, “I’m not playing with dolls. I’m accessorizing.”


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ThursDaydreaming

The story says Bernie Madoff’s wife withdrew fifteen million dollars from their account just days before he took a walk of shame for stealing billions of dollars from investors. Neither of the Madoffs are in jail as of this writing. As a matter-of-fact…Bernie is under house arrest. That means he spends his days languishing in his multi-million dollar penthouse in the NYC rather than sitting in a 4x4 cell with a roommate named T-Bone. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again…a brown-skinded brother steals a loaf of bread to feed his family, he gets beaten and thrown in the hoosegow. But if whitey steals billions of dollars to feed his extravagant lifestyle, he gets house arrest. Sad but true.



Had JWB not popped a cap in the 16th President, Abraham Lincoln would have turned 200 years old today…the same age as Dick Clark. So, since Guy Rocha is retiring, we thought we’d share some little-known facts about the Man from Springfield…


“Honest Abe” got his nickname the first time he ran for office when he actually fessed-up to a reporter’s question about alleged indelicate dalliances with sheep.


Before Lincoln started sporting his full beard, he wore a Fu Manchu with a soul patch.


The first draft of the Gettysburg Address started with, “There once was a man from Nantucket.”


Lincoln was so poor growing up that his stovepipe hat was an actual real-life stovepipe.


Lincoln’s favorite music? The Shaggs, Bjork and anything from Wu Tang Clan.





Most PoPos consider their K-9 helpers full-fledged officers of the law. That kind of anthromorphization is kinda creepy but we’ll go with it. That said, if Joe Citizen punched a cop…or kicked a cop…hell, even yelled at a cop…he’d be sitting in the Gray Bar Motel for a long time. Shoot-fire, he might even get Gitmo’d. So how come an UN-PD (pronounced Un-Pud) can "allegedly" beat the bejeezus out of his dog and the motherhubbard gets paid administrative leave? Double. Standard.





The Bun in the Oven wacko doesn’t have a job, lives with her parents, gets food stamps and has a publicist. WTF? A freakin' PUBLICIST? Aye caramba! Anyone thinking that’s an O.K. situation needs a reality check. And, while you’re getting yours…save one for Octo-Ho. She needs it more than anyone.

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Monday Mourning

Bourgie, white, rich, BSC Bernie Madoff steals billions of dollars from investors and gets to stay out of the hoosegow on bail. Poor brown-skinded brotherhubbard gets popped with a doobie and he gets ten years hard time. Those are some fucked up priorities.





Landmark day today…Chimp-Dick gave his final news conference. HUZZAH! Only eight more days ‘til the WPE rides off into the sunset. We were kinda hopin’ he’d ride off a cliff but we’ll take him gone any way we can. Too bad the shit-storm he’s gotten us into is gonna be around for a century or so. SHEESH!





In a survey of a random sample of U.S. emergency physicians, virtually all said they believed that law enforcement officers use excessive force to arrest and detain suspects. Thanks Captain Obvious. A couple of weeks ago BART cops popped a cap in a brother while he was handcuffed and on the ground. A couple of months ago, airport security in Phoenix detained a woman who later died in custody. In Texas, the son of former MLB’er Bobby Tolan was shot in the chest as he was laying face down in his driveway. Those are just a few incidents that we can think of off the top of our heads. A bit of research would uncover lots more. It seems that since 9/11 cops have been of the mindset that their shit doesn’t stink. They act like someone is guilty ‘til proven innocent and consider themselves the judge, jury and executioner of a suspect. Think not? Go up to the next cop you see and flip him/her the bird…that’s the last thing you’ll do as a non-incarcerated person. America the Free? Hardly.




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