Stand and Deliver

Sad news from right here in the 775…Jaime Escalante died last night. Now y’all probably don’t know who Kemo was. He didn’t get the pub like those BSC motherhubbards from Michigan…or Karl Rove…or Dancing With the Stars. Kemo was the math teacher that inspired the movie Stand and Deliver. It was his passion…his commitment…his dedication to education that put Garfield High School on the map and gave generations of brown-skinded brothers and sisters the confidence to succeed in a cracker-assed cracker world. Yo Jaime…sleep well my brother. Ya done good.

Remember last April, when Homeland Security released a report sayin’ how BSC militias were popping up all over the place and that we’d better keep a look out for “homegrown terrorists?” Remember what the tighty-righties did? They bitched. They moaned. They complained. They said that there was no such thing as homegrown terrorists and that DHS was overblowing the situation. Well I’ve got news for John Boener, Eric Cantor, John McCain, Caribou Barbie and the rest of you right-wing nut cases…I WANT AN APOLOGY! Anyone telling you that the republican party is concerned about the safety of America and her citizens is LYING!

One last thing to you militia freaks. Ya know guys…I don’t hide the fact that I hated Chimp Dick, Dr. Evil and the rest of those un-American assholes that royally fucked up the country, broke the military and ruined the economy. Never once did I hide my disdain for those chucklenuts. But the worst I ever did was threaten to break my foot off in their collective John Brown hind pots. You rat-bastards were plotting to kill police officers, innocent American civilians and anyone else that didn’t fit with your world view! Well guess what? Y’all are neither Christian nor American. An American who doesn’t like the system tries to change it at the ballot box or through civic responsibility. A Christian would love his neighbor as he loves himself. A Christian would turn the other cheek and follow the teachings of the Prince of Peace. Like I said…y’all aren’t Christian or American. It’s fuck-tards like you that has JZeus spinning in His grave. Better bundle up good…I hear-tell Hell is a cold place and you’ll all be there soon.

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Thinking Biscuits

I don’t get it…on Monday a Toyota Prius, as they are wont to do, sped out of control over in Cali. Now the Feds are launching not one, but two investigations into the incident. Number of people killed? None. Meanwhile, Dr. Evil has admitted to okaying the torture of people in American custody but I haven’t heard a peep out of the Obama Administration. People killed? Unknown. But it surely smells like the ‘Bamer and his peeps have no stomach for a fight against the tighty-righties. Pussies.

Kay Bailey Hutchison and other members of Congress want to keep the space shuttle fleet flying. Worst. Idea. Ever. The shuttle is a piece of shit. It’s been called a brick with wings. It is a deathtrap. Don’t believe me? Just check out this story…from 1980! Why can’t America’s space program get off the fuckin’ couch and get with a program rather than trying to re-live the past like some melancholy, heartbroken schoolgirl? Yo usa...Look out behind you. Here come the Chinese!

And finally…”experts” say that raising taxes on sodas and pizza will raise a lot of money and take a lot of weight off of fat-assed Americans. Maybe, but here are two arguments: 1. Just ‘cause someone is a couple of pounds over “ideal” doesn’t make him/her obese or even unhealthy. Besides, this is a free country (isn’t it?). If someone chooses to be heavy, is it the Government’s job to tax ‘em into skinniness? No. And 2. If you’re gonna tax sugary drinks and pizzas ‘cause they’re bad for you…why stop there? Too much television is (allegedly) bad for you too. No extra taxes there. Too much stress is bad for you too. Any extra taxes there? Nope. Here’s the crux of the biscuit…if you tax a certain segment of the population ‘cause their lifestyles are anti-productive, WTF the first thing you cut out of school budgets is P.E.? True story.

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Up Up and Away

It never ceases to amaze me what dumb-assed pussies Americans are. As you know, earlier this week, some BSC motherhubbard tried to set off an explosive device in his pants while he was flying to Detroit. Aye caramba, dude. Talk about one painful brit milah. No worries, though. Passengers on the plane saw what was happening and gave the rat-bastard the American version of the Glasgow kiss. They shoulda tossed him out the door but, instead, they detained him ‘til landing. The dude got perp-walked and now he’s in the Gray Bar Motel.

Tighty-righties, tinfoil hat wearin’ loonies and teabaggers alike had collective conniptions. “Obama is soft on terror,” they said. “We need more security at airports,” they whined. And on…and on…and on. Here’s what they don’t get: Airplanes, in the first place, aren’t totally safe. If God had wanted man to fly, he’d have given him some sort of wing-like appendage. Secondly, airports and airplanes should be the least of our worries. Why?

