Cute and Fuzzy Bunnies

Elena Kagen’s nomination to the SCOTUS got me thinking. WTH are all the high-profile progressive women in the USo’A, Inc….ummm….ummm…homely? Smart… but homely. For every Deborah Wasserman-Schultz, you have five Janet Renos or Janet Napolitanos, ten Hillary Clintons and a hundred Madeleine Albrights. On the other hand, the tighty-righties go for all looks/no brains. Sue Lowden…smokin’ hot…thinks you can pay for your boob job with poultry. VPILF and half-governor Caribou Barbie? She can see Russia from her house but she can’t see the oil that’s spilled all over Prince William Sound. Dumb as a bag of licorice, bang her in a heartbeat.

I guess the crux of today’s biscuit is this: You can either vote for substance or you can vote for style. Me? I’m a substance kind of guy. So, congratulations Ms. Kagen…Roseanne must be very proud!

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OMG

Pray Day

In case you didn’t know, every year since 1952, the President of the United States of America, Inc. has declared May 6th National Prayer Day. Worst. Idea. Ever.

“If the Gods listened to the prayers of men, all humankind would quickly perish for they constantly pray for many evils to befall one another.” – Epicurus, Greek philosopher, BC 341-270

Love me some Greek philosophy. And EZ-E has a point there.

Think about it. If the Invisible Man in the Sky REALLY answered prayers, Catholic priests could still have NAMBLA sex and no one would know about it, Sarah Palin would be President and every team would win the Super Bowl every year. Not. Gonna. Happen.

C’mon…deep down, everyone knows prayer is about as effective as voodoo. Still, the politicians give it a rusty trombone every year on this day. Today Barry-O said, “I call upon the citizens of our Nation to pray, or otherwise give thanks, in accordance with their own faiths and consciences, for our many freedoms and blessings…” Really?

Do you think B-Rock really wants Satanists to conjure up Beelzebub or Animists to give a shout out to the paving stones in their back yard? No. C’mon America, it’s the 21st Century. As long as we, as a country, wallow in these primitive, tribal, bass-ackward, rituals, we’re never gonna get our problems solved. But if we got rid of National Prayer Day, we’d be solving one problem. True story.

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Chicken Dance

U.S. Senate candidate Sue Lowden is getting’ the Silver State a lot pub lately by saying people could pay their doctors with, get this, live chickens. As you can imagine the liberal, elitist media jumped all over that line. No surprise that Lowden has been vilified everywhere from the Rachel Maddow show to the Tonight Show to the Colbert Report. But here at PTB, we kinda like the idea. Bartering has been around since the beginning, so what’s the big deal? Wouldn’t it be great if you could pay your proctologist with poultry? Pretty sweet, neh? Problem is…what do you use to buy the chicken?

News out of Nepal says that the Sherpas won’t allow the ashes of Sir Edmund Hillary to be sprinkled on Mount Everest. Apparently, they consider Everest some kind of holy place. Yo Nepal! If the place is so friggin holy, how come the mountain is littered with crap like oxygen tanks, tents and dead bodies? Aye caramba! Ya know, if it wasn’t for SHE puttin’ y’all on the map, y’all would still be livin’ in the fourteenth century. Oh wait, you are. Nevermind.

Happy Earth Day dear Earth… Happy Earth Day dear Earth… Happy Earth Day dear Earrrrrrth…Happy Earth Day to Youuuuuuuu! Ya know, here on Earth Day I got to thinkin’. I wonder if Sarah Palin can see the burning oil platform from her house? So, how IS that drill baby drill-thingy goin for ya Caribou Barbie?

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A WTF Weekend, Neh?

Half-Guv Sarah Palin got her Alaska reality show. Hollywood-types are reporting that Discovery Channel will pay more than $1 million per episode for the gig. Aye caramba! Funny, the former almost-VPILF always rags on the “lame stream media” and bashes reporters and journalists (like she’d know what they do). Now, with her gig on Faux News and her reality show, she has become what she says she hates...”Hollywood media elitist.” Welcome to the family Sarah!

Speaking of Hollywood…tonight is the last episode of 24. FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of 24, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who knew back in 2001 that Jack Bauer and company would have such an impact on American political landscape? Well…it’s over now and the republican party is gonna have to find a new series to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses. May I suggest American Idol? FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of American Idol, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! True story.

And finally…Can someone be a Christian if they’re in a militia? Several members of “Hutaree,” a Christian militia were arrested over the weekend for plotting to kill police officers. YOW! Hey douchebags…WTF about the sixth commandment don’t you understand? Ever heard of turning the other cheek or loving thy neighbor? He isn’t called the Prince of Peace for nothing, ya know. Yer all a bunch of fucking morons and are about as Christian as the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s hoping y’all get a nice long stay at the Gray Bar Motel.

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