Third Degree

When I was growin’ up, breaking the Third Commandment got you a Lifebouy dinner date. True story. I never understood why anyone would give a schnizzle when I said, “God damn.” It’s not like JZeus’ Dad was gonna actually damn what the hell I wanted Him to damn. And, after all, if sticks and stones can break my bones but words would never hurt me, why would the Invisible Man in the Sky get bent out of shape over a couple of words?

Later in life, a smart man explained to me that saying God damn wasn’t taking the Lord’s name in vain but saying God told you to do something, was. Now the Third Commandment is my favorite of all the Commandments. Why? Because people can lie to me but they cannot lie to themselves and no, God Didn’t tell them to do ANYTHING! But that doesn’t stop athletes from thanking God for letting them win the big one…or actors thanking God for letting them win a Grammy…or soldiers thanking God for stopping a bullet. The latest to claim Divine intervention? Nevada’s own Sharron Angle.

Last week, the wannabe U.S. Senator from the great state of Nevada said that she’s running against Harry Reid because that’s what God has planned for her. Really? God hates Harry Reid? God is a closet Teabagger? Don’t you think if God wanted Social Security and Medicare dismantled, He could do it Himself? And why Sharron Angle? Why not just talk to the guy that is already in there? Does God think Senator Reid is incompetent? If so, why doesn’t He just zap Reid with a lightning bolt, or give him the plague or, even worse, haunt him with images of Sharron Angle? You know why? Because none of it is true. God didn’t tell Sharron Angle to run for the senate any more than he told voters to give a Grammy to Milli Vanilli. No, Sharron Angle is using God as a supernatural endorsement thinking Nevadans will believe she’s the candidate God wants in office. Maybe God wants her in office, here’s hoping Nevadan’s don’t.

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Tea Totality

Life's a Mitch

Eighty-four years ago today, Billy Mitchell was court-martialed for telling his superiors what he knew in his heart to be true. The airplane was here to stay…it was going to revolutionize the development of the world and the world’s armies and his superiors were pompous douchebags who wouldn’t (or couldn’t) see that obvious fact. Even back in the day it wasn’t a good idea to piss off your boss. Mitchell got demoted and eventually resigned from the U.S. armed services. Too bad. Sixteen years later the Japanese proved him right by bombing the bejeezus out of Pearl Harbor. So much for “I told ya so’s.”



But that’s why Mitchell will always have a place in my heart. Ya see B-Mitch was the kind of guy who could see the future without taking his eye off the present while remembering the lessons of the past. And he wasn’t reticent about his thoughts. He called ‘em like he saw ‘em and more often than not he was right. Alas…we’ve got nothin’ like that now and we sorely need it.



Afghanistan…Pakistan…Iraq…Iran…North Korea…the economy…the insurance and banking cartels…tinfoil hat wearin’ teabaggers…homegrown terrorists…torture…Gitmo...healthcare...the national debt. There are a million December 7ths out there and no one sees ‘em coming. Wish you were here General Mitchell...we could use someone like you. Problem is, if you were, you’d still be vilified and December 7th would still be on the way. True dat.


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Acapulco?

Sure be glad this depressing week is over. Torture. Trash. Teabagging. Fascists. Fags. It won't be any better on Monday but at least we've got the weekend to drown our sorrows. Problem is, our sorrows have gills. The least we can do is leave y'all with some rippin' tuneage. Enjoy.


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Thursday Thought Burbles

Senator John Ensign cracked his lie-hole yesterday defending Jay Bybee. Y’all know Bybee? He’s the Bush-Wipe lawyer that wrote the memo saying, among other things, that waterboarding isn’t torture. YIKES! Senator Ensign is a veterinarian by trade so he should know bullshit when he sees it. Apparently not. Let’s try something Senator…next time you’re here in the 775, stop on by the basement and we’ll try a little “enhanced interrogation” on you. Bet you change your mind. Heck-fire…while you’re here, we’ll show you how “teabagging” really works.

The City of Reno is paying a California company 30G’s to find the new city manager. We ask this question on a regular basis: Isn’t there a company here in the 775 that could do the job? The problem with hiring a Cali for the gig is that they’ll get someone in here that doesn’t know the difference between Mill Street and Mills Lane. It’s sad to see what little regard bourgie motherhubbards have toward the citizens of the 775.

Athletes at the University of Nevada are racking up some pretty impressive stats. No, not the kind you get playing sports…the kind you get when you run afoul of John Law. The Wolf Pack wants so badly to compete with the big boys on the field. While that’s never gonna happen, at least they can compete with the big boys when it comes to athletes spendin’ time at the Gray Bar Motel.

And finally…officials in the Rail City announced the new stores coming to the Legends at Sparks Marina. There are a couple of shoe stores, more than a couple of restaurants and a few other miscellaneous strip mall-type stores. The quote is that LaSM will create 700 jobs. Forgive us for not applauding. We know times are tough but do we really need another 700 people making minimum wage? This is the economic benefit we were promised? The only people to benefit from this type of urban sprawl are developers and crooked politicians. "We need more "Special Sauce"...Quick, put the mayonnaise in the sun!"


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