Americans have this pompous sense of superiority over peoples of other nations. “We’re smarter, we’re better, and by golly, we love ourselves,” we say. And that’s the problem. While Dick “Dr. Evil” Cheney and Tom “Over the” Ridge and their ilk piss and moan about airport security, the REAL terrorists are planning their next attack and it isn’t gonna be in an airport or on a plane. Too much security…too much hassle….been there, done that. No, terrorists hit you where you’re most vulnerable and when you least expect it. That’s why they call it terrorism.

So, while republican hacks try to score points with the voting public by vilifying Janet Napolitano and Barry-O and scaring the bejeezus out of the flying American public, the bad guys are gonna pop us while we’re not looking. It might be in a shopping mall, it might be on a bus or a train. But it won't be at an airport…because that’s exactly where we expect them to be. SHEESH! Americans…we think we’re so smart. Too bad we’re not.

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My Alibi

Ronald Reagan was just a Hollywood Elitist douchebag with no clue about how the world worked.
The only difference between Uncle Ronnie and Dr. Evil? The chimps they worked with. The similarity? They both lied.

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Nothing Beats a Dick

Every time Dr. Evil opens his lie-hole I wanna puke. Yo Dick...you've done enough already. Thanks a lot. But you've got no more juice pachuco! Take your non-lesbian daughter and crawl back into that black, warmongering, paranoid hole you crawled out of. Americans aren't buying your bullshit anymore. Well...maybe Faux News is...but we're not. True dat.

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War is Heck When You're a Dick

Ace Hole

The story says that Nevada is among the worst states in the entire USo’A in the enforcement of payment of child support. Figures. How can you expect Reno-911 to be out there perp-walkin’ deadbeat dads when they’re so busy hasslin’ burners for burnin’, kids on skateboards and shopkeepers sellin’ hooch to 20-year-olds? SHEESH!


President Obama gave a speech to the nation’s youth today and the tighty-righties have their Underoos in a bunch. They say it is an indoctrination of our children into the ‘Bamer’s fascist ideology. Hey chucklenuts, if you actually could spell well enough to look up the word “fascism,” you’d know how BSC y’all sound for sayin’ it. Besides…could anything be worse for kids than My Pet Goat? Losers.


Obama advisor and “Green Czar” Van Jones resigned over the weekend ‘cause he said that the government-cheese was involved in 9/11 and he called republicans “assholes.” Well, he wears the kind of tinfoil hat that lets him believe that the Bush-Wipes could plan anything correctly, maybe he should have resigned. But calling republicans assholes…ummm…Didn’t Dick call a fellow member of the Senate a “fucker”? Oh yeah…and Dick is the one who still thinks Iraq had something to do with 9/11. Democrats say dumb things and have to resign…republicans say (and do) dumb things and they’re promoted to the head of the party. Be afraid tighty-righties…2010 is right around the corner and y’all are gonna get smoked like a Cuban cigar. Aye caramba!


And finally, a mea culpa. That’s right. I was wrrr…wrrr….wrong. Earlier this year I predicted that the Reno Aces were gonna fall flat on their, well…aces. Boy did I screw the pooch on that one. All summer long the Aces drew decent crowds, played pretty exciting baseball and proved the old adage…”When PTB makes his predictions, get rich by betting the other way.” True dat.

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Tuesday's Gone

This just in: Michael Jackson is still dead. Problem is, the story just won’t go away. If the mainstream media had covered the Bush administration with this much manpower and gusto, Scooter, Rummy, Brownie, Dr. Evil and the Bush-Wipe would all be in jail right about now. BTW…who the hell is paying for all the cops to be security for the funeral? It’s not like the Governator and the rest of Cali is swimming in dough.

Speakin' of dough...last night, down in the basement we had an epiphany. Chocolate chip cookie air freshener. The great smell of Mom baking, without the mess, the calories or tooth decay. Can someone please make this happen?

And finally…caught a great documentary on NatGeo last night. Hitler’s Stealth Fighter. You heard it right…The Nazis had a flying wing that was stealthy and looked just like the B2 Stealth…and they had it sixty years before the United States did. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: The only reason the Nazis lost WWII is because Hitler was in charge. Knock off that BSC motherhubbard and we’d all be speakin’ German right now. True dat.

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Going Away Party

The story said that Iraqis were celebrating wildly in the streets as U.S. military personnel evacuated Baghdad. Remember when the Iraqis were gonna greet us as liberators? Yo Dick Cheney…how’d that work out? The one thing in the story that proves most Americans are dumber than a bag of doorknobs was the line…



"Iraqis (are) hopeful that foreign military occupation is ending six years after the invasion to depose Saddam Hussein.”



Ummm…wasn’t the invasion all about Weapons of Mass Destruction? WTF ever the hell happened to that? Oh yeah…No. Such. Thing. What about bringing democracy to the Iraqi people? Nope. The religious zealots are in charge, women have to wear burqas and regular Iraqi Joes are getting the bejeezus blown out of ‘em in marketplaces around the country. If you ask an Iraqi citizen (like we have) if they are better off now than they were when Saddam Hussein was in charge, they’d say no. Seems the only people who were happy to see us Invade Iraq were Halliburton, KBR, Chimp Dick, Dr. Evil and Rush Limbaugh. Aye caramba!


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As Jefferson Spins in His Grave

In the land of the free and the home of the brave, they murder innocent men, women and children in the name of truth, justice and the American way.



On Monday, Mohammad Ahmad Abdallah Salih died at Guantanamo Bay. They say he committed suicide. Not so fast. He was held without charges, without bail, without a lawyer and without a trial for seven-and-a-half long years.



What was this man’s crime that he should be banished to the Hell that is Gitmo? Did he kill American soldiers? Was he a terrorist? Was he a Detroit Lions fan? Or was he just Muslim? And why does a Christian nation sit idly by while these kinds of atrocities continue? It’s shameful and sad that people who are alleged followers of JZeus would treat a person this way.



It really doesn’t matter what Salih did. He’s dead and we’ll never know. It matters that, in a country touting itself as the greatest the world has ever seen, we torture, maim and kill innocent people in the name of freedom.



Politicians, zealots and cowards would have you believe that by treating human beings this way, they’re keeping America safe. They lie. By treating human beings this way, we show the world our true nature. Americans aren’t benevolent. Americans aren’t caring and kind. Americans aren’t the holders of the moral high ground. No. Americans are petty…and weak…and scared. Americans are so afraid of “terrorists” that they’re willing to give up basic human rights for the illusion of safety, the illusion of security.




The Declaration of Independence states that “All men are created equal.” It also says that everyone has the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” To ignore those fundamental principles, is to ignore who we should be – to ignore who we could be – to ignore who we are supposed to be. As long as America turns her back on the rule of law, turns her back on the principles she was founded on, turns her back on the fundamental rights of EVERY human being, she’ll continue to show the world just how hypocritical her citizens are. I guess that’s the “new” American way.




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He Doesn't Know Dick

Dr. Evil has been in the news a lot lately. Funny thing coming from the brotherhubbard that had Google Earth blur out his house for eight years. But like it or not, Dick Cheney is flappin’ his lie-hole and the whole world seems to be listening.

Yesterday, the former Veep took to the airwaves to…get this…defend gay marriage. Aye caramba! WTF did that come from? While he does have a gay daughter, Dick and his compatriots in the Bush administration never were the types to embrace those “afflicted with the Gay.” Guess times they are a changin’. But not that much. You see, Cheney had a caveat to his assertion that gay peeps should be allowed to get hitched. He said that marriage is, and always has been a state issue. "And I think that's the way it ought to be handled today, that is, on a state-by-state basis.” And that’s why Dick Cheney, in our humble opinion, is dumber than a sack of doorknobs.

It wasn’t that long ago that blacks couldn’t get married in certain states ‘cause they were considered “property.” An even shorter time ago, blacks and whites were not allowed to get married to each other in certain states because some racist rat-bastards thought it was immoral. Hell, if Alabama, Mississippi and the rest of the redneck, huckleberry states had their way, blacks still wouldn’t be allowed to marry.

No Dick…gay marriage shouldn’t be decided willy-nilly on the whim of some cracker-ass government-cheese dick in a state where the most common kinfolk is “Uncle-Dad.” This is America. We’re not supposed to roll like that. So we’re gonna toss you a soft one. Remember the Declaration of Independence?

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

That’s right Dick. Straight from the pen of TJ hisself. ALL men are created equal…that includes the men who like men, women who like women and all the peeps in between who love ‘em both. That's how we roll.

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